Luck Be A Lady
by TheKhajiitWarrior
Summary: Courier Six has returned from The Divide, and now she's laying waste to the Mojave with only one group safe from her. The NCR. Citizens throughout the Mojave have become suspicious of the NCR and its soldier. The commanders of the NCR are forced to take action and kill the rogue agent. What better way that to send her two best friends after her? Veronica and Cass aren't thrilled.
1. Mojave Outpost

The chair beneath me is far too soft and the room around me is too bright. I haven't been able to stop scratching my wrist since I got here. I'm aware I can't punch my way out of the NCR's embassy, but I'd still be more at ease if I was allowed to keep my pneumatic gauntlet. Cass shifts in the seat beside me and I know she must be feeling as uneasy as I am. It's not particularly rare for the NCR to ask for assistance outside of their organization; it's just the fact they've never asked for help from _me_. Cass casually stretches and accidentally taps my elbow when she swings her arm downwards.

 _Was that a signal? A warning?_ I quickly scan the room and look for threats to either of us. The spacious room has windows lining the wall in front of us to give a clear view of the entrance to this area of the strip; the wall to my right is lined with nothing besides filing cabinets that're crammed to their limits; the wall to my left has pictures of propaganda covering it; and the wall behind me only has a single filing cabinet and the door. In front of me (and the only thing not shoved against a wall for this meeting) is a tremendous oaken desk.

Paperweights and pictures line the desk, but I have the common sense not to move them. Dennis Crocker led me in here almost an hour ago. Cass was led in only five minutes ago. Considering the fact there are only two chairs on this side of the desk, I'm going to assume Dennis will return soon.

I'm lost in thought when Cass speaks. Her voice breaks the complete silence I've been shrouded in for almost an hour, so I nearly jump out of my skin at her question.

"Why do you figure we're here?". I _know_ why I'm here. Hell, everyone who doesn't live under a rock knows why I'm here. The Courier who's become famous across all of Vegas always had me and her robotic dog as companions. Only, things changed. She sent me away when she braved The Divide, then she never came back for me. Now I'm here because the Courier has gone absolutely insane. She's attacked anyone and everyone who isn't a member of the NCR; although, sometimes even they aren't safe from her fury.

If they've shamed the NCR or haven't lived up to the NCR standard, then they'll get attacked the same as anyone else. The NCR has contacted me most likely for the same reason everyone else in the west has. To ask me where the Courier is and why she's become an insane murderer. I'll just have to tell the NCR what I tell everyone else. 'I don't know.'. I don't know why Cass is here. I've only been around her on one occasion, and I was barely able to learn her name before the Courier and I left the outpost where Cass was. I'm about to weakly tell Cass 'I don't know' when the door behind us opens. I straighten up in my seat and stare directly ahead of me.

Dennis Crocker arrives with a woman and another man behind him. Dennis takes his seat on the opposite side of his desk while the woman stands to his right and the man stands to his left. Dennis dips his head towards us and does quick introductions. First, he points to Cass. "Rose of Sharon Cassidy.". Cass grunts and corrects him.

"Cass.". He repeats her name.

"Cass.". He points towards me.

"Veronica.". I remain silent. He points at the man that came with him.

"Lee Oliver.". He points to the woman.

"Cassandra Moore.". Neither Cassandra nor Lee react in the slightest as they're introduced. Instead, Dennis begins speaking.

"Thank you both for coming here today.". I wasn't really given a choice (an NCR trooper who shows up at the Lucky 38 and 'offers' to escort you to the NCR embassy _isn't_ something you turn down), but I remain silent and allow him to continue his introduction.

"As both of you are aware, the Courier has become a thorn in the side of most of the Mojave.". I nod when he meets my eyes. Dennis looks like he wants to continue, but Moore placing a hand on his shoulder stops him. Silently, everyone turns their attention to Moore as she begins to speak.

"We'll be honest with you both. We didn't give a shit about what the Courier was doing when she first starting killing. She only targeted those who were Khan and Legion.". Dennis nods in agreement and allows Moore to keep going.

"However, she started attacking Bomers. Then, Followers of the Apocalypse. Finally, citizens of the Strip. Now anyone who isn't NCR is fair game.". Oliver grunts to show he wants to speak and Moore falls silent.

"Even our own personnel aren't safe anymore. Anyone who isn't performing their duties properly or is considered an 'embarrassment' is killed.". Cass quickly interrupts him.

"Isn't she just doing what you'd do? Last I heard, the NCR doesn't take kindly to traitors in its ranks.". Dennis frowns deeply and shakes his head.

"Not like this. This is vigilante justice. Slit throats with tongues hanging out of the cut; skinned bodies left dangling from trees; and slow, torturous deaths.". Moore adds to his examples.

"And those are the ones lucky enough to die. She's recently taken to crippling her opponents by hacking off their limbs, permanently taking away their hearing by firing her shotgun off beside their ears, or making them into drooling idiots by shooting them in the head. All of those crippled tell the same story. Went to bed and woke up with a missing limb or busted ear. Drugged or knocked out is what we can't tell.". Unfortunately, that sounds like something my friend would do.

She was mildly prone to violence ever since we met, and her injury (the fact she'll occasionally get headaches bad enough to bring her to the ground and make her a crying wreck) has haunted her forever. Hurting other people feeds her need for violence and her screwed mental state regarding her wound. Oliver is the next of the three to speak.

"We can no longer have the Courier fighting in the name of the NCR. She's strained relations with allies, terrified innocents, and wounded the NCR's morale and physical attributes.". Moore is the first person to move anything besides her head during the conversation. She leans forward onto the desk and lays her hands on the oak.

"We've disavowed her, but it's not enough. She's running around with a jacket with the NCR bear on it, has a pistol usually reserved for our twenty-year veterans, and will rarely scream the president's name as she fights the Legion's men.". Moore pushes herself up and motions towards Dennis. The man takes a deep breath and speaks to both Cass and I.

"I know we're asking a lot of you, but we need your help.". He turns towards Cass.

"You knew the Courier well and traveled with her for a time. You're also loyal to the NCR.". He turns to me.

"You've traveled with the Courier more recently, and you have no love for the Legion.". He goes back to speaking to both of us as one.

"We need both of your help if we're going to find the Courier.". Oliver nods in agreement.

"We've sent out multiple patrols and mercenary bands to comb the Mojave for her. The closest we've ever come is finding a wounded Khan who claimed to have heard a dog barking as his entire band was shot down.". Cass answers a question that just crossed my mind.

"Why didn't the Khan lead you in the direction he heard the bark?". Moore sighs and answers.

"Because an unseen sniper blew his head off almost as soon as he finished his sentence.". Oliver interrupts and cuts to the chase.

"You two working together are the only possible team capable of finding the Courier.". Dennis raises his hand and takes over.

"We would prefer you execute the Courier on sight, but how you deal with her is your business.". Cass and I both answer at the same time.

"Execution.". I expect Cass to say the same. She doesn't.

"Arrest.". Both of us look at each other with a shared expression of confusion. The Courier was one of my best friends. She helped me try to join the Followers of Apocalypse, told me about Elijah's betrayal, and assisted me in finding a life for myself in the Mojave without the Brotherhood to rely on. I knew she was a good woman. An idiot, but a good woman. I also know the monster haunting the Mojave isn't her. Whatever happened at The Divide changed and warped her so much that she's like a corrupted mirror of who she was. I'm sure the woman she once was would like this monster to be put down. A quick bullet to the head is all I can do for my old friend. If I'm lucky, I'll even be able to comfort her as she dies. Cass, for whatever reason, sees things differently.

I'm about to ask for Cass's reasoning when Moore whistles to get everyone's attention. The woman pulls two slips of paper from her uniform and passes one to each of us. I take the wrinkled and yellowed piece of paper carefully and quickly scan it. It's a long treaty, but I realize the main points.

My branch of the Brotherhood of Steel would enter a formal alliance with the NCR. My entire family would have the bunker restored to withstand even nuclear strikes, NCR troopers would patrol the area around the bunker, and everyone would know the two organizations lived and died together. I'm no longer a Brotherhood scribe, but I still want the best for my family. Putting down my friend so she can die in peace is another thing I would like to do. Getting my family taken care of is just a bonus. I hand the paper back to Moore and nod.

"I'll hunt her with Cass if Cass agrees.". Cass passes her own paper back and nods.

"I'll do it, but I'll try bringing her in if I can.". I stay silent for now because I don't want to get into an argument or start anything with Cass, but I still intend to do what Benny couldn't when I catch up with the Courier. Moore tucks the paper back in her uniform and nods to both of us. Now Dennis takes charge once again.

"Both of you are now officially working for President Kimball in his quest to rid the Mojave of the Courier.". Moore and Oliver both leave as Dennis continues telling us what we need to do.

"The Courier was last spotted coming out of Jacobstown, but that was almost a year ago. However, a mutant at the town was able to give us useful information without any trouble. He claimed the Courier had to carry her robotic dog into the town, and the hound was limping when they were leaving. At the time, the mutants didn't know about her crimes. Now, however, they've been warned. So, the Courier won't be returning to Jacobstown.". Cass scoffs.

"Why even tell us, then?". He brushes off her remark and explains quickly.

"A human doctor in Jacobstown told us her dog is dying. She needs a replacement brain. Badly. He gave us a list of possible dogs to choose from. A suitable dog might be found in the Legion encampment, but I doubt she would charge into an armored fort when other options are open.". He hands us a map with three areas marked off. He points at one area to show the Legion main camp, then points at a mark near the Khan encampment.

"Another dog could be found among the Fiends. Again, unlikely. Fiends aren't as bad as Legion, but they'd still be a pain to go through.". He points towards the final mark near Novac.

"The most likely dog is in a scrapyard run by an elderly woman. The Courier most likely has the brain by now. The doctor we found promised he wouldn't perform the surgery, but caps or a gun to the skull are enough to persuade most men.". Cass takes the map and offers it to me. I shake my head and she folds it up before putting it in her pocket.

"I don't know what happened, but I know that Jacobstown will have the slightest clue. 'Slight' is better than 'nothing'. Jacobstown is also close to where the Khan soldier was wounded and killed, so it'd make sense for the Courier to kill Khan on the way to her get her dog his brain transplant.". The door opens again as Oliver and Moore return. Oliver hands me my gauntlet as Moore hands Cass her shotgun. Cass checks her ammo while I strap my weapon onto my hand. Finally, Dennis hands us a few bags from beneath his desk.

"Some clean food, purified water, ammunition for a shotgun and pistol, and a mix of NCR money and caps that comes out to roughly two thousand.". Moore and Oliver quickly make their exit as Dennis wraps it up.

"You'll have the full support of the NCR. Stop by any NCR controlled settlement for more supplies anytime you want. Usually, we'd make you do paperwork.". He motions to the window behind him.

"However, there's more at stake than usual, so you'll be able to bypass it for the time being.". He heaves himself up and salutes both of us.

"You both are doing a huge favor for President Kimball. The NCR won't forget this.". He turns towards his window. An obvious dismissal. Cass and I leave the room as quickly as we can.


	2. Courier Six

_Hundreds and hundreds of miles away from Veronica and Cass..._

I balance my brush gun up against a low rock and watch the caravan slowly trotting down the road. Five heavily-loaded brahmin with twice as many guards. Three merchants are trying to disguise themselves among the guards, but I can already tell they're not mercenaries. They're holding their guns all wrong and slouching in their armor.

"What do you think, Rex? Shoot all of 'em dead or let 'em pass?". My cyborg dog stops scratching his ear and lets out a loud, ringing _bark_. The entire caravan breaks into a run. I laugh, lean over, and kiss Rex on the side of the face. Then, I pull down on the trigger and swing my gun back and forth two times. The entire caravan is on the ground when I'm done. I stand and kiss my steaming gun. Finally, I lick my burning lips as I slowly walk down to the caravan. Already, the road is running red with their blood. I take all of the ammo from the guards before rolling their corpses to the side of the road in a line.

It'll make it easier for whoever finds them to bury them. Traitors to the Republic hardly deserve a proper burial, but that's not for me to decide. Those higher in rank than me make those calls. When I'm finished with the bodies I begin raiding the caravan. Food, water, and blankets are the main things I find. I get some purified water and a nice blanket, but the caravan had apparently eaten through their supply of food.

I shake my head while checking my ammo. What I find causes a deep frown to split my face. I only have a thousand bullets left. That might sound like a lot for any reasonable person, but 'reasonable' people get to stop by civilized places and buy bullets. My .45-70 Gov't are rare to find out in the waste. Generally, NCR veterans are the only ones to carry them, and I haven't found a corrupt NCR official in months. I load my Ranger Sequoia and decide to go hunting. The mountains where I was hiding are bound to have some prey worthy of eating. Rex bounds around me silently. I snap and the dog rubs his head against my digits.

When we're a decent way up into the unpaved mountains I turn and look at my work. Already, scavengers are moving in on the dead caravan. A group of coyotes and wild dogs are forming a rough circle to wait until a baby Deathclaw is done eating his fill of brahmin and caravan guards. Rex throws his head back and lets out a long, low howl. A few of the dogs and coyotes go bounding away. The Deathclaw stands at full attention, scans the area for us, and goes back to eating.

I'd shoot the beast dead, but I need him. If he eats all the evidence or chews them up bad enough, then nobody will know I was here. I enjoy everyone knowing of my spree of justice; I just don't want the corrupt and wicked catching my trail and following me.

Rex quickly follows me as I turn and ascend higher in the mountains. I've only gone a mile or so when I find suitable prey. A bighorner bull is grazing with his back turned to me. I level my pistol, take careful aim, and fire. The gun bucks in my hand like a rifle and the bighorner's head explodes into a mass of meat and bone. Rex runs forward and begins 'attacking'. Meanwhile, I walk forward, lean down, and kiss the bighorner's side. Rex keeps 'attacking'. I allow him to continue chewing on the dead bighorner's leg while I glean whatever meat I can. In the end, I get five prime cuts of bighorner

. Enough for the rest of today and tomorrow. I spend a few more minutes combing the area for more bighorners, but none make themselves known. I sigh and pack the meat away for later. They'll shrink when cooked, but there'll still be enough for me and Rex to share. My dog travels after me as I go back to our temporary camp. A single crudely made fire and a blanket laid out beside it. I add the new blanket to the 'bed', then put a slab of meat over the fire.

I end up pressing the meat and turning one side a dark brown while the other is barely grey. Hesitantly, I take the meat off the fire and cut into the center of it to yank a small amount of meat off. Pink. I toss the meat into my mouth and instantly spit it back out when I taste it's cold. Rex gobbles down his chewed snack while I place the meat grey side down on the fire.

I press the meat again, then pull it off and look at the inside of the steak. Brownish. I cut off another small chunk and taste it. Cooked. I rip the steak in half and offer half to Rex. My robotic companion inhales his half and watches me eat mine with longing eyes. The grease drips and stains my combat armor; my fingers are burned by how hot the meat is; and it's tough to chew and without any taste. I choke down the bighorner and grab a bottle of purified water. I only have ten left, so I'll need to pick up some more the next time I go 'shopping'. I drink until my thirst is quenched, then begin pouring the rest out. Rex sees me dumping it and begins lapping at the running stream. Thankfully, he's done drinking a second before I run out of water. I begin crushing the bottle and talk to Rex.

"Seems like the caravans are carrying less and less nowadays.". Rex yawns and curls up by my dying fire. I look up at the darkening sky before leaning over and scratching Rex behind the ear. My dog begins kicking his leg and wagging his tail.

"We'll just have to try harder. Find better places to hit, you know?". He sighs and I take that as a 'yes'. I scratch him for a few more seconds before going over and smashing my makeshift firepit to pieces. Darkness consumes the ledge I'm camped on. Quickly, I lie down on top of the blankets on my back. The stars slowly reveal themselves to me.

"You ever wonder what those are made of?". Rex snores.

"When I was little I always thought they were holes in the sky. Because my daddy use to tell me that.". More snoring.

"I like talking to you, Rex.". A whimper as his legs begin scratching against the ground.

"Good night, boy. Sleep tight and don't let the gigantic mutant insects bite.". Rex eventually falls off into a deep and quiet sleep. I remain lying on my fake bed with my eyes open to the sky.

"I miss having a real bed.". No response from Rex.

"I hope we find food and water. I don't want you to have to eat me.". Rex is asleep in a tight little ball. I close my own eyes and try to think of something to put me to sleep. _I hope Boone is proud of me. He likes the NCR. Lily probably just wants me to be okay. I wish I could tell her I'm not dead in some ditch. I wonder what Arcade is doing. He promised to help me do stuff, and I guess he kind of did. Hope he doesn't mind I killed a few of his fellows. Raul and ED-E probably miss me. Haven't seen those two in years. Cass probably misses me even more. Always liked her. She talked fancy and I liked listening to her. I know Veronica is okay. I dropped her off at the Lucky 38 before I left for the Divide. She's probably stuffing herself full of fancy food and listening to old radio adventures_.

I open my eyes to look over at Rex. I love the dog to death (hence why the King hasn't seen him in years), but I wish he wasn't my only companion. I can only talk to the same dog for so many hours before getting tired of hearing my own voice. I don't sleep that night. I just keep looking at the stars and dreaming. Snipping Legion with Boone; letting Lily climb Dinky the Dinosaur to put me on his head; Arcade doing that think where he checks my head to make sure I'm okay; Raul begin a lovable ass when I say something obvious; and ED-E beeping to pretend to have a conversation with me. Cass and Veronica both get their own hour long 'dreams'.

Cass drinking, joking, and practicing her aim with me. All the while making sure I don't do something that'll get me in trouble with someone(she calls me 'rash'). Veronica telling me all about the Brotherhood, trying (failing) to teach me how to punch, and making sure I've taken enough medication to keep my healthy. Constantly stopping me from doing something that'll get me killed (she never called me 'stupid', but she couldn't stop other people from doing it). I'm snapped out of my waking dream by Rex walking over to me and nudging me with his nose.

"Hungry?". He whimpers and begins running around in a circle. "Okay. Go use the restroom and I'll get us some breakfast ready.". Rex bounds away.

I attempt to cook another bighorner steak while he's gone. It goes worse than last night. It's charred on one side, dark brown on the other, and somehow still bloody in the middle. I manage to rip it in half and choke mine down with a liberal amount of water. Thankfully, my sense of taste died a terrible death long ago. Rex, however, seems to enjoy his meat. I repeat the process from last night with the water. Rex still tries to lap at the empty bottle, but I crumple it up and toss it to the side. The only trace I was ever here. My dog looks upset his thirst wasn't quenched, but he'll have to make due. I've gone to bed hungry and/or thirsty more times than I can count. The days are just starting to become more often than not.

I load my Ranger Sequoia, roll up my bed on my back, and start hunting even higher in the mountains. I spent all day sweating bullets as I climb higher and higher over terrain that gets rougher and rougher with each step. When night's beginning to fall I find my only prey of the entire day. A tiny, baby coyote who's lying on his side. The animal doesn't even rouse as I near him. I crouch down and wave my fingers in front of the coyote's eyes. Nothing. Only the tiniest of breaths escapes him. He's dying. I speed up the process by grabbing him by the tail, heaving him over my shoulder, and smashing his skull against the ground like a hammer.

His neck _snaps_ and the coyote pup is put out of his misery. I raise the thin, tiny body up to where his sightless eyes are in front of mine. Quickly, I lean forward and kiss him between the eyes. I place the dead pup in my pack and begin forcing my way back to camp. It's well into the night when an exhausted Rex and I return to camp. I'd hoped to find another bighorner and get some food to last us a little while. Instead, I have a baby coyote. As I begin cleaning the animal I sigh.

There's not enough meat to even replace the energy I spent climbing up to get him. I didn't even see a water source to get some radiated water from. I rebuild the campfire, unload my bed, and begin cooking the coyote meat. I traveled far away enough from camp that I didn't want to leave a trace I was here. Yesterday I was close enough I kept the camp made. Tomorrow, I'm going to dismantle it again and leave with Rex to get enough food and water to last us for months. I scrape the burnt coyote meat off the fire and give a small handful to Rex.

"How do you feel about killing some Khan, boy?". He licks up his dinner in one gulp and begins growling. I smile.

"That's what I thought.". I toss my own handful of meat into my mouth.


	3. My Darlin Baby

The Khan encampment is ash when I reach it. Rex begins sniffing and running around in wide circles. I was expecting the Khan camp to be destroyed due to the fact I destroyed it less than a year ago. I burned their tents, blocked off any side passages, and took up a snipping position above the only exit. The only wound I received from that battle was a bullet glancing my shoulder from Papa Khan. Unfortunately, my brush gun jammed halfway through the battle (I nearly broke it by continuing to fire in an attempt to unblock the bullet from the barrel) and a few Khan escaped. Likewise unfortunately, they haven't attempted to resettled the area. I kick a pile of ash and begin to turn. That's when Rex lets out a low growl. I turn back around and see my cyborg hound beginning to slowly creep towards a side passage.

"Someone over there, boy?". His fur begins to rise as he snarls and slobbers. I examine the way the passage bends before looking at the rocks beside it and mentally planning a route.

"Be careful. I'll be above.". Rex doesn't acknowledge me as he continues snarling and crawling towards where my enemies are. Meanwhile, I scale the rocks like a bighorner until I've reached the top of a small ledge. From here I can see the passage, where Rex is, and where the passage leads. I carefully continue along the thin strip of rock to where the passage opens up and lets out.

My eyes aren't the best in the Mojave, but I can still see what's going on below me. Three small tents are set up in a tiny, somewhat oval-shaped clearing. A single firing is burning with a group of Khan around it. Wounded, elderly, and children are all I see. The ones too weak or young to flee during my attack. Or maybe the ones the Khan were willing to leave behind to die, so the strongest of their clan could live. I almost start laughing at the irony. Papa Khan left these rejects as sacrifices in the hopes their deaths would sate my lust for blood. He must have assumed his group would survive while I was slaughtering these Khan. Instead, these weaklings survived while the strongest were gunned down in mass.

Well, except for those lucky enough to run while my gun jammed. Speaking of my gun, I pull it from my back and find a suitable rock. I lay down on my stomach, use the rock to prop up my gun, and try to imagine how many Khan there are in the camp. I don't see any movement in the tent, so I'm going to assume this is it. Hopefully, they'll have supplies with them. I press down on the trigger and begin swinging my gun back and forth three times. The group has collapsed and a few remaining Khan are fleeing the tents and clearing. I count them quickly and get five survivors who're once again trying to beat the odds and live through my assault.

I fire a barrage of bullets at a child and elderly man pulling her along. The two fall and I pick off an injured woman limping along with one clean shot to the torso (probably). The final two split up. One tries to run through the small pass while the other turns and begins running back towards the camp. Most likely, to get a gun and try to make a final stand against me. I take out the 'hero' while Rex tackles the final Khan. I smirk as Rex tears apart the man with claw and tooth, but when he struggles to kill him I finish the Khan with a bullet.

It takes me almost an hour to carefully fall down the canyon wall in short bursts. By the time I'm at the bottom Rex has fallen asleep beside the Khan's dying fire. I scratch him awake and begin cleaning up. I place the Khan bodies in a row and loot them. A few bullets for my brush gun and ranger sequoia, but none for Big Boomer. A nice amount of gecko steaks on all of the bodies. Next, I move on to the tents. Some radiated water and a bottle of whiskey. Now I have about five purified bottles of water, twenty radiated waters, a bottle of whiskey, forty-one cuts of meat (from both gecko and bighorner), and two blankets for my bed. Medication wise, I have forty stimpacks and a single sack of RadAway.

My radiation levels are low (I think. My Pip-Boy is having trouble turning on since Ulysses busted the screen during our fight.), so I can once again disappear into the mountains now that I have enough food and water for a short while. I add everything up and divide it by about how much Rex and I are going to need.

We have about enough for a week in the wilds. I sigh and take a seat by the Khan's fire.

"What do you think, boy? Stay here, or go outside of Khan territory?". A grunt from Rex.

"Alright, stay here it is.". I look at the sky and guess the time to be around six at night. I decide for an early dinner and toss some gecko onto the fire. When the fire dies the steaks are cooked. This time, they're decent. Brown all the way through, not too dark on either side, and warm enough to enjoy but not warm enough to hurt. I hand Rex his gecko and watch him devour it as quickly as he can. I eat my own food. The second it's in my mouth I almost spit it out. I sigh as I force it past my teeth. I must have cooked it wrong because it taste even worse than the bighorner.

"You know, it seems like every single day that goes by it gets harder and harder to survive out here.". Rex is currently scratching his own ear.

"Use to, you and I would take home a month's worth of supplies from two raids. Now we're lucky to get a week's worth of supplies.". Rex, briefly, seems to consider licking himself. Then, he turns his attention away from his robotic groin and resumes scratching his ear. I'm thinking out loud really, so it doesn't matter what he does.

"I wonder if it's because of us. If caravans and settlements are just getting more antsy because of what we're doing.". Rex begins curling up in a ball beside the fire.

"I don't know why everyone's so upset and nervous around us. All we're doing is bringing justice to the wicked and corrupt. It's not _my_ fault it you aren't allies with the NCR.". I look over at the line of dead Khan bodies.

"Even if you aren't allies with The Legion; you still aren't allies of the NCR. You're with us or against us.". Rex stands, walks over to my bags, and begins digging through them.

"Ulysses taught me that. You can never trust someone just because they say they'll do something. All you have is your own organization. The Khan agreed to leave when the battle started, but there was nothing to make them keep that promise. They were still the enemy. They deserved this.". Rex brings me over a water bottle. I open it and begin pouring it for him to get his fill.

"They deserved more pain than this.". Rex stops drinking, but doesn't go back to try to sleep. Instead, he pushes his head against my chest and begins trying to force his way onto my lap. I laugh as I stop pouring the water and let my dog sit on me. I scratch him behind the ear and kiss his nose.

"Tired of me talking, eh?". He licks the side of my face and begins trying to walk in a circle while remaining on my lap. I begin drinking my own fill of water while I watch Rex attempt to fall asleep on my lap.

 _Hundreds of miles from the Courier..._

Cass curses for the thousandth time as the Brahmin the NCR gave us attempts to lie down on the road. The woman is forced to use her whip to get the beast up and moving. I make myself useful by examining the empty road ahead of us. No raiders, caravans, NCR, Legion, or anything else in sight. I make a passing comment to Cass as we once again start walking.

"I'm surprised more people aren't out and about in weather as beautiful as this.". The darkened sky has clouds looming above the Mojave and the roads are more dangerous than ever. Cass, thankfully, knows I'm being sarcastic and chuckles a little at my comment. Our walk continues in silence as we take the road leading northward. Hopefully, we'll reach the point where it breaks off and starts heading southeastward towards Jacobstown before the storm moves in. I see a shape up ahead and sigh.

"Another deathclaw.". Cass groans and we all come to a halt. Today appears to be Cass and my's lucky day. This has only been the second deathclaw we've ran into on this supposedly deathclaw populated road, and he appears to have something dangling from his mouth. It's only as he turns towards us I see he's a baby. Cass levels her gun at him and is as tense as a bow as she asks my advice.

"Shoot 'em? I can kill it before it reaches us.". I have full confidence in her shooting ability, but I still advise against it.

"If his mother's nearby, then she'll be driven into a frenzy by you shooting her baby. I'd just wait until he moves on. Besides, he's not hurting-". The baby shakes his head and tosses his lunch in the air. A human head. The deathclaw opens his mouth wide and lets the head disappear into his snout.

"Kill him.". A single thunderclap rings across the Mojave as the baby deathclaw collapses into a heap. Cass begins leading our Brahmin over to the corpse, and I take the chance to praise her.

"Nice shooting.". Cass leans down with confidence and begins prying the human head from the beast's jaws.

"Thank you very much. Didn't feel like having my face torn off today.". She rips the head out and cringes. Carefully, she passes it to me. I take the slimy, bloody head and examine it. I expect to see something that tells me the dead animal at my feet killed this man. Instead, I see a bullet's hole drilled in the side of his skull. I whistle and show Cass.

"You know what kind of bullet that is?". She grunts before digging through our supply of ammo on our Brahmin. As she goes she speaks to me with the tone of someone who knows exactly what they're talking about.

"All of these pistol ammo are too small. Shotgun's too big. Rifle most like. One that uses _huge_ ammo. Meant for taking down mutants and Deathclaws in one hit.". Finally, she finds ammo that fits the hole like a glove. Cass begins putting all of our ammo back while she explains the situation to me.

".45-70 Gov't round. Meant for the deadliest of rifles and hunting weapons. I know there are some pistols that can use it; I just don't know the names of 'em. And, I only know a single rifle that uses the bullets. A brush gun.". I feel a tingle up my spine as I fill in the missing puzzle piece.

"I know what pistol uses that round.". Cass turns to me with one eyebrow raised.

"A ranger sequoia.". Cass crosses her arms and folds them in front of her chest.

"Like the gun the Courier got off that one ranger who killed himself?". I nod and look at the skull in my hands.

"She also has a brush gun. You think she did this?". Cass walks by me, moves the deathclaw body, and tells me her answer.

"Only one way to find out.". I look over Cass's shoulder. Deathclaw tracks.


	4. In Your Footsteps

The deathclaw's tracks are old and the storm is still moving in, so Cass and I are forced to run to follow the tracks. Our brahmin screams as a response, but we don't slow down and the creature is forced to keep pace with us. Cass is doing most of the tracking; which leaves me free to check where we are on the map. Still on the path to Jacobstown. Only now we're taking a winding, wild path that only a deathclaw would consider 'easy'. Thankfully, since it was a baby it couldn't run up higher into the mountains to our left, or feel comfortable in the flat expanse to our right. For a few hours this is our plan.

Cass rapidly using her skills with the outdoors to follow the tracks, the brahmin nosily screaming as Cass yanks him along, and me barely keeping up with both of them as I'm forced to jog. Then, five hours into it I carefully climb onto the brahmin without Cass knowing. Unfortunately, I'm only on the animal for five minutes when we reach where the deathclaw got his meal. I quickly roll off of the brahmin as Cass turns to me. My legs are burning, but I still kneel over and pretend to be panting. Cass must swallow the act because she places a hand on my shoulder. I glance up at her concerned face.

"Are you okay?". I nod and Cass allows me a few minutes to 'catch my breath'. Eventually, I stop pretending and Cass motions towards the north.

I follow her pointing and find a rolling thundercloud coming directly towards us. I can already see the rain pounding down and hear the cracking of thunder in the distance. Cass and I don't need to speak. We both begin setting up camp. A single, sturdy tent is pitched along the side of the road; two sacks are shoved over our brahmin's head along with a blanket along his back; and all of our supplies are placed inside the tent with us. Cass and I are both _just_ sitting down inside our shelter when the rain hits the roof. Our tent's interior holds fast against the wind and rain. Still, Cass and I remain tense and look at the ceiling for a few minutes. My traveling companion is the first to speak. She still remains tense and looking skyward as she asks me a concerning inquiry.

"Do you think the clues will remain after the rain's come through?". I haven't considered it, so I think out loud to both answer her question and think.

"If there were tracks to whoever killed this group they'll be gone, but we aren't tracking their killers. We just wanted to know who did it and this path happened to lead along the way to where we originally intended to go.". Cass turns her attention away from the roof and looks at me before nodding. I continue thinking.

"So, any clues to find out who did this will remain on the body. Hopefully. Either way, this really doesn't matter.".

I can't think of anything else to say, and Cass remains silent. Instead, Cass turns her head towards the ceiling again and watches. The weariness, soreness, and general feeling of 'gross' from the trail finally begin catching up with me. My eyelids feel heavy and they slowly fall closed. Briefly, I consider leaving them like that. It takes me almost a full minute to wrestle my eyes awake. I look over at Cass (who's still paying attention to the roof) and beg her for one simple wish.

"Do you mind if I catch a quick nap? Running after a baby deathclaw's tracks is hard work.". Cass nods without looking at me. The poor woman is still tense as a bow and looking upwards like the entire sky is going to collapse around us. I lay down a blanket with a pillow, lie down, and pull another blanket up over me. The ground is hard, but I've thankfully chosen an area without rocks. I snuggle down in my makeshift bed and try to go to sleep. Sluggish thoughts enter my mind as I begin to drift.

My family, Cass, and the baby deathclaw are the main stars. Then, just as I'm about to drift off into a deep sleep, the biggest star of all bursts in and demands my attention. Courier Six. I honestly don't know what made me think of her, but now she's the only thing on my mind. I briefly consider fighting it and forcing myself to think of anyone else. Unfortunately, I can't before I fall into sleep.

* * *

 _The wind rakes through my hair as I examine the land below us. Barren, cracked, and dirty. A single, black river of asphalt runs through this strip of the Mojave. Our target is a group of Legion currently working their way along the black river below. To my left, Rex is standing atop a rock with his head thrown back while he sniffs the breeze. To my right, the woman I haven't seen in years. I shouldn't look at her. I should close my eyes and wait for myself to wake up. I look to my right._

 _Her dented, green combat armor has a fine layer of dust on it; her combat helmet is missing a large portion near the right temple because of a deathclaw; and her rebreather is still strapped to her face. The woman looks towards me and smiles. For a second I allow myself to wallow in the memory of pale skin, striking blue eyes, and short dirty-blonde hair. Then, the courier turns back towards the Legion. Her low, rumbling voice thunders towards me while she continues to remained focused on our target._

 _"Time to teach those godless bastards a lesson, eh?". I don't speak. I already know what she does and says next by heart. The Courier levels her brush gun at the front of the Legion patrol._

 _"What do you say? Let 'em live, or shoot 'em dead?". I look towards the men marching along the road._

 _"Kill 'em.". She nods before leaning over, yanking me in, and kissing the side of my face._

 _I wipe the thick residue of spit off my face as the woman does what she does best. Carefully lining up every single shot to make sure the Legion soldier's heads are blown up. The first shot causes the men to begin panicking and looking around, the second sends them fleeing back the way they came, and the third is the one that finally reveals where we are. The Legion tries to charge the steep mountain we've taken refuge on while a concentrated rain of bullets continues to take them out one by one._

 _The final two soldiers manage to reach the bottom of the incline. One gets shot down there, and the final one gets his face blown off halfway up the ridge. The woman somberly begins descending the mountain. The first two bodies are carefully placed in respectful positions. The Courier kisses both men in between the eyes before closing their open orbs. She does the same with all the other bodies. Not a single bullet or armor piece out of place. When it's done the woman stands, bows her head, and begins her sermon. She does this every single time she kills anyone. She'll carefully position the body without looting it, bow her head, and say what she refers to as 'The Lord's Prayer'. I, honestly, have no idea where she learned it. It is, however, extremely wordy._

 _"Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.". She looks over at me with an expecting look. By now she's taught me what to do. I bow my head and respond to her._

 _"_ _Amen.". We say the next part together._

 _"For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.". The Courier kisses her gun once before putting it up and kneeling in the dirt. Slowly, she brings her clasped hands to her forehead while remaining on one knee. Another expectant look thrown my way. I know it's a silent question of 'Do you have any words?'. I don't have anything good to say about Legion men, so I shake my head._

 _"Amen.". I walk over to her and repeat her phrase back._

 _"Amen.". She goes to push herself up, but the dream follows reality. The Courier stands, stumbles, and succumbs to gravity. I'm at her side at an instant. It isn't enough. I'm forced to watch as my friend grabs her skull and screams for me to end her agony while her headache consumes her. I clutch her to my chest and try to remind myself it's not real. It's just a dream. It'll be over soon._

* * *

 _Five Hours Later..._

When I wake up I feel my heart thundering in my chest and sweat coating my entire body. I kick the blanket off of me and sit up. Cass is sitting beside me with a plate of seasoned and cooked coyote meat. Cass sees that I'm awake and offers me some food. I pick up the meat and bite into it. Wonderful. Perfectly seasoned and perfectly cooked. My companion hands me a bottle of whiskey to wash it down.

I've never been much of a drinker (I've always chosen water over alcohol), so I gag a little as the liquid goes down. Although, that might be because it went down the wrong pipe. Cass snickers a little, but still pats me on the back and makes sure I recover before continuing her own meal. As I finish breakfast I look skyward. No storm and a thin light trying to make its way inside. I take a tiny, careful sip of whiskey before talking to Cass.

"When did you get any sleep?". She doesn't look at me; instead, she tears into her coyote and takes a deep drink of whiskey before answering.

"I slept when the storm passed. Nothing was moving outside, so I figured it was safe. Besides, the brahmin would have made noise if anyone was coming up.". I think back to last night and remind Cass of something.

"The brahmin had bags over his head. How could he have seen if anyone has come up?". Cass drops a piece of coyote back on her plate and closes her eyes.

"Shit.". Cass shakes her head before downing the food in her mouth with the last of her whiskey. I decide to have some fun with her to start building the foundation for a bond. I lightly elbow her.

"So, how was that brahmin going to see?". Cass snorts and devours the rest of her breakfast without another word. Though, when she gets up to leave I see a smile gracing her face. I finish the last of my coyote, take another tiny sip of whiskey, and follow Cass outside. The woman's already freed our brahmin of his sacks to let him graze, and now she's making her way over to the bodies. Puddles _splash_ beneath my feet and get my shoes soaking wet as I gingerly walk after Cass. This entire area is soaked with water.

Well, almost the entire area. Our tent was pitched on a slightly higher piece of ground; hence, why I didn't wake up in a soggy bed. I make a mental note to thank Cass later. The woman in question crouches down beside the bodies and motions for me to join her. I kneel beside her and watch her examine the bodies. She finds more matching bullet holes and begins talking while carefully removing the corpse's clothing and looking at the wounds.

".45-70 Gov't. Just like the ones on the head the deathclaw had.". She shakes her head and looks down the road.

"Looks like they ripped up the ground down there. If we can-". Cass is cut off by a wild animal slamming into her side.


	5. Lucky Break

The pack of coyotes yips and howls as they begin trying to take us down. Already, Cass has stabbed her attacker in the head and tossed his body aside. I cover my companion while she gets up. Two coyotes try to team up and rush us. One gets his skull smashed in with my right hand, and the other coyote gets his skull smashed in with my left hand. I quickly count the remaining canines as Cass loads her rifle and carefully aims for one.

I manage to count five coyotes making a rough half-circle around us. A _crack_ from Cass's rifle brings that number down to four. The remaining ones are snarling with their ears drawn back against their heads. I wait for two to get close together before charging. I take out the two with both of my hands while two resounding _cracks_ tell me Cass has taken care of the rest. I look back at my friend to see her putting her rifle up while shaking her head at the corpses. Cass motions back to where she was talking about earlier.

"The dirt over there is all scratched up, and you can see where someone drug the corpses over here.". Cass saunters over to where she's talking about, so I quickly follow and stand behind her. I see marks in the dirt, but I don't have enough experience involving the outdoors to know what she knows. Cass positions herself facing westward and explains herself to me.

"I'm standing where they were and most likely facing the way they were.". Cass suddenly relaxes all of her muscles and falls to the ground like she's a corpse. Cass frowns and pushes herself up onto an elbow; then, she looks westward. Cass's arm shoots upwards and I follow her finger as she tells me what she sees.

"Up there. A perfect outcrop for shooting. I'd wager the killer was up there.". I help Cass up and the other woman quickly leads me up to where she was pointing. It takes us an hour to climb up the mountainside (mostly because of me) and we find two more dead bodies along the way (proving Cass's assumption right), but we never get out of sight of our camp. When we reach the top Cass quickly searches the area for more clues. What she finds is helpful to our miniature investigation. The gunslinger shows me some shells she's found. .45-70 Gov't.

"The person who killed that caravan down there did it from here.". I'm about to say something when I see something.

"What's that?". I point beyond Cass at a rock. My companion pockets the shells before following my finger to where I was pointing. The fading sun is reflecting _just_ right off of something I saw shining. Cass kneels before picking up my clue. I notice how quickly she jumps up to show me the palm of her hand. A single, shining bolt is beaming in her hand. Cass practically shoves the item into my hands.

"I can't handle this clue.". I barely manage to catch the bolt. I begin looking at the bolt while Cass looks at where I found it. The item is thick, heavy, and rusted. It's obviously been used for years due to the wear and tear on it; the only small amount of rust implies it hasn't been out here long; and the size of it tells me it was used in some sort of machine. Cass whistles and draws me over to her. The woman motions at faint, rain-worn scratches in the ground.

"Claw marks. Like from coyotes, but bigger. A wolf or-". Something likes in my mind. Rex's claws are bigger than a coyote's because he's a machine (hence the marks) and the hound was always breaking down since his brain wasn't fixed (hence the bolt in my hand).

"dog.". Cass looks over at me with her eyebrow raised. I answer her unasked question.

"I think the Courier was here.". Her eyebrow stays raised, so I show her the bolt while explaining.

"This bolt came from Rex, and that caravan was shot down with .45-70 Gov't rounds.". Cass still looks skeptical, but begins looking for clues even harder. Sure enough, she finds some more scratches and tracks. All are worn by the rain (so we can't follow them), but Cass can still kind of make out what happened here. She finds marks on rocks, the ground, and incline before telling me what she imagined happened (all the while still looking for more scratches).

"Looks like they either climbed down or up from here. Maybe both. Definitely used that rock to steady her gun before firing. Rex was probably over there.". She stands and shakes her head.

"Can't tell anything else, but I think you're right. Two sets of distinctive marks, and both of them stay beside each other. Fits the description of 'dog following his master'.". I pocket the bolt while Cass and I try to decide what to do. I make the first suggestion.

"Want to try to follow the tracks?". Cass shakes her head.

"Nothing to follow.". She looks higher up into the mountains.

"Though, I'd imagine she'd be up there.". I look up at the rugged, hard to travel terrain and feel myself growing paler.

"What makes you think that she'd travel up there?". Cass points towards the highest part of the ridge.

"You know her just as well as I do. She's like a trapped animal whenever she does something she's not suppose to. Her natural sense of survival takes over. She'll run higher thinking that it'll be harder for people to get to her.". Cass drops her hand to her side.

"Unfortunately, she's right on that account. It must have taken her and Rex hours to return to wherever they camped.". I add a thought.

"But we could find their camp, or them.". Cass nods and slaps me on the back.

"Get headed up and I'll go pack up camp. What do you want me to do with the Brahmin?". I shrug as I look up at the tremendous task ahead. When Cass is gone I let a long, low groan slip from my lips. Then, I force myself to start climbing. Rocks tear apart my hands, my muscles are already burning, and sweat is soaking through every single piece of clothing I'm wearing. The sun isn't directly above us, but the heat still doesn't help.

How the Courier does stuff like this is a mystery to me. I'm not sure how long it takes me to climb to a small outcropping, but I collapse the second I'm there. Cass scales up onto the ledge with me merely ten minutes later. I glance over and see the woman already searching the area. I manage to heave myself up onto my ass, but that's the most I can do at the moment. I watch Cass carefully examining the ground, rocks, and surrounding area. Finally, she comes and crouches down beside me. As she talks she points at where she found her clues.

"Blood over there. A scorch mark right there. Some smashed kindling in the middle. More prints and scratches all over. Looks like this is where her camp use to be.". I see the clues she shows and have to agree with her. I know the Courier and how sparse the camps she always made where. A fire beside a blanket was really all she asked for. I ask Cass a simple question.

"Can we track her?". Cass goes back to searching.

"I hope so.".

* * *

 _A Hundred Miles Away From Cass and Veronica..._

I check the sky as I cook my dinner. The sun's almost set and it's already cooling down. The blanket wrapped around my dented, rusting armor won't protect me from the coolness of the night. Rex is likewise shaking beside me. I whistle and the hound tries to join me in the blanket. Awkwardly, we do manage to split it. Now both of us are about half as cold as we'd be sitting alone without a blanket. Probably. The coyote meat in front of me is done cooking, so I snatch it up and hand it to Rex. My hound gulps down his share and I'm forced to quickly jerk my hand back to prevent him from taking my meat.

I devour the meat, but nearly vomit as it descends into my gut. The meat taste even worse this time. Even water doesn't help. I'm left with the taste of sour, rancid meat filling my mouth. I rub my lips and pour out the water for Rex to drink. When dinner's over I decide to go to bed early. Rex whimpers as I yank the blanket away from him, but he can withstand the cold. He's part robot, so I'd assume he could. Probably. I snuggle up with my thin blanket and regret not knowing how cold it is in the Khan territory. _Cass probably would have known. She's smarter than me_. I grumble at the reminder of my ignorance, then force myself to start drifting off. Rex curls up beside me and whimpers as we go to sleep.

* * *

 _I hum as I swing my legs back and forth on the table I'm sitting on. Doctor Usanagi promised she'd be back soon, but my attention has already run thin. Cass is beside me and watches me with an odd expression I can't read. I decide to ignore it and get the stuff I brought ready. I dig around in my bag and take everything I need. A cup of steaming black coffee, Dr. Klein's scrubs, some mentats, and Dr. Mobiu's glasses. When the procedure I want is done, then I'll wear the clothes, eat the mentats, and drink the coffee. Cass remains silent as she carefully looks over all of my stuff._

 _"Why do you have all of that stuff?". I decide to indulge her curiosity and tell her why. It was suppose to be a surprise; however, I don't see the harm in telling her now._

 _"My intelligence is one. When the doc puts the plant on me-". Cass corrects me with a smile spread across her face._

 _"Implants. She's going to put implants in you.". I nod in agreement. _

_"Put the implants in me, then my intelligence will be two.". I point at the coffee._

 _"That'll increase my intelligence by two.". I point at the scrubs._

 _"Also increase by two.". I point at the mentats._

 _"Increase by two.". I point at the glasses._

 _"Two.". I point to my head._

 _"So, my intelligence will be at ten. Well, for a few hours.". I feel a smile beginning to form on my face._

 _"But it'll still be ten for a little bit."._ _Cass has an expression I once again can't read._

 _"You really want your intelligence that high?". I nod with all of my heart._

 _"Yes! I know it's not permanent, but I still want to know what it feels like to be smart.". I leave out the 'like you' I was going to add at the end. It's true, though. I want to be as smart as Cass and Veronic and Boone. All of my friends are always saying words I don't know or talking about things I can't understand. Just for a few hours I want to be able to talk to Cass like she's my equal. Like I'm normal. I shake my head at the last part._

 _My mother spent her entire life trying to imprint on me that I was just as 'normal' as anyone else in the Mojave. I'm not going to ruin her life's work by starting to think of myself as someone who's stupid. Cass suddenly puts her hand on my shoulder. I look over and nearly sigh. I can't read people at all. I have no idea why she's looking at me like that. Suddenly, Cass pulls me real close to her. My face becomes hot at the close physical contact (thought I do with any human). I'm snapped out of it by Cass whispering her opinion._

 _"I don't think you should do it.". I begin spluttering._

 _"But-". I can see the clear anger on her face as she shakes her head and threatens me._

 _"If you do it, then I'll stop traveling with you. Only snobs are that smart, and I don't travel with snobs. I'll even make sure Lily, Boone, and Veronica know to avoid you.". Doctor Usanagi never operated on me, and Cass dumped my coffee in the trash on the way out._


	6. Bloody Trail

When I wake up I nearly cry. My muscles are aching while my head is throbbing in time with my heartbeat; I'm freezing (not to mention the cold's made my joints stiff and creaking); and I've pissed myself in the middle of the night. I push myself up and my meager dinner from the night before quickly rushes to the top of my throat. I barely manage to scrabble away from my bed as bile dribbles from my mouth. The rank substance sticks to my chin and doesn't drip right. Rex begins sniffing me in concern. Quickly, I decide to ignore him and focus on getting my vomit off of my face. I start shaking the vomit off of me, but more quickly comes up.

Only now it's half-chewed strips of meat. The coyote lodges itself in my throat. My dog begins whimpering as I gag, heave, and start to choke. I'm force to shove my fingers down my vomit-filled, retching throat to pull the meat from me. _Shouldn't it have been more digested than that?_ My pondering is cut off by another slab of coyote attempting to take its revenge on me. I drop the meat in my hand on the ground and keep heaving. My eyes are watering and burning while my throat keeps clenching. Thankfully, it seems like a damned damn (ha!) has been destroyed. Three more slimy chunks of meat, bile, and watery vomit come sliding out of me. Most of it clings to my face, but it's better than being inside me.

When my heaving has subsided I wipe my face off awkwardly with one hand, then shake the remaining vomit into the pool below my face. Already, my strength from my slumber has left me. I collapse onto my side beside my pool of sick. Slowly, I close my eyes and drift in and out of consciousness. I'm only woken up by the sound of a dog lapping at a liquid. I groan and open my eyes. Sure enough, Rex has already cleaned up my pool. Then, he decides to try to kiss me. Instantly, I use all of my remaining strength and roll over. Now he's lapping at my thin hair and trying to rouse me. I remain where I am and continue trying to sleep.

This isn't the first time this has happened, and it won't be the last. Even before the Divide I got sick like this (just not to this extent). There's no cure for it. My father us to tell me I was 'born with weak kidneys'. All I can do is try to go to sleep. Unconsciousness clouds the pain and (hopefully) my sickness will pass by the time I'm awake. Unfortunately, I can already sense what kind of sick spell this is going to be. It's going to stick with me and incapacitate me for a few days. Rex quits trying to lick me. Instead, he lies down beside me and decides to sleep. He's been fed and watered for the day (in a roundabout way), so he'll me find. I, on the other hand, won't be. I'm not hungry or thirsty, but I know this sickness well enough to know I'll be paying for my unwanted fasting later.

It happens every single time I get sick. Food and water are so repulsive to me that I can't even force myself to eat or drink. Every time I try to eat the food will taste like ash in my mouth, and anything I drink will taste like piss. So, I'll go without. Finally, when my sickness is gone I'll be starving and thirstier than I've ever been. Not to mention, extremely weaker than before. Briefly, I consider fighting and raging against my sickness. I imagine standing, eating, and drinking without fear. My aching stomach and throbbing head bring me back to reality. My eyes remain closed and I will myself to fall asleep. The rest of the day is the same.

I sleep until my stomach demands to void itself. At first, I get up and get my head off to the side. Then, after the third time I'm sapped completely of my strength. I fade into a state of limbo where I'm neither awake nor asleep. When I fully wake to vomit I just open my mouth. A few gurgling burbs of bile are all I can manage by the end of the day. Each time, Rex licks up the puddle or cleans my tightly sealed lips. It's disgusting and humiliating. It's also, sadly, not the first time I've been in this position. My odd sickness was never this bad before I went into hiding, so I've chalked it up to the prolonged time out in the wilderness and by myself. If I could just be around some people, then I'm sure my strength would return.

Isolation and loneliness weaken the immunity system. Probably. That sounds like something that would make sense. I suddenly jerk up and realize I've been sleeping for the past few hours. I look upwards and see it's the middle of the night. Rex has also kindly taken my bed from me. I groan before starting to get naked. It's a long, awkward effort. I have to twist and writhe without leaving the floor. While stripping out of my clothes. My soaked underwear and pants come off first. They reek of my own urine and shit. _Shitting myself now? My, how heroic am I_.

I toss my ruined clothes to the side and crawl on my stomach towards my bed. Rex snaps to attention before diving after my ruined clothing. Thankfully, he doesn't lick or eat it. Just finding out what it is sates the dog's curiosity. I, meanwhile, take his distraction and use it to my advantage. I climb into my bed and use my blanket to cover my shaking form. Next, I get my shirt and bra off. The sweaty articles are tossed over beside my underwear and pants. Rex sniffs those before running over and sitting down beside me. My dog begins digging at me in an attempt to revive me in order to feed him. I shake my head and reach out for him. I twine my fingers in his fur and whisper to him.

"Sorry, boy. I can't feed you right now. I'm too sick.". Those are my last words before collapsing.

* * *

 _Less Than a Hundred Miles from the Courier..._

Cass is the first to find anything of use. She whistles and I barely manage to heave myself up beside her. A small splotch of blood is the only thing Cass has found. However, she still has her face screwed up in thought. I stumble over to her and ask a simple question.

"What?". The woman stands and turns to me with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Something's wrong.". I cock my head and she motions around us.

"Listen.". I wait a few seconds before sighing.

"I don't hear anything.". Cass nods and folds her arms back across her chest.

"That's it. Nothing. Nothing to hunt for food, nothing to drink for water, and nothing to fight for supplies. The mountains are stripped dry here.". I point higher up.

"Could she-". Cass shakes her head and motions for me to come closer. I walk over to her. Cass reaches out, grabs my arms, and drags me a few feet deeper into the mountains. I feel a small pain right behind my eyes. Cass yanks me back to 'safety'. I take a wild guess.

"Radiation?". She nods and motions once again higher up into the mountains.

"Nothing can live up there and the Courier's smart. If she felt it, then she would have steered clear. If she didn't, then she still wouldn't have gone higher up due to the lack of anything promising.". I nod in agreement before Cass takes the map out and continues.

"I think I have an idea of where she'd go.". She shows me the map and I stand right beside her. Cass points towards where the NCR ambassador marked in fiend territory. Cass quickly explains what she thinks. All the while, tracing a path from where we are to the mark. She knows the area well enough, so she takes an actual path we can use and doesn't make just a straight line.

"She's nearby. There's nothing to hunt in the area, that caravan she slaughtered was lightly packed, and her camp is fresh. She's hurting for supplies. Bad. She'll need somewhere where she knows she can get supplies. The Khan and fiends are both good sources. They're nearby, have to have their supplies on person to survive, and they're easily overpowered by someone as powerful as the Courier.". I nod in agreement. All Cass is saying is true. I just have one concern.

"How are you sure she's desperate?". Cass takes a deep breath while shaking her head. Finally, she speaks while avoiding looking at me.

"She isn't smart enough to know how to fend for herself. It's a miracle she's survived this long.". Cass begins fidgeting and looks towards where she says the Courier is.

"Besides, can't you feel it?". I shake my head and Cass sighs before elaborating.

"This entire time we've been searching I can feel it. Each step and path like we're following her. Only our paths are years apart.". Cass shakes her head and starts fidgeting even more.

"She's desperate. It's like I can feel what she was doing. Running, hiding, praying, begging. She's reaching the end of the road.". I'm more than a little disturbed and decide to tell Cass so.

"Cass, that sounds really bad. Like 'stereotypical villain' bad.". Cass shakes her head and begins putting her map up.

"It's not bad. Just an old precaution that's coming back to help us.". I nod and look off to where Cass is looking. All I see is a bunch of rocks.

"Alright. Going to be completely honest here. I'd like you to explain how you're suddenly getting this creepy psychic sense. Later. When I'm not terrified you'll suddenly blow up my head with your mind.". Cass chuckles a little before turning and beginning her descent down the mountainside. I quickly follow her, and listen as she speaks on the way down.

"I promise I'll tell you.". More silence fills the are and I decide to ask Cass another question that's on my mind.

"So, why do you want to spare the Courier instead of kill her?". Another cryptic response from my companion.

"I owe it to her. I've messed up her life enough. She deserves to spend the rest of her days in a comfortable captivity.". I have absolutely no idea how Cass could have ever messed the Courier's life up. I, however, decide that right now isn't the time to ask.

Cass doesn't feel the need to answer. So, I decide to focus on safely making it down. I follow exactly what Cass does and follow her exact path. It takes us quite a few hours to climb down, and we're both exhausted by then. Cass keeps trying to push it by getting us to walk farther down the road (towards fiend territory), but the night soon falls and it becomes clear neither of us want to continue. Cass retrieves our camp (which takes a few minutes) and moves it down the road. Our brahmin is nowhere to be seen (although Cass admits she didn't look very hard considering the time). Neither of us seem to care too much as we climb into our tent and collapse.


	7. Wasted Days

_Less Than Eighty Miles From Cass and Veronica..._

When I wake up I'm good as new. I suck in a deep breath and allow a smile to cross my face. My sickness has passed quicker than normal and I can get back to my normal life. I open my eyes to see Rex asleep beside me. I scratch the hound behind the ear before standing up. I'm still naked from the waist downwards, I have vomit covering my shirt, and my appetite has returned with an anger like I've never seen before. However, I still do the most important thing first. I shakily kneel on one knee, then clasp my hands together and bring them to my forehead. I close my eyes as the sun rises across my camp. The Apostles' Creed is the first thing that comes to me.

"I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; he descended into hell; on the third day he rose again from the dead; he ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there he will come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen.". Rex has awoken by now and is currently sitting beside me while tilting his head to the side.

Usually, I'd say another verse from the bible. However, Rex is getting anxious, so I decide to say a simple small prayer to speed things up.

"For all You have given, Thank You God. For all You have withheld, Thank You God. For all You have withdrawn, Thank You God. For all You have permitted, Thank You God. For all You have prevented, Thank You God. For all You have forgiven me, Thank You God. For all You have prepared for me, Thank You God. For the death You have chosen for me, Thank you God. For the place you are keeping for me in heaven, Thank You God. For having created me to love You for eternity, Thank You God.". Rex huffs in exasperation when I finally stand up. I can't help chuckling at him a little as I dig around in our bags for some food.

I'll get something in my stomach, _then_ go about cleaning myself. I take a mix of bighorner meat and the last of the coyote. I'm saving the gecko we got from the Khan for last since it'll keep the best. I start a fire and dangle the meat above the flames. Rex watches them intently while I dig some bottles of purified water from our bag. I drink my fill (almost the entire bottle) before my stomach grumbles a complaint. I whistle to get Rex's attention, then pour the rest of the water for him to drink. When that's done, it's time for the meat to come off. Rex has already devoured his before it's even stopped steaming.

I begin stroking my hound's side as I try to enjoy my own breakfast. It tastes like vomit, but I'm not sure if that's because it's terribly cooked or because I might still have some vomit in my mouth somewhere. My breakfast is a slow event. I take my time, stop eating once in a while to focus on petting Rex, and watch the sun slowly rising over the canyon. It's moments like this that make my fight for the NCR all worthwhile. The dawning light bathes the scarlet rocks in a dazzling sparkle. It's not the prettiest sight in the world, but it's interesting at least. Finally, when the sun is over the horizon I finish off my meal. Rex is already starting to get antsy.

I stop petting him and the boy instantly shoots off to find somewhere to pee. I, meanwhile, need to clean up my own piss and vomit. I strip out of my shirt and toss it over with my pants. The two articles of clothing are clearly ruined. Now all I can do is dig around in my bag. I manage to find a bra and underwear, but they're both the last pair I have. I shake my head and make a mental note to loot some of the Khan women who're roughly my size. I put my underclothes on and put my enforced combat armor on top of that. Finally, I take my dirty clothes and toss them into the fire. I don't have an undershirt to put on, so now my armor is chaffing against my naked skin underneath. Rex comes walking back and I start talking to him.

"Seems like we get worse off each and every day, huh?". Rex sits down in my lap and I begin petting him like he likes. Rex's leg starts thumping like a rabbit's and I chuckle before continuing my one-sided conversation.

"I miss everyone.". Rex whimpers and I pretend like he's said something that could be considered a 'conversation'.

"I know I have you, but it's different. Veronica, Cass, Boone, Lily, Christina, Dog and God, Joshua, ED-D, and Roxie. I'll never see any of them again. I can see you anytime I want unless I dismiss you.". A deep sigh crosses my lips and I lapse into silence as I continue wishing. I know wishing is useless and that I should be thankful for what I have, but I still wish. I wish that I would have planned all of this better. When I got back from the Divide I went to Goodsprings (where I told Rex to wait for me) and instantly started fighting for the NCR. I should have waited and gone to get Veronica or Cass.

They'd both have complained, but they'd have stayed with me. Then, I could have talked to them instead of talking to myself. Hell, even Boone or Lily would be better than talking to a dog. I stop petting Rex before flopping onto my back and looking up at the beautifully blue sky. I keep wishing for things I know will never happen no matter what I do.

I wish that I could go back to New Vegas and gamble until I was broke; go to any bar in the Mojave to get drunk (even if it's just one last time); and go to any store I could and get a damned cigarette to smoke. I wish I could just sleep on a real bed for once; take a bath to get the stink of Mojave off of me; and just be able to have a solid ceiling over my head again. I wish I could ride on Lily's shoulders again; make Veronica smile by mocking the Legion; and learn all about acting 'smart' from Cass. Rex whimpers as he begins sniffing my face. I reach for my face and feel wetness building at the corners of my eyes. I wipe it away and stop thinking about things I know I'll never have.

These were the cards life has given me; I need to play with what I have because I can't ask for a new hand. Rex calms back down and I try to think of anything to cheer me up at this exact moment. My mind goes blank and I sigh. I wish the NCR didn't need me. I've been doing my best, but they still haven't sent word for me to start heading back to headquarters for a new mission. _Maybe they'll send for me soon. I've been doing good work for them, so I know they wouldn't abandon me. They're just taking their time_. I remember the walkie-talkie shoved in my bag. Some NCR soldier gave that to me years ago while I was in New Vegas. In case I needed help from the NCR.

I've considered digging around and using it on more times than I could count. Then, I recall how I could be putting the NCR at risk by sending radio signals out from my location. If I'm found, then I'm sure an experienced tracker could trace my trail back to the NCR. I want company and someone to help/talk to once in a while; however, I don't want to put my entire organization at risk because I get a little lonely. The sun is in the middle of the sky, so I decide to make some lunch. As I sit and begin hanging the meat I can't help being a little saddened. I've wasted half of the day just sitting around and not doing anything.

An entire day I could have been spent fighting for the NCR. Rex comes over and lies his head on my lap. I scratch his ears and decide that it's okay if I don't do anything today. Everyone needs a lazy day once in a while. The meat is beginning to crackle, so I take a moment to look at my map. My map is almost completely full of little dots. Settlements, travelers, and encampments I've hit in my fight for the NCR. I try looking for where I haven't hit recently. The eastern area of the Mojave hasn't been hit in over a year, but that's because I can't get there safely. And, that fact hasn't changed.

"One day...". Rex snorts in agreement. I keep looking for anywhere to hit that hasn't been struck within the last three months. The Khan and Fiends were taken care of long ago, so those are out of the picture. Unfortunately, most of my 'hits' in the west Mojave are from traveling groups of strip citizens or groups of Legion assassins sent to kill me. Eventually, I settle on ridding the NCR of traitors. It won't get me any supplies, but it'll further my mission for the NCR. I circle an NCR camp nearby (although it's outside the Khan canyon) that I'll go to next. I'm not allowed to talk to the NCR there or get supplies from them, but that's alright. If I was allowed to, then my mission could be compromised. I trace an invisible path from my current camp to where I'll eventually camp the night before attacking.

I stop tracing the line when the meat above the fire begins crackling. I pull the meat off and give Rex his share, then take my own share. My purified water is out, so Rex and I are forced to share radiated water. When lunch is over I pull out my map one again. I'm hurting for supplies. I'll need to find somewhere to get supplies after I'm done clearing the camp of traitors. It'll take a few days to observe the group and find traitors, so I'll be completely out of supplies (if not extremely close) when I'm done purging the camp. I suck in a deep, shuddering breath and lie down for the night earlier than normal. Hopefully, things will look up in the morning.

* * *

 _Fifty Miles Away..._

I'm panting, soaked with sweat, and throbbing all over when we finally stop for the night. Cass has pushed me all day long to 'just keep putting one foot in front of the other'. The ground has been flat and easy, but Cass is a more experienced runner than I am. The woman was able to keep a constant, fast pace throughout the entire day while I lagged behind and struggled. Often, my companion would loop back to bark encouragements before turning and running ahead to check for enemies. Thankfully, nothing's attacked us yet, so I can collapse on the ground without fear. Cass quickly sends a wave of relief through my very soul with a single sentence.

"I'll get camp ready without you since you seem to need some rest.". I groan in happiness and close my eyes. I can only pray things will look up in the morning.


	8. Fearful Trails

When I wake up I find Cass is already sitting up beside me. The woman has a plate full of meat and fruits sitting on her lap. I heave myself into a sitting position beside her and the woman offers me some food. I take an apple before Cass returns the plate to her lap. I follow the woman's line of sight and see she's looking outside at a tiny fire she must have started before I woke up. My apple _crunches_ as I take a bite out of it. For a few minutes that's how it is. Both of us looking out at the fire while we eat. There's still something bothering me and we have a lot of time right now since we know where we're going and just focusing on getting there, so I decide to bring the issue up with Cass.

"Cass?". A grunt from the other woman as she struggles to swallow her mouthful of meat and fruit.

"Do you mind telling me how you fucked the Courier over back enough that you feel like you owe her?". I secretly want to know to see if I can sway the woman towards a more 'executiony' path. Cass sucks in a deep breath before slowly releasing it. I glance over and see she's hunched down in defeat.

"You sure you want to know?". I nod and the other woman falls silent. For a while I fear she's decided not to speak. Then, Cass starts her story.

"You know how the Courier is-". She sucks in another deep breath before letting it _hiss_ out from her lips.

"I don't wanna say 'stupid', but stupid.". I nod in confirmation. The Courier thinks that the Brotherhood of Steel can shoot lasers out of their eyes, thought mashing buttons would help the rockets fly during the 'Novac' incident, and convinced Arcade Gannon to follow her by asking if he could 'help her with stuff'. Cass continues when she sees I understand what she's saying.

"Well, do you know that tiny medical clinic that offers implants?". I nod again. Once, the Courier took me to it in order to get a implant to boost her agility to an unholy level. It's the only time I've been there, but I'm sure I'll still understand what Cass has to say.

"Well, she came up with a plan. She'd gotten the two expensive implants and all besides two of the 'SPECIAL' implants. One was her endurance since the implant wouldn't help her at all, and the other was her intelligence because hers is so low she'd be stupid either way.". I nod to show her I'm still listening to her story even though I'm still looking at the fire. My companion's voice begins to shake as she continues her story. Looks like retelling it is getting to her.

"Well, she decided to go and get her intelligence boosted. Only, she didn't want it to be bumped up to a 'two'. She wanted it bumped up to a 'ten'.". A small chuckle from the woman. I glance over and see Cass has a bittersweet expression on her face.

"I wish you could have seen her that day.". Her expression turns mostly towards the 'bitter' in bittersweet as she recalls what she saw.

"The Courier was swinging her legs like a child while she sat on that stupid little table. I was almost happy for her. She was wearing this big goofy smile and kept humming. Then, she started pulling stuff out of her bag.". Cass frowns and shakes her head.

"Coffee, glasses, a lab coat, and a bunch of other stuff. I asked her what it was and she explained that all of it combined would bump her intelligence up to a 'ten'.". Cass buries her face in her hands and I can barely hear the next words she says.

"I got mad. I had no right to, but I got infuriated.". Cass slowly pulls her face up. Her eyes are closed, but her face is beginning to become red. I focus back on the fire and allow Cass to take as long as she needs. A few minutes later my companion finally pipes up.

"I grabbed her and started snarling at her that I wouldn't travel with her if she was smart. She relented almost instantly and agreed not to go through with the procedure. I made sure to take everything from her and dump out her coffee. She pouted the rest of the night, but the next morning it was like the entire thing blew over. Only I can't stop thinking about it.". I nod my head in sympathy while silently judging Cass for her deeds.

"She wanted that more than anything else, but I took it from her. Then, I didn't even have the guts to fix my wrong. I just let her go on believing she was better off stupid and being smart would ruin her life.". I don't say anything because there's nothing I want to say to her. I've been around the Courier for years and I know her biggest insecurity is the fact she has no idea what anyone's talking about. Not to mention, people usually talk to her like she's a dog that won't understand them unless they talk in a 'baby' voice. I use to try talking her into getting a doctor to medically increase her intelligence, but she's refused me every single time I brought the issue up.

Now I know why. Cass managed to convince her that being smart was worse than being stupid. Suddenly, I no longer wish to bond with my traveling partner. She wasn't lying when she said she fucked the Courier over. I still pity Cass, but deep inside I know my anger is going to outlive the pity. Cass has noticed my silence and must have (correctly) assumed I disagree with what she did because the woman offers up a weak explanation. Her voice is still cracking and when I glance over I see her face is still red.

"I don't really know why I did it. Just the thought of her getting smarter than me and outgrowing me caused me to get angry.". I don't state an obvious fact. The Courier didn't abandon Cass and start using me as her 'main' companion until a few years ago. If my math is right (which it probably is), then around the time that Cass told the Courier not to get the procedure done. I don't approve of what she did, but I'm starting to understand why she wants the Courier to live. Not because she wants to improve the Courier's life or make it better for her; she wants to get closure for what she's done and get on with her life.

I feel like smiling as I realize her and I are the direct opposite of one another. I want to kill her for her own good, and Cass wants her to live for her own personal good. It would have been better (and easier) if our desires were flipped. If they were, then it would have been easy to convinced Cass to change her point of view. Unfortunately, our desires and motives are unique and I doubt either of us will change our stance on whether the Courier should be killed or not. Cass suddenly brings me back to the current conversation by asking me a question.

"May I ask why you want her to die?". I want the Courier to die because she's done horrendous things that she would never have done before the Divide. I don't know why, but she's no longer herself. She's shifted into a monster that the old Courier would gladly put down. "I'll explain later. Once we've found her.". Cass takes it as a dismissal because we both heave ourselves up and begin leaving the tent. Cass only takes a few minutes to pack and destroy our fire before beginning to walk away. I can't help noticing she doesn't say anything to me.

Today's walk is different than yesterday's. Cass doesn't bother making sure I can stay up with her or that I'm with her. The woman just keeps on plowing along as quickly as she can. Rarely, she'll pause long enough to throw a glance over her shoulder to see where I am. Thankfully, the land is still flat all around us and the sky is hidden behind a cloud. However, I soon miss Cass's companionship. A small part of me wishes I could call out to her and call her back to apologize. Then, a bigger part of me remembers what she did to the Courier and holds my tongue. It doesn't matter what Cass's feelings are on what she did; she still stole our friend's chance at being smart. Even if it was temporary. I try to stop thinking about it; instead, I focus on keeping Cass within sight.

My lungs are burning, my legs are throbbing, and my energy is quickly depleted. The Courier never use to keep up this kind of pace, and she's the one I'm use to traveling with. Around noon, Cass (and by extension me) are almost forced to confront some fiends. They come from the north and are running like the devil himself is after them. Both Cass and I stop walking, but the fiends run right by us (even cutting between the fifty feet separating Cass and I). I don't think anything of it until Cass comes running back to me and nearly barrels me over in her excitement. Cass practically crushes my arms as she grabs me. A tremendous smile is splitting her face. The woman doesn't offer any explanation as she yells a single command at me.

"Come on!". Cass breaks away from me and charges as quickly as she can northward. I begin struggling to keep up, and Cass doesn't even feel a need to slow down or check for me. Within a few minutes, the woman has passed the horizon and I can no longer see her. I keep pushing though. I push myself until I'm gasping for breath like a machine, my legs are wobbling (and violently throbbing) with each step, and my vision is blurring and pulsing in time to a throbbing in my head. I'm about to die (probably) when I finally run into Cass. The woman is standing on top of a hill that leads into a canyon. I stand beside Cass and lean heavily on the woman for support. She doesn't look thrilled, but allows me to lean against her until I get my breath back. Finally, I push myself up and ask an important question.

"Why are we here?". Cass motions towards the canyon and still looks excited as she explains the situation to me.

"This is fiend territory, and they just came running out of Khan territory like their asses are on fire. The Khan have been destroyed for years. Now, who else would make them run in fear? Who else could run fiends off just by being in the same area as them?". I look off into the canyon as I answer. "The Courier".

* * *

 **Note: 'Disgusting (Rewritten)' is in the works, but only as a 'Saturday or Sunday' work since those chapters are normally 5,000-6,000 words long. They aren't long because I'm writing like crazy or making new things, but because the new chapters are so detailed. Obviously, I'm burning out pretty quickly on that current updating schedule. So, 'Denerim's Shadow' will be opened up.**

 **Again. For the third time. I'm sorry, but 'Denerim's Shadow' has patiently been waiting in limbo to be finished for almost seven months since it was released. I could have gotten pregnant, carried the baby to a decent term, and had the baby in that time. It deserves to at least get _closer_ to its end. 'Luck Be a Lady' and 'Denerim's Shadow' will be updated every 2-3 days while 'Disgusting (Rewritten) will be updated every Saturday or Sunday. That is all.**


	9. Memory Lane

We manage to make it halfway into the canyon before a crackling radiation storm coming in from the west forces us to take camp. Cass digs a deep hole while I attempt to pitch the tent. I've only pitched a tent once before, so the structure I make is shaking and wobbling. I go about attempting to stabilize it while Cass keeps digging. Apparently, being underground-even if it's by just a few inches or feet- will help ward off radiation. I'm assuming there's _some_ truth to it considering vaults and bunkers are underground, but I doubt our tent being slightly lower than the ground will do us much good. However, since we didn't bring a tent that's lined with lead the ground theory is the best we can do.

Cass finishes digging about a foot into the ground with an improvised shovel (her knife that she smashed slightly with the butt of her gun) and hops up to meet me. The woman frowns at my tent before grabbing it, then dragging the shelter into the pit. My work shudders and shivers while Cass hammers it into the soil. Meanwhile, I stand and watch her while awkwardly pretending in my mind that I'm helping. Cass has _just_ finished hammering the last stake in when the radiation storm breaks above us and begins raining down its load. A single rolling call of thunder causes the canyon to shudder. Cass and I quickly find our way into our tent.

Both of us are only mildly wet with a few drops of water, so the radiation won't have spread too badly on us. Still, Cass and I both down some Rad-X from our pack before trying to settle in. My companion puts our beds out and sits down on hers. I sit down on mine and squint at Cass in the growing darkness. More shuddering and _cracking_ as thunder and lightning arrive. Cass is the first to speak.

"Wanna play caravan to pass the time?". I shake my head. Neither the Courier nor I ever developed a taste for the game. Neither of us knew how to play, or cared to learn. Cass sighs and sulks before trying to cash in a promise I made her.

"Would you mind telling me why you want the Courier to die?". I consider it for a moment. I know Cass's motives and why she's running after the Courier. It's only fair she learns why I want the woman dead and am willing to kill her. I nod and the woman seems to perk up as I lean forward to tell her my story.

"You'll need to understand the Courier to understand why I want her dead. You know her well, but I'll tell you what I saw and who she was to me. She was a shining symbol of truthfulness, kindness, and justice. No law was ever broken; no innocent was ever harmed; no animal was ever killed. She worked hard for everything she had and made sure never to step on someone else in order to get what she wanted.". Cass nods at my assessment of the woman and I know she agrees with how I've described her. However, the woman still seems entranced as I continue my story.

"I always thought she would be merciful.". I take a moment to shake my head as I speak.

"She wasn't. The Courier always shot at enemies to kill. Preferably, by making their face explode. Never the entire head, though. Because if the head was blown off, then she couldn't kiss them on the forehead or between the eyes before sending them off.". I take a small break as the roaring thunder finally drowns me out. When it's passed I continue.

"Anyway, I remember the first time I saw the 'justiciar' side of her. Some Legion soldier had managed to sneak up on us while we were taking out his squad. Damned fool attacked us after his entire group had been slaughtered. Guess he was trying to avenge them or some shit.". I sigh at the memory and close my eyes as I tell the next part.

"She tried for the head, but blew out his leg when her knee gave out. He fell to the ground. I saw she had him, so I just sat back and watched.". I open my eyes to find Cass completely trapped in my story.

"She put her gun to his head. Only he didn't scream and rage like a normal Legion soldier would. He started crying and begging for his life. Poor man looked barely old enough to shave. I thought the Courier would let him go. She seemed to hate killing things that didn't need killing, and a crying boy would surely tug on her heartstrings.". Cass shakes her head to show she already knew the Courier better than I did at that point. I ignore her and continue with my story.

"She placed her revolver to his head and said something along the lines on, 'For your crimes against the Mojave, America, and humanity only death is the proper punishment.'.". I sigh again as the thunder briefly blocks my speech.

"She gave him the same burial as the other soldiers. I was shocked, but waited until we were back at her house to speak.". The Courier's house is actually a hotel room in Novac, but I'm assuming Cass already knew that.

"I asked her why she didn't let him go. I expected something like 'he was an enemy' or 'he would have attacked'. Instead, I got the most roundabout answer possible.". Cass chuckles, leans forward, and whispers a guess.

"God.". I nod and repeat back.

"God.". Cass shakes her head while leaning back into her normal position to allow me to continue.

"She grabbed her bible from beside her bed, pointed skyward, and claimed that it was god's will the man died. Obviously, I started arguing.". Cass shakes her head again.

"You weren't going to get through. The Courier can bend her iron-clad faith to justify rape, slavery, or cold-blooded murder if she really wanted to.". I nod in agreement.

"She didn't back down in the slightest, so I gave up and asked her how it was god's will.". The memory comes back to me as fresh as if I'd only had it imprinted in my mind yesterday. I briefly fall quiet and close my eyes to relive it. I also tell Cass the story as I replay it in my mind.

* * *

 _The room is lit by a single, sputtering candle beside the bedside. The Courier has nailed boards over her window, locked the door with ten unique locks that require three unique keys each, and smashed every single light source that isn't her single candle. She claims it's so people can't find her. Everyone already knows Novac is her 'home' and that the famous Courier resides in this exact room, but I don't bother questioning her. The candle illuminates my friend's life. Her unmade bed is beside the table with the dying candle and her bible; a TV is placed up on a dresser opposite the foot of her bed; and another dresser holding a radio is placed along the wall beside its TV-bearing brother._

 _A smaller dresser is up beside the window. The final remaining wall morphs the room into a small 'bathroom'. In reality, it's just a small strip of the room that's tiled with a handing mirror and sink. The small closet attached to the 'bathroom' is where the toilet and standing shower reside. Unfortunately, the lack of electricity to the TV (along with TV no longer being a thing) makes it a large paperweight, the spotty water pressure makes the shower usable for only a few minutes a day, and the Courier broke her radio a few months ago when she tried to 'improve' it._

 _I remember being trapped over by the door due to the empty alcohol bottles, cigarette cartons, and syringes that litter the floor. The Courier, however, is wading through her mess with ease. The woman's shed her combat armor in a rare show of trust in me. It's a simple trust that I won't shoot or stab her when her back's turned, but it's still a form of trust. The Courier is wearing a simple white t-shirt tucked into her baggy khaki pants with a leather belt wrapped around her waist. Her white knee socks and brown work shoes have been haphazardly thrown off into the mess. It use to make me nervous to watch my friend walk through her mess with bare feet._

 _All I could think of was the woman stepping on broken glass, needles, and burnt cigarettes. Though, by now I've learned she's more likely to hurt herself with shoes on rather than off. The woman's short blonde hair is sticking to her pale skin due to the fact the woman's recently taken advantage of the three minutes of water in her shower. The Courier gets within a few feet of her bed and launches herself into it. The woman snuggles down into her bed and wraps herself in her blanket. A loud yawn fills the room as my friend looks over at me. Her seafoam blue-green eyes find me and a smile works its way across her light pink lips._

 _"You just going to spend the entire night standing over there?"._ _My face flushes before I realize she didn't mean anything by it. My simpleton friend didn't mean anything flirty or sexual; she just wanted to know if I was going to stand by the door all night while she slept. I carefully make my way through the mess of her room before carefully climbing into the double bed beside her. I sleep above the covers while the Courier sleeps underneath them._

 _Not because of anything 'friendly', but because I always think it's extremely hot in my friend's house. She likewise thinks it's hot; however, she's admitted that she doesn't 'feel safe' when sleeping above the covers. I honestly gave up realizing what that meant long ago. For a few minutes I just lie there besides the woman and look up at the ceiling._ _Slowly, the stench of her room works its way over me. The shabby hotel room reeks of cigarette smoke, alcohol, vomit, piss, and a sort of 'wild' reek that comes from an unwashed person spending too many days in the same clothes while sleeping in the same bed. Finally, I ask the question that's been bugging me since the Courier executed that Legion soldier earlier today._

 _"So, why'd you kill that boy earlier? He seemed like he was begging for mercy, and you're the merciful type.". The woman rolls over and her arm reaches out across me. My heartbeat speeds up before she pulls her arm back. In her hand is her leather bible. The book is old enough the leather is cracked in several spots, the cross on the cover has faded away almost into nothingness, and each page is dogeared for a 'later' that's already come and gone. I know the inside has little notes written all throughout it in the Courier's sloppy handwriting with certain words crossed out, circled, or underlined._ _The woman takes her bible, points at the ceiling with her hand that's holding it, and whispers a simple answer._

 _"God willed it.". She clutches her bible to her chest, rolls over, and tries to go back to sleep. Obviously, that doesn't satisfy me. I don't really know how her religion works, but I've never heard her use her religion to justify anyone's death before. I flip the (obviously confused) woman over and demand an answer._

 _"How did god will it? You've never done anything like this before.". The Courier heaves herself up and goes on a miniature 'rant'._

 _"God sent the great flood to cleanse the earth because his creatures had become corrupt; God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah for their citizens attempting to rape his angels who were sent to spread his word; and God sent the Great War when the world forgot his word. The Legion is corrupted by only helping themselves, the legion men rape anyone they find, and they have turned from the word of god to listen to their false prophet 'Caesar'. God is loving and kind, but sometimes kindness requires killing. Killing someone who has killed another. 'A broken bone for a broken bone, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.' Killing those who go against the word of the Lord. 'Kill those who speak blasphemes against the Lord.' Killing when commanded by god. 'Abraham built an alter of wood and brought his son Isaac before it.' Sometimes, killing is required. Killing those who hurt others, like the boy earlier today, is okay."._

 _She rolls over and goes back to bed._

 _I didn't sleep for the rest of the night._

* * *

 **Note: Not sure I really need this, but better safe than sorry. Not trying to offend anyone who is religious. I'm aware that there are a thousand different ways to look at every passage of the bible, and the Courier just decides to look at them this way. I'm likewise aware there are different versions of why Sodom and Gomorrah were supposedly destroyed, people have varying opinions of whether the old testament counts or not, and that some Christians consider the great flood allegory. Again, don't want to offend. Just using the Courier's religion as a plot device. Also, maybe don't get offended at one person being a bad Christian. Shockingly, that's a thing.**


	10. Cornered Prey

_A Mile Away From Cass and Veronica..._

I've finished showering _right_ when the rain stops. I still have some soap on my feet, but I kick it off and call it good. Rex, however, is still covered in suds. The hound angrily shakes himself off while I dig out a towel from my bag. Thankfully, he's done shaking and is relatively dry when I'm done toweling my body off. Momentarily, I glance at my body and grimace in disgust. My ribs are poking out from my torso as an ugly reminder I've only been eating meat for the past few years. I decide to give myself a tiny and quick medical examination due to the fact I'm naked for once. My knowledge of medicine took years to master, but it comes in handy for situations such as this.

I grab my thin legs and apply pressure. No muscle, no fat, and no sinew. Just flabby flesh and bone. My other leg and arms aren't much better. Next, I feel my joints. Swollen, red, and hard to the touch. Rex begins sniffing me as I examine my chest and hips. Both are bony and have excess skin hanging from them. A deep frown spreads across my face as I take some of the excess skin (which lines my entire body) and pull it away from me. The flesh remains extended and doesn't snap back down to my meat like it should. Rex is starting to get anxious and pace while I continue. I lick my cracked lips before applying pressure to my teeth. Any tooth I touch moves. I stop the medical examination early.

I'm dying. Not quickly, but I'm still dying. I'm not hydrated, scurvy is beginning to form in my jaw, and my purely meat diet isn't giving me enough calories to do all of the physical tasks I'm require to do daily. I glance at Rex and see he's not much better. The parts where he's a dog are thin with patchy fur; while the robotic parts are beginning to have rust forming on them. _It's not fair to make him die. You're the one that is on this mission. Send him back. Hopefully, the NCR will contact you once they realize what a desperate state you're in_. I whistle to get Rex's attention. The dog flips around and looks at me with a wolfish grin spread across his face. My ragged, dry voice comes out. It's only now that I realize I haven't talked in days.

"Go home.". Rex cocks his head and begins walking towards me.

"Go home!". Rex whimpers and sits down.

"GO HOME!". I pick up a rock beside my foot and throw it at him. It _cracks_ against his temple. Rex bares his teeth and his ears flatten against his skull. A low, monstrous growl comes from him. Slowly, he begins to advance on me. I'm still naked, but I don't back down. Instead, I grab another rock and throw it at him. This one likewise _cracks_ against his skull. This one works. Rex howls in pain before flipping around. I slide to the ground as my only friend runs back to where he came from. I can't help myself. I cry.

* * *

 _Less Than A Mile Away From the Courier..._

Cass and I are packing up the camp when a loud _crack_ rings around the canyon. Both of us drop whatever we're doing, turn to where we're facing deeper into the canyon, and draw our weapons. Cass shoots the second we see our enemy. The creature collapses to the ground with a shudder and whimper. Cass begins shoving the camp up as I run over to whatever she wounded. A hairless, yellow-eyed dog-like creature is bleeding from his temple and his left front leg is blown off.

I pick the creature up and hear something _clink_ off of his body. I toss the living animal over my shoulder, then kneel to see what it is. What I have is a dog's collar that's worn and torn in several places. I turn it in my hand and see a small sack on the collar. I pull on the sack and hear three bolts _click_ on the stone ground. Odd. I pick the bolts up and a shudder runs through my spine.

"Cass!". My friend runs over to me.

"What?". I show her the collar, bolt, and weakly-fighting animal. Cass yanks the collar out of my hand and begins patting me on the back.

"Rex use to wear this collar!". Cass yanks the NCR emergency radio from her pocket. I don't even ask. Instead, I just watch her and listen to what she's saying.

"We need NCR ranger support. Repeat, we need NCR ranger support. Bring a brahmin and a coil of rope. Repeat, bring a brahmin and coil of rope. We're nearing the Courier. Repeat, we're nearing the Courier.". Cass and I both stand and look deeper into the canyon. I can't see much due to the fact the path bends to the right. I decide to try to take Cass's mind off of the current situation.

"You don't have to repeat everything you say.". She shrugs.

"I needed to make sure the ranger brought everything.". We both fall silent. I'm not sure how long we stand there, but it's far too long for either of our liking. Each second that stretches by gets us more on edge. Cass has her gun out, loaded, and cocked. She even has it at firing level and pointed towards the entrance that leads deeper into the canyon. Meanwhile, I scan the tops of the cliffs above us to prepare for any sneak attack. The creature begins fighting after a few minutes, so I do my best to heal him. A stimpack, some cloth over the wound, and a hit of jet have the beast more than willing to be quiet. I gently place the animal over to the side. Cass is still on edge as she questions me.

"Why are you keeping him alive?". I don't have a good answer, so I shrug and tell her the truth.

"I don't know. He had Rex's collar that the Courier gave him on. Maybe I think he's important. Maybe I just feel bad because you shot his leg off when all he was doing was running from whatever hurt his head. I'll tell you when I find out.". Cass can't respond because someone is coming towards us from behind. Both of us flip around and startle a NCR ranger riding on a brahmin. The poor man raises his hands in surrender as he falls sideways off of his steed. Cass grunts before rushing to him and pulling him to his feet. My friend gives him a brief summary as I turn back towards where the Courier is most likely camped out.

"We believe we have the Courier cornered. We just need to go in there and flush her out. So, expect a lot of gunfire and nowhere to hide. Try not to kill her.". I still want to kill the Courier, but I don't want to say anything. Cass and I can discuss that matter if and when we get the woman tied up. Until she's knocked out, tied up, and her weapons are taken away she's still a threat. Cass and the ranger join me. Cass takes the lead while the ranger and I follow a few feet behind her on either side. Our brahmin is slowly trailing behind us. The first sign the Courier is there is trail of blood along the floor of the canyon. Cass carefully examines the blood as we walk around the bend in the trail. Another wide curve greets us. Again, the bloody trail leads the way. Cass quietly explains what she thinks happened as we continue along the trail.

"She must have killed someone or something here. Then, she had to drag the body back to whatever camp she has ahead of us. Either to eat if it was an animal, or bury if it was a person.". All of us remain silent as the final bend is passed through. More dried blood to lead the way. When the last bend is gone we stop and look ahead of us. The ranger is the only one to spot something. He brings his sniper rifle to his eye, then passes it over to me. I raise the gun up and see what's at the end of the canyon. The rough outline of a tent and someone moving around. A line of what appear to be bodies are near the lip of the opening into the field where the tent and person are. I hand the rifle to Cass while making sure my gauntlet is on and ready to go. Casss tosses the rifle back to the ranger and gives some advice to all of us.

"I'll charge in an try to subdue her. Both of you need to do the same, but fire around her as you do it. Don't give her a chance to escape.". I point out a huge flaw.

"I don't have a gun.". Cass nods, grunts, and switches places with me.

"Do you think you can charge her and catch her?". I nod and all three of us begin moving forward. The plan seems simple enough and might work, but I'm still debating what I should do. I can either honestly catch the Courier, or break her neck by 'accident' when I tackle her to the ground. Quickly, I decide just to catch her. Cass is trusting me to catch her, then talk to her about what we want to do. My inner musings are interrupted as Cass pushed me and screams a single command.

"GO!".

* * *

 **Note: Sorry for the chapter being shorter than normal. I just didn't want it to be awkwardly long or cut off in a weird place, so it seemed best to end it here. The next chapter might possibly come out sooner than normal.**


	11. Alighieri's Warning

I don't even think about what I'm doing or the fact that I could possibly be putting my life at risk. I lower my head and begin tearing across the canyon ground. I keep my eyes locked on my target as I speed through the lip of the canyon and into the open area. The humanoid figure stands. I prepare for a fight, but something else happens first. An ungodly, inhuman scream rings out across the canyon. Instantly, I buckle to my knees. My hands are clasping my bleeding ears. Finally, it stops. Well, kind of. My eardrums both flare in extreme agony while my vision swings, then my hearing goes dead. I peel my hands away and see they're both completely scarlet. I look up and see the figure still standing there. Apparently, it thinks its screaming is still working.

I heave myself up and resume my charge. However, the Courier is quicker. She scrabbles up the side of the cliff like a damned goat. I'm forced to stop at the edge. I mentally curse as I realize I don't have a gun. I turn and begin running back towards Cass and the ranger. Both are stopped only ten feet away from me. Cass is pointing upwards and screaming something. I don't know what it is, but I see the ranger get his chest blown to bits. Cass is luckier and manages to dodge bullets as she grabs the dying ranger, me, and the brahmin. Cass manages to save all of our asses by yanking us behind a rock barely big enough for all of us.

My hearing isn't back, but Cass must have realized that. So, she just mimics her plan with her hands. I nod to show I understand, but I have no idea what she means. I quickly get the idea when she starts performing her plan. Cass gives the ranger a quick death (something I would have stopped had I known what she was going to do) before tying him atop the brahmin. Next, she lights the poor animal's tail on fire using a lighter she has for what I'm assuming are cigarettes. The animal runs out of hiding and towards the Courier. Bullets rain down upon the creature, but most are aimed at the corpse riding atop it. Although, I notice most bullets don't even come near the target. The ranger getting killed must have been a lucky shot. _Odd. The Courier was always a crack shot._

Cass and I cautiously watch for about a minute before the rain of bullets stop. Cass claps me on the shoulder. I've already seen what her plan is, so when she starts running I'm right behind her. Cass manages to take a quick second to splash some water on the brahmin's tail as we run by, but otherwise our run is unhindered. My friend scales the mountain as best as she can. I'm barely even managing to climb it. It takes us about an hour to reach the top. Honestly, I'm afraid the Courier has fled. And, she has. Only it's not the grand escape she was most likely hoping for. The Courier is standing at the edge of the cliff opposite where we came from. Currently, she's looking down the side of it and shuffling her feet. Gathering the courage to plunge to her doom as the sun rises in front of her.

Cass stands beside me, reaches over, and shoves a finger in both of my ears. My vision flashes white and pain shoots through me for a second. Then, my hearing comes back to me. The shuffling of feet on the ground; the breeze around us; and Cass taking in a deep breath before pulling away from me to talk to the Courier.

"It's over. Put down your gun and-". The woman flips around. Cass stops talking. The monster before us isn't our friend. I take one step forward. That's when it hits. A small pain right behind my eyeballs. Radiation. I take a step away from the Courier. The pain fades. The Courier shuffles towards me. The pain returns. I shake my head and look at what my friend's become. Her combat armor is dented and shattered with large holes in it; her helmet is a mass of twisted metal; and her gun is so badly rusted it looks like it'll fall apart with the smallest touch. The Courier's naked feet are swollen and bleeding a whitish-orange ooze. However, her outfit isn't the worst of it. My friend's sagging skin is yellow, her white hair is thin with patches that have fallen out, and her lips are frozen in a permanent snarl.

Past her lips, I see a mass of black, shattered teeth sticking out from deathly white gums. My friend cocks her head and a low, long _hiss_ comes from her. I finally bring myself to look at my friend's eyes. Pink where there should be white, red where there should be blue, and hazy white where there should be black. Thick, purple veins are protruding from the Courier's flesh and showing where her blood flows beneath. I watch as my friend reaches for her face.

Thin, bony fingers without any nails clutch her own face where it's been scratched by a bullet the ranger or Cass must have shot. I'm not sure if she's touching it because she's just now feeling it, or because she can't believe one of us fired at her head in an attempt to kill her. Slowly, the Courier pulls her hand away. Orange, thick cream sticks to her hand. More terrifying, the flesh she touched is beginning to slowly melt off of her face. Finally, a large chunk of her jaw's skin on the right side _splats_ to the floor. Muscle and bone reveal themselves. The only reason I know it's the Courier is because of her armor, gun, and faded cross hanging from her neck. Cass is the first to speak.

"A ghoul.". I shake my head as I look at her. Not there. Not quite.

"Radiated. Sick. Ghoulifying. Or dying. Maybe both.". We aren't given a longer chance to speak. The Courier charges. Cass levels her gun for the Courier's leg instantly and it's clear she's going to try to only wound the Courier. I can't let her do that. My old friend has committed horrible crimes. She might not have been in the right mind, but that makes it even worse. Now she's committed horrible crimes _and_ is on the way to dying. Killing her will stop this monster that's wearing my friend's face while putting her out of her misery. I wait for a single second for the Courier to get closer to me, then I meet her halfway. The Courier is swinging her gun behind her in an attempt to hit me with it. I easily catch the gun in one hand while swinging my other backwards.

" **NO!** ". Cass's scream causes my strength to falter during my swing. A hit that should have caved in the monster's ribs instead only _cracks_ a few. My friend gasps and collapses against me in a heap. I instinctively take a step backwards. Slowly, the Courier slides to the ground while dropping her gun. I take in a deep breath and sigh as I look down at her. The woman's crying while curling in on herself to clutch at her ribs. Her gun is laying uselessly beside her. I can't kill her. Not now. Now she's just a pathetic sight that makes my heart hurt. Cass sees I'm not going to murder the Courier, so she rushes towards our downed friend. Cass begins speaking her name while taking the dying woman's face in her hands.

The monster's eyes roll around in her skull without any recognition that she even knows her own name. Cass motions me over. I ignore the painful spike of radiation and kneel down beside Cass. My friend asks a simple question as she keeps the Courier's face in her hands.

"How did this happen?". I see something I hadn't noticed during the fight. My old friend's Pip-Boy's screen is smashed. It was always cracked and buggy before the Divide, but it was never this bad. I don't answer Cass as I take the Courier's wrist in my hands and begins trying to 'fix' it. I don't have a screen to replace it, but if I press down in certain spots I can mimic what the screen would look like if it was whole.

"I know how it happened.". I show Cass the Pip-Boy that's currently put on the 'Rads' tab of the 'Health' page. It's currently showing a 999 that's bouncing to 1000 and back. Cass suddenly asks something.

"Would radiation give you a headache?". I nod.

"Would radiation make you throw up and piss yourself?". I nod again.

"Was the Courier's sickness before the Divide just radiation?". My fingers slide off of the Pip-Boy and the Courier's arm collapses back to her side. I whisper a single word while looking at the Courier.

"Shit.". Cass nods and keeps adding to the pile of shit.

"Does that mean she was already heavily radiated before going into the Divide?". I hang my head as I confirm what Cass is saying.

"She was already sick with radiation poisoning before she even went into the Divide. The radiation in the Divide must have been what pushed her over the edge.". Guilt for some strange reason comes over me. I was with the Courier before she went to the Divide. I traveled with her for years. I should have noticed her sickness. The Courier, meanwhile, is still clutching her ribs and trying to ease the pain somehow. Cass runs her fingers along the Pip-Boy as she asks me a question.

"So, why isn't she dead? 1000 rads is suppose to be the maximum amount anyone can handle.". I shrug and ask a more important question.

"Why didn't she ever get any RadAway in her? She knows what happens to people who don't treat their radiation.". Cass examines the Pip-Boy before showing it to me.

"I think I know why.". The cracked Pip-Boy shows 100 rads due to the fact a giant crack covers the final 0. I look down at my radiated friend and think aloud.

"So, she just got this way because she never thought she was above 99 or 100 rads. Why didn't-". I fall silent as I realize my answer to 'why didn't she question it'. The Courier was too stupid about machines to fix her Pip-Boy, realize something was wrong, or think about paying someone to fix it. Cass nods to show me her mind is in the exact same place. However, Cass is the first to move on.

"What do we do with her?". I want to put a bullet between her eyes and hope this one kills her, but I know Cass will disagree. An argument here would cost both of us, so I decide to offer a solution that would temporarily please both of us.

"Can we take her to a doctor and get this fixed?". Cass bites her lip and looks at the Courier. Finally, she talks to me.

"We have to try. She's not a ghoul yet, and the Followers of the Apocalypse in New Vegas might be able to stop the process.". I remind her of an important fact.

"If it's even starting. For all we know the Courier's dying of radiation poisoning and nothing more.". Cass frowns, but nods in acceptance. However, I also add another point that makes her frown even deeper.

"Are you _sure_ the Followers will help her? She's been killing their members, and I wouldn't imagine they'd take too kindly to that.". Cass sighs and shakes her head.

"We have to try. I want her to live. And, if you want her to die just think of it as 'getting her healthy for her trial'.". I suppose that's true. If the Courier doesn't die, then she'll be put on trial. Obviously, she'd be found guilty and killed. I decide to agree with Cass, but I have a better (and safer) idea.

"Alright, but can't we take her to Jacobstown? There's a doctor there, it's closer, and Lily might be able to help us. I'm aware 'super mutant' isn't the same as 'ghoul'; I just think Lily might be able to see if the ghoulification process starts. If she's in her right mind.". Cass considers my words while 'looting' the Courier. Some heavily irradiated water, radiated food, and a single half-empty sack of RadAway. My heart clenches in sympathy as I realize at some point the Courier must have realized she was radiated and tried to heal herself. Cass likewise seems upset and tries to make sense of the situation.

"Why wouldn't she use the whole bag?". I already know the answer and tell Cass. Although, I doubt the answer will cheer her up at all.

"She hates needles. Can barely stick herself. She must have put it in and couldn't handle it, so she ripped it out before all of the medicine was in.". Cass hands me the bag to hold while examining the Courier's arm.

"Well, she's not going to have much say in it right now.". Cass finds a vein and injects the medicine. My sympathy keeps growing as the Courier whimpers like a dog when she's stuck. The dying woman is still trying to fix her broken ribs. RadAway slowly enters her vein and fills her. Obviously, the expected effect would be to lower the radiation level. Sadly, nothing is ever easy in the Mojave. When the sack is emptied Cass checks the radiation level and frowns.

"Stuck on 1000.". I nearly gag on air.

"What?". Cass's face begins twisting in concern as she gives me a command.

"Go get the brahmin. We need to move her. Now.". I begin standing, but demand an answer.

"What do you mean-". An unholy, agonizing scream from the Courier answers me. I begin running for the brahmin.


	12. Tell Veronica I Love Her

When I reach the brahmin I dig around in his pack and find three long lengths of rope. I begin tying them together while using my shoulder to push most of the supplies off of the beast. The wounded, burned animal just stands on shaking legs and allows me to do whatever I want. I make a mental note to either make sure he gets a quick death, or lives the rest of his life in happiness if he survives. Cass is shambling down the canyon incline with the Courier in her arms. Quickly, I wrap one end of the extremely lengthy rope to the brahmin's harness. I toss the rope as far away from the animal as I can.

Ten to fifteen feet of rope is what I have to work with. _Perfect_. It's long enough that we can lead the brahmin while still staying a safe distance from the Courier that's giving off radiation. Cass's arrival is signaled by a throbbing behind my eyes. My newer friend begins tying the Courier to the brahmin. The Courier's screaming has given out, but her eyes are rolling around in her skull. Gently, I place one hand against her head. Her red and white orbs pierce into me and I shudder at the sheer magnitude of her suffering. If it was up to me I'd stab the woman two times with the knife hidden in my boot: one in the gut for all those she's killed, and the coup de grâce across the throat for our long friendship. Obviously, Cass won't let me do that. I'm also not sure if I could truly bring myself to do it.

I could certainly _imagine_ myself doing it. One tiny stab to her stomach before pulling her head backwards and ending her suffering. But each time I look at her I feel my chest tighten and a familiar sadness consume me. The same sadness that came over me when the Courier told me what happened to Elijah, or when I went into exiled from the Brotherhood of Steel. I tap the woman's face and her eyes keep looking into mine. Cass pulls a blanket over her to obscure her from view, so our locked vision is broken. I pat the lump that's my friend before walking up to the end of the rope. Cass is quick to follow and compliments me when she realizes I've made sure we'll be away from the radiation the Courier is giving off.

"Good work.". That's the end of our conversation as we begin exiting the canyon without burying any of the bodies there. I'd have liked to; however, the Courier dying takes priority. As we go through the turning trail of the canyon I hear something behind us. I turn my head over my shoulder to see the Courier kicking and trying to get free. Cass grunts and I sigh as we start walking quicker. Eventually, I find something that gives me an idea. The three-legged coyote is sitting where I left him and licking the bandage wrapped around his leg. I give Cass the rope and tell her why I'm doing what I'm doing.

"I think I know how to calm her down.". The skinny, dehydrated beast weakly offers a growl as I pick him up. I carry the dying coyote over to his likewise dying friend. I use a small length of excess rope to tie to his hairless tail, then place him on the Courier's chest. The woman instantly calms down, but I pull the cloth off of her face to assure her cooperation. The coyote and Courier both perk up as they see one another. The coyote even offers his companion a lick on her cheek before curling up in a ball on the Courier's chest. I pat both of them on the head before returning to Cass. The woman instantly begins questioning me.

"She's radiated pretty bad. How do we know her little buddy back there won't become even more radiated and die?". I admit the truth to her.

"I don't know that. In fact, he looks like he's about to die of radiation right along with her. I just figured having those two together would calm 'em down. Them being calm gives _us_ a better chance of making sure they live.". Cass nods at the wisdom in my idea, but that's the end of our conversation. We both just keep trudging along while occasionally passing the rope back and forth to keep the brahmin going. I briefly consider asking about making camp when the sun rises, but the Courier is still my main priority. The woman's gone still with her coyote companion on her chest, but she'll still occasionally let out a moan or hiss. I can only hope she doesn't fall silent before we reach Jacobstown.

* * *

 _Ten Feet Behind Cass and Veronica..._

"Cass!". No response from my friend.

"Veronica!". Again, no response. Rex whimpers on my chest and kisses the side of my face. I offer the dog a small smile before speaking to him.

"At least you came back to me, boy.". He nuzzles up against my chest and begins dozing off like he has been since Veronica placed him on me. Speaking of which, I've been trying to get Veronica's and Cass's attention ever since the two attacked and captured me. Obviously, the NCR either desperately needs me back or I've accidentally killed an innocent. If the NCR just needed me, then I wouldn't be tied up right now. So, now all I can do is mull over the thousands of people I've killed and try to figure out who's the innocent one among the bunch. I can't think of a single person I've ever slain that didn't deserve their death.

I've tried asking my friends, but Cass and Veronica won't tell me anything. They just keep shushing me and patting me whenever they come into view. _Probably because you're stupid enough that they think you're a damned child_. My face warms at the memory of what Cass convinced me to give up. Even now I regret not being made smarted. If I was smarter, then I might know what's going on. Veronica's lovely face swims before my eyes and obstructs the bright sky beyond her. My friend's face is stoic as her hands begin touching me. I stay silent as my friend examines me. I'm not sure what she's doing, but I trust her. Veronica begins to grimace and shakes her head.

"What?". She jerks back a little and her hands falls off my face. "Wait, don't go!". I already know the pattern by now. Veronica comes back to me to touch me or whisper unintelligible words to me, I say something, and Veronica begins to leave after kissing me between the eyes (considering I do that to the dead I'm not comforted by her doing that). It doesn't matter how much I beg her to stay or scream for her to come back. She just leaves. Like always.

Honestly, I'm not even fully aware how we're in this position. Veronica and Cass showed up, started attacking me, broke my ribs, and tied me up. I know I tried to attack them in self-defense, but I didn't shoot. Shooting is my strength; not using melee weapons or punching. Shockingly, Cass is the next one to interrupt me. My older friend looks at me with a traditionally 'grumpy Cass' face before pressing her fingers to my forehead.

"Cass! I haven't seen you in years! Please, tell me what I did wrong! Everything I ever did was for the benefit of the NCR; surely _you_ can understand that!". Cass looks like she's about to throw up for some reason. My friend taps me on the neck in 'comfort', rubs Rex between the eyes, and leaves me.

"Cass! Veronica! Someone! Anyone! Please, I just don't want to be tied up! I'll go with you willingly; just let me lose!". Neither Cass nor Veronica come back to check on me. Even Rex has fallen to sleep in an attempt to avoid me. The brahmin below me continues to bump and rock along without a care for its cargo. Slowly, the sun sets and the stars pop into reality. I suck in a deep breath and slowly release it. _I'm tired. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. I want to go to sleep. I want to die._

I guess that last sentence isn't true. I don't want to die. I just want the pain to stop. Veronica is the next one of the two to visit me. Only now the woman acknowledges me. She holds a bottle up to my lips and tips it upside down. My mouth is flooded with shockingly flavorful and clean tasting (Does 'clean' even have a taste?) water. I'm forced to drink of drown. Thankfully, I'm so thirsty I gulp down the entire jug before I know what's happening. Veronica pulls the jug away from my lips and I make a simple request.

"More.". Veronica looks down at me with an apologetic face while shrugging. She says something, but I have no idea what she's trying to say. _Maybe Veronica and Cass can't understand me?_ I decide to try a different tactic. I form my lips like they were still around the bottle and make a sucking motion. I feel like a jackass, but I'm so thirsty I'm willing to damage my pride. Veronica does her typical grimace before disappearing, then reappearing with another jug of water. I only manage to suck down half of the jug before spitting the remainder back up. I can practically hear Veronica sigh as I see her shaking her head. My friend finds a rag and wipes the water off of my face.

"Thank you.". Veronica shows no signs of understanding me or even attempting to. She just gives me a customary kiss between the eyes before returning to wherever she is. Rex briefly awakens to give me a kiss before going back to sleep. I close my eyes and try to go to sleep even though I doubt I'll be able to fall asleep. I predicted the future because I can't fall asleep in the slightest. Thoughts of Cass and Veronica control my mind. I've missed the two women for years on end while working for the NCR. Now they show up and beat me before dragging me off to somewhere I don't know.

They're even making sure not to talk loud enough for me to hear. Could they be working against the NCR? Veronica might turn against me for the Brotherhood, but she'd only do that if I gave her the impression I wanted to destroy her Brotherhood. I've given her no such clues, so she wouldn't turn against me. Cass, however, would _never_ turn against me. She's always given me sound advice. My frustration boils over and I begin fighting. I need to know what's going on.

* * *

 _Less Than Ten Feet From the Courier..._

The Courier begins thrashing and screaming. I sigh before telling Cass what I'm going to do.

"I'll go calm her down.". Cass nods as I once again enter the radiation zone. My headache increases and when I'm standing beside the Courier I can practically feel my heartbeat speed up. I place my hands on her dried, bloated cheeks and say calming words as loudly as I can. "It's okay!". The Courier looks at me and hisses. It's the only way she's answered me for the past few hours.

I lean forward and kiss her between the eyes. It pains me to see her like this. The coyote on her chest opens his eyes to look at me, then closes them again. I gently move the coyote a little higher on the woman's chest until his shoulder is touching her face. It works and the Courier falls silent. I'm not sure if it's because she doesn't want to wake him or because some feral part of her recognizes him as a friend. Either way, I kiss her again and leave. I can only pray she stays silent this time.

* * *

 **Note: The chapter's title is based off a song. A few other chapter titles are, but they're pretty obvious. 'Tell Veronica I Love Her' is an altered version of 'Tell Laura I Love Her'. Just wanted to add that in case it wasn't clear since I'd imagine 'Tell Veronica I Love Her' doesn't automatically bring up 'Tell Laura I Love Her' in anyone's mind.**


	13. Cass Remember Me

We're only a short ways away from Jacobstown when the brahmin lets out a dying scream and collapses. Cass and I both instantly flip around, but both of our cargo are already trying to get away. The coyote manages to break free before Cass snatches him up, and the Courier has one arm free when I leap on top of her. My old friend places a hand against my face and tries to push me away. Her weak arm flexes; however, the astonishingly weak amount of pressure she puts into the 'push' concerns me. Even using all of her strength it feels like a mere child is trying to get me off of them. I undo the ropes while containing the Courier (a task I can do with a single hand), then retie her away from the brahmin's body.

I roll my tied-up damsel over to Cass. My friend begins tying the coyote to the Courier. Meanwhile, I examine the brahmin. He was already wounded and dying, but it's clear the radiation did him in. His flesh is bloated, his eyes are white, and both of his tongues have giant lumps formed on them. I look over at Cass and see she's looking at me with her face twisted in a desperate expression. Both of us know that we're both already somewhat radiated from our encounters with the Courier. Cass has had a headache all day while I threw up once along the trail. That means we're trapped with only a few solutions to the current , thankfully, voices a few solutions to me.

"We could leave her here and get Lily or Jacob. They're already super mutants, so I don't think some radiation is going to hurt them.". I spare a glance at the Courier. Already, she's trying to fight her way out of her bindings. She's still only as strong as a child, but I'm sure she could free herself within an hour's time. I also look around at where we are. The desolate road is carving its way up the mountainside with rocky, barren terrain on either side. A raised cliff to the left of the road blocks her escape, but to the right there's miles and miles of nothing. If the Courier ran off into there, then she'd either be free of us and continue her way of life or die a horrible death of radiation.

"We can't leave her.". I turn back to Cass and she nods at my decision before offering up another idea.

"We could tie her up with the brahmin's harness. Then, we could force her to walk or drag her back.". I instantly shake my head. The Courier's in no state to be walking around, and dragging her would only wound her further. Cass sighs and shakes her head.

"That leaves us with one solution. We're going to have to carry her.". A headache between my eyes sprouts up due to the fact I've been around the Courier too long. I try my best to ignore it as I listen to what Cass has to say.

"I think we could do it. You'd carry her for thirty minutes, then I'd carry her for thirty minutes. We're only about an hour or so from Jacobstown, and I don't mind carrying her for a little longer than you if it came to that.". I suck in a deep breath and hold it as I look at my old friend. I want her dead for what she's done, but not like this. Not because she absorbed enough radiation to kill. I release my breath, stand, and open my arms. Cass heaves the Courier up and she instantly stills. And, thankfully, she stays still when Cass hands her over to me. Quickly, Cass begins walking away to keep going and get a safe distance from us.

I look at my old friend in the face as I resume our walk. Her eyes have developed a thick, white film that implies she can't see any longer; her breaths are coming in short bursts of ragged gasps; and her bloated skin is starting to slide backwards on her skull to the point it looks ready to fall off completely. For some reason I find myself whispering to her.

"Can you hear me? Do you even know who I am? Who you are?". A loud hiss comes from the woman. I sigh and whisper what I hope is comforting.

"It'll be over soon. One way or another.". I look straight ahead and try not to focus on the Courier. Sadly, my plan doesn't even last a second. The woman's weight is causing my arms to shake and my knees to threaten to buckle. Soon enough, I'm even struggling to breathe properly. Cass glances over her shoulder and begins to head back towards me. I shake my head at her and she listens, although she doesn't look happy about it. My main concern at the moment is trying to distract myself from the current situation. That way, the walk won't seem as long. I try to think of a thousand different things, but one thought always dominates my mind like it has ever since I began this hunt. The Courier.

 _She deserved better than this. She wasn't the smartest and her religious beliefs seem a little weird to me, but she didn't deserve this. The Courier was nice to people, she gave to those less fortunate, and always took care of her friends. She was flawed, though not so much as to deserve to die from radiation. The Courier deserves to die old in her bed with those she loves surrounding her. Although, I think she'd prefer dying with an empty magazine beside her and a smoking gun in her hand._

My friend in question hisses at me.

 _It's partially my fault she's like this. She always complained about headaches and had those episodes of pain. I just figured it was because Benny shot her in the head. I mean, I'm almost a hundred percent certain the bullet's still knocking around inside her skull somewhere. It explained the stupidity and pain. Always trusted her to keep check of her health and radiation. I should've been more vigilant. If I'd just demanded to see her Pip-Boy one time, then I could have stopped all of this by fixing it and realizing she was radiated. Instead, I did nothing and she walked into the heavily-irradiated Divide with enough rads already on her to make her sick._

A low hiss from my friend causes my heartbeat to speed up and my face to heat up. My throat slowly begins to close as my vision blurs. I want her to live. I need her to die, but I still want her to live. It's selfish of me. If it's better for her to die, then I should be an adult and let her go. Only I don't want to. I'm not sure what I really want. I just know I don't want her to die. I bite my lip and try to remind myself of all the things she's done. Of all the lessor men and women I would kill on the spot if they did what she's done. Only every single time I try to bring forth anger I remember the woman in my arms and my rage is smothered. A voice snaps me out of my inner thoughts.

"Veronica!". I see Cass running back to me with her arms wide open. As I pass over the Courier I feel my arms and legs both shaking. Cass heaves the woman over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes (careful not to crush the coyote), then motions for me to lead the way. The road we're on has slowly led up into the mountainside, so now our climb is uphill. I begin shambling upwards on buckling knees. The second I'm out of the radiation zone I realize it. A throbbing headache begins and the world seems to become a tiny bit brighter. I look skywards and see the sun beginning to sink in the horizon. I start pushing myself even more in an attempt to reach Jacobstown faster.

I realize it doesn't matter how quickly I get there considering Cass is carrying the Courier, but I'm still hoping to see the town sooner rather than later. As I walk I scan the rugged mountainside for anything that could possibly harm our group. No mutated animals, bandits, or mutated people come down to attack us. The only thing worth any note is the road begins to bend right up ahead of us.

"Cass, I think we're almost there.". A _thud_ is her response. I flip around and see Cass is on her knees with her forehead pressed against the Courier's. I rush back as quickly as I can; however, the second I enter the radiation zone I feel my headache increase and the world go down by three tones. The most concerning thing is the humming that begins to fill my ears. When I reach Cass I take the Courier from her and begin stumbling backwards. Cass only heaves herself up when I'm almost twenty feet away from her. My friend stumbles to her feet and calls out to me with a thick voice that I can barely understand.

"Veronica!". I flip around and continue stumbling. Each step is taken on legs that are bending and shaking against my will; my feet scrape the ground with every move; and my breath is shallow gasp that give me no relief. Eventually, I'm just dragging the Courier along with her lower body _thudding_ against the ground with every step I take. I'm not entirely sure how we make it around the curve, but eventually I see the gates of Jacobstown in front of me. Well, it's far enough away I can just barely see the sign. Can't even make out the words on it. I throw my head back and scream as I continue struggling to walk. My scream barely escapes my throat. I look over my shoulder and see Cass struggling to jog up to me.

" _Cass_.". My friend shambles and struggles past me.

" _Cass_.". 'My knees buckle' is a kind way of saying I collapsed. My head falls to the woman's chest as we both slide to the ground. The coyote grumbles as he's smashed between us. I roll my eyes up to look into the Courier's face as my consciousness flees.

* * *

An oxygen mask is tightly wrapped around my face and a needle is in my arm when I wake back up. Slowly, I open my eyes and look around. I'm currently sitting in a low bed with three white sheets cutting me off from the outside world. A window above my head shows darkness outside. Cass is currently sitting in a chair beside me with her head on my bed. I lightly smack her to rouse her while tracing the IV with my eyes. A sack of RadAway is hanging from the metal pole beside me. The pole and IV are beside the contraption giving me excess air. Cass grumbles as she heaves herself up into a sitting position. My new friend's face slowly has a smile spread over it as she states the obvious.

"You're awake!". I nod and her face falls as she explains what she did.

"I had to run ahead.". She motions to where one of the white sheets is blocking my view.

"To get Jacob. He carried you two back.". She pats me on the knee while offering a smaller smile.

"You and I were lucky. Just one bag of RadAway each.". Cass turns in her seat, hunches over, and pulls a familiar face up off the ground. The coyote snarls at me before Cass places him on my bed. Reluctantly, he lies down.

"Even our friend's little buddy made it through okay. Ugly as sin, but still kicking. Just some RadAway-". She reaches over to scratch his distended belly.

"-and good food.". I ask the most important question. My words cause a small fog to stick to the mask with each breath.

"And the Courier?". Cass's face grows grim.

"You'd best see for yourself.".


	14. Runaway With Me

The Courier is walled off to herself in a 'room' similar to my own. The first thing I notice is the sheets covering her body have large splotches of pink staining them. The second is the sheer amount of machines hooked up to the woman. A medical ventilator is strapped to her face, three monitoring devices are placed on her left hand, and at least five different bags of fluid are currently going down IVs and into the Courier.

I suck in a deep breath and finally relent to the feelings of pity and sadness that have threatened to consume me since I first saw the Courier. If she survives this, even without becoming a ghoul, her entire life will be different. Cass and I just stand there for a few minutes as she allows me to take in the scene. I can't get over the amount of fluids being used on her. Red, clear, white, and yellow combine into a rainbow of colors entering the Courier. Finally, I ask Cass what I need to know.

"What happened?". Cass whistles as loud as she can and I involuntarily jerk. A short, aging man with a bad comb-over sticks his head through the cloth and grunts. Cass nudges me and I repeat my question.

"What happened?". The man reveals the rest of his body (which is covered in a traditional 'scientist' outfit) on his way over to the Courier. He begins fiddling with her fluids while he explains it to me.

"We had to put your friend here in a medically induced coma. It kept her still for us to work, and she isn't currently feeling any pain.". He taps the veins of liquid currently clenched between his hands.

"We had to load her up though. New blood cells from Cass and myself to resupply her from the surgery, you can add to the supply later if you want and you're able to; some lactated Ringer's solution to help with some of her skin since 'burns' are the closest thing to 'radioactive burns'; RadAway obviously; and plasma from Cass because we're assuming her plasma levels are low.". He takes a moment to stop speaking in order to straight out an IV, then continues.

"A 'fake' blood substitute due to the fact the patient needs even more blood and plasma than we can possibly give; a few buffer solutions to reduce the acidity of her blood; a parenteral nutrition to bypass having to put a tube into her stomach to feed her; regular fluids to avoid the same problem with water; and just medications to ward off infection, reduce the risk of her kidneys going into failure again, and keep her in her coma.". He finishes messing with the IVs and makes his exit. Now Cass and I are once again left alone with the Courier. I'm the first to speak.

"I'm assuming they don't know who she is?". I spare Cass a sideways glance to see her shaking her head.

"We can't risk telling them, and she's too disfigured to recognize.". I take a long look at the Courier. Her skin is still yellow and sagging (although the missing skin on her jaw has been stitched up), her hair is completely gone, and her teeth are still black with snarling lips surrounding them. Cass knocks me out of my thinking by telling me even worse news.

"They're going to put her under the knife again in an hour or so to try to remove some of her internal tumors. Calamity, doctor Henry's assistant, is going to attempt to take her teeth out. That way, if they're infected it won't spread to the jaw.". I briefly imagine putting my friend out of her misery, but not before asking the most important question pertaining to my decision.

"What's her chance of survival?". Cass makes me sit in silence for a few seconds before answering.

"There's a ten percent chance she'll survive to make a complete recovery with a good quality of life, a twenty percent chance she'll survive with enough severe brain damage to make her dependent on someone to care for her, and a thirty percent chance as a ghoul. Those stats don't stack.". I say my thoughts without meaning to.

"Too bad she didn't have that operation to make her smarter when she traveled with you. She probably would have had a better chance of surviving without brain damage. Or the brain damage wouldn't be as severe.". I look over to see Cass glaring at me.

"Well, she didn't have the procedure and that's that. Now, I actually have some good news.". I don't believe it, but I nod at Cass to show her I'm listening.

"Calamity, the same one I mentioned before, is the doctor's assistant. She's also a ghoul. Her and Lily have agreed to stop by tomorrow and see if they think the Courier's going to undergo ghoulification. Lily doesn't know it's the Courier yet, but be prepared. Lily lives on a different tune than everyone else, and it's possible she'll recognize her 'granddaughter' even as she is.". My stomach twists up in knots. I want the Courier to live. I want her to live and for things to go back to the way they were before she went insane. I know that won't happen, but I want it. I want Lily and Calamity to say it's fine, the Courier to wake up as a normal human, and the NCR to forget everything. I want it, but I know I'll never get it. Besides, I need to stick to the ideals and laws the Courier taught me.

 _If she won't live a happy life, then I'll kill her for her. She wouldn't want to live like that. If the NCR tells me to kill her, then I'll kill her for them. The Courier loves the NCR and believes in every decision they make. If the situation arises where she's threatening my life or the life of someone else, then I'll kill her for the common good. She didn't live by any laws other than 'if it hurts someone else, then don't do it unless it really needs doing_ '.

I walk over to my friend. Cautiously, I reach out and take her hand. Her flesh is as thin as paper and I can feel her bones beneath her skin. Cass walks over to stand beside me. I ask a question I don't want to know the answer to.

"How long until they'll know if she survives or not?". Cass puts her hand on my shoulder and her voice turns hoarse as she answers.

"If she doesn't show the slightest of improvements by the end of the week, then they recommend euthanasia.". My hand involuntarily clenches and I hiss a defense I didn't even know I had in me.

"She's not a damned dog.". Cass slides her hand down to my back and pats it.

"They can't keep pumping fake nutrients and fluids into her forever. Eventually, she'll need food and water. If you put food and water in her and her body isn't using it, then the food will begin rotting in her stomach and the fluids will swell her organs.". I close my eyes and try to keep my voice calm.

"That can happen? Food can rot inside someone's stomach?". Cass pulls me into a tight hug, but doesn't break my connection to the Courier. My newer friend begins rubbing my back while trying to gently explain it to me.

"Yeah, it can. If it happens to her, then it'll take weeks for her to die of infection. Euthanasia would be the only kind thing to do in a situation like that.". The Courier's limp, lifeless hand collapse to her side as I release it. Cass pulls me into a comforting hug that I return. I bury my face into her shoulder and keep my eyes tightly shut. Cass, meanwhile, tries to cheer me up.

"It might not even come to that. She might show improvement.". I suck in a shuddering, deep breath and nod into the other woman's shoulder.

"You really think so?". Cass nods before beginning to pull me away from the Courier.

"Come on. You still need to get some rest for your own injuries.". I dig my feet into the floor, unwilling to leave the Courier alone. Cass tugs me a little harder and makes a deal with me.

"You can stop by tomorrow after you're patched up and talk to her. The doctor says speaking to her might do her, and us, some good.". Reluctantly, I allow Cass to walk backwards with me still in her arms. I open my eyes as Cass helps me into bed and puts the coyote near my arm. I begin to pet the hairless beast and examine him. Cass is still standing beside my bed, so I ask her a question.

"What do you think the coyote was to her? Do you think he was her friend, or do you think she saw him as something else?". Cass shrugs.

"I don't think you or I will ever know what's going on in her mind.".

* * *

My slumber is disturbed by the coyote stepping across my chest and forcing himself underneath my arm. I roll my eyes, but allow the three-legged abomination to curl up beside me. I'm closing my eyes and attempting to go back to sleep when mumbling disturbs me. It's pitch-black in the middle of the night, so my curiosity is, naturally, perked. I slide out of bed (which the coyote quickly takes over) and go over to my 'door'. I peel back one of the sheets and see Calamity and Doctor Henry wheeling the Courier out into a cleared area of the actual room we're in. Every table, chair, and furniture item has been pushed aside save for a small table of tools.

My morbid curiosity gets the best of me and I remain to watch without alerting either of the two to my presence. Henry is quietly mumbling to Calamity as he wheels the bed out and the ghoul moves the items hooked up to the Courier. When the bed stops Henry removes the sheet covering my friend. I instantly cringe. The thin body before me is yellow and the skin is so wrinkled it reminds me of the pages in a book. A large, angry scar down the Courier's torso explains why the sheet is pink. Calamity is the first to begin 'operating'. Gently, she reaches into the mask to open the Courier's jaws and begin wiggling her teeth out. The rotten bone neither breaks nor _snaps_. Every single tooth just silently relents its place with a little wiggling.

I can't contain my shudder as the assistant places the teeth in a bowl to the side. Then, the ghoul begins threading a wire through a needle while Henry picks up a knife and begins setting to work. Quickly, I close the sheet and return to bed with the image of Calamity sewing the Courier's gums up and Henry peeling back her skin. The coyote growls as I move him, but doesn't move when I place him beside me once I'm lying down. An occasional _rip_ or _crunch_ reaches my ear, but everything else is quiet. I can't even begin to imagine what they're doing to her or how it will help her in any way. A sawing noise begins to fill the room accompanied by a loud _crack_. I likewise don't have an idea what they would need to saw or why. I close my eyes and try to block out the sounds of surgery.


	15. Moody River

_A Few Feet From Veronica..._

My lips tingle as I look at the man before me. Ulysses towers above me with shoulders wide enough I couldn't wrap my arms around him even if I wanted to. My heart is vibrating in my chest as I feel the familiar tingle of fear run up and down my spine. The giant takes a step forward and heaves his tremendous spear up with a single, bulging arm. A vein running down his arm throbs as the eagle on the end of the pole comes to rest on my throat. Both wings caress either side of my jaw as the bird's head rests against my lips. Ulysses' burning eyes practically rip my soul apart as his mask begins to move.

"Well, Courier Six? What will it be?". I know I could talk him out of fighting me. I've spent years training in the art of speech. Easily, I could get him to back down. But a burning in the back of my skull tells me not to. I need to kill him. For all the shit he's put me through and all the pain he's brought; I need to kill him. I suck in a deep breath and close my eyes. Ulysses' eagle throbs with my heartbeat as I tell him my answer.

"Death.". Ulysses' Old Glory leaves my neck. I can hear it whizzing through the air as he prepares to crack my skull open with it. I rip my Ranger Sequoia from my hip and do a move I've never done before and will never be able to repeat after this fight. I snap my eyes open, level the gun at the man's head, and fire a single shot.

My left hand is resting against the hammer of the gun, and I reload the gun in one second with a single swift motion. Ulysses screams in pain. A second shot is fired into the man's skull. He stumbles. A third. Old Glory falls from his fingers. A fourth. Ulysses collapses onto his knees. A fifth. His eyes roll into the back of his head. A sixth. Ulysses dies at my feet. I bring my smoking gun to my lips and kiss it before putting it away. Finally, I do what Benny should have done to me (something that would have saved that weasel's life). I kneel and check the giant's pulse. Nothing. I lift Old Glory off the ground and _smash_ Ulysses's skulls in the be safe. ED-D floats over to me and starts beeping. I heave myself up and tell my companion what to do.

"Prepare for the Marked Men to enter. Don't let a single one of them escape.". ED-D beeps and begins flying around Ulysses' Temple. I stand and ready my gun, but nothing holds the same glory as bringing down Ulysses. I lightly kick the man's corpse and make a mental note to take his duster when this is all over. A loud, shaking explosion behind me alerts me to the presence of the Marked men. I slowly turn and begin firing without a second thought in my mind. My skills in guns exceed anyone else alive, so I don't even need to consider what I'm doing as I mow down row after row of Marked Men.

ED-D will occasionally zoom by me, but my robotic companion isn't doing nearly as much damage as me. I even find it in me to sit down beside Ulysses as I keep firing at my enemies. I'm not sure how long it takes, but the Marked Men don't even touch me. A few even try to run in terror before I shoot them in the back. When it's done I heave myself up and look at Ulysses. I strip the man bare and toss his duster over my shoulder before placing his mask on my face. As an afterthought, I take Old Glory. I'll stow the items away with Veronica or Cass later for safe keeping. ED-D comes up behind me and beeps.

"I know.". Another beep.

" _I know_.". When ED-D falls silent I climb the steps up to where Ulysses stood only a few minutes ago. I stretch my arms upwards and grab the man's flag. A single tear is all it takes to rip the flag from beams bearing it. I turn, flip Ulysses onto his back, and place the flag over Ulysses. Quickly, the cloth is soaked red. I kneel down, place my forehead against my old foe's body, and pray.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:". Slowly, I peel the veil back from Ulysses. His battered, bloody face greets me.

"A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;". I lean forward and kiss him between his sightless eyes.

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;". I collapse against Ulysses' chest and wrap his body in my arms. My arms can't even fully wrap around him properly, so my embrace only manages to reach halfway around his beefy arms.

"A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;". I heave my leg over Ulysses and rest my head over where his stilled heart lies beneath his breast.

"A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?". I close my watery eyes and tighten my embrace until my fingers are shaking.

"I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it. He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.". ED-D nudges my ass in an attempt to get my attention. I ignore him.

"I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.". Ulysses is going cold and stiffening beneath me. I don't loosen my embrace or move my head.

"I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.". Ulysses' blood has begun to stain the flag where my head is laying. I allow his life to soak my hair and flesh while I continue my prayer.

"And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there. I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.". I need to stop to take a shaking breath as my voice begins to waver. I repeat my last line because my shaking voice ruined it. ED-D angrily beeps at me as I start anew.

"And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there. I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.". ED-D is ramming against me in an attempt to rouse me. I once again ignore him.

"I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts. For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.". ED-D tries to force me off of Ulysses. I clutch the cooling corpse and keep letting his blood begin to soak my entire body.

"All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again. Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth?". ED-D gives up on getting me to move.

"Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?". I roll off of Ulysses, stand, and pull the veil of his flag back over his face. Now I need to make a decision. I walk between the line of missiles and go over to the console. I see four buttons waiting for me. One for the Legion encampment in the eastern Mojave, one for the NCR encampment in the western Mojave, one for both, and one that kills the countdown. I rub the button for the Legion once, but don't hesitate to press it.

A loud, blaring ' _eh_ ' noise begins to come to life around the facility. I look at the missile that was prepared for launch. Slowly, I see the monster raised out into the air on a platform, then fly into the sky on a red glare that temporarily blinds me. I pat ED-D and whisper to him.

"Let's go.". He beeps and follows me out of the temple. We're barely outside when I see a mushroom cloud rise up in the distance.

I close my eyes as heat radiates over my face. Finally, I've finished the business I had in the Divide. Suddenly, a familiar headache begins to throb in the back of my skull. I sigh. That damned thing has been plaguing me since I set foot in the Divide, but it's been getting worse and worse the closer I got to Ulysses. Being inside his temple offered a temporary relief, but now I'm out in the harsh sunlight. I take a step to start heading home, but my foot _bangs_ against something. I look down and see a footlocker waiting for me. I quickly rip open my prize and smile.

A duster of my own with a two-headed bear stamped on the back. Why and how Ulysses got this for me I'll never know; though, I still appreciate it. As I stand I make plans for what to do with all of my prizes. I'll leave Ulysses' items with either Cass or Veronica, then give the one who doesn't have Ulysses' stuff my own duster. That way, both dusters are in the hands of people I trust. I begin walking away from Ulysses' resting place with two dusters thrown over my shoulders, a mask tightened over my face, and Old Glory hanging from my hand. Pride and happiness swell in my chest and bring tears to my eyes. For once, I feel like I can do anything and be anything I want. Not even my low intelligence can hold me back any longer. A single thought consumes my mind as I leave the Divide.

 _Nothing can stop me now_.


	16. Last Kiss

_A Few Feet From the Courier..._

When Henry and Calamity wheel the Courier back to her 'room' I'm already there waiting for her. When the Courier's back in place I take her hand in mine and ask the doctor the question I've asked for the last five days.

"Any progress?". My hand clenches as he grunts. For the last five days he's always said 'no' before walking away. I stop breathing as my eyes lock onto him. The ragged, sleep-deprived doctor doesn't leave me in suspense any longer.

"She's no longer giving off radiation. Drinking her blood will still kill you, but I trust you not to open a vein of hers and take a taste. So,". He motions towards my friend.

"you can start staying with her if you like.". I don't even acknowledge the man as I turn all of my attention onto my friend. A mask is stilled strapped to her face with oxygen and drugs pumping into her lungs; she still has ten sacks of fluid leading into her arm to keep her alive; and yesterday Calamity had to put constantly-moist contacts in her eyes to keep them from literally drying out and dying, but she's no longer giving everyone around her a healthy dose of radiation. She's making (extremely small) progress. That means tomorrow they won't euthanize her like she's a damned sick animal. My mind suddenly remembers something I swore I'd do when I mention the words 'sick animal'. I scoop the coyote by my feet up with my free hand, then place him on his master.

The beast has a full stomach, stubble, and normal-colored eyes now. The kind of healthy coyote walks up his master's stomach (not even caring to step over her scars or ribs) and licks her face once before curling up beside her head. A _shh_ of a curtain moving makes me aware of Cass' presence. My friend comes to stand by me and rests her hand on my shoulder.

"I have some news.". I grip the Courier's hand even tighter at her tone of voice.

"What?". Cass doesn't remove her hand as she speaks.

"The NCR sent a messenger to us with directions. Apparently, they followed up on our radio transmission and found out who we have and where we are. As soon as the Courier's awake we have to take her to New Vegas for further treatment until she's at full health. Then, we're assigned to take her to the Mojave NCR outpost. Obviously, she'll be court-martialed.". I use my other hand to squeeze the Courier's limp one in both of my own. Cass doesn't help the situation when she keeps going. Her hand remains in an attempt to 'comfort' me; however, nothing can comfort me from her words.

"The letter warned us that she'll most likely be hung or shot to death for what she's done.". I feel myself beginning to shake. _No. Not after all of this. Not after finding her near death and bringing her back. I'm not watching her be shot or hung by the people she loves for something she didn't mean to do_.

"No.". Cass' hand slides away and she nudges me. I turn my head up towards her, but don't release the Courier's hand. Cass' hat is tipped back and one of her eyebrows is threatening to meet her hairline.

"What?". I look at the Courier again. Long, oozing scars decorate her front; her mouth is slightly popped open to show her sewed gums; and parts of her skin has been stapled into place to avoid it literally slipping off of her. I look back at Cass and repeat myself.

"No. I'm not going to let her die. Not after this. Fuck the NCR; what they're offering me isn't worth having the Courier die.". Cass kneels down beside me and grimaces as her knees _pop_. However, her grimace turns into a smile.

"So, you finally agree with me?". I nod, but I have to be a realist. The Courier is still the most wanted woman in all of the Mojave. She might be able to return to the wilds once she's healed, but it's clear her ignorance will get her killed again.

"Cass, we still need a plan. What could we do? Do you think the NCR would listen to reason?". Cass shrugs and shakes her head.

"I wouldn't imagine so. The Courier assassinated Caesar, blew up a Legion camp with a fucking nuclear missile, and has slain more Legion men than everyone else in the entire Mojave combined. The only thing the Courier _hasn't_ done for them is helped them push back the Legion from Hoover Dam.". I'm already desperately trying to think my way out of this situation.

"Maybe she could do that? You know, to make up for everything she's done.". Cass shakes her head again.

"The NCR doesn't take kindly to traitors. She'd still need to be punished. I'd imagine we might be able to talk them out of execution if we prove she was driven mad, but she'd still need to repent. And look at her.". She motions towards the Courier.

"She isn't going to be able to push the Legion back.". I slowly rest my head against the Courier's bed. I squeeze her hand. Weakly, a mild pressure is applied back. My head snaps up.

"Cass, we can shelf this talk for later. We'll just need to bring Lily to New Vegas with us, and talk to the King when we get there.". Cass doesn't have a chance to reply as I squeeze my friend's hand. Another weak squeeze back.

"Cass, she's waking up.". My friend loses her hat as she scrabbles over to the Courier's other side.

" **What**?!". The coyote barks at Cass' raised voice. The Courier whimpers and turns her head away from both of them.

"Cass!". My friend falls silent. I'm not sure what I want the Courier to be like when she regains consciousness. I'm not even sure if she'll be herself, mentally-handicapped (even more than what she was before), or if she'll become a ghoul still. My heart stutters as the Courier begins mumbling. I can't contain myself. I lean forward and try to listen to what she's saying.

"Our father... hallowed be thy... kingdom-". I push myself away into a standing position and shake my head.

"She doesn't have any brain damage. She's praying.". Cass chuckles a little and shakes her head at the Courier.

"Well, at least some things never change.". Cass starts reaching for the Courier's mask, but a shriek from behind us causes both of us to jerk around. Calamity pushes by Cass and turns a knob on one of the sacks. The Courier was originally turning her head away from where Calamity was due to the shriek, but now her skull dully rolls back onto the pillow. Cass slides over to stand beside me as Calamity glares at us.

"What were you two thinking?! She's in the coma for a reason!". Calamity storms out before either of us can say a thing. For a few seconds, both of us just stand and stare at where Calamity left. Cass is the first to move. She kneels down to get her hat, the brushes it off as she stands up. My friend places it back on her head as she turns to me.

"So, do we have a plan?". I shrug and look at the Courier. I need to know the particulars before I make a decision.

"Do you want to ask Henry tomorrow when we can move the Courier?". Cass nods, but a deep frown is on her face. I find out why soon enough.

"Do you think we need Lily to come with us? I could always just fill her in on the situation. I mean, it seems kind of screwed not to let Lily say goodbye. Rex and the King will get to see her when we get to New Vegas, but we might never come back here.". For some reason I feel a possessiveness come over me. I don't want Lily or Rex or the King to see the Courier. This has been Cass and mine's journey, and it feels wrong to let anyone else intrude upon it. I originally suggested her coming, but know I'm second-guessing myself. I know it's wrong to keep them (especially Lily) from the Courier; however, my emotions won't be contained by reason.

"Do we even have to tell them? Can't we tell them after the situation is over?". Cass furrows her brow and frowns. For a few minutes she just stands there in silence while chewing over my words. Finally, she comes up with an answer.

"Alright, but I don't like it.". I nod and walk a tiny step closer to the Courier. I trace the dozens of bloody, inflamed scars covering her skeletal front.

"Cass?". She grunts to show me she's listening.

"What are you going to do to the Courier when she wakes up?". An entire minute of silence before a response.

"I'll apologize and explain to her what I did wrong. It might take a while considering how dense she is, but I'll get the point home. Then, whatever happens next is up to her.". I expect that to be all, but Cass keeps going.

"The NCR offered to financially restore my caravan company and give the deed back to me, but I doubt they'll do that without the Courier's head. Although, if somehow they did, then I'd just start my business up again with the Courier'f friendship.". It sounds like Cass has already accepted that won't happen, so I don't point out that her dream will never come true. I just sit in silence. Cass breaks our comfortable quiet again.

"If you don't mind me asking: What did they offer you?". I look at my dying friend and give up on trying to kill her (pfft, like I already hadn't). If I tell Cass what I was offered, then I know I'll never get it and I'll be putting all of my eggs in the 'Courier recovers' basket.

"They offered to forge an alliance with the Brotherhood of Steel. We'd work together and the NCR would start patrolling and protecting our territory.". Cass waits a few seconds before responding.

"Why would you care about that? You aren't a member of the Brotherhood anymore.". I answer her question with a question of my own.

"Why do you care about your company anymore? You sold it when the Courier asked you to.". Cass sighs in response and kneels down beside me to look at the Courier. I don't know why, but I find myself kneeling beside her as well. For a few minutes we just sit there in silence. Cass is the first of us to move. She heaves herself up and begins exiting the 'room'. However, she stops right before she pushes through the paper walls protecting us. I find myself turning my head towards her to watch what she's doing. My friend turns and pulls a bottle of whiskey from the sack dangling at her hip.

"Veronica?". I nod and she raises the bottle towards me.

"I'm going to give you some advice.". She stops to _pop_ the top of the bottle off. I smile and playfully tease her.

"Well, this should be enlightening.". Cass takes a sip of her whiskey, swallows, and nods.

"Trust me, it is.". She swings her bottle in the general direction of the Courier.

"I'm not sure how close the two of you were before this entire thing, but I'll tell you what you need to do. Stop. Everything I've seen you do, everything you talk about, and I'm pretty sure everything you think about is either the Courier herself, or has something to do with her. You need to stop living for her. One day she'll die, or ride off into the sunset with only Rex beside her.". Cass takes another swig and shakes her head.

"Trust me. She always leaves in the end.". I feel my face burning and struggle to breathe.

"Cass, you don't know shit about the Courier.". I turn to my dying friend and see the coyote she imagined was Rex looking at me. The same coyote she traveled with because she thought he was Rex instead of coming and getting me in New Vegas. I swallow the bitter taste in my mouth.

"She'd never leave me.".


	17. Endless Sleep

"Like the sailor said, quote 'Ain't that a hole in the boat?'". The Courier sings at the top of her lungs in a broken, hideous voice. Her combat helmet is swinging wildly in one hand while her Brush Gun is swinging in the other. Rex is dancing around the Courier with a look of pure ecstasy on his canine face. Some part deep inside of me knows I should wake up and forget my dreams about the Courier.

Then, my friend turns towards me and I push thoughts of waking up completely out of my mind. Her eyes crinkle around the edges as a toothy smile splits her face. I remember every gap in her pearly teeth; the wild hair that's a mass of blonde on her skull; and her twinkling blue eyes. The woman's skin is a tiny bit tanner than normal, but she's still white enough to stand out in a crowd. The Courier tosses her gun at me.

" _Don't do that!_ ". I'm already screaming at her as she tosses her weapon at me. I fumble with the tremendous gun as I awkwardly catch it in my arms. It was always one of her favorite hobbies to try to teach me how to shoot. Although, I don't think this dream is any particular memory. I look around and see I'm in a hazy version of the camp the Courier had set up in Khan territory. So, definitely not any memory in particular. I place the Courier's gun beside my feet before turning all of my attention to her. My friend is sitting with Rex beside a campfire.

An entire gecko is dangling above the flames. Occasionally, the Courier will baste it with some of her special sauce that she refuses to show me how to make. I make my way over beside them and sit down on the ground near Rex. The dog begins wandering around the camp and sniffing for a spot to pee. That gives me a perfect excuse to turn my full attention to the Courier. My friend has turned her own attention towards me. Another smile that I'll never see in real life greets me. The woman clasps her hands together, places her elbows on her knees, and places her cheek on her hands.

"Veronica?". I nod at her to show her I'm listening. My friend just blinks and keeps looking at me. I realize she'll have to have more reassurance.

"Yes?". The Courier's smile never leaves her face.

"I'm glad we've traveling together.". My chest aches. Her voice is its normal rough, thick tone; however, she only ever said those words to me once. I wring my hands together and look at the ground. It's a damned dream and I shouldn't look into it, but I ask the woman a question that's going around in my mind (that I already asked her once in real life).

"You won't abandon me, will you?". I look up to see her shaking her head with a worried look on her face. I frown at the broken illusion. The Courier always had problems showing her complex emotions on her face. She smiled when she was around me; however, that was where her emotions ended. Likewise, she could never look anyone in the eyes. The Courier scoots over a little closer to me and stops shaking her head. I meet her eyes and the woman doesn't cringe or look a little bit above my eyes like she would in reality. Instead, she maintains eye-contact as she talks to me.

"I'd never leave you. You're my best friend.". I ignore the pain in my chest and nod at the Courier. One of her hand reaches out and grabs my own. Her smile returns and she squeezes my hand.

"You and I, we're the dream team. I couldn't do any of the amazing things I do without you by my side. Who'd punch Deathclaws in the face for me if I didn't have you?". I close my eyes and bite my bottom lip at the conversation. I still remember what brought this specific conversation up.

The Courier and I had been staying at the Atomic Wrangler casino because the Courier had apparently done some work for them before she met me, and she could now stay at the casino for free. I'd been drinking at the bar when I saw the Courier head upstairs with Beatrix Russell. I hadn't thought anything about it at the time. I'd imagined that the Courier was probably playing some board game with Beatrix, or had wanted to show the older woman some of her 'trophies' (knick-knacks she picks up while traveling). The ghoul had always seemed fond of my friend. Like a stoic adult who smiled when a child came up to them. I'd had a few more drinks before heading up to our room. Thankfully, I heard the two before I opened the two. I'm still not sure what they were doing, but I assumed they were sex noises.

I'd retreated to the bar. When Beatrix came down I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, but she did order a large amount of drinks and her pockets jingled with some new coin. My thoughts were confirmed when I went upstairs and found the Courier in her underwear underneath the covers. The entire room smelt of that special reek that comes from sex between two women. I hadn't confronted the Courier about it, but I did something even more invasive.

When she was asleep her arm was above the covers with her Pip-Boy beside me. It'd only taken a few seconds to 'hack' (turn the damned thing on) her wrist device and look at all of the 'perks' she had. I have no idea how that contraption knew what 'perks' (or even what those truly are), but I read through them. It only took me a few minutes to find the perk I was looking for. Well, one fitting the description I was looking for.

 _Cherchez La Femme:_ _In combat, you do +10% damage against female opponents. Outside of combat, you'll sometimes have access to unique dialogue options when dealing with the same sex._

The image of two women in a loving embracing is what proves that the Courier is attracted to women. I'd scoured her Pip-Boy for anything saying she got a damage bonus or special dialogue (how the hell does that even work?) with men, but nothing came up. I'm not sure why that fact she was only attracted to women stuck me so badly.

Even today I don't really know why it bothered me. I guess a part of me always saw (and still sees) the Courier as a defenseless child. In my mind she might always be trapped in that 'category' of people. Children aren't violent, smart, or sexual. Knowing she slept with someone probably went against everything I knew. The Courier was an idiot, needed defending, and would never _not_ be a virgin. Although, I remember at one point when I discussed it with Arcade he dared to insinuate that maybe I was just jealous it wasn't me. At the time, I assumed he'd meant I was jealous she didn't want to have sex with me; although, looking back there's also a chance he meant I was jealous the Courier was simply doing something 'exciting with her life' that didn't involve me.

Either way, I remember how weird I'd acted around the Courier after that. If she went into the room alone with another woman, then I was quick to follow. If a woman attempted to flirt with her, then I wouldn't point it out to the Courier. If there was a stripper or caller attempting to attract the Courier's attention, then I always hurried the woman by her before the Courier saw. That's when I'd started being paranoid. Paranoid that she wouldn't want to be around me anymore. That Betsy or Cass or Beatrix would step in and take over my place. I shake my head and try to just relax into the dream.

The dream has changed while I've been focusing in and out of it. The Courier and I have been returned to her filthy, cramped room. The woman's currently attempting to chug a bottle of whiskey while lounging on her bed. I feel a familiar lump stuck in my craw. I don't know why it bothers me that the Courier has sex. I've seen her smoke and drink and gamble, but the sex is always what gets me. The way I see it there's three possible answers.

I either see her as property that I own (in either a platonic or not sense is debatable) and seeing her have sex bothers me because she's _mine_ ; I see her as a child that nobody should have sex with because that's considered wrong in my mind; or just the mere thought of competition from anyone bothers me because I think I'll be replaced. The dream Courier breaks me out of my internal monologue.

"Veronica?". I look at her and nod. The Courier just smiles and pats the bed beside her. I sigh and shake my head. I don't feel like having a dream drink with my dream friend. I just want to drift off into nothingness and call it a night. unfortunately, nothing works like I want it to. The Courier just remains there with a stupid grin on her face and an empty bottle in her hand. I relent and climb into the bed beside her. My friend raises her bottle in 'thanks' before tossing it to the side.

I shift in discomfort as I try to just smooth everything over in my mind. So far, this dream has just been me thinking about things that truly don't matter. I suppose it could be guilt finally getting to me, but I haven't really done anything to the Courier that would make me guilty. Well, I _did_ try to kill her. Or at least think about it. I also use to treat her like a child or pet when we traveled together. I'm not sure how Cass treated her (aside from trying to keep her stupid); however, I probably treated the Courier worse since I knew I was the only person she could travel with that she could stand aside from Cass. I was always afraid of being replaced while still assuring myself she couldn't do better than me.

A paradox for the ages. I look over at the dream Courier and see her briefly appear like a fading smudge before her features snap back into place. A deep frown etches its way on my face. I don't like how the Courier looks. She's far too perfect. She's missing the scar below her left eye, a mole on her chin, and those weird as hell ridge-type _things_ she had going around the outer edge of her ears (I think everyone had them, hers were just deep enough to weird me out if I looked at them too long). It's my own damned dream and I can't even make my friend look right. I collapse back against the bed and get _cracked_ in the back of the skull.

* * *

I jerk out of bed and see Cass standing beside me with her face twisted into a weird expression. In one hand she's holding an almost empty bottle of whiskey and in the other she has a piece of bread that looks stale. My friend's face goes back to normal as she tears into the bread. My charming companion spits crumbs on me as she tries to talk through a mouthful of food.

"Why were you jerking around? Looked painful.". I nod and shake off the crumbs. However, I don't elaborate; instead, I try to redirect the conversation.

"Why are you eating stale bread? I'm pretty sure that's bad for you.". Cass shrugs and keeps spitting crumbs on me.

"I heard that if you drank and there was bread in your stomach, then the bread would soak up the alcohol and make you have a buzz longer.". I shake my head as I get out of bed to stand beside Cass. I keep brushing off crumbs as I try to talk sense into her.

"I'm pretty sure that's a myth.". Cass shrugs like it couldn't possibly matter. Then, she spits almost half of the damned bread slice onto me as she gags. The woman looks almost angry as she keeps gnawing on the bread. More crumbs are spat on me and I accept my faith as Cass keeps talking to me.

"What were you dreaming about?". I close my eyes, suck in a deep breath, and slowly release it as I answer.

"The Courier.". The word's are barely past my lips before Cass is yanking me away.


	18. Running Bear

Cass leads me out into the village. Mutants are going about their daily lives, but none of them bother us. Cass leads me over to the sign that reads 'Jacobstown' and 'tosses' me onto the bottom of the sign. In reality, she just releases my hand and my momentum carries me into the cement base. Cass slides down beside me and motions in front of us. From here we can see the cracked, faded road leading out of the town; the tall, snowy mountains on either side of the road; and the desert miles and miles away with the sunset beyond it. My friend pulls a bottle of whiskey from her sack and passes it to me. Instantly, denial is coming to my lips.

I've never been much of a drinker (so my opinion on alcohol was already rather poor), and seeing how dependent the Courier was on it made my opinion of alcohol lower even more. Cass ignores my protest and _pops_ the bottle open. She grips my hand, brings the bottle up to my lips using my own hand, and forces it against my lips. Thankfully, only a small sip has passed my lips before Cass reclaims the bottle. The spicy, pungent brew goes down easy enough considering I've never had a sip of whiskey in my entire life. Cass, meanwhile, takes three healthy gulps of whiskey before pulling it away from her mouth. The liquid has been diminished to down at the base of the neck of the bottle.

Cass passes the bottle back to me and I reluctantly take it; however, she starts speaking before I can take a tiny sip.

"So, she's still going through your mind?". I grunt and Cass nudges me. I answer her properly.

"Yes. It doesn't matter what I do or don't do; she's always there. Like an itch between the shoulder-blades.". Cass sighs and for a few seconds both of us are quiet as we watch the sunset. My friend eventually breaks the comfortable silence.

"I know it'll be tough, but you need to get over whatever it is you have wrong with her.". I scoff and take a swig of whiskey on my own accord. I end up choking on the mouthful because I've taken far too much. I pass the messy bottle back to my friend and manage to swallow the whiskey. When my mouth is clear I take the chance to speak.

"I don't have any feelings towards her that would influence what I'm doing. She's my friend and I want what's best for her; end of story.". Cass sighs and takes another few gulps of whiskey. Now the bottle's a tiny bit emptier, though not by much. Cass doesn't look at me and continues looking at the sunset while she speaks.

"You and I both know that that's obviously a lie.". I suck in a deep breath and hold it. I know I feel weird for my friend. I'm not even sure if she's going to live, but I'm still over-analyzing the relationship we had before she got radiated. I release the breath as Cass passes the bottle back to me. I take a tiny, spicy sip before giving in.

"Alright, I don't know what's wrong between me and her. I just keep remembering what we were like before.". I fall silent and Cass continues the conversation. Only she turns her head towards me to give me her full attention. I was half-looking at her and half-looking at the sunset, but now I turn my head completely towards her. Her striking eyes meet mine and she asks a simple question.

"You ever do something 'good' for her that was really good for you.". I close my eyes and nods. Cass doesn't scoff or mock me. Instead, when I open my eyes she has a neutral expression on her face.

"I already told you I kept her stupid to keep her with me. What did you do to her that was so bad?". My heartbeat begins picking up as I force myself to retell the tale.

"Whenever she'd go to have sex with a woman I'd manage to interrupt it. Either by needing her for something, or needing in our room for an 'emergency'. She was so trusting she always assumed I was telling the truth. Hell, near the end of our travels I wouldn't even let her get that close. I'd break up a relationship before it even happened. Pushing her by people, keeping her to myself, and stuff like that. If she did something that didn't involve me, then I'd give her the silent treatment until she apologized.". Cass takes the bottle back and takes a few sips. The bottle is almost half-empty when she passes it back to me. My friend uses her sleeve to wipe the drink off her face before speaking to me.

"Sounds like you wanted to be her first priority. So, why'd you go green-eyed? You want to be her traveling 'wife', or did you just want her to lavish all of her attention on you?". I try to dig deep down inside of myself and find out if I want to be more with the Courier. I imagine her perfectly the way she was before all of this. No clear answer or feeling jumps out at me. The idea of being with her is appealing, but no more appealing than the idea of being a 'wife' to any other beautiful woman.

Hell, if I pictured Cass in certain situations with me I can see us being in a 'wife' relationship. Just idle fantasies of myself surrounded by beautiful women, or being lavished by a single beautiful woman. Although, it could still mean something more due to the fact the Courier isn't seen as 'pretty' by most folks even before the radiation. She had ears too big for her skull, lips too thin for her face, and skin too pale for anyone living. The Courier also had giant tits I could imagine burying my face it, but big breasts don't make up for an ugly face. I sigh and give Cass my honest answer.

"I honestly have absolutely no idea if I ever wanted her to be more or not.". I take a sip of the whiskey until it's officially half-empty, then pass it back to Cass.

"So, what about you? Any feelings for the Courier?". Cass laughs before downing a healthy amount of liquor. When she speaks it's, thankfully, still with the confidence of a sober person.

"None. When I'm real drunk I can work up a perverted sexual fantasy involving her and me, but I can do that with anyone. Usually chose her just because the idea of her tits bouncing above me was enough to get me worked up.". She looks towards the dusk and sighs.

"Although, sex doesn't amount to 'feelings'. I know why I did what I did.". She falls silent and I can't control my curiosity.

"Why did you do what you did?". She takes another mouthful of whiskey and quickly swallows.

"I wanted to own her. She was stupid and she knew it, so I figured she was my responsibility. Like a pet or child. Hell, looking back I remember I treated her like a child. Did 'children' things for her like fixing her nice shirt when the buttons weren't buttoned right, wiping her face after she'd tear into a gecko covered in sauce, and even cradling her in my arms when she cried.". She shakes her head and passes the bottle to me, but doesn't stop talking.

"I think I had a non-sexual fetish for her innocence. I enjoyed being better than her. Of having her look up to me like I was a superhero. Looking back; I'm almost certain that's why I did the things I did. I reveled in her idiocy and ignorance of the world. I wanted her to rely on me like a child that'd never grow up.". I snatch the bottle from her and make a single comment.

"That's fucked.". I take another mouthful of whiskey as Cass nods in agreement.

"It's completely fucked, but I can tell you one thing.". She snatches the bottle out of my hand and gets my shirt soaked. I grunt in annoyance as she takes another shot of whiskey before thrusting it back at me.

"I'd do it again. If the Courier walked out here good as new and the NCR called off the hit; then, I'd abandon you in a heartbeat if it meant I could travel with her again. I'd do the exact same things. I'd take her somewhere private and get off on having her have to rely on me. It's fucked, but it's like a damned drug. It's in my system and I can't get it out.". I look off into the dusk and tell her what I think.

"I still think that's really fucked.". Cass snorts and motions towards where the stars are starting to pop up.

"Well, what about you? You must have wanted her to yourself for some reason. Tell me. Did you want to take care of her so she'd look up to you like me, or did you have other plans for her?". I scoff and take the bottle. It's almost down to the bottom. I finish it off before throwing it. It _cracks_ against the ground and I continue our talk.

"What do you mean 'plans'?". Cass pulls another bottle of whiskey out of her bag and _pops_ the top off of it. She's the first to take a swig.

"You know. 'Plans'. If she were here right now, then what would you do to her? What would you spirit her away into the night for? For her to look up to you? To take care of something innocent? To introduce her into a new, depraved side of sex?". I take a few minutes to think about it as I take the bottle from Cass. I think for a few minutes as I take careful sips. When I finally manage to form an answer I tell Cass while passing the bottle to her.

"I'd spirit her away to save her. I'd try to get her back to normal. Maybe I liked her looking up to me or liked taking care of her; I don't know at that point. Hell, for all I know I'd eventually decide to fuck her. Never had the chance or thought too much about it.". Cass doesn't call me a 'sick fuck' or anything. Instead, she just sits there while swirling the whiskey around in the bottle. Eventually, Cass comes up with a response.

"Can't say I blame you. Feelings for a woman like that are bound to be screwed up. She makes it so hard to get close to, but once you're close you can't ever imagine being faraway again.". I nod in agreement and add to it.

"She's a hard woman to love in any way. Never speaks, never looks you in the eye, never wants you to touch her gently.". I sigh as Cass nods back to me.

"Always weird. Doesn't want to be touched, but wants rough contact when you touch her. Never wants to speak, but won't stop talking if you manage to pull a conversation from her. Won't look you in the eye, but loves looking at you.". I take the bottle from Cass and I raise it towards the night sky.

"She's truly the biggest paradox in the world.". I take a few mouthfuls of whiskey before passing it back to Cass. She takes it and raises it towards the moon like I just did. "

To the Courier.". She takes a swig and passes it back to me. I lift it one last time before toasting the Courier.

"May she get past this and get back to being her normal, stupid self.".


	19. Black Denim Trousers & Motorcycle Boots

Calamity is fitting some dentures into the Courier's mouth when we return to her. The dentures fit snugly around the gums, but Calamity still doesn't look pleased as she leaves the 'room'. Cass goes over and gently pulls down the Courier's mouth. I walk over to her and look at what she's looking at. It's dark inside the Courier's mouth (surprisingly); however, I manage to see the thick, black stitches that have sewn up her gums. Cass puts our friend's mouth back. I take another chance to look at the woman without the (now clean) sheets covering her upper body.

Some ointment has been slathered on the thick, raised (and, thankfully, they're now closed) scars covering her entire front; her yellow skin is still stapled in places, but a few strips of flesh have returned to the normal pale white; and her stomach is finally protruding with 'food' due to a thick, white tube coming from her abdomen. I carefully reach out and touch the woman's arm. Her wrinkled skin has a thick sheen of moisture on it, and for once it feels like human skin. It's still thin as hell, but it doesn't feel like I'm rubbing a piece of paper. My hand drops to my side and I try to prod Cass' mind for an opinion.

"When do you think we'll be able to move her?". Cass shrugs to show she doesn't know, but does tell me something to try to get my spirits up.

"Calamity and Henry weren't able to know who she is, but Julie and Arcade can be trusted. When we get to the Followers' fort, then we'll be able to start coming up with a real plan for what we can do.". I nod in agreement as I try to imagine moving my friend. Two brahmin with a sling between them could possibly carry her the entire way, but I'm not sure the Courier would be able to survive the journey.

She still has tubes leading into her and three different monitors strapped to different parts of her body. She might not need surgery anymore; that doesn't mean she can survive without any of her machines. Calamity returns and checks the dentures one last time. She nods to herself in satisfaction before strapping my friend's mask back to her face. There's definitely no way she'd be able to survive the journey. When Calamity leaves I ask Cass another question.

"Do you imagine the Courier will become a ghoul?". Cass shrugs again and keeps trying to raise my spirits.

"She looks to be improving. Hopefully, her kidneys will be able to filter out the rest of the radiation. If it works out, then she won't be a ghoul.". She reaches out and gently touches the unconscious woman's cheek.

"And if her kidneys aren't up to the task, then I'll still be with her.". I don't want to say I grow jealous of the loyalty the Courier inspires in Cass; although, I feel like I might be. That same part of me bristles when Cass brushes the Courier's cheek and sighs. That part of me likewise compels me to ask her yet another question.

"You'd still try to spirit her off all for yourself if she was a ghoul? Or if she was so mentally damaged she couldn't even control when she pissed?". Cass nods without a single sign of hesitation. Cass is my friend, but my respect for her inches downwards. She obviously has a fetish for innocence. That's the only reason she'd want the Courier all to herself even if the woman was a feral ghoul, or couldn't even speak a coherent sentence.

 _But I'm not any better. I'd do the exact same thing, only I'm even more fucked up because I might consider fucking her. At least Cass isn't trying to have sex with someone who has the mental capacity of a child._ I'm not trying to fuck the Courier! I just have the occasional fantasy involving her and I. Is that so unnatural?! Hell, even Cass admitted she could get off on images of the Courier. _Cass is a drunk. If she drank enough whiskey, then she wouldn't mind falling into bed with anything that had a heartbeat. Besides, Cass didn't invade the Courier's privacy and snoop around on her Pip-Boy while she was asleep._ Snooping is normal. I was just nosy. That doesn't mean I want to fuck the Courier. Fucking her would be wrong!

 _Being nosy made me find out about the Courier's sexuality, and my fantasies only grew stronger from there. Fantasizing about a friend might be normal once in a while on a subconscious level, but I'm actively imagining complex fantasies that involve her more than everyone else combined._ That doesn't mean anything! She's hot as hell; it's just natural! _It's not. I don't even imagine Christine and I anymore. Every fantasy involves either a faceless woman with no name, or the Courier. It's a rare event when someone else sneaks into my fantasies._ That could still be natural! She has nice tits!

 _But I'm not imagining her tits. Or her ass. Or her body. All of my fantasies involve her innocence. Her inability to survive without a protector. Without me._ So?! Why would a kink for innocence be so wrong?! Why is it so wrong I imagine fucking my buddy?! It doesn't have to mean anything if it doesn't happen in real life! _It's wrong because in every single fantasy I have it involves the Courier as a sort of child. An innocent force for me to corrupt. I'm getting off on the idea of her being stupider than me. Of her having to rely on me. Of her in a position of dependence on me. And, it's wrong because I'm starting to drag it into real life. I'm imagining what I can do to the Courier if she becomes a ghoul. If she becomes unable to speak._

I'm not dragging it over into real life! _I'm_ _responsible for what I have fantasies about. I bring the Courier to the front of my mind first. I come up with situations in which the Courier and I would realistically fuck. It's not 'trapped in a snowstorm' or 'on special drugs that make us wanna fuck'. Now it's 'drunk and horny' or 'friends with benefits'. They're things that won't happen, but they could._ That's not bad! That's just getting off on realistic fantasies! _Fantasies that involve a woman with the intelligence of a child. Someone who misspells the word misspell, plays 'cowboys' with children, and cries when someone raises their voice at her._

That's just getting off on the Courier herself! It has nothing to do with the fact she's a child in an adult's body! _Or does it? Do I get off because she's hot or she's her, or do I get off because she is like she is?_ It's not bad either way. She deserves to have someone find her attractive. _She deserves a happy, healthy relationship. Not someone like Cass or I. We just have fetishes for her for some reason or the other. We wouldn't feel attracted to her in the slightest if she had an actual brain rattling around inside of her skull._

My internal argument must be spilling out into reality because Cass is looking at me funny. I take a moment to take inventory of my body to find out what I must look like to her. My jaw is set unnaturally tight, my hands are tightened into hard fists, and I'm shaking. I suck in a deep breath and close my eyes. It takes an entire minute before I'm calmed enough to open my eyes. Cass has removed her hand from the Courier and has turned her entire body towards me. She asks a simple question.

"What's wrong?". I shrug and try to brush it off.

"Just having some problems coming to terms with what's happened to her.". Cass glances at the woman in question before looking back to me. Her head even cocks to one side before she tries to be nosy.

"What's wrong? I know it's hard, but you looked like you had come to terms with what happened to her.". I shrug and she, thankfully, leaves me be. Cass just pats me on the shoulder and gives me some advice while telling me what she's going to do.

"I'll go find Henry and ask about the Courier and when we can get her moving to New Vegas. You should go lie down and get some rest. Your radiation might be gone, but it'll still do you some good to be monitored.". The only remnant of my radiation poisoning is a bad taste in my mouth, but I still take Cass' advice and go back to bed. I have to move the coyote to crawl into my bed, but the beast is thankfully kind enough not to growl or snap at me when I move him to where he's lying beside me. I snuggle down beside him before going to sleep.

* * *

I roll my eyes and repeat the Courier's name. She's currently rolled onto her side in our shared bed in her motel room that she calls a 'home'. My friend's ear twitches, but she doesn't move. Her bad ear must be turned towards me. I tap her and she rolls over to look at me. A smile crosses her face as her eyes fall to my chest. When I first met her I took offense at when she did this, but now I know better. I take off my hood/cowl and hand it to her. My companion's pupils constrict and her smile grows. _I wonder what she sees. She told me once she enjoys looking at scarves and cowls and such. Something about the texture looking like a 'little world' to her. I truly wonder what life looks like from behind her eyes._ I snap my fingers near her bad ear as a sick sort of joke to myself.

Her ear flickers at the noise, but she doesn't acknowledge it. Honestly, I'm not sure if she can't hear or she just decides not to listen to that ear. Either way, she ignores me and keeps looking at my scarf. However, I put an end to her looking when she licks the damned thing. She's explained to me a thousand times how licking things lets her smell it better. At one point, she even paid me a sort of compliment by saying, 'I like the way you smell, and I can only smell you if I lick you.'. At the time, I'd ignored the thousands of jokes I could made and just brushed off her comment.

Now, as I'm pulling the hood from her I'm starting to regret not talking about this earlier. Although, this is an actual specific memory and I decide to just roll with it. I return my hood to my head and watch the Courier begin flipping around again. She comes back with a bottle of some cinnamon flavored whiskey that burns a hole through my stomach and taste like medicine. The woman drinks almost half the bottle in one go before I see her thick, tangled hair fall onto her shoulders. Her hair falling doesn't stop her, but I feel the need to touch her. It's a rare thing that makes me feel a thousand times closer to her.

"May I touch you?". I'll never understand the Courier. I've seen her chew on rocks, bite herself when she's bored, and be punched in the face by enemies; but whenever I touch her I have to ask, or else she'll scream at me until I stop. The woman keeps drinking, but nods to show me I can. I reach out and feel her dirty, matted hair. I sigh and ask her a simple question.

"When's the last time you bathed?". She shrugs and I glare at her. Both her and I know that she can bathe herself, but she won't unless someone makes her. The last time she showered was when she was soaked in blood and I made her (the last memory I had, actually). The woman suddenly scoots forward towards me until we're only an inch away from one another. My face burns, but she doesn't seemed bothered in the slightest. She never is. In fact, I'm starting to think she talks to me this close on purpose. I gently take the bottle from her and toss it over my shoulder. The Courier whines, but slides out of bed to shower. I roll over into the free space and curl up. If my argument with myself earlier didn't prove I got off on her needing me, then this dream definitely did.


	20. Three Baying Redbone Coonhounds

_Hundreds of Miles from Cass and Veronica..._

I rub my temples as Cassandra Moore paces the length of my office. Already, she's broken the potted plant I got as a gift and my bowl of fish. The fish are currently swimming in a glass of water on my desk, but the plant isn't going to pull through. I scoot forward in my padded chair to rest my elbows atop my desk. Cassandra grabs a paperweight off my desk before screaming and shattering it with a _crack_ against my wall. My wallpaper chips and I sigh.

I manage to catch Lee Oliver's eye. The man is slumped down in one of the two chairs across from my desk. The man shrugs. I motion towards Cassandra. The woman is currently looking for something else of mine she can break. Lee shrugs again and slides down a little lower in his chair. I don't want to be the one to attract my comrade's wrath, but she needs to calm down and actually think of something productive to do. I gather all of my courage and clear my throat. I cower as Cassandra turns her burning gaze towards me; however, I still manage to speak in a militaristic tone.

"Moore, please refrain from breaking any of my personal belongings. We need to actually discuss the real problem at hand.". My official tone snaps Cassandra out of her 'break everything' mode and returns her to her normal self. Her back stiffens to her normal 'commander' stature and she returns to her seat. I notice she doesn't draw any attention to the fact my office is a mess because of her. I suck in a deep breath and decide not to engage her on the fact she's going to force me to clean this all up. Instead, I repeat the situation once again and silently pray it doesn't reignite Cassandra.

"Our scouts found the body of the soldier sent to help our operatives contain the situation. However, the trail has been sitting for too long. A light dust storm came through the area and cleared their tracks. We sent Cass a letter via a small, printed letter through her radio device. However, there's no proof it even printed or that Cass read it.". Cassandra begins gripping her chair's arms and taking deep breaths.

Obviously, the situation is upsetting the woman more than anyone else. It's honestly not a surprise. She was the one who came up with the idea to get the Courier's friends to track the woman down, and Cassandra even wrote up the offers to both of them. Hell, she even bought Cassidy Caravans when report came in that the two had the Courier cornered. If this falls through it'll reflect poorly on all of us, but Cassandra will be taking most of the blame. Thankfully, Lee manages to soothe the woman by trying to come up with a decent idea.

"Has anyone traced the radio signal to where it was last active?". I nod, shuffle through a few of my reports to find the one I need, and read the information to him.

"The radio was only activated once in Khan territory where the NCR soldier was deployed, killed, and his body recovered. Hence, the inability to follow neither physical nor electrical trail.". Cassandra closes her eyes and takes even deeper breaths to calm herself down. Lee and I both allow her a few minutes to cool off without speaking. Cassandra doesn't reopen her eyes, but eventually she's slumped down calmly in her chair. I decide to offer my comrades a bit of hope.

"We have troops scouring the area and waiting outside each entrance to any NCR held facility. We don't know where they are, but they can't hide.". Cassandra's grip on the chair tightens again and she hisses a theory from between her teeth.

"There are plenty of areas in the Mojave we don't hold. She could flee to Legion territory, Zion Canyon, Jacobstown, Big MT, The Divide.". She slams her fists down on the wood and her eyes snap open. Once again, her fire is back.

"Fuck, if they needed to they could find the damned Sierra Madre place the Courier always talked about!". Cassandra reaches for something on my desk and I close my eyes to prepare for impact. Thankfully, Lee stops her by talking. I reopen my eyes as he speaks.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea.". Both Cassandra and I turn our attention to him. The man is nodding and begins explaining his newest theory to us.

"They definitely wouldn't go to NCR territory. Although, I doubt the Legion would welcome any of them. They're all natives of the Mojave, so they wouldn't leave it. They'd die anywhere else.". Cassandra looks ready to throw things again, but she manages to knock one place off of the list.

"That Sierra Madre place is a myth. Besides, they couldn't go there without a map the Courier lost.". I nod and think of something. The Courier was obviously an idiot (hence, losing the map to a hotel she claimed to love), so she probably would have lost the clicking device she claimed to use to take her to Big MT. I speak up and Cassandra starts looking giddy.

"She had a special device she claimed to use to go to Big MT. If she lost the map to the Sierra Madre, then it's a safe bet to make that she lost the device to MT.". Lee speaks up again and leans forward in his chair. All of us are beginning to get excited as we slowly cut off the Courier's escape route.

"She can't be back in the Divide. It's radiate enough to kill, and there's no safe water there. Not to mention, there are more Deathclaws than anywhere else and less food than anywhere else.". Cassandra stands and begins pacing like a trapped beast. I lock eyes with Lee and raise a single eyebrow. He nods. I take out a pen, clean piece of paper, and begin writing. Cassandra stops her pacing to watch me. I make a map of Mojave and mark out NCR and Legion held territories, but I leave territories that aren't controlled directly by the NCR or the Legion blank. If the Courier is in either NCR or Legion territories, then she'll be found soon enough.

If she's found in NCR territory, then she'll be returned to the Mojave Outpost or Hoover Dam for a trial. Although, it's certain the trial will end in her execution. If she's found by the Legion, then news of her crucifixion by Legate Lanius' hands for the assassination of Caesar will reach us soon enough. I scribble out Big MT, The Divide, and the Sierra Madre area (we don't know exactly where it is, but we know the general direction. Now all that's left is Zion Canyon and a few independent towns. I make a small list of the independent towns and can't help smiling at the fact we might redeem our operation. Cassandra snatches the list from me and reads off a few.

"Zion Canyon, Goodsprings, Primm, Jacobstown, and Novac.". I put my pen down and make sure Cassandra is aware of something.

"There are more towns listed, but I feel like I put the 'most likely' at the top and 'least likely' at the bottom.". Cassandra begins folding the paper and putting it in her pocket. She does, however, have a question.

"What makes an area more likely than another area?". I took into consideration multiple reasons, but I only tell my comrade a few of them.

"It depends on how survivable the area is, the NCR presence in the surrounding areas, how well-liked the Courier was in those areas, how accessible the areas are, and how visible the Courier would be if hiding there.". The woman nods and already tells me the plan she's working on. As she speaks, she sits back down and leans forward in her seat. Lee and I both mimic her position as we listen.

"I can send a small group of soldiers dressed as natives into Zion Canyon, but they won't return for a while. In the meantime, I can go with a small group of men into Goodsprings. A show of muscle and a reminder that we're the only thing holding the Powder Gangers back should be enough.". Lee interrupts Cassandra by motioning with his hands. The woman nods and Lee makes an offer.

"I can take a group of men into Primm, then swing over to Novac. I'll radio you if I find anything.". Cassandra nods in agreement, but curls her nose.

"That mean you expect me to swing up to Jacobstown if I don't find them in Goodsprings?". He nods and the woman sighs.

"Fine, but I don't like it. Those mutants always give me the shivers, and that damned town of theirs is so far out of the way it isn't even funny.". Lee and Cassandra finalize their plans before Cassandra turns towards me and asks a simple question.

"What are you going to do to help?". I adjust a few files on my desk and tell them my current idea. "

I'd figure I'd put out another, bigger bounty for the Courier. Along with a warning stating that anyone found harboring her will be punished.". Cassandra nods and claps her hands together. The woman announces what she's intending on doing while standing up.

"I'll go send the men to Zion, then try to round up a good enough group to search Goodsprings with me. Hopefully, I'll be leaving with a battalion late tonight. I'll do my best to keep the search under wraps; although, our show of muscle at Goodsprings might spread some words.". Lee nods in agreement and I give the woman some well wishes.

"Good luck and good hunting.". Cassandra Moore walks with a new spring in her step as she exits the room. Lee Oliver nods at me before pushing himself into a standing position. He likewise makes sure I know what his part in the current plan is.

"I'll go find my battalion and get headed out as soon as they're all gathered.". He offers a small smile and tries to make a joke.

"Hopefully, I don't take all the good ones before Cassandra can get at 'em.". I chuckle a little while fixing the papers on my desk. When my door _clicks_ shut I finally find the poster of the Courier. It was taken for the woman's NCR identity card. Usually, soldiers are only given dog tags to identify their bodies, but important members like the Courier needed ID badges to get into restricted areas of Hoover Dam. The woman is smiling with a bright look of excitement across her face. A small bit of pity strikes my heart, but I don't hesitate to attach the Courier's poster to an official report. I fill out the information required, stamp the paper (along with the poster), and rise from my desk. I take it to the proper receptionist and tell her what I need done with it.

"Have a few thousand copies made. You'll see that I've requested it be spread across all NCR and allies held settlements.". The man nods before beginning to write out the required report he'll have to do to get the poster pushed through. When I return to my office I have to write another report out requesting the Courier's bounty be raised. I've already corrected the bounty on the wanted poster I just pushed through, so I deeply hope that the higher-ups will accept my proposition to raise the Courier's bounty. Given what she's done; I doubt they'll say 'no' to my request. I file the other report and decide to take a break for the day. My mind is already too busy churning as I remember what the Courier did. I shudder as I punch out.


	21. Teen Angel

_Hundreds of Miles from the NCR..._

Calamity and Henry scuttle around the Courier like she's a cadaver waiting to be opened. Henry secures more fat, overfilled sacks to the side of her bed with tubes leading into her arm; Calamity tightens the mask to the woman's face and rereads the canister detailing how much gas is left; and the two check over the woman's body with careful eyes. Eventually, they begin doing the last they can for their patient. Ointments are rubbed into her skin, stitches are checked, and a few shots to the arm are given. Eventually, Calamity leaves the 'room' to get the Courier's items. Cass and I will be given a detailed list of what to do to the Courier and when along with a bag of supplies needed to treat her. Meanwhile, Henry turns to us and reminds us for the thousandth time what to do.

"Take her straight to the Followers. Check the gas to make sure she stays in her coma no matter what, don't let any fluids pop out of her arm, and try not to knock her head around too much. Now, you both are sure you can safely transport her?". Cass and I both nod without looking at one another. Jacob and a few of his mutants built his old friend a special sling attached to a brahmin to safely transport the Courier. Cass was reluctant to tell the mutant who exactly the mystery patient was, but I managed to convince her after a night of drinking. Calamity returns with a tremendous sack in her hands.

The ghoul passes it to Cass, then begins wheeling the Courier out of the 'room' with Henry's help. Mutants carefully scrutinize our every move as we exit the quaint cabin-like hotel and go outside. Nearby, Lily is tending to her herd of bighorners. My chest aches that we can't tell the woman her 'granddaughter' is right behind her, but Cass convinced me the kindest thing to do would be to leave Lily in the dark. Jacob hasn't even told Lily that the Courier is a wanted criminal, and the somewhat insane mutant is appeased with 'messages' from her 'granddaughter'. Although, if all of this blows over I definitely want the Courier to visit Lily. The two were close.

Close enough the Courier stop bringing the mutant along on her missions because she feared for Lily's safety. Henry and Calamity roll their unknown patient to where Jacob is already waiting for us. Calamity and Henry quickly detach the Courier's tubes and gas from her bed before transferring them onto the brahmin. The beast has a hospital bed tied to his back with poles and ropes attaching it. Jacob has the joints of the bed and ropes tied and screwed in such a way that the bed won't jerk and bump with the brahmin's steps, but will instead remain in roughly the same position while the beast below it walks.

Cass ties her bag to the brahmin, and all of the 'supplies' are officially moved over onto the animal. Finally, Jacob gently and carefully moves the Courier onto the bed. Cass is quick to tie her in and deem the contraption operational. Jacob mumbles his farewells and leaves to take care of his community. Calamity and Henry do one more check of the patient, then nod and return from whence they came. Cass pats the Courier on the head and mumbles something I can barely hear.

"Good luck.". My companion takes the brahmin's reins and begins leading the animal out of Jacobstown. I ready my fists and walk alongside the animal. The contraption, thankfully, works as it was intended to. The bed stays relatively stationary while the beast below it jumbles and trots along. While we walk, I take out my map and look for a good place to stop. The Courier's hooked up for enough to survive only a day or two's journey. Thankfully, it's completely reasonable to reach New Vegas by then.

We'll just have to follow the northern road into the northern districts of the city. The Follower's fort is in that general area of the city, so we should be completely fine. We'll even have time to make camp for the night if it comes to that. Cass deeply wants to be able to make the entire trip in one day, but I'm doubting that is going to be a possibility. Besides, stopping will do all of us some good. The brahmin will get to rest while Cass and I can get some food.

Cass leads the brahmin down the rugged road down into the valley. The rising walls on either side of us are covered in vegetation, and the sun to the north of us is shining directly into our eyes. I wipe some beading sweat from my brow as I examine the flat, barren land ahead of us. It'll take us hours to reach the edge of the valley, and even longer to cross the great expanse. The only highlight is New Vegas standing like a beacon far, far away from us. I, personally, never cared too much for the city due to the fact I was always stuck in the Lucky 38, but it'll be good to be in the major city again. We'll have to avoid the NCR agents like the plague, though.

I spare a glance at my friend and frown. Actually, we might not have to. The Courier currently looks nothing like what she once did. She's improved; she just still doesn't look like her old self. Her skin is still a sickly yellow; scars still litter her hide from multiple surgeries; and she doesn't have an ounce of hair on her body. A sudden _grr_ from the Courier jerks my head towards her. The coyote shoved down her shirt pokes his head out, growls at me, and disappears again. The animal is doing about as well as his master. Some tufts of fur are back and his eyes aren't quite as yellow, but they both look about as ugly as sin and like they're going to kneel over at any second now.

I pat the side of the faithful brahmin and allow myself to go 'into my mind'. It's a state I can manage to get into where my body generally goes on autopilot and I'm free to think. I imagine everyone has something similar, but I've never asked. I'm not going to trip or walk into a wall or anything; I'm just looking without really seeing and hearing without really listening. That might not make any sense; however, it works for me. I go into my special autopilot space and begin thinking about the Courier. I want her to live. My holy quest for her death might have started out well, but now I don't give a shit about what she's done or the promise of saving my family.

My family can fend for themselves like they always have, and the fact I abandoned them probably helps the chase away the guilt. The Courier killed a _lot_ of people. Like I'm almost certain the population of the entire Mojave has dropped an entire percent or two. Still, I find myself caring less and less about what she's done. Maybe I'm using her radiated madness as an explanation (or excuse). Maybe there's a deeper part of me that cares more about pleasing myself than getting justice for people I don't know and care about. I'm sure someone trained in psychology (or is it sociology) could tell me why I don't care. Thankfully, I'm not a psychologist and can just continue letting my mind wander. Although, I can already tell my remembrance will take me somewhere different than normal. Now I'm adding Cass to the mix.

* * *

I recall the scene I'm trying to think about the moment my mind stops on it. The only time I saw Cass before we went on this gigantic adventure together. The Courier had brought me to the Mojave Outpost to report her success in some mission to whoever ran the place. Honestly, I didn't listen nor care too much about why we were there. My friend even left Rex and I outside the building as she went inside to finish up whatever job she did. I vaguely think it was about killing some giant ants or something. Apparently, the Courier did it months ago and just never wanted to go back and report what she did.

While my friend gets her reward, I pet Rex and try to position myself to where the sun isn't in my eyes. It only takes the woman a few minutes to return. She smiles at me while struggling to put a sack of caps in her pocket. Rex walks away from my petting and stands beside his master. I follow his lead and take a few steps over to 'join' the Courier. Finally, she gets her money put away. Her goofy smile returns as she looks at me. Her eyes still don't quite meet mine (focusing a few inches above my eyes), but I'll take whatever I can get at this point. My friend suddenly cranes her neck back to look at the sun, then returns her gaze to my face. Her smile remains as she asks me a question in her rough, deep voice.

"You think we have enough time to get to Novac?". I look up to the sun. I study it for a minute before telling her what I think.

"I think we only have a few hours of sunlight left.". The woman doesn't say anything. She just continues looking at me with a smile. I inwardly groan.

"No.". Her smile fades and she looks at the ground. A rock by her shoe is lightly kicked in her 'uncontrollable rage'. I don't touch the woman unannounced, but I do whistle to get her attention. The woman snaps her head up and her smile returns. My dorky companion absolutely adores when I whistle, and now she's prepared to listen to whatever I have to say.

"How about we go to the bar and get a drink?". The woman nods and begins slowly walking away. As I trail behind her, I take in her appearance to make sure she's taking care of herself. She's chopped her hair short after I made her bathe in Novac a while ago, but now there's a decent amount of dirt in it; her combat boots are encased in hardened mud; her combat armor is covered in dust with bloody hands covering her torso area of her armor; and her guns have mud and blood on them. Even the chain of the cross dangling around her neck is soaked red and brown. I make a mental note to get her into a bath soon. Suddenly, the Courier stops in her tracks and I nearly ram into her back.

I barely avoid it by hopping awkwardly to the side. Rex, however, sticks his head out from between the Courier's knees and simply stands there. My friend is as still as a statue with her constricted eyes locked onto something. I quickly follow her gaze to whatever she's looking at. Cass (at the time I didn't know that was her name though) is leaning against the Mojave Outpost's bar with her hat pulled down over her face and cigarette smoke billowing out from beneath. The Courier's breathing is rapid and shallow. I turn my attention back to her. She's shaking and her mouth is moving up and down without any words coming out.

I say her name. She begins shaking her head and tries walking backwards. Rex quickly hops away and allows his master to walk. The Courier's legs jerk and her ankles are shuddering under her weight. Her knees threaten to buckle and her hips swivel in a way I'd imagine an alien trying to walk in a human body would. I say her name again and try to get her to talk.

"What's wrong?". She shakes her head and her mouth tightens into a fine line. _Fuck. The last time she did that with her lips she didn't talk for a week_. The woman stops walking and I try to calm her.

"That's your friend, isn't it? Wouldn't you like to go spend some time with her?". She shudders and shakes her head hard enough I'm sure it hurts. I reach out to try to stop her. She runs.

* * *

 **Note: Next update might be a little late. Sorry.**


	22. 25 Minutes to Go

_A Few Feet from Cass and Veronica..._

I jostle through the jungle of legs with the strength of a thousand men as I struggle to reach my parents.

" _Mom_!". A large, fatty hand wraps itself to the back of my shirt. I wiggle free and hear who I believe to be James curse me. Well, using child-safe words to curse me.

" _Mom_!". I skitter through the thick surroundings of legs, bellies, and stomping feet before I see something to help me. My mother's floral dress and nice dress shoes she wears to special occasions.

" _Mom_!". I slam into the leg and begin scrabbling up it in a demand to be lifted. Thankfully, I was right and the person I'm currently attacking is indeed my mother. Her soft blue eyes meet mine and her curled, fading blonde hair bobs as she shakes her head. A gentle smile crosses her face as her thin, rheumatoid arthritis-ridden hands reach down to firmly grasp me beneath the armpits. I'm lifted into her embrace and use it to my advantage. I wrap my arms around her neck and bury my nose in her perfumed hair. A small chuckle from my mother as she begins bouncing me like I like. Then, a question I've been dreading.

"Where's Shawn?". I lost my younger brother almost an hour ago when we entered the throng of onlookers in order to find our parents. Although, I remember him yelling something about going home, so I just go with that.

"He went home.". If they can't find him later, then they'll assume he got lost and look for him. Shawn never was the brightest bulb in the box. My mother hums before a huffing, overweight man in a suit runs up to us. I turn my head away from my mother and see it was indeed James tailing me in an attempt to stop my search. Our neighbor motions at me and manages to wheeze out an explanation to my mother.

"Figured she wasn't suppose to be here.". My mother hums again, and I feel myself beginning to be pulled away from her chest. I grasp on tighter and whine like Shawn does to get his way. It doesn't work and my mother successfully detaches me. Rough, scratchy hands begin to take me as James promises.

"I'll get her home safe and see to Shawn.". I huff and begin pouting. James is nice, but I don't want to go home! Thankfully, my savior arrives. My barrel chested, colossal father shoves his way through a throng of people as he sees me. A tremendous grin breaks out on his bearded face and his monstrous hands reach for me. I stick my tongue out at James as my mother redirects me into my fathers arms. I'm pressed against his filthy suit as a booming laugh resounds from him. He says my name while holding me high in the air like a trophy. I smile and look out around me. Thousands and thousands of people are crowding into the fenced area for the main event. For once, I'm glad Shawn and I disobeyed our parents and came here. Even if I didn't get a seat up from with Shawn like I'd planned.

I'm carried down to be showered in kisses by cracked, dry lips. I giggle and begin swatting at my father. His thick tangle of ebony hair and sharp brown eyes are a stark contrast among his wife and children. Even his skin manages to be a little darker than the rest of his family. My father kisses me once more between the eyes before pulling back. His thick, mangled voice takes control of the situation. It's almost like his voice itself demands respect for the simple fact of it being deeper than anyone else's.

"Well, how'd you get here? There's a guard at the gate. Nobody who is under sixteen is suppose to get in.". I smile and point in the direction I came.

"There's a hole only big enough for Shawn, Rigger, and I to squeeze through.". My father offers his best 'stern gaze' while asking a serious question.

"You didn't bring Rigger, did you?". I shake my head. The dumb dog didn't want to go through the hole, and when he ran off Shawn and I decide to give up. It's not our fault the puppy didn't want to watch what was going to happen. My father nods and looks around on the ground around us. Probably assuming Shawn is going to pop out and join us. I decide to tell him the same lie I told my mother.

"Shawn didn't want to go any farther once we came in, so he decided to go home.". My father nods and kisses me once more between the eyes. Finally, my mother feels like it's her duty to step in.

"Warren.". He cringes a little at my mom's tone of voice before turning to her. However, both of their expressions soften when their eyes meet. Neither of them could ever stay mad at once another for long. However, my mother still manages to whip a little 'or else' tone into her voice while giving my father a command.

"Send her home. She doesn't need to see this.". I whine and James opens his hands in offering. My father clutches me to his chest and shakes his head.

"It's about to start, and I don't want to miss it!". James coughs and motions to take me with another offer.

"I wouldn't mind taking her home and taking care of her and Shawn until it's over. I don't care much to watch anyway. It's been made into a damned carnival almost. No dignity to it nowadays.". My father looks tempted, so I whine a little extra hard. He shakes his head at James.

"The house is locked up, so you couldn't get in anyway.". My mother lightly slaps my father on the hip.

"You have a key.". My dad nods and confirms it.

"I have _the_ key. As in the only key to our house. And I don't trust James with it.". James huffs in indignity and puffs his chest up.

"Why don't you trust me with the key to your house? I work hard, and you know that. It's not like I'm going to steal anything to sell for profit.". My father doesn't give me up. I begin clutching to his chest and attempt to wrap my legs around his torso. Soon enough, I'm attached like a growth and he's arguing with James.

"You won't steal anything, but you lose things. You lost your mother's ring, your father's necktie, and your sister's gun. It's just in your nature.". James mumbles and pouts, but crosses his arms and turns his attention back to where the action is about to take place. My mother sighs before reaching out and tucking some loose hair behind my ear.

"You think she's old enough to see?". I feel my father nod.

"She's old enough. I think she knows what happened.". My father detaches me and turns me towards my mother. I smile and hold my arms out to her. My mother takes me back in her embrace and kisses the top of my head.

"You sure you want to watch, sweetie?". I nod and she kisses my head again. I'm passed back to my father. I whine and begin squirming for my mother. My father laughs deep in his chest and tosses me in the air. When I'm safely in his arms again he twirls me and makes a joke.

"Way to make a man feel wanted.". I hug him for a few seconds before kicking in an attempt to get back to my mom. Finally, my dad relents and hands me over to mom. I nuzzle the woman's neck and tighten my grip on her. However, my dad warns me.

"Your mother won't be able to hold you up to see.". I look at the forest of people around me and make a decision. I begin kicking to get back to my father. My mom laughs and hands me over to dad. I begin scaling him like a monkey until I'm firmly sitting on his shoulders while holding onto his thick, strong strands of hair like they're reins. I examine the sea of suits and dresses from a height unrivaled besides the stage. I puff my tiny self up and begin using my 'reins' to steer my dad. He laughs and thinks it's all in great fun as he twirls around in whatever way I'm yanking his hair. Eventually, a quiet begins to settle over the crowd. I likewise remain silent. That is, until my father begins moving me.

I whine, but quiet again when I see he's placing Shawn on one shoulder and me on the other. My brother offers me a toothless grin and begins swatting at me. I swat back and offer him a toothy grin. My brother closes his gaping maw and pouts. I stick my tongue out at him. I wasn't the one that kicked his teeth out, but the branch that hit him in the face wouldn't have done as good of a job if I hadn't been the one holding it before letting it go.

Nobody truly blames me because I didn't mean to and my brother shouldn't have been stalking after me like he was (besides, he only lost baby teeth); however, it's still an effective way to keep my brother from causing trouble for me. And, for once he really doesn't cause any trouble. A man in a panama hat and white suit steps forward. He puts a plastic device to his lips and his voice resonates loud and clear throughout the entire corral of people.

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen for attending this evening. I'd like to thank the local department of justice for putting this together, and all of y'all for finding the time out of your busy schedules to come down here. Now, before we begin I'd like to start with a word from the good lord's bible.". Everyone bows their heads including Shawn and I. I don't know much about the bible or god, but I know to bow my head in church when everyone else does. We aren't in church, but I think that applies here to. The white suited man begins to speak.

"A man who is laden with the guilt of human blood will be a fugitive until death; let no one support him. Anyone tormented by the guilt of murder will seek refuge in the grave; let no one hold them back. Amen.". Everyone mumbles 'amen' as we look once more to the man in white. Behind him, a man with a sack over his head is being led to the center of the stage. His ragged clothes and slumped posture don't hide who he is. Gage from the other side of town. I've seen him laying about outside downtown and snoozing near the river, but he never seemed too bad of a guy. Another man in a suit (this time green) walks up to Gage and begins securing a noose around his neck. My father's lips tickle my ear as he reminds me.

"Tradition dictates thirteen knots, but seven is enough to break a neck.". As the noose is secured, the man in the white suit begins reading from a paper in his hands.

"For the rape of Beth Edwards you are sentenced to death under city law. To save you from electrocution, we have excluded charging you with murder and robbery. Do you deny these charges.". Beth was an old woman who lived right next door to us, so I try to listen to see if I can understand why Gage would want to hurt her. Muffled sounds from the sack are all I can hear. Suddenly, Shawn is taken away by my mother. He whines and fights, but Jame and my mom successfully plug his ears and hide his eyes. My father adjust me until I'm once again the sole occupant of his shoulders. I look towards where Gage is and tighten my grip on my dad's hair.

"Sweetie, do you want down? I don't want you to feel forced to watch this.". I shake my head as my vision seems to close in on itself. All I can see is the executioner checking Gage's noose to make sure he can't wiggle loose. Then, the man in the white suit looks out towards the audience.

"Are you ready for justice to be served?". The audience seems to live and breathe as one being. Howling and rage and hurt pour from the living creature that is _us_. Gage dangles and spins as the lever's pulled.

* * *

 **Note: Next update might be late again. Sorry. Again.**


	23. Leader of the Pack

_A Few Feet from the Courier..._

I check on my dying friend as Cass scouts out the area ahead of us. A lone Jackal raider charged us a few minutes ago, so Cass wants to make sure there aren't anymore waiting for us up ahead. We're near New Vegas (maybe less than a mile), but there are a few scrapped cars and a pile of rubble ahead that could offer some shelter to those who don't want to be seen. The Courier still has her bags about half full, enough gas to keep her under for a while, and the coyote underneath her shirt is still alive. I can't do much else for her. Cass still hasn't returned. Cautiously, I reach out and touch my friend's face. For once, she isn't awake to tell me to stop touching her. Her wet, thin skin is pressed against the bones of her skull. I stroke her cheek once and almost let out a chuckle at the irony.

The only time I can touch her she's not nearly as soft as she normally is. I run a finger over her lips and pull down her mouth. Stitched gums and a rotten-looking tongue. A shudder runs through my body at a sudden realization. Even if she lives and doesn't become a ghoul; she'll need therapy. Help. Maybe forever. A second shudder as guilt washes over me. I shouldn't be thinking about this! She'll need a compassionate friend to help her through it! Not someone looking to fulfill their fucked up desire to take care of an innocent woman! _Ah, but what's the harm? It helps both of us out_.

I reach up and touch the woman's head. Maybe it would be best if I help her with her therapy. I know more about her than anyone else. I run my thumb over the scar when Benny shot her and shudder again at the thought of helping her. Cass might still stick around, but I would still be able to get what I want from the Courier. It'd also help her get back on her feet, so it benefits both of us. The sound of Cass walking back causes me to slide off of the brahmin and grab the rope tied around his necks. Cass walks beside me as we continue down the cracked, ruined road cutting through the barren landscape. My friend is the first to speak.

"What are we gonna tell her when she finally wakes up?". I shrug and try to think of something. Eventually, I have a vague answer.

"The truth. Just in a gentle and dumb-downed manner.". Cass grunts, but asks another question.

"Think she'll cry?". I nod instantly. The Courier would often break into a fit of sobs whenever she felt sad enough to regardless of where we were at or who was around us. She sobbed when a disgruntled citizen screamed at her in the middle of the Strip, when a thug managed to shoot her on the outskirts of New Vegas, and when she was in the middle of the Wrangler Casino and got the news her father had passed away. The last one actually took her a few days to get out of her system. Cass says something that causes me to nearly call her out on being a sick fuck.

"Good.". I honestly don't know what she means by that, but I decide to avoid causing a fight and don't say anything. Although, my respect for Cass is almost completely destroyed. There's never a good reason for enjoying seeing someone cry. Even if it's not sexual; it's still fucked up. Cass doesn't elaborate on what she means by that, so I'm forced to think of it in the worst light. Both of us fall silent as we focus on getting the Courier to New Vegas and the Followers as soon as possible. She still has enough fluid and gas for about half of a day, but it would still be easier (and mentally less taxing) if we were able to get to New Vegas before the sun sets.

I glance upwards and see we only have an hour or two before the sun begins to go down. I look back at the brahmin to gauge his current state. He's looking a little tired due to his drooping tail and huffing breath; though, he could be a lot worse. Briefly, I try to rouse Cass to have a conversation with me. She doesn't take the bait and eventually we just keep walking along in silence. I'm not sure why the woman suddenly doesn't have an interest in talking to me, and I'm instantly suspicious it has something to do with the Courier. I vow then and there to keep an eye on Cass. Just in case.

* * *

 _A Few Inches from Veronica..._

I feel myself slipping deeper into my thoughts, and for once I don't do anything to stop it. I'm excited about the Courier sobbing when she realizes the NCR has abandoned her, but I won't get to witness that for a day or two. That's why I don't bother trying to talk to Veronica when I feel myself slipping into memories of fondness.

* * *

The Courier and I are camped out by a river in the middle of Zion Canyon. She's already taken care of the problems in this area, but she loves taking 'camping' trips out here to hunt, check on the locals, and shoot natives with immunity. My friend is busy polishing a Zion tribal's helmet that she pulled from his dying body. A normal person would find it disgusting how she sneered at junkies, fiends, and anyone who dared try to carve out a life outside of the boundaries of 'civilization'.

I, honestly, lost my ability to care when I started becoming friends with the Courier. I've seen her shoot cowering enemies begging for their lives, and that still hasn't put me off her. When the woman's done polishing, she begins trying to retire to her makeshift bed by the dead fire for the night. I grab her leg as she starts trying to pass me. The Courier freezes. My body shudders as a weak, quiet whimper rings out through the night. I yank her down beside me and try to convince her to stay.

"Stay. I promise I won't do it again.". The woman tries to stand. I place a hand on her shoulder and pull her back down. The Courier whines like a dog and turns until her back is to me. Both of us are currently sitting on the ground with the fire in front of us, a cliff to our back, a roaring river to our right, and a wall of rock to our left. I was in charge of choosing where to camp and where the fire would be, and I (unknowingly to the Courier) chose both of the spots with the intent on trapping the Courier beside me. She could flee over the fire, or into the river, or over the cliff. I just trust she doesn't have the guts to do any of those things due to the risk of injury and/or death.

I allow the woman to pout and keep her back turned to me for a few minutes. Then, I can't contain myself anymore. I'm not going to analyze why I do this to the Courier or why I like doing it. Analyzing things is for people who want to wonder whether what they're doing is ethically or morally wrong. I don't. I know society would say I'm an asshole, and I know _I'd_ say someone else was an asshole if it were someone else doing this to the Courier. I grab both of her shoulders with a grip I know she can't break. The woman squeals and begins trying to rise. I allow her to rise a few inches before using her momentum to pull her directly into my lap. Her squeal turns into a mix of crying and screaming.

I wrap my arms around her. One around her stomach and the other around the area between her tits and neck. Her arms flail and she starts kicking, but I just hold her tighter. A few months ago I got damned tired of the Courier not looking me in the eye and not letting me touch her in even the slightest way, so I talked to a specialist. Red Lucy had fucked the Courier on more than one occasion and claimed to know the secrets of the human mind. That's what made me go to her while the Courier was still asleep in her bed. I went to find out how to get the Courier to let me touch her and look me in the eye. Lucy had only smiled at me and explained what I needed to do. I had to force the Courier to touch me. To hold her close while she screamed and cried and begged, then just wait.

When she was nothing more than a sobbing mess I would need to treat her like the child she was acting like. Rocking, hushing, and giving her candy in order to make her more willing to touch me. Like training a dog. I just needed to reward the Courier for giving up and letting me touch her. I just want the ability to be able to slap her on the shoulder or hug her without having to ask permission, or having to stop because she either doesn't feel like it or has grown tired of it. If that sounds petty, then it because it is. However, it works. The Courier is now only giving up after a few minutes of fighting verses the hour it took her to calm down when it firsts started.

Slowly, she slides back into my body. I grunt as I flip her into a position until she's cradled in my lap like a child. Now she's lying down across my lap while being propped up with my left arm. My right hand digs around in my pocket until I've fished out an unwrapped candy I keep for situations like this. The Courier is silently crying as I force the sugary treat into her mouth. My friend swallows the candy whole before attempting to flip herself over and off of my lap. My hand coming to rest on her stomach stops her. The Courier whimpers and begs.

"Please-". I hiss to stop her and lock eyes with her. Her blue orbs move away from me. A _crack_ resounds across the canyon as I slap her. Her watery eyes lock onto mine. I remind her of why we're doing this.

"Just look me in the eye for a few minutes. One day, you'll be able to do it on your own.". She whimpers and offers me a lame excuse.

"Please, I don't want to do it on my own! I don't want to do it!". I tighten my grip on her and she doesn't have the guts to take her eyes away from my face. She might be looking at me, but she doesn't stop crying. I make her maintain eye-contact with me for almost five minutes before nodding. She closes her eyes and I begin to bring our therapy to a close. I force another sweet candy into the woman's mouth after prying open her lips. She swallows it in one gulp and starts trying to get away again. I stop her for a third time and remind her what I'm going to do.

"Open your mouth. I need to check you.". She keeps her eyes closed and opens her mouth. When we first started, she bit me the first time I tried this. Now she sits there and allows me to explore her mouth with immunity. I find a large, jagged cut running the length of her right cheek. I remove my finger and question her.

"Is that from when I-". She nods without letting me finish my question. I release her and watch the Courier go running away from me. I sigh as I lie down beside the dead fire. She always runs away after I'm done, but she'll come crawling back in a day or two. She always does.

* * *

 **Note: The 'therapy' Red Lucy told Cass to used is based off of attachment therapy, but not necessarily identical to it. I'm unaware if attachment therapy ever got big outside the USA, so I'll give a brief explanation. It's where parents forced autistic (or problematic) children to do things with them they didn't want to do (sit still for hours at a time, hug them, kiss them, etc.) until they gave up, the reward them by forcing candy into their mouths. Some kids died from similar therapies. Again, the therapy in this chapter is based off of it, but not a direct representation.**


	24. Call Me Lonesome

_A Few Inches from Cass..._

I'm forced to wait with the Courier while Cass goes inside the city to find Arcade and Julie. The two are the only ones we trust, and at this point I think they're the only two who can successfully sneak the Courier into New Vegas. As I wait, I check over the Courier. The sacks are almost empty and the gas tank is nearing fumes. I frown and pat my unconscious companion on the stomach.

"You'll be fine.". She doesn't show any signs of having even heard me. A sigh escapes my lip as I hop onto a rock and look out of our hiding spot. We're surrounded by a huge ring of rubble on there sides with a small hole the only way I was able to hide the Courier here. Thankfully, I see Cass and two others exiting the city. A Mohawk identifies Julie Farkas and I think it's safe to assume the third figure is Arcade. Sure enough, when the three get close enough I see Cass was able to find them. Cautiously, I lead the brahmin out of hiding. Julie is the first to reach us, hop up onto the brahmin, and react. A grimace comes to her face and she asks a concerning question.

"Are you _sure_ this is the Courier?". I nod and Arcade takes a moment to look at his friend. A matching grimace crosses his face and he mumbles a question to himself.

"Is it worth keeping her alive?". Julie slaps Arcade on the shoulder and reminds him of what the Courier's done for him.

"Our supplies were completely replenished by her.". Arcade nods and sighs, but shakes his head.

"I just hate to see her like this.". Julie takes the brahmin's rope from my hand and begins leading the creature towards the city. As we go, she asks Arcade a question.

"Was she a good friend of yours?". Cass tenses up and I can feel myself do the same. For some reason I think it gets us both on edge to think that the Courier could have friends outside of us. Thankfully, Arcade puts both of us at ease without even knowing it.

"A friend. I wouldn't say we were too close, though. I'd be hurt by her death, but I'm sure there are others who would be absolutely crushed by her passing.". _Damned right_. Cass and I both stay silent as Julie stops right outside the city. A white blanket is pulled from Julie's bag and she tosses it over the top of the brahmin's back. Now the bed, Courier, and medical equipment are hidden by the cloth. For an added touch, Cass takes some flint she has and makes a few marks on the Courier's head. I'm not exactly sure what they are, but my companion explains it to me as she clambers off of the brahmin to stand by me.

"To warn of a sickness that's infectious even after death. Something to keep people away, and as an explanation as to why the Followers would be carting around a cadaver.". Arcade speaks up as Julie begins to lead the brahmin into the outer fringes of the city.

"Honestly, I don't think anyone would care even if they knew who she was. The Freeside residences are too afraid of her to even come near her, and the Strip Families still like her.". I scoff at the notion anyone still likes her. Arcade doesn't seem to mind me doubting him. In fact, he even takes a moment to explain it as we pass through the gates.

"She could never get into the Strip once she went mad. The securitrons were a big enough threat to keep the Courier away since they were upgraded. Not even an insane radiated Courier wanted to mess with grenade launching metal monsters.". I grunt and the entire group falls silent. The ruined, abandoned streets of Freeside greet us. A few brave souls stick their heads out of stores or abandoned buildings, but once their curiosity is filled they retreat from whence they came.

A single thug looks about ready to charge us, but Cass casually lifts up her shirt to show the gun she has hidden. The thug casts a longing glance at the Courier before slinking away. As we near the fort, another thug looks ready to attack us. He sticks his head up over some rubble. However, the thug sees the markings on the Courier and disappears. Julie opens the door to Old Mormon Fort and Arcade leads the brahmin inside. Once we're in, I feel tense leave my body at the realization we're safe.

Well, kind of. We aren't as safe as we once were; however, now the Courier has a better chance of surviving. Arcade and Julie lead the brahmin back to a tent that's separated from the rest. Julie disappears inside while Arcade takes the cloth off the Courier, then begins unhooking everything. Cass and I quickly help the man undo the bed from the brahmin. Cass and I lift the bed while Arcade takes the brahmin elsewhere. Finally, Cass and I carry the Courier inside. The tent is packed with medical equipment and a cot near the back in the middle. There's barely enough room for Cass and I to fit the bed inside and carry it to the cot.

Julie even has to duck outside the side of the tent in order for us to place the bed down on the cot. Finally, Cass and I wedge ourselves between the bed and the tent wall, so now neither of us are in the way. Julie and Arcade come in through the entrance. There's barely enough room for them to walk shoulder to shoulder as they walk three feet deep into the tent in order to stand on the side of the Courier where Cass and I aren't positioned. Arcade removes the empty sacks and leaves while Julie kneels and begins examining her friend. She doesn't speak, but does do some things to the Courier.

She removes a staple or two, examines her mouth, and peels back an eyelid to get a proper look at her eye. Julie stands and pulls a tool from a nearby table. She uses the metal contraption to begin plucking the staples from my friend's skin. As she works, she talks to us.

"Her skin's finally bonded back to her muscles. She could use some more weight on her, though. Do you have any paper or anything?". Cass digs around in her bag and pulls the papers that Henry and Calamity gave us. Julie snatches them with one hand while plucking the rest of the staples out with her other hand without even looking. Julie hums before explaining the report to us.

"She has some broken bones, radiation, and weak muscle tone. I'll put her on some heavier food to get her weight back up while watching the bones. Most of the broken ones are ribs, so we can't put her in a cast.". She tosses the papers to the side and finishes getting out the last staple. The Courier's skin is still an even mix of pale white and sickly yellow, but now it's staying to her body and not sliding off to the side. Julie puts her tool away and begins feeling the naked Courier up. She hums again and shakes her head.

"I've seen prisoners and slaves in better condition than this.". Cass is the first of us to ask questions.

"Will she make it?". Julie scoffs and rolls her eyes. She just keeps feeling the Courier for a minute before answering.

"Survive this? Yes. Definitely.". She pulls her hands back, turns towards a table of supplies, and takes a few bottles of lotion/ointment from a pile. Cass and I fall silent as the woman begins rubbing the healing salves into the Courier's skin. Arcade returns with a new gas canister and some sacks of fluids. He reattaches the sacks, then quickly changes out the gas. Julie asks us a question as she finishes rubbing the Courier.

"How long has she been in her coma?". Cass and I mumble numbers until I finally reach a solid time to say.

"About two weeks or so.". Julie sighs and checks the new gas can.

"I'd prefer waking her up tomorrow.". My chest tightens and I barely manage to contain a sound from escaping from me. Sadly, my hopes are quickly dashes by Julie.

"I only want her awake for an hour or so. She'll be disoriented and might not know what's going on.". A coyote head pops out from beneath the Courier and Julie screams. Cass quickly snatches the coyote up as Arcade punches where the canine's head was a second ago. Julie rubs her temples as Arcade rubs his hand. Cass offers a weak excuse as she passes the coyote to me.

"It was the Courier's. She'll want him.". Arcade rolls his eyes before taking the Courier's papers and exiting the tent. Julie checks the Courier over one more time while examining the sacks and gas canister just to be safe. Finally, Julie takes a step back, claps her hands together, and speaks to both Cass and me.

"I'd like to keep her here for around a month. We'll be able to get her into stable condition by then, but she'll need therapy after that. I trust the two of you to do that for her if I teach you how.". Cass reaches out and places her hand on the Courier's leg. I reach out and rub the Courier' arm as I question Julie.

"Will you wake her up eventually?". Julie nods, then begins wiping off her hands on a nearby rag.

"Eventually. She won't be able to wake up in one go. We'll have to start with an hour until she gets her consciousness back, then we can start stretching the time. Hopefully, before I send her off she'll be able to stay awake for sixteen hours by herself.". Cass is the first to remove her hand. Reluctantly, I remove mine in order not to look weird. Julie finishes cleaning her hands and offers both of us a weak smile.

"I can show you two to your rooms. It'll be dark within an hour.". Cass and I both freeze. Cass is the one who says something first.

"Can't we sleep here?". I can barely believe she managed to avoid saying 'with her' after 'here'. Julie's smile fades and a deep tiredness comes over her. The woman just weakly nods and mumbles to us.

"I'll be back with some sleeping bags in a minute. Try not to disturb her at night.". Cass and I awkwardly stand there until Julie returns, tosses our bags at us, and leaves the tent. I lie my bed out beside the Courier on one side and Cass lies her bed down on the other side. The coyote manages to wrestle away from Cass, then jumps up on the bed and sleeps with the Courier. I chuckle a little as I settle down into bed. Cass settles down in her own bag. For a while, silence fills the air. I'm the first to speak.

"Cass?". A grunt from beside me that shows the woman is listening.

"What are you gonna say to the Courier when she can finally talk?". Another grunt. I keep asking.

"What are you gonna do to her when we get her to Novac?". No grunt this time. Just a weak answer.

"I don't know.". More silence.

"You?". I'll probably end up using her in some way for my own benefit. Probably get off on her innocence.

"I don't know.".


	25. Princess Heathen

When I find the Courier she has a few empty shot glasses in front of her and her head lying down on the bar. Beatrix is sitting beside her and nursing a beer. I run my hands along the Courier's shoulders and begin gently pulling her from her seat. The woman mumbles and Beatrix looks disappointed, but neither of them try to stop me. I carefully lead my friend up the stairs of the Wrangler casino and guide her to our room. Originally, my friend had only intended to have a some bottles of beer or a few glasses of wine due to the fact she was low on funds. However, I gave her some extra caps to afford a few shots. It was partially to do something nice for her, and partially so she'd be too drunk to think about fucking Beatrix.

The Courier mumbles and heavily leans against me as I awkwardly open our door with one hand before leading her into safety. The bare room has a bed by the door, a small bathroom off to the side, and little else. I release the Courier, so I can lock the door while she stumbles towards our bed. When the door's secured, I turn and walk over to join my friend. Already, she's attempting to strip out of her clothes. My heartbeat speeds up a little as I desperately try to remind myself she doesn't mean anything by it. She just sleeps in her undergarments. The Courier tosses her pants and shirt off to the side, but her armor is gently laid to the side.

The naked woman begins climbing into bed, but something interrupts her. A loud gasp rings from her as she collapses onto her side. _Fuck, not again. She hasn't had one in months._ The Courier howls like a wounded beast as she begins desperately smashing her hands against her head. I'm at her side at an instant, but there's not much I can do for her. Her feet kick wildly, her howling continues, and her eyes roll frantically around in her skull. My comforting hands are smacked away and she screams at me when I attempt to join her on the bed. I hate to do it, but I take desperate measures. I dig around in my bag until I find the items the Courier managed to get from some doctor in Novac.

The bottle is almost empty and the rag is still wet, but it'll do. I pour the ether onto the cloth until it's soaked, then put the bottle of liquid to the side. The Courier screams and tries to push me off of her when I mount her bucking body. I don't let up. I use one hand to trap both of her wrists above her head, then slam the cloth against her nose and mouth. In stories the Courier would be knocked out instantly. In reality it takes a few minutes for ether to actually begin working. The Courier starts crying and begins smacking my chest with her stomach in an attempt to move me. Again, I don't budge. Finally, the ether eventually works and the Courier's eyes begin to blur.

Her hitting stops after a few minutes and her eyes slide closed. I leave the rag on her face and roll off of her. Ether is apparently nearly impossible to overdose on, so she's not in any danger of dying. I pat the woman's naked stomach and whisper to her.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?". Although, I already know it was as bad as it looked. Her attacks are painful, and knocking her out only makes her sore later on. Granted, being sore for a few days is better than being in agonizing pain for one day. I sit up and examine the Courier. A shudder runs through my spine as I envision the Courier as she once was. A stomach with a healthy amount of fat on it, pale skin covering her entire body, and ragged blonde hair barely coming below her ears. She'll occasionally let her hair grow to her shoulders before hacking it off, but this memory is from a period where she preferred it short.

My chest suddenly tightens and my entire face becomes numb. _I remember this memory. I remember the guilt I felt for years afterwards._ This memory is the main evidence I have for assuming my relationship with the Courier is sexual from my end, and that I do truly have a fetish for her innocence. I tried to forget about this. I swore I'd never, ever think about it as long as I lived. The Courier never got hurt, and Beatrix swore never to speak of it.

By this point in time I'd already started to have fantasies about the Courier. I was still having a few about other women, but the Courier had already started to dominate them. I'd tried to brush it off as just a result of learning the Courier was attracted to females and actually had sex with some. I'm not even entirely sure what made me want to start touching the Courier. Although, it was probably the fact I rarely got to touch her when she was awake. Recently, she'd gotten better at letting me touch her without asking for some reason, and my desire to touch her had only increased. Like a few small hits of a drug making someone yearn for a more potent dosage.

I'd gotten to slap her shoulder a few times and hug her, so now I wanted more. It'd started innocently enough. I just ran my fingers and hands over her stomach. I felt her hip bones, rubbed her slight bump of fat around her middle, and tickled her ribs. I'm not sure why being able to do this to the Courier made me so giddy. Maybe it was just because I could finally rub all over her without her stopping me, or maybe it was because even then I was fulfilling some sick fantasy of having her. Either way, I'd continued to touch her. Only now I focused on her hands and arms. Her hands were scarred, calloused, and cracked. No doubt from overuse on her guns and/or making things in the wastes.

Her arms were covered in fine hair and softer than expected, but they were otherwise unremarkable. I'd been tempted to examine her feet and legs, then I remembered those body parts are rather boring and it would be wasting my time. Instead, I touched her face. I'm not sure how long I spent sitting there just feeling and messing with her face. Well, the areas I could get to without taking her rag off. Eventually, I grew bored and bold. I knew it was wrong when I was doing it. That didn't stop me. I tied the rag around the Courier's head to ensure she would stay asleep. Then, I began the take off her bra. It was a simple matter. Get my hands behind her back, find the clasp, and undo it. I hesitated only for a second when her bra was undone.

Almost instantly, I rolled the straps down her shoulder and tossed the garment to the side. If the Courier woke up at that moment I would have been fucked. She didn't, and I kept looking at her chest. Her breasts weren't perfect; there were a few faded scars near her collarbone, a blue vein visible near her left nipple, and I noticed her right nipple looked slightly off (I'd learn later it had the tendency to invert itself half the time instead of stiffening like normal). However, none of that mattered to me. Her tits were big enough and the unaroused nipples proportioned correctly enough that it was enough for me to use for fantasy fuel for years to come.

I found myself straddling the unconscious Courier with my hands on either side of her head. For a while, it was enough for me to hang over her like a stalker and stare at her glorious tits. It was like a revelation to me. In this moment the Courier could do nothing to stop me from looking at part of her naked glory. _Or stop me from touching her_. I put up a weak mental fight with myself to, ultimately, make myself feel better. It's better to struggle with a decision and still do it than it is to just do it without hesitation. Still, I hardly hesitate when I realize the ether is going to keep the Courier out while I touch her tits. I lean back onto her pelvis until I'm sitting on her lap. Then, the touching finally begins. I'm gentle and curious at first. I just bring my hands out and rest them on the sides of her breasts.

For a few minutes it satisfies me just to feel her warmth and the motion of her breathing the ether in and out. My thumbs begin exploring her skin after a few minutes of cradling her globes of flesh. Her skin is rougher than I imagined, and I come to discover she has a few tiny bumps on her areola. Again, this satisfies me for a while. My thumbs just feel the contour of her tits. I even find myself beginning to rub at her nipples. I don't know why I wanted to see her nipples get hard for me. Maybe even then I knew it was more than wanting to touch the Courier. Maybe by that point I'd given up lying to myself.

The Courier doesn't show any signs of even feeling me touching her, but her nipples eventually stiffen up enough that I'm satisfied. I return my fingers to the outer edges of her breasts before pushing them together. The unconscious face of the Courier ruins the sight a tiny bit, so I decide to focus on her tits mostly. Her flesh smashes together and I press the flesh even harder together. Then, I release. The sight of jiggling tits isn't itself arousing; I think it's mostly the fact _I_ made her tits jiggle that I find enjoyable. I remember trying to defend my actions to myself. Still insisting that it was about touching the Courier and getting a stronger bond between the two of us. I even managed to convince myself that what the Courier didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

So, I'd found little guilt in leaning down and taking one of her nipples between my lips. That got the biggest reaction out of my friend. A grumble and slight movement of the head. I freeze and wait. She doesn't move and I continue. Her flesh is salty from hours of sweating in the casino, but that doesn't deter me in the slightest. I suck on her nipple until her areola itself is wet with spit and stiffened from my attention. I release her nipple with a _pop_ and smile at the sight before me. A wet, hard nipple atop a mound of pale flesh that's shuddering from the sudden release.

A smile crosses my face as I lean down to take the other into my mouth. A shriek causes my blood to run cold and my head to snap up. Beatrix is in the doorway with a key in one hand and the doorknob in her other hand. A disgusted look is splattered on her face. The woman begins backing out.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know-". Her words die and she stops backing out. I follow her line of sight and see her looking at the Courier's face. Beatrix takes one step in, shuts the door with her foot, and snarls at me.

"What the fuck are you doing?!". I push down into the Courier and possessively place my hands on either side of her face. Secretly, I use the hand Beatrix can't see to dig around in my pocket. I don't answer her. I toss a sack of caps at her. The ghoul catches it and I tell her what she's seeing.

"Consensual sex that nobody needs to know about.". Beatrix bites her lips and looks at the sack of caps. I toss her another one and the woman mumbles to me.

"You're a sick fuck.". I ask a simple question.

"A sick fuck you won't tell anyone about seeing?". Beatrix hesitates and keeps biting her lip. Finally, she nods and leaves the room while locking the door behind her. I kept playing with the Courier's tits for a little while longer before carefully cleaning everything up and taking the wet cloth off her face. It'd take years before the guilt of what I did set in.

* * *

 **Note: Just a little note on the title. 'Princess Heathen' is an altered version of 'Prince Heathen' (the UK folk song or something along those lines). Just making the title make a little more sense.**


	26. Nothing to Fear (But Fear Itself)

**Courier POV:**

A steady throbbing in the back of my skull is the first thing that registers in my mind. The second thing is someone's crushing grip on my hand. Slowly, I peel my eyes open. That itself is a chore given how heavy my eyelids feel at the moment. Even when my eyes are opened I can't see anything. Blurry images and shapes with vague colors are all that register in my eyes. A voice begins to speak to me. Again, nothing registers. Just the gentle mumble of someone trying to speak to me. An irrational, unspeakable fear consumes me. I can't remember anything. Well, not _anything_. I just can't remember anything recent.

A pain begins to form in my chest as my breathing begins picking up. The voice becomes deeper and quicker. I mentally beg my eyes to work and squint. A pressure is applied to the bottom of my eyes as I feel something slide off of my eyeballs. I shudder, but I'm powerless to stop it. My eyes become even more blurred before _snapping_ back into focus. Julie Farkas' face offers me a fake smile as her tired eyes rove over my face. My friend is close enough I can't see anything beyond her. My throat throbs and aches when I try to form words. Julie's face twists and a gentle finger stills my lips. I barely manage to read her lips as her deep, unintelligible voice rings in my ears.

"Don't speak. Please.". I relax my muscles and stop trying to form words. Julie offers another weak smile. I desperately read her face. Fine lines that I don't remember seeing before, bags have formed underneath her eyes, and her skin itself seems to have lost some of its luster. My irrational fear comes back. I can't remember anything important. I don't remember why I got here, what I was doing before this exact moment, or even what I was doing after I entered the Divide. I suck in a deep breath (that causes Julie to look frightened and touch my neck) before trying to make a mental list of what I remember. I remember my name, gender, affiliation to the NCR, the names of about four of my close Companions (Rex, Lily, Veronica, Cass), my favorite gun, my favorite armor, and a few of my fears.

A painful shudder runs the length of my spine as I remember the darkest memories not even forgetfulness can shake. Benny pressing Maria on my forehead and the shot reverberating inside of my skull; Violet managing to trap me while I was traveling alone before locking me inside a cage and mockingly treating me like one of her damned dogs; and Cass 'training' me until I was broken enough she could touch me whenever she wanted without me crying or fighting. Julie's hands come out and I vaguely feel them coming to rest on either side of my cheeks. Her lips keep moving, but I only catch the end of her sentence.

"...under. For a few hours.". I'm not sure what she's saying, but I can't mistake the medical mask she begins bringing up to my face. My head screams and my neck sharply hurts, but I shake my head a little. Julie hesitates and I can make out what she mouths.

"Thirty more minutes.". I want more than thirty more minutes, but it looks like that's the best I'm going to get at the moment. Julie puts the mask back down and mouths at me.

"Don't try to move.". I can't nod, but the fact I don't move is enough for the woman. Honestly, I don't think I could move even if I wanted to. My limbs are heavy and I can't quite breath properly. Julie's face eventually disappears and I'm left looking up at a tent's ceiling. More mumbling and grumbling, but another face doesn't come before me. Instead, the mask is secured by a hand without a body. Weakly, I try to fight it. I breath shallowly and attempt to raise my arm. My limb is far too heavy to move, and breathing shallowly won't help me forever. My vision blurs on its own accord, or maybe Julie is putting those things back on my eyes again. Either way, another face I can't see swims before my face. I can't make it out, but the last thing I feel is pressure being applied to my cheeks and right between my eyes.

* * *

Honestly, the gun is beautiful. I even have her still tucked away in my Novac home since the Lucky 38 is too open for my liking. Maria is a custom model of an M&A 9mm pistol, and she has M&A Guns Manufacturers stamped on her ass. A pristine image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, a Catholic figure (hence why I know her) and a representation of the biblical Woman of the Apocalypse (I learned that part from some papers in Benny's room), is painted on the pearl grip of the firearm. The entire body of the pistol is engraved with ivory and floral details, with a polished nickel finish and a golden trigger. Maria is truly gorgeous and if she was more powerful I would have kept using her. Sadly, this memory isn't one where I'm behind Maria shooting at ghouls. Instead, I'm at the other end of her.

The barrel is cold and heavy against my forehead. Benny is talking, but I don't give him the satisfaction of looking at him. I'd always knew I'd end up being killed by someone else, and I swore I'd never give him/her the honor of being the last thing I see. Maria is pretty enough, so I look at her while she _bangs_ me in the middle of the skull. My eyes cross as I fall onto my side. A steady, dark stream of blood begins pooling around my head. Constantly, I send signals to my body to run, move, or even to scream. My own body betrays me and refuses to listen as Benny drags me into my grave.

* * *

I snap and snarl and kick like a wild beast as Violet heaves me into her arms. Her grinning, filthy face looms above me as she carries me back to her junkyard she calls a home. Her dogs are baying and howling as they _snap_ at my heels and head. The net constricting around me makes me powerless to swat the hounds away. This entire situation is my fault, though. I only have leather armor and Maria, so it would've been smart for me to kill whatever came at me. Instead, I hesitates when Violet's dogs found me snooping around looking for her. The NCR commanded me to kill Violet before returning with her head, but they only warned me she had dogs. I'd thought that meant she would have dogs that would bark when I came near. I didn't imagine she'd have dogs that would actually attack me.

So, when the dog came to me I thought it wanted petting. Instead, it had bit my armor, yanked me from my hiding place, and howled to warn his mistress. Obviously, I'd fled. I'd also failed to notice a primitive trap Violet had set up to trap anyone entering her area. I'd hit it from the wrong side, but it still activated. 'Activated' being the net wrapping completely around my legs and torso in order to immobilize me. Violet had, thankfully, reached me before her hounds could reach me and tear me to shreds. I'd quickly learned not to be thankful when Violet strips me down before locking me in a dog's cage to treat me exactly like she does her hounds for a week.

Violet had insisted on feeding me like I was one of her dogs. Which meant raw human flesh and turbo. Obviously, I'd refused. Somehow, Violet dragging me from my cage, sitting on my chest, and plugging my nose until I was almost unconscious made me decide the meat and turbo were better than being strangled to death. Violet had let me get away with just eating for a while. To just lie in my cage and whimper until she forced me to eat. Eventually, she got bored and decided that beating me like I'm a dog would be even more fun. I'd fought at first. Then, she'd let the dogs get at me.

Once they'd mauled me properly, she beat me and shoved me back inside my cage. The next time she gave me a choice. Come out of my cage on my own and not get mauled before my beating, or stay inside and get mauled again before she beat me. I'd come out on my own. Near the final days of the week, Violet decided she wanted to start 'playing' with me. Violet would put my cage on the ground, face me towards freedom, and stab me in the ass if I refused. She'd give me five minutes before she'd chase me down and beat me like a dog. If I ever got too far away Violet would let her dogs out to track me, then beat me when they drug my bloody form back to her. The week ended when she forgot to lock my cage and I manged to sneak away at night when her and her hounds were asleep.

* * *

The rough, harsh ground scrapes against my naked body as I struggle to crawl away from my attacker. A heavy boot comes to rest on the small of my back. I scream and begin kicking and clawing backwards. My hands are already raw and my feet are cut open. The boot applies even more pressure until my back is radiating enough pain to get me to quiet down. I fall still and bury my crying face in the dirt. I've already begged and cried and screamed, but I do it again.

"Please!". Crushing force is applied to my spine. I cry out and desperately begin thrashing my head around to see where I can escape. The desert slopes to my right and leads into a slowly moving creek. To my left there's miles and miles of barren land. I begin yanking myself forward as I yell for help.

"REX!". I hear his paws pounding over the dirt. I've called for him before, but only now my calls are desperate enough for him to override his natural instinct to 'stay' whenever I tell him to. My assailant screams as Rex tackles her to the ground.

"REX!". This time it's her screaming. Already, I know what's going to happen. Rex will hop off of her because she's my friend and my dog will think he's made a mistake and fucked up. She'll scream at Rex and he'll just sit down and stew in confusion. Then, the next time I scream he won't come. It's not his fault. He'll just be waiting here like he was told. Like a good boy.

Although, I already knew this because I've been in this situation before. Rex was only a distraction. I roll into the river and allow it to begin carrying me away. It's not enough. The river's too slow and Cass is too quick. I howl and beg and fight as she drags me from the safety of the water. The wounds on my belly and back are beginning to bleed, and none of my other injuries have stopped hurting. This is the worst Cass has hurt me since she found me hiding from her in Zion Canyon the day after she was done training me there. I remember Cass took pity on me when she first started doing this. I could cry and scream to get her to stop and let me go. Now she'll only stop if I start throwing up. I've already tried forcing myself to heave something up tonight, and my throat is burning from the effort.

I already know tonight's going to be long and fulfilling for her. Cass shoves me back to the ground and places her body on top of mine. I scream for Rex again, but it doesn't work. Instead, a piece of ice is forced into my bleeding, burning mouth. Tonight is the first time I break. The first time I give up and let Cass hold me after what she's done, and the first time I don't run from her in the morning. It's the first time, but it won't be the last.


	27. Ebony Eyes

_A Few Inches from the Courier..._

I stroke the Courier's arm as I watch her gently breathe. The woman didn't get to see me when she woke up, but I'm sure she'll get to talk to me soon enough. The first thing I need to do is apologize to her for all I've done. For the beatings, therapy, and everything else I've ever done to her. Honestly, I'm not too sorry for what I've done. I just want the Courier to spend time with me again. She's innocent/stupid enough I know she'll accept my apology. That's when I'll be able to do what I want to her again. I'll just have to be more subtle than grabbing her and forcing her to the ground.

I'll have to be gentle with her until she finally realizes she wants what I'm doing to her. I'm sure she does. What person doesn't want more physical affection and the ability to look someone directly in the eyes? She's better for what I've done. Everything I did was for her own good. Touching her taught her to allow people to have physical contact with her, forcing her to look me in the eye trained her to do that with everyone, and the beatings taught her not to enjoy rough touching anyone. Eventually, I'd hoped she would be normal. Only she never got that far. I suppose that's for the best. If she became normal, then I would've have had her all to myself. Now she's sort of normal, but she's still all mine. My own special person I don't have to share with anyone ever.

A grumble by my foot causes Veronica to come to my mind. She's been a good friend. It'll be a shame I have to do to her what needs to be done. I'd originally intended on not caring about the woman's fate, but now I realize she's too powerful to not care about. If I was to run away with the Courier slung over my shoulder, then Veronica would hunt me down. It might take her a day or it might take her twenty years; either way, the woman would find me and either force me to give back the Courier, or kill her in a fight. I'm still not going to kill the woman because of this, though. I'm just going to find a way to make sure she can't follow me once I have the Courier on my side and willingly to leave with me. I'm still stroking the Courier when Julie comes in.

She looks a little shocked to see me here this early in the morning; thankfully, she doesn't ask me any questions. Instead, the doctor comes over and takes off the Courier's mask for the tenth time within the last twenty-four hours. Slowly, the woman's been allowing the Courier to stay awake longer and longer with each removal of her mask. The last time she was up she was even able to talk a little and seemed to know who Julie was. All the Courier wanted to talk about was why she felt like shit, but it was progress. Julie even promised she'd allow the Courier to see Veronica and I the next time she woke up. Hence, why I wasn't able to get a good night's sleep.

Julie slowly cuts the gas going into the Courier's mask off over a period of about five minutes. Finally, the sickly woman starts to grumble and Julie lightly taps Veronica awake with her foot. Veronica heaves herself up and I stand up beside the Courier's bed. Julie, smartly, moves to the side to allow both of us to be the first people the Courier sees. The Courier leisurely takes her time opening her eyes. The blue orbs have hardly changed since she's been put under. Oddly, it's comforting to know some part of the woman will always be uniquely and wholly her. For a few seconds her eyes roll around in her skull with a thick fog covering them. Finally, she seems to get her body under control. Her eyes stop moving and the film moves away. Her pupils dilate and the Courier scans both Veronica and I within a few seconds.

Her reaction is a dulled one due to the drugs and medications being pumped into her to keep her from dying. The Courier squints at both of us, her face twists up in a mixture of panic/confusion, and an ' _eek_ ' noise comes from the depths of her throat. The Courier grabs onto the bar on the side of her bed and starts desperately trying to yank herself away from Veronica and I. The Courier's coyote growls from underneath the blankets and the Courier stops with another confused look splattered across her face. Veronica goes to reach for the Courier. I beat her to the punch. I reach out and take the Courier's hand in mine. Her eyes snap to meet mine. Already, she's shuddering and locking eyes with me. A wetness is beginning to film over her blue orbs. I squeeze her hand and whisper to her.

"I'm sorry.". Her shuddering slowly stops and she movers around until she's back in her original position. She doesn't break eye contact with me, but she's no longer trying to get away. I lean down and take her in my arms. Her muscles are tenses and she's shaking; however, I've trained her well and she doesn't try to break free from me. I squeeze her tight as I whisper in her ear only loud enough for her to hear.

"Will you please forgive me for what I did to you? Can we be friends?". Shakily, her head is nodded against my shoulder. I squeeze her just a little tighter before pulling away. Slowly, I release her hand. I manage to peak a glance over at Veronica. The woman is shooting daggers at me with her eyes and I realize why fairly quickly. The Courier hates being touched by anyone at any time. Veronica thought herself special, but my display of affection (a hug that wasn't immediately interrupted) has proven to her she's not special. I've put a giant target on my back. Silently, I curse myself as Julie pushes us outside to examine the Courier in peace.

* * *

 _A Few Inches from Julie Farkas..._

When I enter Camp McCarran I have Violet's head clutched tightly in my hands. The woman laughed when she saw me, then dropped to her knees to whistle and motion at me like I was a dog. She'd been at the top of her pile of rubble and her dogs were surrounding her, so there wasn't much I could do. Thankfully, Veronica and Rex had been there to help me this time. All I had to do was distract Violet. Dropping to my hands and knees was enough. Her dogs had surrounded me to curiously sniff at the woman they once knew, but Violet had stayed at the top of her pile. Rex and Veronica struck after Violet sat down, still cackling, and patted the ground beside her to indicate where she wanted me. I'd started to climb the pile on my hand and knees to keep the illusion going.

That's when Veronica and Rex had attacked her from behind. My faithful hound had bitten deep enough in her arm to hold her tight while Veronica went about caving her lungs in. Violet's dogs had roared and charged us, but Rex managed to puff himself up enough to scare them away. Veronica had watched intently as I sawed Violet's head off. I was (obviously) upset about what Violet had put me through and how I'd suffered at her hands, but for some reason Veronica was even more riled by what Violet had done to me. She seemed almost obsessive about it.

Violet was one of the last two fiend leaders alive and I'd wanted to kill her; it's just that I was fine with waiting. If Violet wasn't killed for a few months or years, then so be it. I didn't want to jinx my luck and become another one of her hounds again. Finally, when it got to bothering me I told Veronica about what happened to me. Veronica had gone into an absolute rage and demanded we go kill Violet. I'd tried to argue, but Veronica wasn't hearing it. She forced me to go and use myself as bait in order for her and Rex to kill Violet. Now I just need to return the head. Veronica walked right beside me with our shoulders brushing the entire way. She doesn't even leave my side when I return to Major Dhatri and give him the fiend's head. The man nods in appreciation, pays me, and lets me go about my business.

An urge to visit Betsy comes over me since it's been a while since I've seen her. I like her and we get along well together. Her flirtations haven't amounted to anything yet, but she's implied if everything aligned under the right circumstances there's a possibility she'd take it further. I wouldn't imagine that it would be anything serious; though, even a little fun now and then is fine by me. The Mojave isn't the type of place to marry anyone or try to raise a family. The closest you can get is promising not to fuck anyone while your other half is away.

If I ever met someone that made me what to commit to them that much, then I'd take them back east where I was raised. There you have some semblance of safety where firm partnerships are more likely to be established (though, they're still uncommon) and you can raise a child without fearing something will eat them while you're asleep. Sadly, Betsy isn't that for me. I just like hearing her dote over me since she does it in a way that makes me feel a little better about myself. Betsy is also one of the few people who doesn't say anything about my intelligence. Back east I was smart enough to be called 'average' while in the Mojave I'm an idiot.

Betsy only ever mentions how pretty and sweet I am, so it's just a nice change of pace. And, if our flirtations gets beyond flirtation it'll just be a nice bonus. I find Betsy at her normal table in one of the tents designated for soldiers to eat. The sniper offers me a small, confident smile as she waves me over. I've hardly stepped a foot into the tent when a hand tightly grips my shoulder. I look over at Veronica. Her eyes are narrowed and she's shaking her head at me.

"Veronica?". She begins pulling me away from Betsy. I can't even spare the soldier a glance as my friend guides me to the outskirts of the camp where Rex is waiting. My dog begins wagging his tail when he sees me. Veronica ignores Rex as she turns me towards her. I'm beginning to shake at the hand touching me, but I swallow down my uncomfortable feeling. Cass has taught me what happens when I fight back, and she's claimed that everyone else is willing to eventually do the same 'training' to me when they tire of my 'antics'. I tried explaining that they weren't 'antics' to Cass. She ignored me and when we parted ways she again warned me that whoever I brought with me will do the same training if I'm not able to control myself. I'm not sure if Cass was telling me the truth, but I haven't wanted to test that theory. Veronica's grip remains tight as she explains why she wouldn't let me near Betsy.

"I don't trust her.". I open my lips to begin telling her why Betsy can be trusted. Veronica places a finger against my lips and shakes her head to silence me. I remain silent as Veronica tells me why.

"She's using you to gain rank. Having you as a friend could get her places she couldn't get on her own.". I try arguing with Veronica. Once again, my lack of intelligence works against me. I can't think of any argument strong enough to defeat Veronica's argument. Eventually, I relent. I silently allow Veronica to lead me from the camp. I can only hope Betsy will forgive me.


	28. Dies Irae

_A Few Inches from the Courier..._

I act as quickly as possible when I realize Julie has left my friend alone for the night, and that Cass is still getting drunk in some hole somewhere. My friend remains unconscious and unresponsive as I make my way over to her. Carefully, I examine her. Her skin has almost completely returned to its normal pale with only a little yellow around her eyes, lips, and nose; a lump in her stomach in addition to a new feeding tubes shows that she has full control of her digestive systems back; and her ability to now breathe through a nasal cannula implies her diaphragm is finally able to work on its own. Julie has implied within a month we'll be moving the Courier either to Novac or Goodsprings. Somewhere far away from New Vegas in order to let the Courier recover in peace.

There'll be medicine to give and therapy to go through, but once she's out of New Vegas she'll at least have a path to follow. Julie assured us that our friend isn't going to be a ghoul or become even stupider; however, there is one thing we'll need to examine before leaving. We'll need to run her SPECIAL before leaving, and that'll reveal if there's permanent damage or not. If her stats are lowered because of a penalty, then she could _technically_ get her stat back to where it once was. If it's been permanently lowered without a penalty appearing, then she'll forever have that stat lowered.

Honestly, I hope some of her stats are permanently downed. Her losing her strength or endurance will make her more dependent on me. At this point I think I've given up on defending myself to myself. I'm a good person. I believe in doing what's right, I've always fought the good fight, and I've never abused the Courier. I'm definitely a good person. It's normal to want a little for myself. This 'little' being feeding my fetish for the Courier's innocence. It's not like I'm hurting her. She doesn't know what happens when she falls asleep. It's fine. My hand comes up and I find myself beginning to move my friend's thin, baggy white t-shirt upwards.

Obviously, starving herself for so long has taken away her tremendous tits. I'll miss those, but it's not like there's nothing left to look at. Her chest still has (barely) enough fat to cover her mammary glands. I'm once again disappointed her tits have gone from barely being able to be held in my hands to barely enough to fit my palm. I resign myself to her smaller assets and decide to get on with what I'm going to do before Julie or Cass walks in and spots what I'm doing. I rub the Courier's nipples until they're hard and spend time feeling the familiar bumps in her areola. I press the flesh together and cup it in my hands while running my thumbs over her nipples. The Courier shows no signs of feeling what I'm doing to her.

Oddly, I can't quite get past a certain thought. A future where the Courier knows what I'm doing and allows it. A future where I don't have to wait until she's asleep to do this to her. It's a dream that'll never happen, but I still yearn for it. Having her unconscious while I feel her pleases me; I just think feeling her while she's awake would please me more. I crawl up onto the bed with the woman and straddle her lap. Slowly, I remove my left hand from her tit and cut off the gas going into her nasal cannula. My left hand goes up to her face and I slide her blanket over her head (after taking the blanket off of her lap where I'd pushed it down to in order to get to her tit), then force her jaw shut underneath the blanket. The Courier's coyote grumbles underneath the bed where he's hiding, but doesn't fight me.

I keep fondling the woman with my right hand as I bear my entire weight down on her fragile, weak body. There's no way in hell she'll be able to throw me off of her. It takes a few minutes before the woman's awake and fighting. Her muscles have fled her and she can only weakly beat against my chest beneath the blanket in a desperate attempt to move me. I remain where I am and close my eyes. For a few minutes I enjoy what I'm doing. The Courier trying to flee as I keep feeling and getting to know the new flesh that greets me.

Eventually, my curiosity is satisfied. I lean over, take my hand off of the woman's tit, and turn the gas back up to where it was. I use both of my hands to cover the Courier's eyes until I feel her go still. Slowly, I lift the veil and peak down into the darkness. No vibrantly blue eyes meet mine and I'm able to safely move the blanket back to where it belongs. I make up her bed and her until it doesn't look as if anything's off. I pat the Courier on the head and kiss her between the eyes. I've finished just in time because I hear the _crunching_ of footsteps coming towards me. I move backwards and face the entrance to the tent.

Julie Farkas and Arcade enter with a few medical tools in their grasps. The tools are sharp, have tubes tied to a few of them, and all of the instruments connect to one reading device. Julie places the monitor part of the item on a table, then begins sticking it in the Courier or wrapping parts of it around her arm. Cass appears when they're finishing up and carefully/slowly walks over to stand beside me. The woman stinks of booze and from the way she's being unusually still I can tell she's at least somewhat drunk. Julie keeps attaching the machine while explaining what it will do.

"This will measure her SPECIAL and vital signs. If it's all well and good, then we can start discussing when to send her to Novac.". The machine hums and beeps for a while until it lets out a hiss. Julie examines it, bites her lips, and reads off the SPECIAL first.

"Two strength. Suffering a four point penalty from six. Three perception. Suffering a five point penalty from eight. One endurance. Suffering an eight point penalty from nine. Five charisma. Suffering a two point penalty from seven. One intelligence. Permanent damage, but that shows the permanent modifier has been in effect for years. So, no change. Two agility. Suffering a three point penalty from five. Four luck. Suffering a one point penalty from five.". She taps away on the machine for a little more before talking again.

"If she had any implants all of them, besides the one for luck, have been passed through urination when she became heavily radiated.". She stops tapping on her machine and turns towards us.

"Only her intelligence will be permanently locked, and it looks like her brain was scarred when the radiation began getting heavy enough to possibly turn her into a ghoul. It actually looks like the scarring is what saved her from becoming a ghoul or knocking her intelligence down to zero.". She reaches out and pats the Courier's hand.

"Everything actually looks promising. The only negative effect, mentally, that can't be undone is using any implants or items to bump her intelligence up.". My spine shouldn't tingle like it does. I've just been told my closest friend has severe scarring on her brain, and it's now so bad she'll never be able to be smarter than what she was before. I should feel pity and compassion for her. Instead, I just feel happy for myself. She'll always need someone now. Every single time (without fail) when she's alone she gets into trouble. Benny shot her in the head when she was alone, Violet captured her when she was alone, and she almost became a ghoul when she was alone. Besides, it'll take years for her to get her SPECIAL back to what it once was. If I wasn't there for her, then she'd probably die.

Another tingle runs up my spine. Cass shifting her weight beside me reminds me that I'm not the only one vying for the Courier's attention and affection. Cass just wants someone that she can have all to herself. The idea that she has something special with someone else that nobody else can have is what does it for her. The Courier's innocence is what does it for me. Honestly, neither of us are very good, but mine isn't as harmful. I mentally try to think of any way to separate Cass from the Courier without looking suspicious, and when it would be best to do so. I can't think of anything.

Julie making a humming sound brings me out of my mind to pay attention to the woman. She's back to looking at her machine. She bites her lips and keeps tapping away for a few minutes. Arcade keeps adjusting the straps or messing with the needles in the Courier's skin. Finally, after five minutes Julie turns back to Cass and I.

"She's doing surprisingly well. If you two were ready, then we could move her out within a week. She's still too weak to walk, but she won't have all the medical equipment weighing her down. If you both took turns you could easily carry her.". I look over the Courier's body and know Julie's not exaggerating. My friend looks as if we could only weigh a little less than a hundred pounds if she was soaking wet. Cass asks a question I probably should have asked.

"What will we have to do with her?". Julie starts unhooking my friend from the machine she brought in as she tells us limitations.

"She won't be able to talk until she's able to swallow, and she hasn't swallowed on her own since you two found her. Working on getting her to eat small portions of food by mouth and drinking would be top priority. I'd also like to see the two of you begin working on building her muscles back up. Finally, getting her walking and able to do daily activities would be the last step. So far, she's shown she's regained control of her breathing along with basic bodily functions.". Julie reaches out and turns the knob of the Courier's gas until it's off. The woman motions to us. As we walk she explains the situation.

"Arcade will explain the current situation to the Courier. I'll, briefly, train you two to take care of and rehabilitate her.". Cass and I remain silent as Julie takes us away.

* * *

 _Hundreds of Miles from Veronica..._

I turn the dials on the radio until I hear Dennis Crocker's voice come through.

"Colonel Moore? Status?". I try not to grind my teeth together as I report.

"Negative for Primm even with local cooperation. I'll be heading up to Novac. Expect a delayed response as the people of Novac don't have an official NCR presence.". Static. I wait until Crocker comes through again.

"Acknowledged. General Lee Oliver hasn't seen any signs of her in Goodsprings, and the locals have been helpful. He headed out for Jacobstown three days ago.". I sigh and shake my head. When Crocker doesn't continue I tell him the current plan.

"I'll get headed out to Novac with my men. Have you put up the wanted posters yet?". His response is quick enough I don't even have time to hear the static.

"Negative, but they just finishes printing up an hour ago. I'll get them out as soon as possible. Over.". His first use of 'over' signifies he wants to be let go. I give him what he wants and cut my radio signal off.


	29. The Long Black Veil

_Hundreds of Miles from Moore..._

My vision blurs and swings when I'm first released from my cloud of slumber. Instinctively, my muscles tighten and I squint in an attempt to prepare myself for consciousness. I'm not entirely sure what happened last time I awoke, but I don't want it to happen again. All I can truly remember is someone pinning me down and touching me in some way. Thankfully, when my vision clears I see two of my closest friends and one of my most trusted doctors waiting for me. Julie Farkas offers me a smile and I try to speak. Her fingers on my lips stop me. I see an emotion cross her face that I can't identify. Julie tells me once again why I can't speak.

"We don't have your teeth in yet. We'll put them in as soon as you're moved to your rehabilitation center, then you'll be able to talk.". I nod a tiny bit. Julie hasn't been letting me even look in a mirror, try to speak, or even raise my own arms to look at my hands. It terrified me at first, but I trust Julie. That's why I've followed all of her advice to the letter. My doctor rubs my head a little and makes me a promise.

"We're going to move you, but we need to tell you where and how first.". I nod. I trust her, and I know she'll do what's best for me. Julie stops touching me head.

"Cass and Veronica are going to take turns carrying you, and when they stop you'll be in Novac. They're going to avoid towns and settlements, though.". I nod a tiny bit and the woman gives me a small smile.

"Alright. Now, there are some things you need to know.". I feel a hand intertwine with both of my own hands. I can't look, but I know Cass and Veronica are holding my hands. I try to make eye-contact with Julie to avoid having to look at Cass, but it's not use. Eventually, I break eye-contact and look just slightly above Julie's eyes. If anyone notices they don't call me out. I might have forgiven Cass for what she's done since she seemed so heartfelt and sincere, but that doesn't mean I'm over the training she hardwired into me. I stop concentrating on eye-contact as I listen to what Julie has to say to me.

"You're thin. Really, really thin. You're going to look at yourself and not recognize yourself. That's okay. Your hair is only a little bit of fuzz right now and you don't have any teeth. That's also fine. You don't have any muscle and are going to need help doing just about everything. That's fine. You're going to feel like shit and be in pain once we start weening you off the medications. That's fine. You're going to look like a completely different person than you once were, but the important thing is that you don't let it get to you. Alright?". When I nod she turns from me. Julie begins discussing with Cass and Veronica what they need to bring, how they need to carry me, and what I can and can't eat.

I focus on not panicking. It's like I've been asleep for years, then woke up to find out that everything is different about me. I squeeze the hands holding mine tighter. I'll need them to get through this. They're my closest friends and I trust them both with my life. If they can't help me through this time, then nobody else can. Finally, Julie walks out of my line of sight before returning with a thick bag. She hands the bag to Veronica, then begins fiddling with something by my side. Veronica and Julie both move out of my sight. Cass comes around, scoops me up in her arms, and lifts me out of the bed. I'm numbed by painkillers, so I don't make a single noise when I'm yanked from my refuge. Veronica reappears and places a three-legged coyote on my stomach. I begin petting the animal as Cass carries me.

I turn my eyes downwards and curl up on myself. Cass is carrying me like I'm her bride, only I'm bent over and my lower back is dangling down from Cass' grip. That means I'm stuck looking at my coyote companion while my hands are trapped behind my knees. It's an awkward position to be in, but I don't dare say anything to Cass. Slowly, I rest my head against her chest. I work on calming my breathing down. I've never slept without a mask around my face, so it's a struggle to fall asleep even when unconsciousness is my last refuge. The thumping of Cass' heart is what finally lulls me into sleep.

* * *

 _A Few Inches from the Courier..._

I have my gun already loaded and dangling by my side. I could do it right now. I'd just have to find a way to gently remove one arm from the Courier, grab my gun, and fire into Veronica. The woman's walking ahead of me with complete trust. The Courier would be awoken by the noise, though. I could just start running and not give her enough time to see what was going on, then claim bandits or legion attacked and killed her. Only that's too risky in case she starts getting suspicious. I suppose I could always use my knife. Just dig it out of my boot somehow, then stab Veronica in the back both figuratively and literally. Veronica wouldn't make a noise when she went down, I could continue on to Novac, and nobody would be the wiser. We're in the middle of nowhere right now.

If Veronica's body was ever found, then whoever stumbled across it wouldn't bother investigating. One more murdered soul in the Mojave is nothing to look too hard at. The only thing stopping me is the fact the Courier's coyote is still awake. He can't tattle on me, but might start barking whenever I move or go to kill Veronica. Besides, I can't carry the bag, coyote, and Courier all at once. It's easier to have Veronica along. Even if it means more of a headache for me later. I'll just have to find a way to kill her in Novac and either hide her corpse, or convince everyone someone else did it.

Honestly, I wish it didn't have to come to this. I wish Veronica wouldn't have been so close to the Courier. But she is, and this has to happen. Veronica is protective enough that she won't let me just spirit the Courier away. And, if I leave her alive and spirit the Courier away two things could possibly happen. Veronica will hunt me down herself and either take the Courier for herself, or kill me and take the Courier for herself. There's also a chance Veronica will simply inform the NCR that I have the Courier and went rogue. That'll result in the NCR hunting me down, killing me, and killing the Courier. None of those options sound fun. I could, possibly, convince Veronica to come with me and share the Courier. She seems reasonable and selfish enough to like that. Only I don't like that.

The Courier originally traveled with me and I know her better. She was mine to begin with. My friend nuzzles deeper into my chest and I inwardly sigh. When did it get like this? I use to be her friend. I use to just be content with traveling with her. I guess some part of me liked having something to baby and take care of. When my caravan company went under I just focused on the Courier instead. Her idiocy got me hooked. She needed me to take care of her. She was something to consume all of my time and energy. Like a project or company that relied on a sole person to run it.

Then, she started trying to get smarter. I think that's where it all went downhill. I started interfering and making it to where she'd always need my help. Maybe I couldn't give up the one thing I had going for me. If she left me, then I'd just be sitting around the Mojave Outpost drinking all of the time. That's not a life I want. So, I'm selfish. I want the Courier to stay dumb and weak so she'll need me, and I'll always have something to do. And, I like the Courier. I truly do. I still consider her a friend. Now that's not bad, is it? To just want to help my friend while helping myself. A little selfish, but not too bad. The only thing I've ever done to cause her direct distress was when I trained her to look me in the eye and let me touch her, but that helped both of us!

I got to finally touch her and look her in the eyes to further baby her, and she was finally able to act some semblance of normal. It was a compromise for both parties. She only got a little smarter and I still got to baby her. It works out for everyone. Veronica is a sick fuck, though. She wants to fuck the Courier. I would have fucked the Courier when the woman had large tits and I was drunk enough, but not now. Veronica is thinking about someone with the mind of a child in a sexual way. That's just wrong. I adjust the Courier in my arms as we continue walking. I don't care what Veronica thinks or does. I'm not giving the Courier up. Ever.

* * *

 _Hundreds of Miles from Cass and Veronica..._

I _slam_ the doctor against the wall as I place my face only a few inches away from his. Henry cringes and Calamity begins cursing at me. I snarl at the doctor a question I've already asked him multiple times.

" _Where is she_?!". The man sticks to his guns. "I don't know where the Courier is!". I tighten my grip on his shirt, pull him away from the wall, and _slam_ him back into it. Something _cracks_ and he groans as his face twists in pain. I press him harder into the wall and spittle lands on him as I keep screaming at the man.

"She came to you to get her dog's brain fixed, and you have to know where she is!". I _slam_ him again and another _crack_ greets my ears. I continue my interrogation.

"The transmission ended near a canyon only a few miles from here, scouts reported a brahmin with three people leave here a few weeks ago, and you're the only doctor capable of treating wounds!". I don't _slam_ him again, but I give him a helpful reminder.

"The Courier would have bullet wounds. You're the only one capable of treating them.". He shakes his head. I rear in preparation of slamming him again, but one of my boys speaks up.

"Can we describe the two who went off looking for the Courier?". I hesitate and inwardly curse myself. Cass and Veronica would have to be traveling with her now. We didn't print wanted posters for them, but they would still be known. I nod and rattle off a description of Cass and Veronica off. Henry shakes his head. I _slam_ him yet again. A series of _cracks_ as the man closes his eyes and begins panting. His assistance is the one that breaks.

"New Vegas! We sent them to New Vegas!". I feel a vein in my neck twitch. That bitch is planning something. There's no other reason a soldier like her would go to New Vegas. I drop Henry and begin running.


	30. Med-X Blues

_Hundreds of Miles from Moore and a Few Inches from Cass..._

I roll over in bed and feel my arm connect with a familiar form. My hand grasps and moves until I feel a nose in my grasp. I honk it. Veronica _smacks_ my hand away. I mumble.

"Sorry.". I roll back over and begin grasping around on the floor beside my bed. I don't even bother opening my eyes as I find my pack of cigarettes. My lighter is in my pocket, so I roll even further off of the bed until I'm barely dangling on it. I dig my lighter out of my pocket before rolling back into place. Veronica mumbles and slaps me on the back. I mumble around the cigarette I'm placing in between my lips.

"Sorry.". I hate using a lighter. My fingers always get dirty and I'm not very good at using them. Thankfully, the fact we're inside makes it a little easier. I inhale through my mouth while holding the flame up to my cigarette. I hold the smoke in my mouth long enough to annoy me, then suck in down into my lungs. Veronica begins to mumble and wake fully. I focus on holding the smoke in for as long as I can. While I hold the smoke, I allow my lighter to turn off and toss it back onto the floor when it belongs. I multitask and exhale the smoke through my nose while using my hand nearest the side of the bed to reach down to close my package of cigarettes. Slowly, I inhale more smoke into my mouth. The first time I smoked it caused me to cough and my mouth to burn when I held the smoke in my mouth.

Thankfully, I got over that after fifteen years of smoking. I suck the smoke down into my lungs. If I do this properly, then I can manage to savor a cigarette for almost half of an hour. My happiest day in the Mojave so far was just lying in bed with Veronica all day and slowly smoking through an entire pack of cigarettes and drinking through a few bottles of whiskey and wine. Unfortunately, Veronica made it well-known that that day was easily the worst day for her, and that we were never doing that again since Veronica doesn't smoke or drink like I do. I'm still puffing away when I begin digging around for the bottle I rolled down beside me last night.

I dig around for almost a whole five minutes before giving up. My eyes are peeled open and I use the dim light coming through my boarded windows to find the half-drunk bottle of cheap wine. I roll and stretch until my fingers brush against it, then yank the bottle back to me. I roll back into my bed and hear the noise I was dreading. Veronica finally moving around and preparing to get up. I start puffing like my life depends on it. A cloud of smoke surrounds my head and begins wafting up to my ceiling to join the cloud of smoke already there. Hot ash falls on my bed, myself, and the floor as I finish the cigarette in less than thirty seconds. I spit the filter onto the floor and start downing the bottle of wine while rolling to lie on my back.

Veronica is already sitting up and leaning against the wall the head of my best rests against. Thankfully, her eyes are closed. My friends, however, eventually opens them _just_ as I'm finishing the bottle. She doesn't disapprove of my drinking, but she always makes it clear she's not the biggest fan of it.

"Already drinking? I doubt it's even ten in the morning.". I nod. The sun's barely getting through into my room, so it's probably only around seven or so. Veronica sniffs and looks up towards the ceiling.

"Did you smoke?". I shake my head and swallow the last of the contents of the bottle. I toss the empty glass as far away from my bed as I can. Veronica cringes and I smile at the _crash_ it makes. Veronica keeps looking up towards the ceiling and mumbles.

"Your room has shitty venting.". I shrug and roll over to pull my special box from beneath the bed. I can probably get a little fun in without Veronica seeing. I find Turbo, Jet, Psycho, and Med-X in my box. I've burned through a few of the other chemicals. I was never one to use drugs, but Violet feeding my Turbo got the urge to use inside my head. I don't want to use the Turbo or Jet. I feel like sticking myself today. There's a certain delight in seeing the needle go in that huffing something can't replicate. I decide on Med-X and carefully take it from my box. I flip my other arm over the edge of the bed.

I dig around in my box to find swabs of cotton with alcohol already soaked into it. I swab the area around the crook on my elbow since it's where I usually inject. Hopefully, my vein hasn't collapsed yet. That happened to my other arm and I haven't been able to get a solid hit in it for weeks. Anytime I try to inject into my right arm I'll just hard a large, hard blister form underneath my skin. The drug takes hours to dissolve when it's not inside a vein, it's extremely painful since it always feels like it's burning, and it's never enough to get high on. I finish swabbing. Then, I place the needle so it's placed almost flat on the skin. I do my best to make sure the needle doesn't get wiggled around too much. Slowly, I push the needle into myself. I angle it so needle is inserted down the length of the vein and not across it.

Going across it makes it easier to accidentally poke through the other side of my vein or to pull out entirely. I savor the feeling and look of the needle slowly being pushed inside me until the syringe is almost flat against the skin. I don't stop pushing until I feel the needle is deep enough. I've pushed it in far enough to keep the syringe from accidentally being jostled around when I inject the Med-X. It also prevents the needle from being pulled out or pushed through the side of the vein. I savor the feeling for a few seconds. Finally, I pull the plunger up a tiny bit.

Blood fills the very tip of the Med-X pen. Med-X is a legitimate drug distributed by doctors, so I already know that no air is going to get into it. However, I stay safe and tilt the syringe a tiny bit. No bubbles. Just Med-X and blood. Veronica begins to move about and I have no doubt in my mind she's suspicious. I slam the plunger down, yank the needle from my arm, and shove the Med-X into the box before shoving the box underneath my bed. I roll back around in one swift motion and nearly knock Veronica in the face. My friend cringes and asks an obvious question.

"What were you doing?". I cover instantly.

"Having a cigarette.". She eyes me.

"You don't have a cigarette with you?". I flip back over, grab my cigarette and lighter, and flip back over to Veronica. I shove the cigarette between my lips, light the bastard, and begin puffing away even quicker than I did before when I was trying to hide it. Within twenty seconds the cigarette is gone and a smog of smoke is surrounding my head like a halo. Veronica coughs and begins fending off the smoke from reaching her. I offer her a small smile. Veronica rolls her eyes before rolling out of bed.

"Mind if I shower?". She doesn't wait for me to answer and I scoff a tiny bit. She never asks before doing whatever she wants. Though, it's probably for the best right about now. The Med-X is starting to go to work. A comfortable lethargic feeling is starting to come over me. I snuggle down in my bed before fishing another cigarette out. I'm able to enjoy this one and take it slow. While I smoke, I carefully make my way around my room in order to find another bottle. Vodka is the first thing I find. It's already been open, and when I sniff it smells like Rex's mouth. I chastise my dog.

"Rex!". He grumbles from somewhere in my mess of a room.

"REX!". His head pops out of a pile of dirty clothes. I snicker as I see my underpants are dangling from his nose. Rex licks his chops and begins hopping over towards me. _Well, shit_. Now I have to fend off Rex from taking my bottle. Rex chases me around my room for a few seconds with my panties still dangling from his snout. Finally, he steps in an opened box of chocolates Betsy got me. I leap into my bed as I watch the hound go to work on the box with my underwear still wrapped around his snout.

"Can robotic dogs have chocolate?". He snorts, but his tail begins wagging as he eats. I've gave him five bottles of beer in one sitting once and he was fine, so I go ahead and assume he's going to be okay. Hopefully, Betsy won't ask if I enjoyed her chocolates. They were little chocolate bottles filled with liquor and I love them, but I'm not going to take them away from Rex. He seems to enjoy them even more than I do, and they're a good distraction to let me enjoy my bottle of vodka.

I take a deep, full breath. Slowly, I exhale. Finally, I begin chugging the vodka like there's no tomorrow. Rex and I finish our snacks at the same time. The Med-X has gotten to me and I'm starting to tingle all over. I lean back against my bed and watch Rex. My hound manages to dig around in my room and finds a meatball sub sandwich. I whistle. Rex looks reluctant, but brings me the wrapped sandwich without too much fuss. I split it with him for his kindness. Unfortunately, mold has gotten to quite a bit of the sandwich. I eye mine and ask my dog a question.

"Can robotic dogs eat mold?". I look up from my sandwich and see his half has already disappeared. I chuckle a little before using my nails to scrape off the moldy parts, then pass them to Rex. I'm left with maybe a fourth of the sandwich. I ask my dog another question.

"Can _I_ eat a sandwich that had mold on it, but doesn't anymore?". The dog licks his chops and sits up on his haunches to beg for my part of the sandwich. I ignore him and shove the meatball sub in my gullet. I'm chowing down on the sub when Veronica reappears with her hair wet and ruffled. She smiles at me, but her smile falters when she sees the box Rex dug up out of the depths of my room. I swallow my food as Veronica kneels to the ground, picks up my empty box of chocolates, and stands up.

"What's this?". My heart sinks. I try lying.

"Chocolates I bought from the dinosaur outside.". Veronica crushes the box in her hands and rejoins me on the bed. I avoid eye-contact and shudder a little. Veronica asks me again.

"Where did you get the chocolates?". I stick to my guns.

"The dinosaur.". Veronica sighs and sits back. I hear her apply my medication to a rag. Veronica uses her free hand to yank my head towards her. She sneers.

"Your eyes are constricted.". She runs her hand down the length of my face.

"You're sweating.". I swallow a little. She places her hand on my cheek and jaw.

"You're shaking.". Her grip becomes tight.

"When did you start getting high?". I turn my gaze downwards.

"A few minutes ago.". Veronica sighs.

"I told you to meet Betsy ever again. Now you've gotten chocolates from her.". I try to defend myself. I try to explain that Betsy gave them to me because she wanted me to be happy when I was looking sad. I try to tell her that. A glare when I begin to speak stops me.

"I tell you not to get high, and you keep getting high.". I try to explain. I try to tell her the turbo from Violet got me hooked and now I'm just so beaten up physically and mentally by life that I _need_ it. Another glare stops me.

"I tell you to stop lying. You keep lying.". I don't try to explain. I close my eyes and remain silent as Veronica presses the rag to my face.


	31. NCR Correctional Facility Blues

_A Few Feet from the Courier..._

We're in the middle of nowhere when I start talking to Cass. I don't even bothering looking over my shoulder as I talk to her, though.

"You see the wanted posters up in New Vegas when we left?". A grunt from behind me followed by silence.

"We best be on our guard. I wouldn't put it past some of the residents of New Vegas to be able to put two and two together.". Cass grunts again. Finally, she decides to speak to me.

"I doubt any of them will have the gall to follow us.". I shrug a little as I scan the barren land before us for threats. I come up empty and feel free to keep talking to Cass as we walk along.

"I do to, but that doesn't mean they won't tell anyone about it. If word gets to the NCR or a bounty hunter or someone who wants to kill the Courier, then we could be in trouble. Julie and Arcade forgave her for her crimes against their faction, but not everyone is as forgiving.". A grunt from Cass. I roll my eyes a tiny bit as we keep going. We're only a mile or so away from Novac. My knife rests heavily in my pocket. I thought about outright attacking Cass, but I don't see that ending well for everyone. I've been looking for any natural dangers to do Cass in; however, none have appeared. If Cass reaches Novac, then I don't see how I'll be able to get rid of her. Maybe I can convince her to go somewhere? Worth a shot I suppose. I clear my throat before speaking.

"Cass?". A grunt.

"Once the Courier's set up do you want to go to the old, abandoned factory a little outside of Novac? There are some dinosaur toys there and a bottle or two of Sunset Sarsaparilla that might cheer her up.". Cass' answer causes a smile to cross my face.

"Sounds great. I don't think we should bring any citizens though. Too dangerous for everyone involved.". Now all I'll need to do is get Cass to turn her back to me. I'm certain I can take the woman down. All I need is my knife out and her back. It's not an honorable way to kill someone, but I gave up on being honorable long ago. Besides, leaving Cass in the abandoned factory gives me a perfect excuse. I'll just claim she got sick of the Courier and left her. The Courier will cry after I tell her that (along with the news of all she's done), but it needs to be done. I'm the only one qualified to take care of her.

And, feeding my fetish won't harm anyone either. Suddenly, a _bark_ from behind us makes both Cass and I stop and turn. Cass' back is finally towards me, but now really isn't the time to kill her. It'd wake the Courier up and I wouldn't be able to excuse the woman's death. And, there are more pressing matters. Like the fact Rex is charging at us as fast as his legs can carry him. He _barks_ again. A _bark_ comes from the Courier and when I move beside Cass I see the three-legged coyote fighting to get out.

The Courier mumbles as her pet jumps to the ground to meet her other pet. Instantly, Rex comes to a halt when he reaches all of us. The coyote stands on his two hind legs and Rex leans his head down. They sniff one another. The coyote falls to the ground and Rex dips his head down further. The two begin sniffing like there's no tomorrow while circling one another in an attempt to get to one another's ass. Cass and I are so entranced by the scene we don't notice the Courier's awake until she speaks in her gravely, rough voice.

"Rex!". The bigger dog hops over the coyote (who _barks_ as he does) and leaps up onto Cass. Cass groans as Rex places his paws on her shoulder, then begins licking away at the Courier like there's no tomorrow. The Courier begins letting out a rough, scratchy laugh. My heart suddenly sinks. The first word she's spoken since we've found her (besides a bible verse when she was unconscious) was to Rex. The dog in question is wagging his tail a hundred miles an hour and still slobbering all over his master. Reluctantly, the Courier closes her hand in a fist and holds it up for Rex to see. The dog stops licking, falls to the ground, and sits like he's been taught to when he sees anyone make a fist. The Courier leans over in Cass' arms a little and asks the dog a question.

"Did you see me, boy? Did you see me and follow me like a good boy?". He makes a whining noise. The Courier cocks her head a tiny bit.

"Oh? Did the King send you?". He barks and wags his tail even faster. The Courier chuckles, but her voice appears to have finally given out. I uneasily add Cass and myself to the conversation.

"Looks like this is an adventure for four, huh?". The coyote barks before running up Rex and using him as a jumping platform to launch himself back onto the Courier. Cass corrects.

"Five. There's five of us now.". I turn and begin leading the way again. Rex and the coyote keep _barking_ at one another as we go along in order to get to know each other. Probably. Or maybe they're just dumb dogs. Either way, it's annoying as hell. Thankfully, the two hounds knock it off when we reach Novac. It's barely dawn, so none of the citizens are out. I open the gate for Cass, but Rex and the coyote are the first two through it.

I close the gate behind Cass once she's inside, and we both go upstairs to find Rex and his coyote friend already tearing at the Courier's door. I reach for it, but Rex manages to _click_ the handle open before charging inside. Cass and I enter to find the two already in the Courier's bed. Rex is worrying at an old, half-drunk bottle of vodka. The coyote has found a cigarette and is doing his best to eat it. I try to shoo them off the bed. The coyote leaps off, but Rex _growls_ and stands his ground.

I sigh and stand aside. The coyote leaps back onto the bed as Cass places the Courier down on it. The woman's instantly assaulted by an overjoyed coyote and dog. She weakly bats them away as the two lick and love on her. She doesn't even know why or how the coyote is there and she already loves him. Cass and I stand at the foot of her bed. Cass has her arms crossed and I find myself mimicking her posture. We've taken the Courier all over the wasteland, risked our lives for her, and done everything we can possible to heal her. And now she's kissing and loving all over her dogs. She claimed a while ago that she still had problems letting people touch her (though, she'd let me touch her for quite some time for some reason), but dogs didn't follow that rule.

She always told me dogs calmed her and made her feel safer when she was around people. Hence, why Cass and I were interchangeable while Rex was a constant. I'd believed it for so long, and back then I'd just accepted it while pouting silently to myself. Now, however, I'm starting to get sick of it. Maybe it's all this time I've spent giving without getting from her. Maybe it's just this entire adventure that's gotten to me. Maybe it's me finally caring about myself instead of others so much (leaving the Brotherhood taught me that lesson, but traveling with Cass strengthened it). Cass suddenly elbows me. I look over at her. She mouths a question to me.

" _Factory_?". My heartbeat picks up as I realize this is it. This is the fruition of the plan to murder Cass. All I'll have to do is take her to the factory, walk around for a little bit, wait until I can sneak up on her or she turns her back on me, and finally stab her in the back. I even know exactly how to do it. I'll approach her from behind, then wrap one arm around her throat and neck which will most likely make her instinctively bring both hands up to pull the arm back down. All I'll have to do then is make my dagger slid through the ribs into the heart. If it's done correctly I'll even be able to collapse one her lungs.

That way it'll be more difficult for Cass to cry out and raise the alarm. Just in case anyone's around or follows us. Leaving the dagger in place while I drag and hide her body will also minimize the amount of blood I get on myself or the floor. So, I'll be clean to report to the Courier that Cass left _and_ anyone who goes into the factory won't be able to find Cass' body if they go inside. Or I could always stab her in the kidney instead. It'll be bloodier, but watching Cass get drained of her blood before dying might do me some good. If I felt lucky I could always cut her spinal cord. That might be a little bloody, but it'd also assure that Cass will be paralyzed if she somehow survives. I'll just make up my mind when I get there. I nod at Cass. We begin to get our stuff ready to leave.

* * *

 _A Few Inches from Veronica..._

My gun is itching my hip where it's resting. I can see the factory up ahead, but it's still too dangerous to kill Veronica out in the open. I need to wait until we're inside. My gun will, obviously, make a noise and I need to make sure nobody from Novac hears it. I doubt anyone would investigate, but it's still just for safety. Besides, I'll need to get rid of her body. Then, all I'll have to do is tell the Courier Legion soldiers or some shit came after us, killed Veronica, and ran off. I'll need to make it believable, though. I'll need to find a room, place her body there in a way it looks like she fell in battle (probably after shooting her corpse a few times), and shoot the entire room up to make it look like there was an actual battle.

I can even put a table or something on its side to look like it was where I had taken cover, and where Veronica was running to when she got shot in the back. All of this might not be important, but if the Courier insist on getting Veronica's body for a proper Christian burial (which she most likely will insist upon once she's healed up) she'll believe my tale. If she found Veronica stuffed in some locker with a single gunshot wound to her back she'll start asking questions. Questions I can't possibly answer. Veronica, oddly enough, begins falling back behind me when we near the factory. The hair on the back of my neck goes up.

I turn back to Veronica. She's busy tying her shoe. If I were a dog my hackles would be raised. I rest one hand upon my gun.

"I'll go inside, okay?". She nods. Shooting her in the front once she walks through the door is good enough. I turn towards the door. My fingers brush against the handle to the factory. Her arm wraps around my neck.

* * *

 **Note: Next chapter will be released later than normal due to Thanksgiving celebrations. I don't care much for the holiday, but I enjoy spending time with my family.**


	32. Tell Cass I Miss Her

_An Inch from Cass..._

Cass does exactly what I want and brings her hands up to my arm. I can already tell the woman is stronger than me and can pull me off of her in a second, so I'll need to act quickly. Cass isn't wearing any armor, so now it's just a choice of how quickly I want her to die. I decide to let her suffer a little bit. I stab deep into her right armpit; though, my dagger only sinks about halfway in. Cass howls in rage and begins bucking like a wild animal. My dagger is definitely long enough to be able to reach her heart and/or lung through her armpit. All I need to do is keep pushing.

Cass tries to bring one of her arms down, but that only pushes the dagger deeper. Again, she howls and begins trying to run away into the factory. I'm pulled along right behind her. I start twisting my knife as I push it deeper into her. I'm met with resistance that I'm assuming are the muscles in her chest. I remove my hand, then _slam_ my palm against the end of my dagger. Cass goes still instantly. I must have hit her lung because she's silent as she goes down. I pull Cass onto her back in the open doorway of the factory. Her eyes are glazing over. Her mouth moves in silent words as her hands start shaking. I kneel down and rub Cass' face.

"Sorry about that. I just can't trust you around the Courier. You understand, don't you?". She keeps looking past me and mouthing. I pat her on the shoulder.

"Of course you do. So sorry.". I _rip_ the knife from her armpit. Blood splatters the wall and floor near Cass, but (thankfully) I've manage to keep myself clean. I pat Cass on the shoulder one last time.

"Again, sorry. I'll be back in a month or so to either bury you or steal your clothes. Whatever makes you look like some squatter that came in here to use drugs before catching a sexual disease and dying.". Cass manages a small frown before I push myself up into a standing position. I kick Cass' feet into the factory and shut the door. Nobody will ever know. I wipe my dagger off on the ground and put it back in my belt. Finally, I rummage around in my bag until I find a toy dinosaur with a big grin along with a bottle of Nuka-Cola. I've been saving the treats for the Courier for a while, but now I can give them to her. Preferably, after she's done crying. I clutch the toys in my hands and begin walking back. The sun is dipping below the horizon when I get back and Novac is completely stilled.

So, I'm able to roll around in the dirt without fear of someone seeing. I place the toys on the ground, pull out my knife, and suck in a deep breath. Pain sharply radiates from my thigh as I stab myself. I howl and jump and pull my knife out, but the pain remains. I pick the toys back up and hobble back to the Courier's room. Rex and the coyote begin snapping and barking at me the second I enter the room. The Courier screams from where she's lying down on her bed.

"REX! TEX!". Of course, the coyote has a name now. And, it obviously has to sound like 'Rex'. I _slam_ the door shut and hobble onto the bed beside the Courier. Rex and Tex both leap off of the bed and begin licking at the blood trail that I left while coming into the room. I hand the Courier the toy and soda. Instantly, she's struggling to sit up.

I grab my friend by the shoulders and pull her to where her head is resting against the wall and her spine is curved into a comfortable sitting position. The woman begins fighting to get the cap on her soda off. For a second, I watch her struggle and fight. Then, I roll onto my side to grab some Med-X from the Courier's stash. When I get back I see the Courier guzzling down the Nuka-Cola like there's no tomorrow. She's looking at me with a wide smile, but her eyes turn downwards when she sees me with a Med-X in my hand. I scoff.

"It's not for you.". She tosses the empty bottle away with a _crash_ while looking back at me. Her eyes finally settle on where I'm injecting the drug right beside my thigh injury. I watch her eyes become wide as her bony, meatless fingers touch near my thigh. Her gravely, rough voice causes Tex and Rex to look up.

"What happened? Where's Cass?". Tears have come to my eyes from the injury and needle going into me, so I easily fake some upset as I explain.

"Legion attacked us when we were exiting the factory. She shielded me from a bastard that managed to charge me with a knife. He slew Cass and gave me this wound before dying from his injuries. I killed them all, but Cass was dead when I reached her. I'm sorry.". Her face becomes stoic and her eyes look downwards. For a long while she doesn't speak. Then, she begins shaking her head.

"No. Cass can't be dead. She can't be! We just worked it out and-". Her eyes still don't meet mine. Tears are freely flowing down her red, puffy face. Snot starts bubbling out of her nose as she croaks.

"She can't be!". Her lips curl down and a whine starts coming from her. Rex and Tex start trying to get onto the bed to comfort their master. I discretely kick them both away. I take the Courier in my arms. Her hands wrap tightly in my shirt. My old friend buries her face in the crook of my shoulder. Her entire body is shaking as she inhales and exhales in sharp gasps. Wailing and crying starts filling the room. Within seconds, my shirt is soaked through and the Courier is starting to struggle to breathe. A familiar, fucked-up pleasure is beginning to work its way through me. I decide to add to it.

"Calm down, or else I'll have to medicate you.". It's like yelling at a child to calm down. All I've done is make her cry even more. I bring the Courier closer to me and wrap my arms more tightly around her. Finally, the Courier's sobbing reaches its crescendo. A long, shaking wail fills the room as she sucks up air. Then, a louder wail causes Rex and Tex to flinch as she breathes outwards. The pattern continues as the woman begins trembling against me. I rub her bony back and close my eyes. I relish the feeling of her struggling against me. Slowly, her wailing stops. I pull the woman back. Her face is red, snot has covered anywhere below her nose, and tears have stained her entire face. I press the dinosaur toy harder into her hands. I know she'll cry again before the night is over.

She isn't over it, she's just tired. When she's gotten her strength back she'll begin crying again. I take this quiet opportunity to reach behind me to grab one of the rags covering the filthy floor. The rag has barbecue sauce smeared on it. I cringe a tiny bit, but press a clean area of the rag to her face and begin cleaning. She doesn't sit and play with the dinosaur toy like an actual child, but she does examine it. Filliping it around, lifting its arms, and pressing the button on it to make its jaws _snap_ shut. As I clean her, a sudden realization washes over me. This isn't the woman I once knew before her accident.

The Mojave has finally broken her. There'll never be a time when she stands tall. There'll never be a time when she shoots down her enemies ever again. There'll never be a time where women are pining after her. The Courier has well and truly failed: Her pride was stolen by the failings of herself and others; her strength by the world around her weakening her; and her own self stolen by the passing of time. I finish cleaning the Courier up, but I can already see the tears forming in her eyes. Quickly, I decide on what to do.

"We need to start your physical therapy.". She begins shaking her head. I roll on top of her.

" _Veronica_!". I ignore her rough voice and grab one of her feet. Her hands come up and she begins trying to push me off.

"I don't _wanna_!". I yank her leg up to where her knee is one her chest and the bottom of her foot is on my chest. The Courier's hands fall down onto the bed to grasp the sheets, her head is thrown back, and a ragged scream tears its way from her throat. Weakly, her muscles flex and attempt to repel me. I smirk as I feel her putting up a weak resistance. Rex and Tex begin barking, but don't dare to attack me. It's too much for me. I glance over my shoulder and smirk when I see the door's lock. I use one hand to grab the Courier's medication and rag from the stand beside her. Within seconds I'm placing the wet rag over the Courier's face, and within minutes she's out cold. I go to work.

* * *

 _Hundreds of Miles from Veronica..._

I tune into the makeshift radio as my men guard the shack around me. The connection is shaky, but I hear my name quietly spoken through the piece attached to my ear.

" _Moore_!". I press the button and answer.

"Moore reporting.". A few minutes of static before the ambassador comes back on the radio.

"Negative in New Vegas. Negative in Goodsprings. Negative in Jacobstown. Negative in Zion Canyon. The Major was unable to make it to Novac.". I rub my temples and try to get through.

"What do you mean 'negative' and why wasn't the Major able to make it?". More static before a garbled answer.

"The Zion Canyon tribes were willing to help, but no sign of the Courier was found. New Vegas has been searched and odd reports of strangers have been found, but no solid evidence of the Courier. You yourself checked Jacobstown. The Major got held up by Legion. He doesn't have enough manpower to make it. He had to retreat.". I groan and tell the ambassador what I'm going to do and what he's going to do.

"I'm heading fro Novac. You need to keep putting up posters and check out the rumors.". He either hesitates, or our signal is extremely bad. Either way, his answer comes through eventually and that's all that matters.

"Affirmative. Over and out.". He _clicks_ off his radio and I stand. I need to get to Novac. Now.

* * *

 _Hundreds of Miles from Moore..._

My blood has soaked through my shirt and is pooling around me. I'm shaking and can't bring myself to move. Veronica didn't pierce my heart like she wanted to, but she's cut _something_ inside of me because I can't move my right arm in the slightest. I can't even bring myself to push myself off of my face. I should've shot that bitch in the middle of nowhere and considered it done. Instead, I trusted her. Now look where that trust has gotten me. Dying on the floor of some dirty factory. I shudder as my vision begins to swing even with my eyes closed tight.

* * *

 **Note: The title is a play off of the song 'Tell Tommy I Miss Him'. It was originally written in response to 'Tell Laura I Love Her' (which the chapter 'Tell Veronica I love Her' is named after), but the Courier doesn't have a name. Thus, Cass is substituted. Also, it fits the chapter better this way.**


	33. Author's Note

Note: Denerim's Shadow is going to be very briefly put on hiatus for a week or two. This is due to many facts. However, there is one main reason.

Due to foreseen circumstances I'll be returning to published writing. My last book was published 20+ years ago. Obviously, this is going to be a change for me and take some time. Thus, Denerim's Shadow will be put on hiatus. There are many reasons I chose Denerim's Shadow to put off instead of one of my other two stories.

'Luck Be a Lady' is almost done. It'll be done within the next 10 chapters while Denerim's Shadow has 20-25 chapters left in it. It's just easier this way. Disgusting (Rewritten) is going to be over within the next 11 chapters while (again) Denerim's Shadow has 20-25 to go. So, here's the current look of things.

1\. 'Luck Be a Lady' gets my full attention and is finished within a week or two.

2\. 'Disgusting (Rewritten)' gets my full attention and gets finished in a week or a week and a half.

3\. 'Denerim's Shadow' gets my full attention and gets finished either before the new year begins, or within January of 2017.

4\. I open one of my Skyrim stories currently in the holding list.

However, there is an upside to all of this. I'll be writing 'Denerim's Shadow' throughout 1-3, so Denerim's Shadow will most likely be done before the end of the year and just slowly get released throughout January.

Denerim's Shadow has always been a beast, and it's just now that I'm starting to finally see the end of it drawing near. I'm truly sorry I have to cut it off once again, but money is needed and publishing another short novel is the only way I can see of making it besides doing manual labor or selling my mediocre body.

As a tinier note: If anyone's interested in tossing new ideas around for my current story that I'm in the works of making or helping me in any way through the creative process, then feel free to message me. I don't have to go through an actual publisher this time (since I'll most likely use an internet source that wasn't around 20 years ago to publish my work), so I'll be able to stay a little truer to my tune.


	34. Lollipops and Roses

_A Mile From Cass..._

Rex and Tex begin sniffing and whining at me as I lift the Courier's feet up above her head. I _crack_ one of them across the head with my foot without looking, and both of them go running at the warning. A smile crosses my face as I lean my weight back onto my thighs and look down at the woman below me. Her pale, paper-thin skin has scars running across almost every inch of it due to surgeries and battles; a thin stubble of white hair is beginning to push through her scalp; and her bleached-blue eyes are still open and gazing at the ceiling. The woman's painfully thin, but I can't change that about her.

The best I can do is slide her eyelids down so I don't have to stare her in the eyes while I satisfy my urge. Once again, I make myself familiar with the curves and dips of her body. I run my hands over every inch of skin I can see and, occasionally, I'll stop and give her a squeeze. All I feel and squeeze is bony and her skin is loose on her body, but it works for me. I just can't touch anywhere for too long least I begin feeling the organs beneath wherever I'm touching. Finally, after a while of touching and grouping I reach the fun parts on the woman. I'm about to feel her for the first time when a thought comes over me.

 _Beatrix has been here before you have. Betsy has been here before you have. Cass has probably even been here before you have_.

That thought makes me uncomfortable. I do my best to push it to the back of my mind as I finally feel the Courier. Her skin is likewise thin and I swear I can feel the outline of her pubic bone, but I try to ignore that. The Courier is unconscious, so there's not a chance in hell I'll be able to push inside of her. The complete lack of lubrication and relaxation make that fantasy literally impossible. However, that doesn't stop me from feeling the parts of her I can reach. Thankfully, her clit seems to have suffered little during her radiation and I can press against it. I highly doubt the Courier can feel my touch; still, I begin rubbing her as I lean to reach her breasts.

My actions aren't sensual and I'm sure she's bitch if she was awake, but it's the best I can do at the moment. It's not like she's helping me at all. Her flesh is dirty and uncomfortably salty in my mouth as I rub her the best I can. I'm not sure how long I keep it up, but I continue until the Courier begins to mumble awake. I made sure to take the rag off her face because if I didn't I would've fucked her the rest of the day. I roll off of her and pull her pants up in one swift motion. The shirt's a little harder to get on, but she's still not awake by the time I get it on her. Quickly, I hop off of the bed and rush into her bathroom. I turn the water on and smile when it finally works. I keep smiling as I return to the awakened Courier and begin taking her clothes off once again.

* * *

 _Two Miles From Veronica..._

My men and I are stationed on a hill situated above Novac when the scout I sent to the city returns to me. He salutes and begins reporting to me while I stand up.

"The Courier's room is locked and nobody's reported seeing anyone enter or leave. However, there's been some strange reports about an abandoned missile silo nearby. A citizen saw two strangers go along the trail to there, but only one came back. He says he went to check out the facility, but a large amount of blood right outside the door and the faint sounds of groaning deterred him.". I rub my temples and consider what to do. It sounds unlikely the Courier would hide out there; although, it does sound like someone might have been murdered out there. It's not my job to figure out who murdered who.

If that was my job, then I'd never get a break considering I'm in the middle of the Mojave. Still, it couldn't hurt to check the factory out. If we find someone's been killed there, then we'll give them a burial and move on. No need to make a big deal out of it. I give my men some commands quick enough, then begin leading them away from the town and along the path to the missile facility. My scout shows me the way for a little while; however, when it becomes clear we only have one road to follow he falls back and allows me to lead us to where we need to go.

The factory slowly comes into view as my men and I round a corner. Corpses of ghouls long dead are rotting along our path. My men carefully step over them as I plow ahead to the building. Sure enough, a large splatter of blood is covering the door, door handle, and the floor around the door. I press my ear against the door and draw my gun. A weak, faint groaning sounds to be right on the other side. I motion at my men to keep their guard up, then go inside. Cass is drenched in blood and she's still heavily bleeding from her armpit. I kneel beside the woman and give my men commands.

"Secure the area. Johnson, get over here and don't let her die.". Johnson remains while his fellows rush to follow my command. The medic lifts Cass' arm and hisses. He pulls from his medical bag a needle and thread. The man gets to work without a single complaint, but he gives me a fair warning.

"Stab wounds are harder to stitch than cuts, and she's been bleeding for a long time. There's a chance she'll make it, but don't get your hopes up.". His brow furrows as he works, but I hear him mumble something under his breath about a 'slow death'. I look down at Cass and give Johnson a command he can't refuse.

"Make sure she lives. I need to know who did this to her, why they did this, and if they took or killed Veronica.". Johnson nods and doesn't even look up from his work. I look at Cass' face. The poor woman's as pale as a sheet of paper and her lips are turning blue. Silently, I send a prayer up to whoever's up there. I need Cass to pull through, or else I've lost the one lead I have. I assumed the woman betrayed us considering she ignored (or didn't get) the message we sent her when she was in the canyon near Jacobstown. Apparently, she didn't. I think.

I have no idea why Cass would be down in Novac when her last transmission from Khan territory claimed that Veronica and her had the Courier captured. I suppose for right now I need to give the woman the benefit of the doubt. There's always the chance the Courier escaped and ran down to Novac, or that they went this way for a reason. It's not completely unbelievable that Legion or Powder Gangers would chase them this far south. Unlikely, but not impossible. Johnson suddenly snaps me out of my inner musings by telling me something.

"I've got the beginning of the wound closed off, but it's a deep cut. Can you find me some rags?". I nod before digging around in Cass' own bag. I find some rags and pass them over to Johnson.

"Why didn't you have rags in your kit?". He mumbles through the rags in his mouth as he applies a handful of them to Cass' armpit.

"I used the last of mine of Davidson when he scrapped his arm up.". I nod before drifting off into thought and letting him continue to do his work.

* * *

 _A Mile From Moore..._

The Courier's hounds fuss and whine, but my body blocks them from joining us in the tiny bathroom. The Courier was lucky enough to have bathtub and shower combo, so she doesn't have to stand. She originally insisted on standing; however, I wouldn't allow it. Both because it added something to my sick obsession, and because her legs were shaking bad enough for me to take pity on her. I'm sure she could stand if she had to for a few minutes, I just don't want her to. Now the Courier's accepted my logic and is allowing me to bathe her. She, once again, fussed and refused at first.

There just wasn't much she could do when I forcibly took the soap from her and bathed her myself. There's only so much of a fight the woman could put up, and in her current state it meant nothing. Thankfully, now she's calmed down enough to let me bathe her without a fuss at all. She just sits numbly in the water with her arms wrapped around her legs and her head bowed. I'm careful not to rub too hard because of the warning Julie gave me about her skin still being somewhat loose, but I still make sure to get the filth off of her. I don't want to taste dirt on her the next time I fuck her. Gently, I lift my friend's arm and scrub her. All she does is turn her head slightly to the left to avoid looking at me directly in the eye. Honestly, I don't care much about that anymore.

Cass is finally dead, there's no way the Courier can escape me, and we're safe for the moment. Right now I just want to sit back and be able to enjoy my time with the Courier. I've finally won and she's all mine. Hell, she might even come to love me one day without Cass around.

 _Speak of the devil_.

The Courier is starting to sniffle again and I can see tears building up in her eyes. I run one hand down the length of her bony back while using my other hand to start scrubbing her face. Vaguely, I try to say something comforting to shut her up.

"Shouldn't you be happy for Cass? She's with god now, isn't she?". The Courier nods and says what I fear she would say in her rough, scratchy voice of hers.

"She is, but we need to give her a burial. Leaving a corpse rotting isn't right. She needs to return to the ash she was made of.". I bite my lip. Quickly, I come up with an excuse.

"We can, but not until you're strong enough to make the trip. I made sure to put her in a safe container where animals can't get to her. I even wrapped her in strips of cloth to slow the decomposing process. We can go in a week or two and say our goodbyes. Alright?". She nods, but the tears in her eyes don't go away. I find myself rubbing her a little harder than necessary and grabbing her a little rougher that is required. She whines like a bitch and begins twisting away from my grasp. I hold onto her tighter and give her a single warning.

"Stop that. Now.". She, briefly stops, then she begins writhing and twisting again. I grab even tighter, pull her closer to me, and tell her why I'm about to do what I'm going to do.

"I warned you. You should've listened.".


	35. The Drown'd Girl

_An Inch From Veronica..._

 _It takes two and a half minutes before a panicking person will begin breathing underwater_.

That thought races through my mind along with a thousand others.

 _I can't die today; I just got better!_

 _Veronica can't do this, can she?_

 _No, she could never do this to me!_

 _Damn, this is embarrassing._

 _Whoever finds me is going to think I drowned taking a bath and think I'm an idiot._

Slowly, blackness begins creeping in the sides of my vision. I do my best to make out Veronica's blurry face above the surface of the water. Weakly, I keep pushing at her face. I'm not sure if she can even feel it. I vaguely hear Rex and Tex barking, but they can't help me now. All that can help me is if I don't reach one-hundred and forty seconds. A panicking person can only go that long before their brain overrides their instincts and causes them to breathe in. It's like nature's last resort. Holding my breath is killing me and breathing in might kill me, but the animal part of my brain will force me to breathe in because 'we haven't tried this yet'.

Suddenly, the fingers holding my neck tighten. Veronica's trying to make me breathe out. I tighten my jaw and begin fighting even harder. My battle was doomed to failure the second Veronica forced me underwater. The world is half-black when I finally let out my last breath of air. Instantly, Veronica loosens her fingers just enough to let me suck in my first breath of water.

I'm still conscious when water begins filling me, but the weak fight I was putting up quickly dies. I lie there as I breath in. The water goes down into my stomach as well as into my lungs. I can't properly describe breathing in water and still do it justice. It's thick and burns as it goes down. The best thing I can think of is how you can put a bottle full of air upside down into the water, then slowly turn it to let it fill with water a little bit at a time. My lungs don't fill with water all at once. I have to push it back out with a tiny bit of air. Again. And again. And again. I'm conscious while my own body works against me to kill me.

Every single inch of my insides burn and ache as I'm finally filled to the brim with water. Now there's just the task of sucking it in and out until I lose consciousness. It's not nearly as quick as I would like. My eyes roll around in my skull and blackness keeps edging closer and closer. I'm breathing in something I can only describe as thicker than air, and twice as much work. My vision is completely obscured and I can't hear anything. Vaguely, I think I feel Veronica's fingers removed from my neck. Slowly, my hearing comes back to me. Barking and mumbling are the first thing I hear. Then, my feeling comes back. Agony shoots through every single inch of my body and I start trying to cry. It doesn't work out well for me.

My throat burns as something is forced down it. My vision doesn't return, but I remain as still as possible. The agony snakes its way down my throat and enters my lungs. Agony courses through me and I can't do anything to stop it; however, my vision slowly comes back to me. Veronica's face swims before me and I finally feel what she's doing. A long, thin tube is being shoved down my throat and into my lungs. I'm about to begin fighting when I finally realize what the tube's doing. I can't see it, but I can feel it forming a suction that's removing the water from my lungs. I remain completely still as Veronica removes the water from me.

When it's done I'm weaker than ever and my stomach is still bloated with water, but it's better than drowning. I'm about to thank god when Veronica begins scooping me up and placing me back in the tub. I'm finally able to cry as I start moaning in an attempt to beg for mercy. Veronica ignores me as she forces me back under. I want to drown quicker. Hell, I even want death to take me than repeat this process again. I just can't force myself to let go of my last breath. Some animal, feral part of my brain refuses to allow me to die. I'm not sure why I'm in Novac, I'm not sure what happened after I killed Ulysses, and I'm not sure why Veronica is doing this to me. All I know is that this torture will only end if I die.

My vision keeps going in and out as Veronica repeats this endless cycle. She drowns me just to pull me from the water and revive me. An ache develops in my chest and, vaguely, I realize that my heart has been forced out of rhythm. My only true moment of consciousness is when Veronica takes a brief pause from forcing me under the water. My vision comes back to me in time to see Veronica raising her fist. I can't even beg for mercy or cry. Veronica begins punching me in the stomach and doesn't stop until I feel body-temperature water force its way out of my throat. She must not want my stomach bursting. My friend picks me back up and begins to put me back into the water. I use the last of my fleeting strength to raise my hand to her face. I don't push it or punch her.

Instead, I try to pour love into my touch in order for some part of her to feel pity for me. Veronica stops. Then, she begins placing me in the water again. I cry out and silently pray. For once, my prayer must be heard. The back of my head touches the bottom of the tub, and the water only comes up to cover my ears. Veronica has drowned me so much that she's literally almost emptied the tub using my lungs and stomach as the containers. A sense of relief washes over me. Then, it flees when Veronica flips me over until my nose and mouth and underneath the water.

Once again, useless thoughts run through my mind. I think about how far I've come. I think about how many obstacles and enemies I've fell. I think about the shame I've brought upon myself. I think about all of the things I'll miss doing because I'll be dead. Finally, I resume my cycle of being cloaked in darkness with my hearing only briefly returning. Eventually, my hearing stops coming back.

 _Is this what it's like to die?_

 _Am I dead?_

 _Is death just losing all five of your senses?_

 _No._

 _I can't be dead._

 _I've lived a righteous life according to the bible._

My vision and hearing stay gone, and my feeling has been gone since even before then. Desperately, I try to sniff and lick. Nothing. All of my senses are gone and I'm trapped in a silent world of black. A panic consumes my mind and I try to cry. I'm not even sure if I am or not.

 _I was promised a light!_

 _There was suppose to be a light!_

I'm still panicking when all of my senses rush back to me. Pure agony rips through every cell of my body as a scream rips from my throat. My blurry vision comes to and I see Veronica hovering over me. I'm lying on the cold, harsh floor without moving a single finger. Veronica brushes her fingers through my stubble on my head. She's smiling at me, but that doesn't comfort me. I feel a wetness below me and notice Veronica's shirt is soaked through.

I'm lifted into her arms again. I begin crying and Veronica either takes pity, or she never intended to continue. As she lifts me up, I see into the tub and realize it was the later. The tub is almost completely empty, and the water's now low enough that there's no physical way she could drown me in it. Although, I see the tab is still turned on. The motel's owner must have finally cut off the hour of water the residents get daily. A stone begins to form in my stomach.

She didn't stop because she took pity on me, or because she intended to stop. She stopped because she ran out of water. I begin to shake in terror as Veronica takes me out of the bathroom and places me on the tiled floor that serves as a boundary to my sleeping area and bathing area. My terror doesn't go away when Veronica pulls a towel from underneath my sink and starts drying me off. I don't trust the woman at all at this point. Slowly, I'm dried and dressed by Veronica. Then, she picks me back up and cradles me like a child while carrying me over to my bed. I'm placed down and covered up. Finally, Veronica crawls into bed beside me and wraps me in her arms. Her lips are beside my ear as she whispers 'comforting' words to me.

"You're cleaned and I've punished you as harshly as required. You're safe, loved, and taken care of. I'll take care of you now. Forever.".

* * *

 _A Mile From Veronica..._

Cass is delirious when she finally wakes up. Her head's bobbing from side to side as she keeps trying to stand up. Some of my soldiers are surrounding her and keep placing her down whenever she starts rising. The woman is smiling like an idiot and her eyes are rolling around everywhere. However, she focuses on me when I kneel beside her.

"Cass.". She smiles at me and nods.

"Who did this?". She keeps smiling. For a moment, I fear she won't tell me anything. Thankfully, she spits it out soon enough. There are drugs pouring through her, so I'm certain she's so high she won't be able to lie.

"Courier Six.". I nod and keep pushing her.

"Where is she?". Cass laughs for some reason. Finally, she stops laughing and tells me.

"Six. Under.". I groan and rub my temples.

"Where? Under where?". Cass begins cackling. I groan before she finally answers me again.

"Underground. Six underground.". I perk up and ask the most important question.

"Courier Six is underground?". Cass laughs before spouting out her answer.

"Courier Six is six feet underground!". Relief floods through me. Still, I ask in simpler terms to assure her answer is right.

"She's dead? Like 'six feet under' as in dead, right?". Cass begins laughing and nodding. Relief keeps flooding me.

"And Veronica?". Cass laughs again.

"With Courier Six!". I sigh and motion for my men to stand and carry Cass. We're done here.

* * *

 **Note: I thought that this was posted and, surprise, it wasn't. So, sorry for the day delay. Also, the title is a reference to the Arkansas folk song 'The Drown'd Boy'.**


	36. The End of the Road

_Two Miles from Cass..._

Veronica might own my waking hours, but my mind is mine and mine alone. Hopefully. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if someone had wormed their way inside my skull. However, I still feel safe in my mind. That's why it's no surprise to me that I dream of happier times. Cass ruined her memories when she trained me, and Veronica just ruined hers by trying to drown me. Now all I have left are memories of my family, Christine, and Betsy. My family is gone and I'm still sore about Betsy from when Veronica made me leave her presence, so now all I truly have left is Christine. I despise any memories of the Sierra Madre, but they're all I have left. I revisit a memory I'm actually fond of. I'd already helped God (or was it Dog?) into his place and Dean Domino was the first I'd taken to where he needed to go, so now only Christine had remained. I'd enjoyed her company. Although, saying it was 'hard' to communicate with her was a massive understatement. I didn't have the brains required to understand her, but (thankfully) my perception had gotten us through a few rough patches. By that point I'd traveled with her enough that we'd come to a general understanding. I still wish I had some paper and a pen to let her write with, though. It was always startling to be crouched down and suddenly have someone tap me on the shoulder. Still, I liked her.

Besides, she was my favorite person to travel with. Mostly because when we were together we didn't really have to worry about our heads blowing off, and she wasn't a dick like God and Dean. Not to mention, she's saved me from more Ghost People than I can count. Dean usually used me as a shield, Dog focused on eating already-defeated ghosts, and God used me as a lure to get more ghosts out. Christine actually treated me as an equal. She didn't hover over me in a fight, but if she saw a ghost was about to touch me she'd kill it for me. Quickly, Christine had learned my extreme fear of the Ghost People. I couldn't even stand them getting near me or touching me. If they did, then I'd scream or quite possibly run. At first, I thought she killed them because it was just common sense. If your partner is screaming and running, then she's attracting more ghosts while not helping. Then, I realized she could handle herself regardless of what I did. She was just being nice. Even now she's being nice to me. I'm desperately looking for the password to the computer in the switching station. That way, Christine won't have to go down into the cramped room to activate her switch when the time comes. Yet, she keeps following me. Just because she doesn't want me to get scared by being alone. Finally, I find the password in a locker on the upper walkways. Finally, I can go into the computer and get it to where Christine won't have to be able to go into her cramped room. I turn towards the mute and tell her what she wants to hear.

"It's done. You can activate your switch from here.". The woman offers me a smile big enough I'm shocked it doesn't rip her face in half. Silently, she holds her hand out to me. I smile back at her as I take her hand. Then, I make her a promise I intend to keep.

"I'll come back for her.". Her smile disappears and she shakes her head. I'm not quite sure what she's trying to convey, but I go ahead and guess she means 'you don't have to come back' or something along those lines. I assure her I mean it.

"I'll come get you. Trust me. I don't want to make you wait here alone.". Christine's smile returns and she pulls me into a hug. Quickly, she pulls back. Her face falls, she frowns, and shakes her head. Already, I know what she's trying to mean. I've made it clear through our travels that I can't handle being touched (Cass hadn't put me through my training yet, so I couldn't just suck it up and struggle through) and she's always respected that. I pull away from her a little, but try to make up for it.

"It's fine. You just got caught up in the moment.". She smiles as she brings her hands up to my head. Right now my hair's a medium length and she can twine her fingers in it. I break out into laughter when Christine roughly yanks on my hair. She's seen me do it enough when we're just idly standing around, so she must have figured I like it. She's not wrong, but she's the only person I've ever traveled with that noticed I like it. Christine yanks on my hair for a few seconds before standing back. I make sure she knows how appreciative I am.

"Thank you. It's been fun traveling with you. I consider you a close friend.". Christine smiles even bigger. Finally, my friend raises her hand and waves goodbye. I wave back at her as I step backwards into the elevator. Christine keeps waving. I wave right back until the doors finally slide closed on me. I press the 'up' button and begin my final journey. I need to activate the Gala Event by doing my part, and I'm confident I can do that by myself. Instantly, my confidence dies when I reach the area I'll need to travel through to reach my spot. Ghost People litter the area and I don't have any of my guns. All I have is a bear trap fist to defend myself. And, I'm terrible at melee fighting. The fighting that continues is the closest I've ever come to death. I'm shaking from blood lose, going numb, and all of my limbs are crippled by the time I reach the tower where I can activate the Gala Event. I can't even see straight when I hit the button to begin the Gala Event. The fireworks that follow cause me to scream in fright.

I don't even try to fight the Ghost People on my way back. I run, dodge, and scream in terror. When I reach the fountain I'm crawling on my hands and knees. Blackness is crawling into the edge of my vision. Honestly, I don't even remember how I reached Christine again. I remember stumbling, hiding, and slowly dying. At one point, I can't even move my right leg. When I finally reach my friend I'm about to die. My breaths are coming in sharp gasps, I can only see in tiny pinpoints, and my head's been crippled. Vaguely, I feel Christine lifting me onto a bed. Some Med-X and Stimpacks quickly patch me up. Although, it's still a few minutes before Christine feels comfortable talking to me.

"Are you okay?". I squint at her as she speaks once again in a musical, soothing tone.

"Can you hear me?". I look upwards at Christine's face and the ceiling above her. I mouth 'yes' at her since I still don't trust my voice. Christine seems to relax a little as she helps me into a sitting position. My heart hurts at the memory as I realize she once played the role Veronica played for me now. My heart hurts even worse when I realize Christine and Veronica once might have loved one another. If only Christine could see Veronica now. In reality, Christine and I talked for a while since she'd gotten a voice. Although, my dream is already fading out. I begin to cry as I'm forced back into reality.

* * *

 _A Mile from the Courier..._

When Moore returns to me I'm lucid. The woman finds me near the back of her caravan of soldiers with my hands lightly bound in front of me. They've assured me it's 'just in case'. The woman walks alongside me and, once again, questions me.

"Are you _certain_ the Courier and Veronica are dead?". I nod once again. I was high on painkillers the first time I told her my friends were dead, but now it's worked out in my favor. If she thinks they're dead, then I'll be rewarded and set free. I'll get my business back _and_ I'll be able to go after Veronica. It's a win-win situation. Although, I'm not a fan of where Moore is taking me. Hoover Dam is where she was stationed and where she intends to go. Apparently, it's easier for her to report in there and tell her fellow NCR members what's happened. I'm going along with it for now just to get my reward. Even if Moore is making it difficult. The woman scans me with her eyes before nodding and disappearing back up to the front. I give her back a signal to show she's number one, then go back to walking all on my lonesome. The sooner we reach Hoover Dam the sooner I can get my business, be freed, and return to Novac. Veronica is too prideful and certain of herself that she won't leave. She'll be waiting there when I finally reach her. I can't wait. This time, I won't be facing away from her.

* * *

 _A Mile from Cass..._

The naked Courier is a shaking, crying mess below me. Rex and Tex are scratching at the door desperately trying to save their master. Thankfully, either nobody notices or nobody cares enough to let them in. The Courier's legs are straining against my chest as she attempts to push me off of her. The therapy I'm doing was indeed recommended by Julie. Only it was recommended I try this a month from now once she's built up some muscle. It's still stretching the woman's leg muscles and working her out, but Julie warned it might be too intense for her. Considering the woman's crying with her eyes rolling around in her head, I'm assuming Julie was right. My friend's hands are weakly pushing on my face. Slowly, I force her hands downwards with my head until my forehead's resting against hers. Her watery eyes keep rolling around and never connecting with mine. Lightly, I kiss her between the eyes and whisper to her.

"I love you.". She moans and I feel her legs give a particularly strong twitch. My hand comes to rest on her bare stomach. I got her naked in order to change her into more comfortable sleeping clothes, but got distracted. Honestly, it's more of her fault than mine. She went for her pack of cigarettes when she thought I wasn't looking. I don't want to punish her again; however, forcing her to go through this exercise is both beneficial to her and beneficial to me. Suddenly, my friend gives out a sob and begins begging me in her rough voice.

"Veronica! Please! We're friends!". I press harder into her and lower my face to her neck. I begin kissing her thin, cold skin as I whisper to her.

"I know. We're friends, and friends help one another. I'm helping you get stronger.". The woman cries and collapses. Her legs collapse against her chest as I'm free to surge forward into her. Finally, I'm able to enjoy myself.


	37. I Heard It Through The Grapevine

_A Foot from Veronica..._

I nearly wretch as Veronica forces her lips against mine. Rough, callous hands grip my jaw and she forces my mouth open. That's all of the details I want to go into. When Veronica pulls away I can taste the beer she drank earlier coupled with some meaty dish she'd just eaten. Veronica strokes the side of my face and whispers to me.

"I'll be back in a little bit. I need to go buy some food for us.". I nod at her and go along with it. I'm not sure what's going on with Veronica, but I know there's a way to escape from her. Boone owns the room beside mine, and banging on the wall should summon him if he's not on guard duty. I pray to god he's not on guard duty. Veronica leaves to room and allows my animals inside. I pet Rex and Tex while counting to a hundred. Finally, I pick up a bottle beside my bed and toss it at the wall. I'm weakened, but I still manage to _smash_ the bottle into the wall. I wait.

 _Shit! I always break bottles and shit! He's just going to think I'm getting drunk or high!_

I begin grabbing anything I can and throwing it. Bottles, boxes, supplies, and everything else. A lot of the items don't hit the wall, and those that do don't make a very loud noise. I'm running out of items when I find my box of drugs in my hands. Veronica is abusing me, Cass is dead, and there's no way Boone is going to know me. I could relieve myself of my suffering right here and now.

It's not like I haven't thought about it. Hell, I even shot myself in the head once before Benny did it again for me. When I was younger I use to fantasize about a noble suicide. Killing myself before the enemies can charge me, or because my death could benefit the general population. Only a situation like that never arrived. And, the bible commands me not to take my own life. Although, I'm sure god could forgive me if I truly wished forgiveness in the last second I was alive. I find myself pulling back the lid of the box. Jet, Med-X, Psycho, and every drug imaginable is in the box, and I have at least three to ten of every single drug I own. I could stab myself full of drugs and kill myself within five minutes. Hell, it'd be any amazing way to go. I can't even fathom how great it would feel to get that high.

I begin weighing the box in my hand. It's heavy, but built in such a way I could throw it. I appear to have two choices. Throw the box at the wall, or kill myself. I contemplate it for a few minutes. I've always wanted to kill myself. I've just never felt low enough to actually follow through, or maybe I've just lacked the courage to. Either way, the closest I've gotten is shooting myself in the head. Although, shooting myself in the head earned me my current lack of intelligence. Shooting up a hundred different drugs could end up making my life a living hell without actually killing me. Am I willing to risk that? I throw the box with all my might and scream in pure joy when I bust a hole into Boone's room.

"What the fuck?!". Boone's face lowers itself halfway down the wall to the five inch wide hole. He questions me.

"Hey? That you?". I begin nodding and begging him.

"Boone, please get in here! You have to get in here!". My friend doesn't waste any time and I start to cry when Boone enters my room. A crushing weigh has been lifted from my chest and I can't stop myself from shaking with happiness. Boone sits down beside me. I know I look like shit, but he recognizes me. For once, Boone is silent. He even allows me to cling to him and hug him. I despise touching people, but I need to feel him to know he's real. Finally, I realize my time is going to run out. I beg Boone to help me.

"You need to help me! Veronica's gone mad! She's keeping me here against my will, and she's touching me when I don't want it, and she-". Boone shushes me and nods once. I shudder as I realize he doesn't need it explained anymore. For once, it appears I have a true friend. I tell him what to do.

"Find the NCR and bring them here. They'll take me away and I'll be safe!". Boone bites his lip and hesitates.

"Do you-". He hesitates again.

"Do you actually know what you've been doing? Like, did anyone tell you what you did after you left for the Divide?". I shake my head. Cass and Veronica never told me anything. Boone sighs, sucks in a deep breath, and asks me an odd question.

"Do you truly want to know what you've done?". I nod. Boone only has a few minutes to tell me what's happened, but within the next ten minutes I've been filled in on what's happened. On the people I've murdered, the war crimes I've done, and all of the organizations I've turned against. By the end, Boone is apologizing and telling me how it was a bad idea to tell me. I ignore him. I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, bent over with my elbows on my knees because I'm still weak, and watching my own tears falling on the ground. My chest is tight as I shake constantly.

"Boone...". He scoots a little closer to me.

"I'm here.". I wait for a moment before making my request. I know he won't go for it, but I still need to try.

"Kill me. Shoot me in the head until your magazine is empty, then cut it off and take it to the NCR. There's no point in me living anymore. Please.". Boone sighs. He hesitates and, awkwardly, pats me on the shoulder. I recoil from his unwanted touch and he quickly apologizes before telling me his answer.

"You know I can't do that. You're my best friend and a good woman. It's clear you weren't in your right mind when you did all this. Right?". I nod and, very briefly, tell him what Julie told me about my severe radiation sickness. Boone curses when I'm done telling my side of the story. Finally, he seems to come up with an idea.

"Can I still go get the NCR? I saw a troop of them heading northeast of here an hour or so ago. I can go get them and bring them back. Then, they can hear your story and give you whatever punishment they want. Would that work?". I shake my head. It's not enough.

"I need to die.". Boone comes up with an idea I like the sound of.

"Let the NCR do it. It's more honorable that way. You'll be sentenced to death by the NCR, won't be committing suicide, and you'll get to choose how you die.". I nod. I like the way he thinks. However, Boone cringes when I tell him a morbid though.

"I'd like to be hung. Not a long drop, though. I don't want my neck to snap. I deserve to suffer. A short drop that'll make me choke to death. Like drowning outside of water.". Boone stands and makes a promise.

"I'll be back soon. Can you survive with Veronica until I get back in a few hours?". I nod and give him my thanks.

"You're a true friend, Boone.". He nods at me and says something that makes my heart warm.

"I'll try to distract Veronica, though. I don't like the idea of her alone with you.". I smile at him as he closes the door behind him. Rex and Tex clamber onto the bed with me. I snuggle with the two of them as I desperately wait for Boone to hold up his end of the agreement.

* * *

 _A Short Distances from the Courier..._

 _Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit._ 'Shit' runs through my head again and again as I rush down to the dinosaur. Veronica is exiting Dinky with groceries piled high in her arms. I start running even faster. Veronica screams as I plow into her and 'accidentally' make her drop all of her groceries to the ground. I give out my best chuckle, grasp onto the woman, and begin 'struggling' to stay on my feet. In the process of 'staying up' I end up stomping on most of the groceries and ruining them. Veronica is likewise grasping onto me; though, she's actually struggling to stay on her feet. Pure rage flared across her face when I first ran into her, but when she realizes it's me her face settles into exasperation. Finally, we manage to steady ourselves. I offer her a wide smile and pretend to be happy to see her.

"Veronica!". She barely manages to refrain from rolling her eyes. Instead, she offers me a small smile.

"Boone.". Instantly, I'm pulling her into the dinosaur.

"Sorry about that. Here, I'll get you some more. Actually,". I shove a mix of NCR money and caps into her hand and push her towards the middle of the shop.

"I need to go find some ghouls I saw through my scope earlier. You can get your stuff by yourself, can't you?". She nods and begins picking out her new groceries. Now all I need to do is keep trying to make her even more busy.

"Hey, Veronica. Do you mind if I ask you a question?". I can hear the frustration leaking through in her voice as she talks to me.

"What, Boone?". She turns to me with a forced smile on her face.

"Can you take my watch for me?". She opens her mouth. I cut her off by hugging her.

"Thank you so much! I appreciate this so, so much. Just go up into the dinosaur's mouth once you've gotten your groceries, then watch for anyone heading for Novac. If they look like they're about to attack, then rally the guard.". She's shuddering with frustration and rage, but can't do anything as I turn and begin walking away from her. Hopefully, that'll keep her away from the Courier until I return with the NCR. I exit Novac and begin heading off in a northeast direction I saw the troop go. Obviously, I'm not going to let my friend kill herself or be executed by the NCR. I am, however, bringing the NCR here.

I trust them and the Courier trusts them. I'm sure an NCR official or officer can sort this entire situation out. And, I'm also certain once the Courier tells them what she told me they'll go easy on her. Not a slap on the wrists, but not execution. Finally, I'm far enough away from Novac that I can begin running without looking suspicious to anyone that might have been watching me from the town. The sun is almost setting, but I swear to myself I'm going to keep running no matter what. I need to save the Courier from all of this madness. I'm the only friend she has left, and I'm going to get her out of this situation no matter what. Hopefully.


	38. Lipstick on Your Collar

_A Short Distance from Boone..._

Screaming begins to reach our caravan of soldiers when we're only a short distance from Hoover Dam. Instantly, Moore is near the back of the line with me and her gun's already drawn. However, the man that comes running over the hill puts everyone at ease. Boone is caked all over with dirt and has sweated through his clothes, but he's an NCR presence that makes everyone comfortable. Moore puts her gun away and goes to meet Boone. My hands are tied, but I still walk over to hear what they're saying. Moore shoots me a nasty look, but doesn't tell me to go away. Boone is the first to speak once we're all together.

"Moore, you need to return to Novac. The Courier is being held hostage by Veronica Santangelo. If we don't hurry there's a possibility she could get killed!". I don't have time to flee or explain myself as Moore grabs me by the shirt, lifts me into the air, and rests her nose against mine. I'm forced to stare into her piercing eyes as she snarls at me.

"YOU FILTHY LIAR!". I feel her pistol come to rest on my stomach.

"Why shouldn't I kill you right now?!". My shirt is choking me, but I manage to choke out an answer.

" _I can help_.". Moore scoffs, but her gun goes away from my stomach.

"I'm not going to kill you, but that's not because I think you can help me. Every citizen of the Mojave gets a free trial.". I'm shoved backwards and two guards catch me.

"Take her to Hoover Dam.".

* * *

 _A Foot from Cass..._

My heart goes out to Cass because I knew the woman, but she's not my top priority. Besides, I'm sure there's a reason Moore is detaining her. And, I don't know the whole situation. It'd be best if I ignore the Cass situation for now and work on the Courier situation. Hopefully, Cass doesn't get her head blown off in the meantime. Moore taps me on the shoulder and motions at me.

"Lead me to the Courier.". Quickly, she calls orders at her men over her shoulder.

"Take Cass to Hoover Dam, but return to Novac if I haven't returned within three days.". Our two groups separate as Cass is lead away and Moore follows me back to Novac. I can't run quite as quickly as I did to get to Moore, but I still give it my all. I'm sure Veronica's gotten back to the Courier by now, and I don't want my friend suffering anymore than she had to. I do my best to pick up the pace when I can; although, I'm still just barely jogging most of the time.

It took me hours upon hours before catching up to Moore, so it's no surprise it takes even longer to get back. The sun is barely rising above the horizon when I reach Novac. I have to stop at the gates, lean onto the metal fence, and struggle to catch my breath. My chest is burning, my stomach's churning, and I think I'm dying. Luckily, Moore is able to help me stand.

"Where's the Courier?". I lead her to my friend's room without hesitation.

* * *

 _A Few Feet from Boone..._

I'm shuddering even though it's burning up inside of my room. I've gone too long without a single drink or a good smoke, and Veronica isn't willing to let me have either of those. Whenever I've tried to reach one she'll pull me back and beat me until I'm crying. Rex and Tex originally stood up for me, but Veronica's kicked them enough that they're given up on trying to save me. Right now Veronica's got me wrapped in her arms and we're spooning while facing my outer wall. My clothes are crumpled in a corner and Veronica's hands are resting on my hips and breast. The thought of escaping has passed my mind; though, I'm too terrified to move.

If Veronica wakes, then she'll most likely force me to either go through therapy. Or, worse, she'll start touching me again. Her hands on me right now drive me crazy with how uncomfortable I am, but what she does to me when she's awake is so much worse. She'll me down, then run her hands all over my body until she's gotten her fill. Honestly, I'm afraid of what she'd do if I'd consented to her touching. And what she'd do if I still had breasts like before I was radiated. Suddenly, something on the counter beside my beside catches my attention. A still smoking cigarette laying in an ashtray. I'm not sure how long it's been there, who lit it, or why it's lit. Although, none of that stops me from reaching for it.

I make sure to move my arm slowly and try not to rouse Veronica. By some miracle I manage to get the cigarette in between my fingers. I slowly pull the cigarette back to my mouth. The first drag of the cigarette is the sweetest I've ever taken and I savor it will all my might. Then, I huff away as quickly as possible until the cigarette is smoked down to a nub. I flick the butt off into the mess of my room. Now my throat is burning for a drink of alcohol. I don't see any nearby me, but I know there's still a bottle of scotch sitting by the floor of the bed. I stretch and bend my arm as much as I can. I feel the tip of the bottle rub against the very tips of my fingers.

I just need another inch or so to reach it. I begin straining. Veronica mumbles beside me and snuggles even closer. I strain even harder and feel my fingers begin to run down the neck of the bottle. If I can just strain a little more I can finally get a sweet drink that'll settle my urges. Veronica jerks awake at my final strain that puts my hand around the neck of the bottle. The woman snorts and heaves herself up to look down at me as I bring the bottle up to my lips.

"Damn you!". She begins trying to take the bottle away from me. I begin drinking as quickly as I can while turning the bottle upside down to allow the liquid to drain directly into my mouth without a single pause. Throbbing agony washes over me as Veronica punches the back of my skull and upper back. I keep drinking and try to ignore the pain. However, I can't ignore it when Veronica begins pulling the covers off of my body. I tighten my thighs as much as I can and use my free hand to dig into the sheets. It's not enough. Easily, Veronica grabs me by the hips while using her own thighs to push mine apart.

"Put it down! Now!". I ignore her warning and try to get the last dregs of alcohol that're dripping down the neck of the bottle. A _crash_ resounds around the room as the bottle drops from my fingers when Veronica yanks me back. I howl and scream and rage against the world as she begins pushing down on me. Veronica forces all of her weight on only one vertebrae of my spine. I'm already begging and crying out for her to stop. My pleas fall on deaf ears as she keeps bearing her weight down upon me.

"It's part of your therapy!". I can't properly describe the pain I feel. Throbbing, stabbing, and shooting all at once from one point of my body. My very organs and muscles seem to be bending from her weight. The worst part of if all is I can feel a pressure building in my back where she's pushing. Slowly, the pressure is growing. I already know what'll happen if it reaches its breaking point. I stop struggling and try to quit crying. If I'm quiet Veronica might have pity on me. The woman removes her hands. I suck in a deep breath and begin trying to make myself comfortable. That's when Veronica presses down with her knees on my back instead of her hands. She only stops when my back _cracks_ and I'm howling in absolute agony I thought was reserved for hell. Veronica rolls off of me and allows me to wallow in my pain.

Thankfully, my back popped instead of breaking. That's literally the only good thing about this entire situation. I'm throbbing, can't move, and I'd rather be dead than spend another day with Veronica. Suddenly, a pillowcase is brought over my head. I consider fighting it for a moment. I still have the will to live in me and my heart is still pumping, so why not? Then, the shooting pain up and down my spine convinces me otherwise. I'm not a smart woman, but I can be taught. And, I was just taught fighting and giving in make no difference to Veronica. She's going to hurt me either way, so why even bother fighting?

The pillowcase is tightened around my throat. Not enough to strangle me, but enough I'd be hard-pressed to get it off of my head in my weakened state. Then, Veronica ties my hands behind my back. Finally, she rolls me onto my back. I feel her pick my legs up and rest them on my shoulders. My chest and throat tighten as I realize what she has in mind for me.

It's now that I wish I'd fought with all of my heart. Now I can only squirm and squeal as I feel Veronica's hot breath wash over my cunt. I can't count the number of women I've had sex with (although, to be fair I can't count too high), but all of them were different. They were sweet and kind and didn't just start fucking me right away. And, much more importantly, none of them were Veronica! I've never felt any sort of attraction to her! I mean, she's my best friend in the entire world! You don't fuck your best friends! That's just sick! And, also important, all of the other woman asked permission. My thighs strain and I shudder from the exercise as I try to push Veronica's head away from my genitals. Veronica laughs and, mockingly (at least, I think she's being mocking), repeats what she's told me a thousand times.

"It's part of your therapy! You'll get better as soon as it's over! I'm doing this for your own good!". I scream and try fighting even harder as Veronica starts trying to eat me out. I'm thin and my genitals are unfamiliar to even me for that reason, so to say Veronica is doing a 'poor job' of fucking me is an understatement. Rex has, one a few rare occasions I'd rather forget and pretend didn't happen, licked me better than her. Hell, if Veronica would let me I'd probably choose Rex licking me over her right now. Suddenly, Veronica bites down on me for no apparent reason other than to hear my screams of pain. More throbbing, shooting pain comes from my cunt. Rex and Tex begin whimpering as they start circling the bed. I'm still screaming, the dogs are still barking, and Veronica's still biting when someone pounds on the door.


	39. Nearing the End

_A Foot from the Courier..._

Rex and a three-legged coyote charge by my legs as Moore charges into the Courier's room. The sight before me has caused me to stand dumbly in the doorway. It takes my mind about thirty seconds to recognize what's happening. Then, I gag and begin to wretch. My friend is tied up like a chicken, has a sack tied over her head, and her legs are spread by Veronica's head. Well, they _were_. Moore has grabbed Veronica, slammed her to the ground, and is busy tying her hands behind her back. Meanwhile, Veronica is cursing and kicking and even snapping her teeth. My stomach is rolling and I'm heating up in rage, but I still force myself to go over and help the Courier.

First, I untie her hands from behind her back. My friend tries to help by taking the sack off, but I have to help when it becomes clear the woman's far too weak to get it off of her. I shudder when I finally take the sack off. The Courier's wide eyes are soaking wet, snot is running from her nose, and she's hyperventilating from her mouth. The woman looks at the wall and begins trying to rub her arms to warm herself up. Moore is too busy heaving Veronica to her feet to help, so I start dressing the Courier. Although, as I dress her an unfathomable anger and hatred is beginning to fill my mind. The Courier was a good, kind woman. Was she a little freaky with her religion and ability to twist it to suit the situation she was in?

Definitely. Did she deserve to be radiated into another person, have her most trusted friend turn on her, and be raped? Obviously not. The radiation couldn't have been helped, but Veronica could have stopped the last two things. The Courier wasn't the smartest, bravest, or quickest. She was, however, one of the most innocent people in the whole Mojave. She deserved a good life. A life free of rape and lies. Now she'll never get that. Hell, there were even times she reminded me of my wife.

Not the naive or religious part, but the way she'd never give up and how passionate she was. The Courier currently looks like she wouldn't fight it if death himself came for her, and her passion has definitely fled. I want Veronica to pay for this. I want to see her swing and know she's gone to hell where she belongs. The gun slung across my back begins to burn, but I shove it down. Everyone deserves a fair trial. Even if everyone in the entire Mojave knows they did the crime. Moore speaks up and gets my attention off of revenge.

"Can you carry her?". I look at the Courier. She barely looks in my direction, but I still ask her permission before touching her.

"May I carry you?". She nods and I scoop her up in my arms. She's not the lightest person in the world; though, I can definitely carry her for quite a few hours before her weight begins to start hurting my arms. I turn, with the Courier still in my arms, to Moore. Veronica is struggling and snarling, but Moore has her completely under control. The NCR leader motions with her head at the door.

"We need to get to Hoover Dam and sort this all out. I'll stick Veronica with Cass when we get there, but I want you to take your friend to the emergency medical facility.". The woman in my arms begins to stir. I hold her out slightly to give her the attention of the room.

"Cass is dead.". Her rough voice is barely a whisper and she doesn't stop looking at her lap from where she's curled up in my arms. My chest aches as Moore corrects her.

"No, she isn't. Who told you that lie?". The Courier doesn't answer. Instead, she lets out a wail worthy of someone mourning the loss of their mother. Moore shoves Veronica and the woman hisses.

"Yeah, I lied! Big deal!". Moore shakes her head. Then, she shoves Veronica again and demands an answer.

"What haven't you told her?". Veronica snarls and looks straight ahead.

"Anything.". The Courier has calmed down by now, but she keeps sniffling. Moore looks me in the eyes and I motion with my head at the door. We need to get out of here and start putting everything to rest. Moore nods and begins walking out. I follow right behind her. Rex and the coyote join us and bark, but the walk to Hoover Dam is otherwise silent.

* * *

 _Hundreds of Miles Away..._

I straighten up my desk the second I'm in my office. It's such a tiny and insignificant thing to do, but it makes me feel better. Honestly, it's the only thing I can control at this point. I have two women in two solitary cells telling different stories that both end with each other dying, Boone sitting in an insecure room on his own accord telling me only a tenth of a story, and a woman in a medical facility screaming and crying while never telling me a thing. I'm not quite sure if anyone ever told the Courier what she did, but from what I can piece together the answer is 'no'. Cass and Veronica both agreed the Courier was radiated badly enough she temporarily went insane, but that's where the similarities in their stories stop. Cass insist that Veronica kidnapped the Courier and that she figured that both of them were indeed dead.

Veronica insist that Cass kidnapped the Courier and she only kidnapped her back; although, she has no explanation for the rape she was committing when we entered the room. Boone claimed he only knew his friend was going off to the Divide alone, then saw her just yesterday in her current sorry state. I'd love to get the whole story, but that'll take time. I've sent my report to other high-ranking NCR members, and now it's just a waiting game of interrogations and interviews until we've pieced it all together.

Finally, I sink deeply into my chair and try to let my tension leave me. Things were easier a week ago. All I had to do was find Cass, Veronica, the Courier and capture them. Hell, even yesterday was simpler. All I had to do yesterday was bring Cass to Hoover Dam and have her rewarded for killing the Courier and Veronica. Her reward would have most likely just be escaping punishment for ignoring our commands to bring the Courier in alive, but it's still a reward. Now the entire situation is a tangled ball of yarn I can't unravel without breaking a strand or two. I can go to every single person in the whole Mojave and they could tell me everything they know about everything ever, but I still wouldn't have the full story of what happened.

The best I can do right now is get the closest story, then decide what to do from there. I've already gotten a message from Dennis Crocker telling me he's taking all the wanted posters down and contacting the Followers of the Apocalypse (he explains that there was some strange activity over by their fort a while ago), but he's otherwise been silent. Lee Oliver has offered to recover any ground I visited in my search (since I was the one successful in finding the Courier), and I gladly accepted. Dennis will take care of scrounging up clues in New Vegas, Lee will go wherever I went to find more answers, and I'll stay here and try to get some answers out of everyone I have here.

Warily, I glance at the clock. A groan works its way past my lips. I've wasted too much time pacing, fixing things on my desk, and thinking. I need to go question the captives. Again. I'll start with the most helpful and move my way down the list. That means I'll visit Boone, Cass, Veronica, and the Courier in that order. Shockingly, Veronica is actually being more helpful than the Courier at this point. Still, Boone is who I start with. The man is sitting in one of our bare, white rooms with a book in his hands. The man tosses the book to the side when he sees me answer. He starts to stand, but I motion for him to sit back down on the bed. Standing would make his legs hurt by the time we're done. Boone sits stiffly on the bed with his hands folded in his lap. Neither or us waste any time.

"So, the Courier didn't tell you anything? Just that she was being held captive by Veronica?". He nods and I sigh. I've grilled him for hours and there's really nothing more I could possibly learn from him. There is, however, a way he could help.

"The Courier still won't stop crying. Do you at least have an idea what triggered this outburst?". He cringes and pauses. Then, he nods and explains.

"Do you remember what Veronica did the entire way back here?". I nod. Veronica wouldn't stop screaming everything the Courier did. She listed off who the Courier killed, what groups she attacked, and the settlements she'd wiped out.

"I remember. What'd that have to do with anything? Besides, the Courier didn't start crying until she got here.". Boone nods and shifts a tiny bit in his seat.

"The Courier told me she couldn't remember what she did when she was radiated. Veronica telling her that was the first time she heard what she did. When we reached Hoover Dam she started crying because she asked if she truly did all of the things Veronica said, and I told her the truth. So, while I was carrying her down to the medical unit I told her everything she did. That's why she started crying.". I rub my temples. There's no way in hell I'll be able to calm the Courier down. I take a gamble and rely on Boone.

"Can you head down to the medical facility and see if you can calm her down?". Boone shrugs, but stands. "I can try. Just don't expect anything amazing. She's just learned her entire life has changed and that she's committed crimes she can't even remember. It's like if you woke up tomorrow and someone told you that you were five years older than when you went to sleep, have killed NCR members, and have murdered innocent citizens. Oh, and your body is completely different than when you went to bed. That's what it's like for the Courier. She's the same mind, but in a different body and with a different life. I don't think I'll be able to calm her down after that.". I understand what Boone's saying, but I need that from him. I do my best not to sound too harsh when I tell Boone what exactly is at stake.

"I need you to, at the very least, get her to stop saying she wants someone to kill her. If I can't get this entire situation sorted out, then my superiors are just going to have me go with what I currently have. I currently have a rapist in one cell, someone who's obstructed justice in another cell, and a murderer in a medical facility. Veronica would be jailed for eight years at maximum, Cass will be jailed for eight years at minimum, and the Courier will get another shot to the skull. I need you to calm her down. Quickly.". Boone nods and stands. We both begin to descent downstairs. Boone for the Courier and I for Cass.


	40. Don't Worry, It's Painless

Cass is in a room barely bigger than a closet, and the only piece of furniture in the room is the bed she's currently chained to. The woman has been changed into a nightgown to both maintain her dignity while assuring me she doesn't have any weapons on her. Cass is lying down when I enter the room, but she's sitting up by the time I close the door. I don't have a place to sit, so I'm forced to stand as I speak to the woman.

"Care to tell me anything you left out of your story?". Cass shakes her head and remains silent. I inwardly sigh. She told me a tale of finding the Courier radiated, dragging her around the Mojave with Veronica, and Veronica kidnapping the Courier around Novac. That still doesn't explain why they ran around everywhere instead of bringing the Courier back, or why Veronica would kidnap the Courier in the first place. Hell, it doesn't even explain why I found Cass dying on the floor of some factory. Although, I can't force Cass to tell me anything if she doesn't want to. The NCR doesn't condone torture or extended interrogations. I give up on getting information out of her, but I do ask an important question.

"Is there anyone you know who'd be willing to take care of the Courier?". Cass looks me dead in the eyes without blinking for a whole minute without speaking. Finally, she gives me an answer.

"Betsy. Corporal Betsy of 1st Recon.". I nod while fishing out a notepad and pen from my pocket. I scribble down the name, thank Cass, and exit her room. My last glimpse of the woman is of her lying back down on her bed and closing her eyes. My next stop is Veronica's room which is right beside Cass' room. I make sure to put my notepad and pen up before entering Veronica's cell. Veronica's room is half the size of Cass'. There isn't even room for a bed. Instead, Veronica is forced to sit on a pillow with another pillow cradling her skull against the wall behind her. Was it petty of me to shove the rapist in the smallest cell we had? Yes.

Am I going to move her to a bigger cell out of the kindness of my heart? No fucking way. I enter the room, but it's so tiny I can't even shut the door behind me. I technically could if I were to step on Veronica, close the door, and step back. I just don't want to step on the woman and give her the opportunity to potentially attack me and/or trap me in her room. Veronica has her arms crossed in front of her chest and is looking directly in the ground. She's likewise been stripped into a nightgown to preserve her modesty while keeping me safe.

"Veronica.". She doesn't look up or even acknowledge me, but I keep talking in the hope she'll explain herself.

"Do you care to explain to me why I found you forcing yourself on the Courier?". Veronica throws her head back and laughs. The woman looks almost angry when she stops cackling.

"I'm not sure what the Courier told you, but she wanted it. She fucks anything that moves.". A vein is beginning to throb along my skull. I know it shouldn't get to me, but what Veronica said does. It doesn't matter if the Courier was the biggest slut in the entire world; that doesn't mean she can't be raped or her rape should be excused. Some part of me wants to piss Veronica off, so I decide to toss an insult in her direction.

"She fucks anything that moves, does she?". Veronica nods. The woman scoots forward on her pillow and a spark comes to her eyes. Obviously, she's hoping she's got me on her side.

"I wonder what that says about you, then. If she'll fuck anything that moves, but won't fuck you.". It's not the cleverest insult ever said, but it does its job. Veronica's face twists in rage and the woman has the gall to spit at my feet. An unthinking, enraged part of me wants nothing more than to kick Veronica's face in. But I'm a member of the NCR and am able to resist my base urges. I ignore her spitting and try to put us back on track.

"Do you have any explanation? If you don't offer one, then if the Courier presses charges I'll be forced to assume you plead guilty since the NCR doesn't require nor encourage rapist and their victims to be in the same room during the proceedings.". Veronica remains silent. I take that as her answer.

"Alright. If she presses charges, then you'll get found guilty.". Again, no response. Obviously, Veronica isn't going to be very helpful. I don't even want to risk asking her to repeat her story. Instead, I ask her what I asked Cass.

"Do you know anyone who'd be willing to take care of the Courier?". Veronica snarls like a wild beast. I fear she might spit again. Instead, she answers me.

"If you can get to the Sierra Madre, then there's a woman there named Christine Royce. The Courier's told me they're friends, and I knew Christine even before the Courier told me about her. She's a good woman.". I take a step backwards and lock Veronica in her room. Then, I pull my notepad out and write down Christine's name. I already know who Betsy is and I know how I can reach her, but I'll need to send a scout out to Sierra Madre in order to bring Christine Royce here.

Hopefully, she isn't an asshole like Veronica. I walk down the hallway, take a right, and stop at the third door on the left. Briefly, I glance inside using the window on the door. The bare hospital room has a single bed and an array of equipment surrounding the Courier. Boone is sitting in the lone chair in the room beside the Courier's bed. Boone is the first of the two to see me. Quickly, he stands and exits the room.

* * *

 _A Few Feet from Moore..._

I hear a whimpering from underneath my bed and, quickly, stick my hand underneath the mattress. Two canine tongues lick my fingers. I allow my boys to lick me until the door opens and I'm forced to retract my hand. I know Boone is going to ask something of me because his beret is off. My friend presses his hat into my hands and I instantly try to force it back at him. If I accept it, then he might actually expect me to agree with whatever he says. At first, Boone retracts his hands and I think I've won. Then, he shoves the beret on my head. I sigh, but don't remove it since it's obvious Boone won't settle for 'no'. Boone nods once at me before sliding back into his chair. My friend's hands once again come to rest on my thighs. He's the first to speak.

"Moore wanted to know if you could tell her what was going on.". I begin shaking my head. Boone sighs.

"She says it's NCR business.". I stop shaking my head. If the NCR demands it on an official level, then I won't deny the organization I've come to love an explanation. Moore won't get one from me; though, I'm not going to stand against the NCR any more than I already have.

"Alright. Can I only say it once?". Boone nods. I suck in a deep breath, then tell Boone the story. At least, I tell him what I remember. Going through the Divide, getting sick halfway back, waking up, and Veronica's abuse. I have to stop at multiple points in my tale, and I cut out (or don't go into specific details) on some parts. I don't tell him about Veronica almost drowning me, how she started raping me even though he walked in on the actual event, or how she lied throughout all of it.

Hell, I don't even mention anything about Cass. Still, I have to continually think ahead and take breaks in my story. Mostly because I don't want to start crying. Unfortunately, my story is cut short when I _do_ end up crying. I was telling Boone how exactly Veronica trapped me in my own room when I break down. The thought of my two closest friends hating me is too much. Cass hated me so much she left and had Veronica tell me she was dead so she never had to be around me again.

And, Veronica hated me so much she decided to torture me to death. My only close friends left are the damned dogs underneath my bed. Boone, Lily, and all my other companions are my friends, but it's not the same. Veronica and Cass were like sisters to me! I trusted them with all of my secrets, fought beside them, and helped them with their own personal lives. If I'd never left for the Divide, then neither of them would have come to hate me. If I'd just let Ulysses continue doing whatever he was doing I could have kept my old life. Instead, I'm stuck with this piece of shit. I have no friends, no physical health, and now I don't even have an organization to follow.

A familiar and deep despair comes over me. If Boone were to offer me death I'd take it in a heartbeat. Hell, why not help things along? Obviously, I can't let Boone know of my plans, and I need to kill myself quickly before my despair leaves me. The thought of Veronica hurting me, Cass leaving me, and my betrayal of the NCR fuel what I say to Boone.

"Boone, can you take me to the top of Hoover Dam? I've been in captivity for so long, and I miss seeing the sun. Please? I can stand up there by myself while you report to Moore.". Boone smiles at me, then checks my medical devices.

"It looks like you can be unhooked. Are you sure you want to go now, though?". I nod. Boone smiles and begins unhooking me from my machines. Finally, I'm free and Boone lifts me out of the bed. My legs are weak, but Boone allows me to walk while leaning heavily on his shoulder. Though, he has to carry me up the stairs. My heart begins to race as I'm led up familiar stairways and hallways until Boone takes me out onto Hoover Dam. Barely, the sun is rising in the horizon.

I breathe in deeply as Boone releases me. I even lean against the concrete railing while smelling the fresh, radioactive air and gazing across the barren Mojave. Boone pats me on the back before leaving. Two noses sniffing my calves make me aware I'm not completely alone. I turn to face my two pets before tossing myself off of the dam. However, seeing Rex quickly changes my mind.

"Rex.". He perks up.

"Can you find mommy a gun? A tiny one. Like a pistol.". Rex barks before turning and running away. Meanwhile, I kneel in order to pet Tex while waiting for Rex to get back. The gun Rex brings me is perfect. Actually, more than perfect! It's Moore's own gun! I scratch Rex behind the ear before standing back up. I check to make sure there's a bullet in the chamber. Then, I say my farewells.

"Rex, who's a good boy?". He barks and wags his tail.

"Tex, who's a good boy?". The coyote with three legs wags his own tail and barks.

"Be good boys, okay? No matter who owns you or what happens, alright? Both of you head back to the King when I'm done, okay? And, be safe. Hear me?". Rex and Tex both bark at me. I smile at them and nod in approval. They'll be good doggies once I'm gone. I lean back against the dam and try to decide where to shoot myself in the head. Benny shot me on the forehead and didn't kill me, so that's out. Through the temple will look cool, but I've heard that's painful.

I guess through the roof of the mouth will have to do. Sadly, I realize I should've told Rex to get me a shotgun to make my death look even cooler. Oh well, live and learn. I taste copper and my jaw is stretched uncomfortably wide as I place the barrel of the pistol against the roof of my mouth. Quickly, I reconsider and put the gun against my temple. Now it's just a little behind my right eye.

" _What the actual fuck_?!".

" **Stop**!". Boone and Moore are the last people I hear before a _click_ rings out.


	41. Apology

**Note/Apology: I'm not going to be updated for a week or so because of two reasons.**

 **1\. It's the holiday season.**

 **2\. I have a severe flu on top of a chest infection.**

 **So, I have no time and I'm currently on five different medications that make me unable to focus for more than a few seconds. Sorry, and I'll do my best to update once I'm feeling better.**


	42. Many Changes

_A Foot from the Courier..._

My gun drops from the Courier's hand as she buckles to her knees. For a brief, terrifying moment Boone and I are silent. My entire body turns cold as I realize the woman's successfully killed herself. Then, the Courier's hands come up to her face. Well, almost to her face. Her fingers are a few inches away from her eyes. Already, blood is beginning to gush from either side of the Courier's head. The woman's shaking as she begins rapidly moving her hands. Slowly, Boone and I begin approaching her. The Courier's face twists into an odd expression when we're only a few feet away from her. The woman's ragged voice rings out.

"Boone?". Boone begins moving closer quicker, but doesn't say anything. Suddenly, the Courier stops moving her hands. Her next sentence is a whisper.

" _I can't see_.". Boone rushes to her. The man falls to his knees beside his friend and wraps her in his arms. It's not enough, and the Courier screams her agony.

" _I can't see_!". Her hands begin rapidly brushing the ground around her. Subtly, I kneel down beside her while scooping up my gun. I pocket the weapon just to make sure the woman can't get it. Silently, Boone and I lift her up and both of us begin moving as one. Thankfully, we both have the same idea and begin heading towards the medical unit. Meanwhile, the Courier's dogs trail after us and the woman in question keeps howling about how she can't see. It takes quite a while to carry her down all of the stairs and through all of the halls, but the woman isn't fighting us. All she does is keep moaning and groaning and howling in rage.

Finally, we reach the medical unit and carry her in. Multiple rows of wounded and dead lay about as the doctors scurry around them. We've been terribly understaffed recently, so we have to wait with the Courier before someone waves us over to an empty bed. The man is soaked from head to toe with blood, and he doesn't even question us as he puts a few syringes of sedatives into the girl's veins. Instantly, her blind eyes are crossing and she's collapsed. The doctor gently lifts the Courier's head and turns it to the side. Slowly, he places it back down before looking at Boone and I while shaking his head. Then, the doctor goes to attend to someone else. Boone begins to move after him; however, I stop him by gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Can you get the Courier's dogs out of here, please?". The hounds ran in with us and they're currently sniffing at the blood soaking the sterile white room, or licking at any dangling limbs that happen to hang over a bed. Boone should know I'm distracting him, but he stills moves to round up the hounds and remove them from the building. Meanwhile, another doctor is making his way towards me with a small, metal stick in his hand. A sick feeling grips my stomach as he gently moves the Courier's head to the side. The hole in her head is leaking white puss and black blood, but I can see through her meat and muscle down to the pillow below her head.

Thick, blue cords are shredded throughout the entire wound. My stomach further churns when a _squish_ is produced by the doctor pushing the tube through the Courier's head. The final touch is when the Courier's half-closed eyes flicker open without her consent. I find a wastebasket near my foot and go about emptying my stomach into it. However, once I'm done the doctor is still messing with the woman's eyes. Slowly, he moves the stick back and forth. The Courier's dead, opened eyes move in the opposite direction of the stick. Finally, the doctor slowly removes it from her head with another _squish_. The man puts the tube to the side and shakes his head. A groan threatens to leave my throat. I shove down that urge and, instead, ask him an important question.

"Will she live?". He nods without hesitation. Still, he looks troubled as he explains it to me.

"If you were trying to execute her or she was trying to kill herself, then it was a shitty job. Too low to hit the brain and too high to hit any major veins. _Just_ the right distance to cause as much agony as possible without death.". I bite my lip and look at the hole in her head. The doctor sees me looking at the woman and keeps talking.

"She's severed both of the optic nerves running from her eyes to her brain.". I don't know too much about medicine, but that doesn't sound good. Sure enough, what the doctor says next isn't good.

"The nerve leading from her left eye to the right side of her brain is completely shredded, and there's hardly anything to save from the nerve running from her right eye to the left side of her brain. Worst case, she'll be permanently blinded in both eyes for the rest of her life. Best case, she'll be able to barely see shapes and shadows out of her right eye after a year or so of therapy. Even then, she'll be lucky if she can even see the red, green, and blue by the end of her life.". The Courier is still deadened to the world by her sedatives. Slowly, I run my thumb over her forehead a single time. Cold, clammy and dried skin quivers at me touch as I trace the scar Benny left.

"Is it even worthy trying to save?". The man doesn't answer. Instead, he begins packing the wound with cotton soaked with antibiotics before wrapping her head in cloth soaked with anti-inflammatory medication. Finally, clean cotton strips are wrapped around the wet ones and the doctor lightly pats her shoulder.

"I wish there was more I could do, but there's no use. The surgery she'd require just to lightly repair her right eye would need to be performed by an Auto-Doc.". I ignore the doctor and begin to leave the medical facility. I'm done with this shit. I'm done with Veronica, Cass, Boone, and the Courier. I'm still not completely sure what's going on, but it's clear the Courier was another victim. I just don't know for sure who all targeted her. I do, however, know that Veronica raped her. I also know Cass lied to me about knowing for a fact the Courier and Veronica were dead. If that's all I get to charge those two on, then so be it. Thankfully, I run into Boone as he's coming down the stairs. I reach my hand out to stop him and tell him what to do.

"Go get some guards to bring Cass and Veronica to my office. We're ending this all. Now.". Boone looks completely shocked, but nods before rushing away to do his duty. I use my brief time to go to my office and get it ready. I push most of my belongings up against the wall and put two chairs in front of my desk. Then, I just go about lightly cleaning up until I hear a _knock_ at my door. I take a seat behind my desk and speak up.

"Come in.". Four guards lead Boone, Cass, and Veronica in. Boone and the guards stand to the side while Veronica and Cass are seated before me. I focus on Cass first.

"I'm still not quite sure what your intention was here, and at this point I don't care. All I can get you on is obstructing the legal system.". Cass grunts and nods. It's not exactly the response I was hoping of getting, but I keep pushing through it. I've looked up the minimum and maximum sentences for each of them (taking into account when they committed the crime, where, and other requirements that change their maximum and minimums).

"Your minimum sentence is six years in jail along with community service for a time after that. The maximum sentence is ten years, but no community service afterwards. A legal adviser in Camp Golf will handle your proceedings and make sure you get a jury, a lawyer, and judge. All of whom won't have a bias or personal relationship to you. Do you find this agreeable?". Cass waits for a few moments. For a second, I think she might choke and end up telling me something I don't know. Instead, she nods without saying another word. I turn towards Veronica and tell her what she could possibly get.

"Your minimum sentence is five years in jail. Your maximum sentence is eight years in solitary confinement. A legal adviser in Camp McCarran will handle your proceedings and make sure you get a jury, a lawyer, and judge. All of whom won't have a bias or personal relationship to you. Do you find this agreeable?". Veronica twists her face in rage and looks about ready to spit. Ultimately, she decides against spitting and just grumbles.

"Sure. Whatever.". Finally, everything seems to finally be sorting itself out. I point at Veronica first.

"You'll be returned to your cell and shipped out immediately tomorrow morning.". Veronica's guards come forward and pull the woman from her seat. For once, she doesn't fight. Instead, Cass and I both silently watch as Veronica is led from the room. Now I'm free to turn my full attention to Cass.

"You'll be returned to your room, but I'm afraid we can't ship you out until next week.". Cass doesn't even acknowledge me in the slightest. Barely, I hold back my sigh as I motion for the guards to take her away. Now all I need to deal with is getting Boone straightened out. The man comes forward once all the guards, Cass, and Veronica are gone in order to sit before me. For once, the person sitting starts us off.

"I have business to attend to.". I simply nod. He's a good man and I've gotten what I need from him, so he's free to go. Boone stands back up, but asks me a question.

"When will you decide what to do with the Courier?". I try to imagine how long it'll take to locate Christine, get Betsy, and get the Courier patched up enough not to die of infection.

"Probably a day or two after Cass is gone. Why?". Boone makes his way towards the door. Thankfully, he stops before exiting.

"Try to keep her until then. I have some items I need to give her. Please.". Finally, he's gone.

* * *

 _Three Floors Below Moore..._

The hardest thing about being suddenly blinded is the fact that I, ironically, can't sleep. Darkness shrouds me, but the new sensations coupled with my panic keep me awake. Earlier, Boone came down and told me what happened to Veronica and Cass. Saying my emotions are mixed is the biggest understatement in history. I never even got to see Cass after Veronica told me she was alive. Cass went from being my friend, training me, reconciling with me, dying, and coming back to life only to be shipped off for a crime I wasn't even aware she committed. I never felt any strong hatred or anger towards Cass; though, Boone insist that she's been against me.

For now, I've been silent. Hopefully, she'll be given a light sentence and I can meet up with her once this is done. Although, I'm not quite sure when 'this' will end. Will it end when I'm back to my old self excluding the eyesight? Will it end when Cass is out of jail? Will it end when I'm out of jail? I don't know. So, my heart goes out to Cass while I can't bring myself to be mustered to do anything. Veronica, on the other hand, isn't as complex. She hurt me. I deserved the pain, but she still hurt me and went against the law. If she'd told me why she was hurting me, then it would've been different. Only she didn't, so now she has to go for jail because she went against laws the NCR had put into place. My best bet is reconciling with her once she's out of jail. If she'll have me. _I hope she'll have me_.

* * *

 **Note: I'm still not feeling completely normal, but I managed to type this up in my spare time. So, don't expect normal updating until I'm better.**


	43. My Girl

_A Week or so Later and Three Floors Above the Courier..._

The NCR hates being a peacekeeping force in the Mojave. Usually, our problems are solved with bullets. Today, I wish that was how I solved the problem of Cass and Veronica stinking up our temporary cells. Instead, I have to sit at my desk and sign two warrants that'll go with them to the NCR outpost where they'll be judged. Cass is slated to go to Camp McCarran to get a trial for supposed obstruction of justice. Although, I honestly don't think she'll get the full sentence. All she has to do is claim to her knowledge the Courier and Veronica were dead and she was telling the truth. Technically, there's no way to possibly know if she truly wanted to obstruct our hunt for the Courier or not. It's not like she wrote down her plan to secret the Courier away or anyway.

The way I see it, Cass will most likely pay her dues and be on her way within half of a year or so. However, Veronica is another story. She'll be headed for Camp Golf where she'll face charges of rape I'm certain she won't be able to avoid. Well, I _hope_ she won't be able to avoid the charges. The word of an NCR general (myself) carries a lot of weight, but the Courier won't be able to attend the trial and say for certain she was raped. Hell, if Veronica gets a clever enough lawyer they'll either insist the prosecutor's absence equates consent of sex, or simply use the Courier's absence to freely defame her character until the jury has such a low opinion of her they'll believe there's no possibility she could ever be raped.

Both are evil, low moves that're often used by experienced lawyers in order to get their clients off of charges they've obviously committed. So, for Cass I can only hope the truth (which even I don't know) will make itself known, and for Veronica I can only pray she can't afford a good lawyer and is saddled with one the NCR will have to provide for her. Either way, their fates are out of my hands now. Quickly, I exit my office in order to hand the papers to an awaiting soldier who'll run them down to the fifth floor in order for the prisoners to be released and moved.

A pang in my chest aches me as I watch the man go and mentally clean my hands of the Cass and Veronica affair. I hadn't intended on moving Cass and Veronica on the same day since it'll mean more soldiers away from Hoover Dam, but some rather good news has forced me to act. Both Christine Royce and Corporal Betsy arrived last night and were briefed on the situation. In addition, Boone returned this morning. All three are set up in their own private rooms and aren't being detained, I just though the dam was getting a bit crowded with visitors and moving Cass and Veronica would help clear the air. For a moment, I hesitate on who to go to first. Ultimately, I decide to visit Boone first. The man has been away from Novac for a while, and I want him to be able to return to his normal life as soon as he possibly can.

When I enter Boone's room I'm instantly stopped in my tracks. The man's sleeping away, and it's actually the mess at the end of his bed that's caused me to pause. The mess consist of a faded, black leather dog's collar; a busted radio no bigger than my hand that looks like it still somehow works; an empty whiskey bottle that's been corked with a dried rose inside of it; a filthy, red bandana; a large, plastic dinosaur toy; Boone's own beret; a large stack of pre-war books; and a fine looking dress that wouldn't look out of place on one of the most beautiful woman in the entire world. Thankfully, Boone rouses when I step closer and pushes himself into a sitting position. The man runs his fingers over his bare head and looks at where I'm looking. Without me even asking, he already has an explanation ready.

"Gifts. The collar's from the King telling the Courier she can keep Rex permanently, the radio's from ED-E since it spat it out once I told it what happened, the bottle's from Cass, the bandana is from Raul, the toy is from Lily, the beret is mine, the books are from Arcade, and the dress is from Veronica.". He frowns a bit before continuing.

"I'm going to assume your reports didn't tell you who are those people are. Well, besides Veronica, Cass, and myself. Everyone who gave a gift, excluding the King since that's technically Rex's gift, traveled with the Courier at one time. Hell, I think all of us even went as far as considering her family.". A sour taste assaults my mouth as I focus on the bottle and dress.

 _They don't deserve to give the Courier gifts after what they've done_.

I begin to reach for those two gifts in particular. Instantly, Boone pulls them closer and fixes me with an icy stare behind his glasses.

"General Moore, please keep in mind I have the highest respect for you. Now, listen to me. I'm not going to let you take these gifts and dump 'em. Veronica and Cass were the Courier's best friends. Hell, she probably considered them like sisters at one point. Yeah, they're fucked up bitches now. That doesn't mean the Courier won't want to remember them. I've talked to her, and I can't see any hatred in her heart for either of them. Fuck, she even cried when she heard Veronica was being tried for rape. If it wasn't for me talking her out of it, then she would've came to you and insisted the rape was really sex she consented to.

I'm not trying to sit here and say that Cass and Veronica are all right. I'm just saying the Courier can choose who she remembers and who she forgets. Neither you nor I have any right to start determining for her how she lives her life.". A large part of me still yearns to take the bottle and dress and get rid of them. Unfortunately, Boone has a point. I don't appreciate he talked to Cass and Veronica without telling me, but he still has a damned good point. It's not my place to decide how the Courier lives her life. I take a step back to show Boone he's won. Slowly, the man stands. I take the opportunity of silence to tell him what I came to tell him.

"I'd suggest heading down to say goodbye to the Courier and give her the gifts you've got. Cass and Veronica have been shipped out, and the Courier's new escorts are here. Most likely, I'll be sending them away late tonight once everyone's asleep, or early tomorrow morning before anyone's awake.". Boone's face seems to harden and fall all at one. The man before me can't seem to look me in the eyes as he asks me a question I've been asking myself for over a week now.

"What exactly are you going to do with the Courier?". I don't have any idea at this point, and my emotions at the situation are complicated at best. The Courier was a damned good soldier and did everything I asked her to the letter. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if she lived and breathed for the NCR. Hell, she even told me once her dream was to see the NCR stretch all the way back to the Plains Commonwealth where she was born. Granted, she was as stubborn as a mule and seemed to have a bias against both civilized ghouls and super mutants (once, I heard her talk about how they had a biological predisposition for crime and poverty). Still, she was a good woman.

Naive enough to believe what anyone said (along with the idea the NCR would want to inhabit the radioactive, twister-filled landscape she was born in), but her heart was always in the right place. Sadly, what she's done can't be overlooked. Her deadly radiation will get her out of trouble with the NCR and the Followers; however, not everyone will forget what she's done. The remainder of the Khans will come after her, the Legion still yearns for her head like it did even before the radiation, the Boomers will eventually realize she's still kicking and come after her, and multiple cities across the Mojave now have a "shoot on sight" policy concerning the Courier and anyone traveling with her. Although, if the Courier were to disappear for a while the NCR could possibly work out her debt. Maybe.

Either way, the Courier can't stay in the Mojave. Zion Canyon is too close, Big MT can't be reached, and the Divide is where she was radiated. That leaves the Courier with two options. She'll either have to flee back east to where she came, or go to the Sierra Madre. That is, if the woman even wants to run. If the Courier decides to turn herself in or demand a trial, then there isn't anything I can do. Jailing her would mean her being imprisoned in a solitary cell for most likely over ten years. A trial would certainly mean her execution by firing squad. I've weighed all of these options in my head for the last week, and I still can't decide what to sentence the Courier to. I try to give Boone an honest answer.

"I'm going to exile or imprison her. Either way, I wouldn't count on seeing her for a long, long time. If ever.". Boone's face breaks and my chest tightens with sympathy. Still, I can't say anything comforting as Boone grabs his gifts and rushes to leave his room. I take a second to mentally collect myself, then leave and go down the hallway to where Corporal Betsy's room is located. The sniper is sitting on her bed smoking a cigarette while polishing her hunting rifle.

The woman's beret and sunglasses are off when I enter. Then, in one swift motion she puts down her rifle, extinguishes her cigarette, and puts her headgear back on. Betsy begins to rise to properly address me, but I motion for her to remain seated. I get straight to the point with the woman sitting before me since she's sitting rigid and looks tenser than anyone I've ever seen before.

"You remember what I told you about the Courier and the situation surrounding her?". When she nods I get to the important part.

"I need you to work with a woman named Christine Royce in order to properly protect the Courier while assuring she lives out her sentence. Does that sound like something that you'd be willing to do?". Corporal Betsy nods with a conviction and loyalty I'd hoped for.

"She's a good friend, and she'll need support after what she's been through. I'll stay with her for as long as she needs.". A smirk comes across the woman's face and she snorts a little.

"Besides, I'm sure she'll get cute again.". Having someone like Betsy staying with the Courier will put me at ease. I nod to show her I understand, then tell her all she needs to know.

"Meet me outside the Courier's hospital room. I'll come down with Christine and we can get everything straightened out. With luck, all three of you will be leaving Hoover Dam tonight or tomorrow morning.". Betsy nods before beginning to pack up her rifle. Thankfully, Christine's room is located right beside Betsy's. The woman is already alert and standing when I enter. Hell, it actually looks like I interrupted her pacing. This time, I'm not the one that starts the conversation.

"What do you want now? When can I see my friend?". Christine was given the same information as Betsy was, but she's been more demanding. She even tried sneaking down to the Courier last night when almost everyone was asleep. So, I quickly tell her what I need.

"I need you to accompany me down to the medical floor where we'll be meeting a woman named Betsy. She's already agreed to go with the Courier to both assure her safety and sentence is carried out.". Instantly, Christine's face twists in a mix of rage and worry.

"Wherever the Courier goes, I'm going.". I nod in satisfaction and motion towards the door.

"Let's get going.". We leave without another word.

* * *

 **Note: This took me a long, long time to write. And, my flu turned into bronchitis and an ear infection. So, it'll be a while before this is updated and I doubt Disgusting (Rewritten) is going to be updated anytime soon.**


	44. Whiskey Rose

_A Foot from Moore..._

The creature sitting in the bed awaiting us isn't the woman that saved me from the Auto-Doc in the Sierra Madre. The mane of thick, blonde hair she had when we first met is now nothing more than white stubble; the somewhat heavier woman has transformed into a skeleton with a few pounds of meat on her; and her skin has somehow become even paler to the point I'm shocked I can't see the organs below her flesh. Although, the worst is her eyes. The bright, shining orbs have lost their blue luster and now roll mindlessly around in her skull. The reason for the rolling is disturbingly clear from the start.

A doctor standing beside the Courier's bed is pushing some metal device into her skull, and he doesn't stop until it's sticking out of the other side of the woman's head. Finally, he moves away and leaves the metal in my friend's head. Slowly, her eyes stop moving. Betsy, Moore, and I push deeper into the bare room where my friend was, apparently, moved to last night. A single chair beside the bed is taken up by a man with sunglasses and a beret on. Below the bed, a robotic dog and coyote eye all of us with the fur on the back of their necks raised. All three of us remain silent as the man looks towards us. Meanwhile, the Courier is busy playing with some items in her lap. Fondness overcomes me as she raises a plastic dinosaur up to her face and presses it against her cheek.

"Boone.". Moore's voice fills the room and has an immediate reaction. The man pushes himself up and the Courier's face falls. Slowly, my friend lowers her dinosaur toy and has a sullen look across her face. Moore pushes past Betsy and I to converse with Boone.

"Have you said what you need to say?". Instantly, he begins stalling.

"I've said goodbye and explained the gifts to her, but I think I might need a little bit to-". Moore shakes her head and steps aside to allow Boone a full view of the exit.

"Boone, I think it'd be best if you left. The Courier's leaving, and having you here would only make things harder for everyone.". Boone digs his heels in and keeps going.

"I'll go, I'll go! I just want to tell her a little bit about the Mojave before she has to leave.". Moore reaches out and gently places her hand on his shoulder. What follows is best described as a scuffle. Moore begins dragging Boone towards the exit while Boone does his best to dig his heels into the floor. Neither draw their weapons or punch, and the winner is quickly decided. Moore makes sure to shut and lock the door behind him. Everyone's silent as Moore walks back to us. Well, almost everyone.

Boone begins banging on the door and yelling. My heart goes out to him, but it goes out to the Courier even more. She's huddled down in her bed and shaking while swinging her sightless eyes side to side. Moore makes her way over to the Courier and, gently, places her hand on the woman's arm. The Courier turns her face towards her and begins to speak in a broken, rough voice.

"Moore? What's happening? Am I being killed?". My chest tightens and I make my way over to her bedside beside Moore. Betsy follows, but stands on the other side of the bed opposite us. Thankfully, Boone falls silent.

"No, you aren't being killed. I actually have some decent news.". She motions at Betsy and I. Betsy is the first to act. The sniper runs her fingers through the Courier's short hair, then stops when the woman flinches. Finally, Betsy gives our friend a hard tug. Instantly, a smile crosses the Courier's face.

"Betsy!". Her hands come up to the other woman's arms and travel up to her face. Already, Betsy has a large smile crossing her face. I decide to make my presence known. I begin tapping on her knee in the pattern I used so long ago at the Sierra Madre in an attempt to communicate with her.

"Christine!". My friend uses one hand to grasp onto my own and squeezes. For a few minutes, the Courier just feels the two of us and keeps a smile on her face. However, she eventually drops her hands and asks a question directed at Moore.

"Why are they here? What's going on?". Betsy lets go of the Courier's hair and Moore, briefly, taps the woman to show where she's standing.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're being exiled from the Mojave for a period not preceding ten years, but not exceeding twenty years.". Silence crosses the room. The Courier's face remains emotionless as she begins to shake. A crooked, small smile comes across her face.

"That's alright. It's fine. I'm not being killed, and I can come back.". Her lip begins to quiver and her right eye glasses over. Her next words are a squeak.

"In twenty years.". Her dog and coyote shoot out from underneath the bed as the Courier lets out a sound like a wounded animal. My friend collapses in on herself and is a shaking, sobbing mess. Nobody moves to comfort her. It's not that I don't care, but I remember how much the Courier hated being touched. Hugging her would only make her uncomfortable. I'm not sure how long the Courier sits there crying, but she eventually comes to enough to start begging.

"Moore, please don't do this! Kill me! Beat me! Light me on fire and toss me into a canyon! Just don't do this! I'm begging you!". She lashes out and grabs onto Moore's uniform. Her red face is a mess of snot and tears, and she keeps shaking and sobbing as she begs.

"This is my home; you can't ask me to leave it for so long! I-I-". She breaks down into a sobbing fit and collapses against Moore's chest. For her part, the general doesn't push the Courier away. Slowly, Moore takes the Courier in her arms. My friend is cried out by now. She's still shaking and occasionally hiccuping, but she's calmed down and not openly howling anymore. Moore gently puts the Courier back into her bed, steps back, and motions at me. My heart truly hurts for my friend, and I have no idea what to say to make it better. This place has been her home for over ten years by now. She has friends, lovers, memories, and everything else that makes up her life in the Mojave. She'll have to leave that all behind. Honestly, I don't think there's anything I can say that'll lessen the sting. Still, I try.

"You can always come to the Sierra Madre.". Another howl.

"Fuck the Sierra Madre! I almost died there a thousand times! And, there're still ghost people there!". She rolls away from me.

"I wouldn't go back there even if you paid me!". Alright, that's fair. I remember when the Courier reached me all of her limbs were crippled, she'd somehow managed to get extremely radiated, and she had a bear trap stuck to her neck. Shockingly, the trap didn't set off her collar. Although, I do remind the Courier of a few things.

"Are you sure? There's a casino that never closes, a basement full of wine, and a few boxes full of chems I'll never use. Besides, there aren't any ghost people in the casino. It'll be your personal paradise full of vice and sin.". The Courier sits up, plasters a smile on her face, and begins speaking with her hands.

"Oh, thank god! I can spend hours talking to holograms, getting higher than hell until my brain's fried, and getting drunk! Meanwhile, I'll be able to spend my time talking to only two people!". She collapses in her bed and pouts. Her comment about only being able to talk to two people hurt a tiny bit even though it shouldn't. I swallow down my mild hurt and keep trying to convince her.

"Don't be like that. You love drugs, alcohol, and gambling.". She grunts.

"I do, but not for ten years. If I was that influenced by beer and jet, then I would never leave New Vegas and wouldn't care about anyone besides myself.". Betsy is the next to speak up.

"How about Zion Canyon? You have friends there, don't you?". She shakes her head.

"Fuck Zion Canyon. Everyone there's a dick.". Moore groans and offers another solution.

"Big MT?". The Courier rolls away from Moore and is now facing Betsy.

"No. Dala makes me uncomfortable and Muggy always runs over my foot.". All three of us decide to know what that means. However, Moore seems to have finally come to her end.

"I'm sorry, but you have to leave. Hopefully, your sentence can be only ten years. That'll give the NCR enough time to sort it out.". It looks like the Courier might cry again, but Moore heads it off.

"Consider it your new assignment from the NCR.". The Courier rolls over to face her.

"What?". Moore keeps going when she realizes she's won.

"It's your new assignment from the NCR. Leave the Mojave from ten years for the betterment of the NCR and yourself. When you return I expect you to be fully healed and rehabilitated besides your eyesight. Like you're taking an extended vacation to get back to your fighting best. That way, the NCR will have plenty of use for you when you return. Understand?". The Courier is completely calm as she nods.

"I understand. The NCR greatly needs me to get better and stay out of the Mojave. I'm a loyal member of the NCR, and I'll carry out my duty with pride.". Betsy is practically glowing as she reaches out to take the Courier's hand. My friend squeezes the other woman's hand before talking to Moore once again.

"Can you give me some time to consider where I'd like to go for the next ten years of my life?". Moore pats the Courier on the shoulder.

"Of course. Would you like to visit with your friends?". Shockingly, the Courier shakes her head and begins snuggling down in her bed while moving her gifts to the side.

"I'd just like to sleep. I haven't gotten the chance to since Novac, and that was when Veronica was on top of me.". Moore begins motioning us out as the Courier drifts off into sleep. Her last words stay with me.

 _...when Veronica was on top of me._

* * *

 _A Floor Below Christine..._

My head throbs and aches in a dreamless sleep for hours. Then, a broken and hazy memory comes to me.

Julie Farkas is kneeling before me as she tends to my crippled legs.

"Honestly, I'm surprised you even managed to limp here with your legs in this position.". My friend stands and pats me on the knee.

"That should do it.". She offers me a familiar, warm smile.

"Try not to get too banged up, okay?".

 _I'll never get to see Julie again. She tried talking to me back at the fort, but I was too delirious and sick to converse with her. I'll never get to say goodbye._

Another blur.

Cass and I _clink_ our bottles of whiskey together before leaning back to look up at the stars shining down upon us. Behind us, the Think Tank's broken satellite keeps playing its eyeball movie. We'd end up drinking the night away in silence. In companionship. This was before she trained me. Before Moore sent her away for simply wanting to keep me all to herself. To keep me safe from the NCR.

 _I should've found a way to go with her. She apologized to me for what she did. We could've been happy together._

Yet another blur.

Veronica takes off her power armor and places it to the side for the night inside of a safe container in this carcass of a building. I stir a pot of coffee as my friend sits beside me. When she sits beside me she lightly nudges me.

"You good?". I nod and pass her a cup. She'd take the first vigil of the night and end up saving my life from a powder gang member who came back for revenge.

 _Veronica said on the way to Hoover Dam she tried to have sex with me because I was a tease. Because I flaunted myself to other women and ignored her. Could she be right? Could I still have my old friend back if I'd become more refined in my mannerisms and clothing?_

I wake up crying as I remember the Mojave.


	45. Her Shadow in the Moonlight

"Obviously, I'm not allowing that.". Moore is speaking to me while standing at the foot of my bed. Christine and Betsy are already packed and waiting for me outside, but they're going to have to wait even longer.

"If you won't do as I ask, then I won't leave. Drag me screaming and kicking if you want, but I'll be back. I'll either come back before the ten years are up and my health has returned to me, or I'll have someone else bring me back. Either way, you'll have to sentence me to another punishment if you don't fulfill my terms. I think they're fairly reasonable.". Moore shakes her head enough that I can hear her doing it.

"Please, you can't ask that!". I grab onto the sides of my bed to make sure I can't be taken away by force, then nod in Moore's direction.

"I can, and I am. Drop the charges against Veronica. What she did she did to me, and I don't want to press charges. I might not be able to help Cass directly, but you'll have to assure me you'll do all you can as a commander of the NCR to get her off easy.". Moore taps at her watch and shakes her head enough I can hear it again.

"She raped you!". My chest and throat both tighten. I push through and shake my head.

"I consented.". Moore grabs my bed and begins shaking it.

"You didn't!". I puff up my chest and continue to avoid opening my blinded eyes to spare Moore the sight of them.

"How would you know? You weren't there, and you're not me! All that should matter is what I say as the prosecutor of the crime!". Moore taps at her watch again, swears for a solid minute, and begins shaking my bed for a second time.

"Fine, fuck it! I swear on my honor and the honor of the NCR that I'll send word to Veronica's soldiers that she's to be immediately released upon arrival.". I remain firmly planted in my bed and gripping it. Moore groans.

"And I'll make sure that Rose of Sharon Cassidy won't spend any longer than six months in jail and/or a year on parole!". I begin moving. Moore sighs in relief before coming over and helping me out of bed. I'm not quite sure what I'm wearing, but whatever it is is loose and comfortable. However, my comfort isn't a concern when Moore begins moving the metal stick out of my head. I can't even begin to properly describe how it feels. Something is moving and pushing and pulling inside of my skull and it feels like it's always going to pull some of my meat out with it. Thankfully, it's over quickly and Moore begins guiding me.

My legs are by far weaker than normal, but they can at least hold my weigh. Still, Moore's already told me I'll most likely be carried or wheeled out of the Mojave. Moore leads me out of the room and, instantly, two pairs of hands are on me. Betsy links her right arm with mine and Christine places her hand on my left shoulder before doing the same as Betsy. I'm mildly uncomfortable with all the touching, but I have to withstand it due to the fact I'm now blind. Moore lets me go with a promise.

"I'll go write the script to free Veronica.". Both Betsy and Christine tense at Moore's words, but both of them are silent as they guide me away. Well, for a while. We're walking up a flight of steps when Christine asks me a question.

"So, who exactly is Veronica?". I might be an idiot, but I'm not _that_ big of an idiot. Veronica and Christine were both in the Brotherhood of Steel, both have told me about women they once loved in the Brotherhood, and both have told me about how they were separated. So, I only say Veronica's name with some brief information to get across the point she's the same Veronica that Christine knows.

"Veronica Santangelo. She was a member of the Brotherhood of Steel, likes punching people, and is obsessed with dresses.". Christine further tightens her grip.

"Huh. So, what exactly was the crime Moore was trying her for? She already told us a list of crimes, but I'm afraid I've forgotten.". Betsy is the one who answers for me.

"Veronica raped her.". I don't engage either of their comments since I'm going to be spending the next ten years with them. Well, possibly. If everything goes as planned I won't have to, but I still want to get them on good terms just in case. Instead of engaging their comments, I try flirting with Christine. Betsy definitely won't appreciate it, but it's not like we've previously promised to stay true to each other. Besides, Christine seemed to like my flirting when she was mute. Hopefully, she'll like it as much when I'm blind.

"You know, Christine, there is one good thing that came out of my attempted suicide.".

"Attempted suicide?".

"Attempted suicide?!".

Both have the same reaction (although, Betsy sounds more shocked while Christine sounds both concerned and angry) and try to stop leading me up the stairs. I keep going and the two are forced to walk with me. I ignore their reactions and talk to Christine again.

"My other senses have gotten even better, including my hearing. And, Vera Keyes happened to have a very, _very_ sexy voice.". I get the reaction I want. Christine cackles and lightly slaps me on the arm. Even Betsy seems to have a better reaction than I anticipated. She just scoffs and nudges me.

"That's a terrible line.". I turn my head towards her with a smile.

"Oh? What was I suppose to tell her?". I begin mimicking Betsy's voice.

"Girl... you are some grade-A poon, anybody ever tell you that?". Betsy laughs and Christine cackles in Vera Keye's high-pitched and musical laugh. Some of the tightness that settled in my chest and throat is relaxing. I won't see Cass and Veronica for a while (technically, I won't _see_ anyone again for the rest of my life), but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my time with Betsy and Christine. For now. I mean, I've done what I can to help Veronica and Cass out of their situation. Now it's up to them on whether they want to come and see me ever again. All I need to do is fulfill the final part of the plan I've formed. We stop walking up the stairs and begin walking in a straight line. I'm going to assume we're in the visitor's center and we're almost out of the dam. Suddenly, Betsy nudges me again slightly.

"My line worked on you!". She throws her voice into a slightly lower pitch that sounds exactly like me.

"Only all the time!". I chuckle and mock her right back by mimicking her voice once again.

"You and me at Gomorrah, rolled up in those silk sheets. I got leave coming up in a bit, so let me know if you'll be around.". Betsy laughs again. I suddenly feel moving air on my face as I hear someone opening a door. The last of my plan comes to fruition.

"Hey, wait! I need to send some letters to friends before I go!". I couldn't write the letters myself, but I _was_ able to convince the female doctor who came to check on me in the middle of the night (just a short while after I woke up crying) to write the letters, put the addresses on them, and seal them for me. All it cost me was a little flirting and a chaste kiss. The addresses on the letters are innocent enough, but they'll lead directly to Veronica and Cass. Hopefully. The letter for Cass will explain I harbor no resentment for her and I hope she finds me when she's done her time.

Veronica's letter explains how I've convinced Moore to spare her, how I'm sorry for teasing her, and how I hope she has a good life now that she's free. I even spent some time running my fingers over the letters on the pages to make sure the doctor wrote down what I wanted. Now I just need to get Betsy to send them off. I dig around in my pants and pull the two sealed letters out. Betsy hands me off to Christine and takes the letters.

"I'll be back in a flash.". I hear Betsy walking away and lean back against Christine. My friend makes idle conversation as we wait.

"That line really worked on you?". I turn on the charm and raise my hand to Christine's face. My friend leans into the touch as I affirm her belief.

"It did.". I rest my head on her shoulder and say the next part softly into her ear.

"Although, you pointing at me, yourself, and a broken speaker also worked on me.". Christine offers a small, breathy chuckle and wraps her arms around my stomach. I allow myself to make the touch a tiny bit sexual in my mind in order to allow it. I don't like when people hug me, but I don't mind if someone who's about to fuck me wraps her arms around me. Christine shakes her head to where I can feel it.

"You _have_ to be feeling better if you have this much charm left in you.". I smile even though I'm not sure she can see it.

"Why wouldn't I feel better?". I hear Betsy approaching and smile even bigger as I'm presented with the perfect opportunity.

"I have a gorgeous woman on either arm. That's one woman more than most successful people have, and two more than the unsuccessful ones.". Christine and Betsy share me again, but it's Betsy that speaks first.

"Laying it on a bit thick, aren't you?". I continue offering my most winning smile at her.

"I think I'm laying it on just the perfect amount.". Betsy and Christine begin walking me away, but all three of us stop after a few feet. Christine asks the obvious.

"Where are we going?". I want to go someplace where it'll only be Betsy, Christine, Cass (possibly) and myself. There's a place like that. Unfortunately, it's also a place where I have some unfinished business. I haven't spoken to anyone about it, and I don't even want to think about it. I just know there's a town I can go to where I'll be isolated like I want, out of the Mojave like Moore wants, and able to take care of some unfinished business like god would want.

"Home.". Neither Betsy nor Christine move. Now Betsy talks.

"Where's that?". I sigh and nudge Betsy a little. She leans in so I can place my lips against her ear.

"You know, don't you?". She shakes her head against my ear.

"I told you about it after we had sex!". She shrugs and apologizes.

"I wasn't really listening after the time we had sex. Honestly, I was trying to figure out how you did that thing with your tongue.". I sigh and click my tongue at her.

"Sorry!". I can feel her smile against my ear.

"I promise I'll listen better after the next time we have sex.". I kiss the side of her face and earn a playful growl from the sniper. Then, I whisper in her ear again.

"You don't remember what I said? About where I was from?". Betsy hesitates, then begins shaking her head.

"I'm not going to lie to you, I remember the general area, but not specifics. I can get us headed in that direction, though.". I nod and Betsy begins leading all of us away. I send a silent prayer to god to see us there safe. Praying is all I can do.

* * *

 **Note: I'm feeling a tiny bit better. Not enough for regular updates, but enough that I might start making chapters so I'm not bored out of my mind being trapped in my house all day.**


	46. Hotel California

If I could run from my home from New Vegas without stopping or ever slowing down, then I would be home in eighteen days. That's under the perfect condition of the roads being completely clear, no enemies ever even seeing me, and the weather always being bright and sunny. Instead, it always took me three months. When I was able to see, able-bodied, and knew the way perfectly.

I have no idea how long it'll take now that I'm slowing us down, Betsy only knows the general direction of where we need to go, and that the Legion's been pushed back further east. All of this combines to mean lots and lots of walking. For Christine and Betsy. And, for Rex and Tex when they eventually join us (both huffing and puffing because Moore apparently trapped them in my room and the poor boys had to run to catch up with us). However, my legs gave out the second we were out of the Mojave, so for me the trip means lots and lots of sleeping. Which means dreaming. I dream about the first time I took the path from my home to the Mojave.

I remember my mother buttoning my jacket up to my neck, my father pushing his old shotgun into my hands, and my brother picking our new puppy named Killer up and making him wave his paw goodbye at me. The road had seemed impossibly long before me. My mind sinks deeper into sleep until I can once again see.

The shitty little settlement I grew up in is before me. Shoddy, rugged shacks erupted out of rocky ground; a plywood wall propped up by sticks surrounding it; and a gigantic hole in the wood is used as an entrance. My back was to the entrance as I look over the town one last time. My father, mother, and brother were visible from our shack in the back. All three were still waving at me. My chest begins to tighten and I can't open or close my mouth. I raise a shaking hand and wave right back at them. My lip is quivering and I can't seem to get enough air as I turn around. The cracked, rotten road stretches out before me.

I step through the hole and begin my journey across this flat piece of shit we call land. A howling in the distance warns me of an impending radioactive twister that'll no doubt descend upon my home within a few hours. Hopefully, I'll be gone by then. It's not like I haven't traveled beyond the town's edge before, so for a while I can actually feel like nothing's wrong at all. That is until I reach a crashed, overturned Brotherhood of Steel tank. At one point, the Plains Commonwealth was crawling with the Brotherhood that kept mutants away and prevented large gangs of raiders from forming. Then, they left. Now all that remains are junk pieces like this. An old story in my home goes that some dumb fuck who was driving it with their unit tried using a nearby rock as a ramp to fly off of and ended up overturning.

I find myself standing and staring at that gigantic hunk of rusted metal. It means I've traveled about three hours, but it also means much more than that. All of my life I've hated this piece of junk. Now, to my current knowledge, it'll be the last time I ever see it. Walking beyond it symbolizes the fact I'll really be leaving and never coming back home. What finally moved me was the _crack_ of the radioactive twister to the east of me. I'd pushed beyond the tank and began running.

My heart had been speeding with excitement as my fear was temporarily forgotten. I'd always heard stories of the west and east, and I was trembling with excitement at the idea of finally being able to see the west for myself. Technically, back then I already knew about the Legion and NCR. Although, I didn't know much. All I knew was that everyone in our settlement always got into debates about whether we were technically under Legion or Brotherhood rule.

Looking back, I don't think either owned us. The Legion didn't stretch far enough east to claim us, and the Brotherhood's presence was so weak it was pathetic. Seeing a single Brotherhood member a year who's just passing through and needs to trade for some supplies isn't exactly living under their rule. Hell, for all we know the man just happened to have some Brotherhood power armor and was some traveler who knew he could rely on us. Still, some insisted that was proof enough that we were all citizens of Brotherhood held territory. Although, I guess they don't have to worry about that anymore.

My heart clenches and I'm forced into a dream I've had for the last few days every single time I go to sleep. It didn't matter if I was in Veronica's arms, by myself, or sleeping on the road. The dream always comes to me with a shudder. My dream is yet again another sick, twisted version of real events. Only now I can see what really happened while I was radiated.

Tex is walking beside me as Rex with his head held high. My rusted, busted combat armor is hanging off of me and my Ranger Sequoia is in my hand covered in scratches and dings. The metal tank that marks my way home passes me by. Rex sniffs the ground as we walk and growls. I don't blame him. I'm still radiated and dying, but this was recently after I left the Divide. I'd already managed to piss off the Boomers; though, everyone else in the Mojave still loves me besides Caesar's Legion who never liked me. More importantly, I was still physically strong and healthy enough. I wouldn't be a nearly ghoulified mess until I walked all the way back to the Mojave once I'm done here. Honestly, I have no idea what made me wander this far from the Mojave or what made me want to even come back here.

Maybe my wounded, crazed mind wanted to go somewhere that I considered home. I don't care how much Ulysses insisted that the Divide was my home, my true home was this shitty settlement in the middle of nowhere. Home is supposed to make you feel safe and care for, so it only makes sense. Wounded animals often try to make it back to their dens before dying, don't they? I was just doing the same. Ulysses always told me in the Divide that I was careless. And, I was. I wasn't shot on sight, but I wasn't welcomed.

Instead, I was put in a cage with Rex (Tex) and put in the middle of the settlement both for my protection and the protection of others. My father was dead by then, but my mother and brother came to visit me. I'll never forget their faces twisting in sorrow and horror as they looked upon me. My mother clutched the bars of my cage and sobbed. My brother swore to my mother he'd make me better. As it turns out, my brother would be the thing that saved my life. One night was all it took. I was so radiated even by then that I was giving it off. Everyone went to bed fine, but woke up sick and dying. Well, the one's that woke up at all. A few of the settlers wanted to shoot me the second they awoke. Thankfully, smarter folks knew they needed to get me out of town to stop my radiation from killing everyone.

Only they were never able to. Touching the cage sped up the radiation poisoning. Ten strong men and women gathered around to lift my cage. They all managed to heave me into the air before simultaneously collapsing dead and dropping me. I still remember what it was like. I was cramped in that tiny cage with Rex, but I still scuttled around in a full circle to see my entire hometown dead around me. Well, almost the whole town. My brother was shaking and trembling, but his last act was to lean against my cage and shove the key in the lock. He didn't even get to turn it before collapsing and dying from the radiation his own sister was giving off. In my feral state I'd barely been able to turn the key, but the second I was out I ran like a woman possessed back west.

I was so radiated I didn't even spare my dead family and friends a second thought. It's not like I'd shot them down or murdered them myself, but I still want to go back. I want to give them all a proper burial and clean up the town a little before properly mourning them. Maybe get it ready for someone else to use. I doubt it'll ever get back to its outstanding number of a hundred, but even ten people living together would do the town justice. I feel myself coming out of the dream and losing my vision. I rest my hand against whoever's carrying me and feel Christine's shirt. Christine continues to rock me as she walks and I remain silent to enjoy it. I deserve a little enjoyment before having to dig a hundred graves.

* * *

 _An Inch from the Courier..._

 _She'll forgive me once we've been here a while_.

Betsy and I already decided where we were going to go when we both talked with General Moore. The Sierra Madre was the safest place. Besides, I still need to watch over it, and Betsy was actually looking forward to the idea of a casino that never closes with a bar that has anything she could ever want. Heading all the way east would either kill us getting there, or make our lives hell by having to constantly defend the Courier. Really, there's no reason she should be mad. I've even managed to get it to where the Sierra Madre no longer takes away its visitor's belongings anymore. That means the Courier can keep her gifts and what Moore gave us of hers. Although, I doubt the Courier can use her supplies for a while.

The Courier's belongings consisted of a set of Remnants power armor, a brush gun, a Ranger Sequoia, two hundred stimpaks, two thousand .45-70 Gov't bullets, two thousand 12 gauge shotgun shells, and a special shotgun named Big Boomer. Poor Betsy ended up having to carry it since I couldn't. So far, she's been huffing and puffing the entire way up the hill to the Sierra Madre's entrance. Thankfully, I was slightly able to help by having the Courier's gifts slung across my back. I adjust the sleeping Courier in my arms and stop at the gates into the courtyard of the Sierra Madre. Betsy comes to a stop beside me.

"That the place up there?". I nod at Betsy's question and the sniper gives me a little nudge before beginning the walk up.

"Good luck telling her.". It takes a moment for her words to sink in.

"Wait, why am _I_ the only one telling her?". Betsy gives me her answer over her shoulders as she walks around the fountain.

"Because I've never been here, and this is where you two bonded. You have a connection to this place with her that I'll never be able to share. It'll hurt less coming from you.". There aren't any ghost people in the casino or hotel since the Courier cleared them out and any holograms that remained hostile I shut down, so I allow Betsy to go ahead without me. However, I still cast a glance around the courtyard. I can't see any ghost people, but I can hear some far to the east of us. They won't attack me; however, I don't want to chance it with the Courier.

She always despised the ghost people, and she once told me the story of having to run from a horde of them with two crippled legs and a crippled head after she activated the Gala Event. She even admitted to me it was one of the few times she was truly afraid she might be killed. Leaving her out in the open will both encourage ghost people to come check us out, and make the Courier uncomfortable. So, I better get this over with. I gently shake the Courier awake. She grumbles.

"Are we there yet?". I swallow and answer her.

"No. We're at the Sierra Madre.". Her scream brings the ghost people running.

* * *

 **Note: This is beginning to work towards its end. Within 5-10 chapters it'll be over and I'll work on getting "Disgusting (Rewritten)" finished before moving on to "Denerim's Shadow". If everything works out, then by February or March I'll be on my next new story. It will either be reopening "A New Order" or writing "A Thief and Her Knight" which is a Vex/Female Khajiit story.**


	47. A Dangerous Path

"You bitch! You motherfucking, goddamn whore!". She punches me as hard as she can in the jaw, but it's a pathetic punch that doesn't even hurt. Thankfully, the ghost people who've come to investigate see me and quickly scuttle away. That doesn't stop the Courier from trying to wiggle out of my grasp, though.

"Put me down! Put me down right fucking now!". I pull the Courier closer and apologize.

"I'm sorry. You'll thank me later.". She begins struggling even harder and kicking. She's one of my best friends and I love her with all of my heart, so what I do next is just as hard on me as it is on her. I carry the struggling woman into the Sierra Madre, then go up the stairs until I'm in the suites where she met me for the second time. Vera Keyes' skeleton is still in her room, but it's otherwise safe for the Courier. Her dog and coyote even follow us inside the room and sit on the bed.

I toss my blind friend onto the bed, then begin removing Vera Keyes' skeleton. I'd feared the Courier would try to run or fight. Instead, she just lies on the bed silently without moving. I'm not quite sure why, but I go ahead and consider it a blessing for a moment. I throw Vera Keyes in a corner of her living room, mumble an apology to her, and return to the Courier. I do my best to try to cheer her up a bit.

"Do you want me to bring you some drugs and alcohol?". She rolls away from my voice.

"Fuck off.". I sigh. I guess I kind of deserved that. However, I still try to cheer her up.

"I'll get you some drugs, alcohol, and Betsy. I'll even stay busy by patrolling so you don't have to see me. How does that sound?". The Courier doesn't even move or turn towards me as she answers me. Her answer makes me cringe, but I accept it considering all I've done.

"Bring me the strongest drinks and drugs you have.". I turn to leave and she continues. What she says causes me to shudder.

"And, tell Betsy I want her to nail my pussy like a cheap plywood subfloor.". I try to talk some sense into my friend.

"You're still weak and you're not in a good place emotionally. I don't think having sex with Betsy will make you any happier, or do your body any favors.". I should have expected her answer by now.

"Fine. If you don't want me to fuck Betsy, then you get over here and do the job.". Clearly, I'm not going to do that. The only reason she wants to have sex is because she wants to forget she's at the Sierra Madre and take her mind off of all the problems she currently has. Besides that, her body is still weaker than normal. I know having sex right now might take her to a bad place both emotionally and physically. So, I refrain from answering her. However, the Courier adds a threat she knows will get me to tell Betsy she wants sex.

"If neither Betsy nor you are inside of me within half of an hour, then I'll pull off my pants and let Rex have a go at me.". Rex barks in agreement and the Courier scoffs.

"Don't get too excited, boy. You're no Betsy.". The dog whimpers and I decide it's best to get Betsy before the Courier decides to let her robotic dog go at it. I'm not quite sure he'd bite her eventually, but I don't want to take that chance because I'm not sure I can patch that up with just what I have on hand.

"I'll tell Betsy you want to see her.". The Courier screams at me as I leave.

"Tell her I want her to nail my pussy like a cheap plywood subfloor!". As I'm closing the door she yells one last thing.

"Wait, asshole! Change it to asshole!". I shut the door and shake my head. Betsy fucking her will only make things worse, but the Courier is a full grown woman and can make decisions for herself. Although, I do want to find out about Veronica raping her. Obviously, it's terrible my friend was raped. However, I can't do anything about it if it was just a random Veronica around the wasteland. If it's the Veronica I know, then I might be able to get some answers that would help the Courier mentally recover from what was done to her.

But it's not polite to ask who raped her, so I haven't had an opportunity to. And, I might not until she gets better and fucking Betsy will only make it worse. It's still not my place to question her though, so I do what I promised. I find her drugs and alcohol, then go down to the casino to hand them off to Betsy. Finally, I cringe as I tell the woman what the Courier said. I can only sigh as the sniper runs away.

* * *

 _A Floor Above Christine..._

Rex and Tex begin barking at me the second I'm inside. The hounds concern me when they jump down and begin circling me, but my attention is quickly turned elsewhere. The Courier isn't the knockout beauty she was when I first laid eyes on her, although the woman lying naked on the bed before me still isn't bad. She's still unnaturally thin and pale, but she's gotten _just_ enough meat on her bones that she has enough on her chest to be called tits. Besides, her perky nipples and pretty pussy make up for what she's lacking. The blind woman lifts her upper body off of the bed slightly and speaks in my general direction.

"If that's Christine, then get an eyeful and get out. If that's Betsy, then get the fuck over here and start doing what you do best.". I kick the door closed behind me and walk over to her bed. First, I give her some warning I'm sitting down.

"Not exactly the Gomorrah, but these silk sheets will do.". Then, I plop down beside her and pass her the box of drugs, cigarettes, and beer. As an afterthought, I grab two cans of beer for myself. My friend's face lights up and she snatches up a box of cigarettes.

"Fucking finally!". I begin drinking a can of beer, and by the time I'm done the Courier's smoked through two packs of cigarettes and tosses her trash onto the floor. Next, she takes out some psycho. I reach out and begin running my hand up and down her bony back while watching her. The Courier crosses her leg until she can reach the back of her ankle, then begins pinching and smacking the area. As she works, she talks to me.

"What'd you say earlier?". I repeat what I told her sitting down.

"This isn't exactly the Gomorrah, but these silk sheets will do.". She chuckles and shakes her head as she sticks the needle in her ankle.

"The girls' restroom wasn't exactly the Gomorrah either, and you didn't mind nailing me in there.". I scoot a little closer until I can use my other hand to properly give her a back massage.

"Give me a break, will ya? It was like a dirty fantasy of mind come to life when I saw you on your knees in that dingy bathroom stall.". The Courier hisses as she injects the drug, but rips it out of herself quickly and tosses it to the side. Next, she pulls out both jet and steady. I put a little more pressure into my massage as she huffs one right after the other before speaking.

"You fucked me until the door fell off.". The Courier pushes me away as she takes out some psycho mixed with Med-X and a stimpak all in one. I don't even need to ask why. Instead, I help her. I pull the Courier onto her side, hike her right leg up to her chest to where she can hold it, and offer to further help.

"Give me the needle and start drinking your fill.". She intends to plug herself full of psycho, and I want to help. Thankfully, my friend seems to have cleaned herself up by now and was conscious of not eating within a day of this. I break off the needle of the psycho to make it into a plunger to prevent stabbing the Courier in the asshole. My friend is already on her second bottle of vodka by now, so I get to work.

"Lube?". The Courier, briefly, stops drinking to hand me it. I smear some lube on the plunger, then use my free hand to rube some around and slightly in her ass. She moans for my pleasure and slightly pushes back onto me. I chuckle and insert the plunger into her. It takes about five minutes for me to slowly shoot the drug into her asshole and hold the plunger in long enough to let her absorb it. In that time, the Courier has drank her fill and somehow managed to shoot some Med-X into her neck using only one hand. Finally, I'm able to remove the drug from her ass.

The Courier hisses and squirms a tiny bit, but by now the chem's been absorbed and there's nothing she can do about it. Rex and Tex are beginning to try to get on the bed, but I shoo them away and flip the Courier onto her back. Instantly, she's trying to take off my uniform. I help her along until I'm naked and sitting on her hips. The woman's dead eyes are clouded even further and a tremendous grin is spread across her face.

"You high?". She nods and laughs. I smirk and lean in to whisper in her ear.

"Good. I'm going to pound your asshole like a cheap plywood subfloor.".

* * *

 _Hundreds of Miles from Betsy..._

I nearly collapse when the soldiers take the chains off of my wrists and begin moving away from me. The soldier who freed me motions at me to leave the NCR camp I've been brought to.

"You're free. Leave.". The man turns and follows his unit back into the camp. For a moment, I just stand there and don't do anything. Then, I turn and begin to walk away. I'm not quite sure where I'm going, but I find out soon enough. An NCR scout with a letter in his hand comes running up to me and presses it into my hands.

"From-". He pulls a small piece of paper from his pocket and butchers the Courier's name. Still, I thank him and watch him run away. I clutch the letter while looking around. The bustling NCR camp is behind me and miles and miles of nothing besides rough, rocky ground and hills surround me. I've nothing better to do, so I rip open the letter.

 _Veronica,_

 _I hope this reaches you as you get out. I had the NCR deliver it, so it should arrive just as you do. Hopefully. I gave the man a description. Anyway, I wanted to apologize for what I did to you. The teasing and everything. I told Moore to drop the rape charges, so I hope that works out. I'm sorry, and I hope we can still be friends when I get back from my exile. You'll always be in my thoughts._

 _-The Courier_

I drop the letter and begin walking. I just don't know to where.

* * *

 **Note: Well, this is wrapping up quicker than I thought. The next chapter might actually be the epilogue. It might also skip into the future. And I know I've updated twice in one day, but I'm alone in my house with nothing to do and a bunch of microorganisms causing inflammation in my lungs.**


	48. Auld Lang Syne

_Five Years Later and Hundreds of Miles Away..._

"You need to talk to her. Again.". I sigh as I readjust my shades on my face and rise from the comfortable cough we're sitting on. Christine and I have had this conversation a thousand times, and it goes exactly as it always has.

"I will.". Christine sighs.

"Promise?". I nod and begin leaving the living room of the suite the Courier has claimed as her own. I find the woman in question down at the casino sitting at the bar in some sexy sleepwear and nothing else. Today will be the fifth anniversary of the Courier's banishment, and the official day where she's lived out half of her exile. Of course, she won't know that until I tell her. So, I slide into a seat beside my friend. For a moment, I just look over her in admiration. The past five years have gotten her back to her old self. Almost. Her skin still has an unhealthy paleness to it, her feet are heavily scarred, and her features are _off_.

It sounds mean to say, but it's not meant to be and it's technically true. Her healing hasn't magically made her features return to normal. It's like she's taken off her face and put it back just a little wonky. Either way, she's still pretty as a picture. Although, I wouldn't mind it if she had more hair since she's decided shaving her head until her hair's short enough to be styled like a man's is how she wants to wear it. I also wouldn't mind if her teeth were in her mouth and not resting in front of her. I whistle and she _pops_ her teeth in before turning her face towards me with a smile.

A black strip of cloth is covering her left eye while the other eye shines dully at me. The Auto-Doc in Vera Keyes' room ended up attempting to patch her up about two years ago. It ended up scooping out her left eye and attempting to fix her right one. She still can't see out of it, but now she can see shapes and shadows both through a thick layer of what she describes as "darkness". Of course, because of the "darkness" nothing she sees is in color and is just blackness to her. The Courier wasn't exactly thrilled an emotionless machine decided for her that she didn't need her left eye, but she's pleased she can see a tiny bit now.

Sadly, her eye wasn't what I needed to talk to her about. The reason I need to talk to her is evident from the horde of bottle surrounding her. It's ten in the morning and I can count over twenty empty bottles of alcohol surrounding her. Hell, Rex and Tex are waiting for her in the corner because there're too many bottles for them to get close to her.

Christine and I talked about it for a long, long time and we've both come to the conclusion the Courier has a problem and is drinking and using chems to cover up something she doesn't want to think about. Although, we can't pin down one thing in particular. The Courier hates the Sierra Madre, still hasn't come to terms with the fact she killed her hometown, and about four years ago she got into contact with both Veronica and Cass. Of course, Christine and I have to read her letters to her and write down whatever she says.

That, honestly, is what's worried me the most. Christine and I have both respected the fact the Courier's an adult and we don't control her, so we haven't altered any letters she gets or sends. And, what Veronica and Cass are saying has always concerned us. Cass confessed she intended on fleeing the Mojave with the Courier rather than bringing her to justice like she was commanded, but she also apologized for that. For her part, Cass truly seems saddened by what she did and hasn't asked for forgiveness. Instead, she's asked for the chance at redeeming herself.

The Courier considered Cass fine since she served half of a year of parole for possibly withholding information from the NCR. However, Cass didn't see it that way and kept pushing. Eventually, the Courier promised Cass could redeem herself by making sure all of their friends in the Mojave were doing good for themselves. Now the two have moved on to actually corresponding like friends. The Courier even promised to meet up with Cass in the Mojave once her ten years were up. Cass made the offer to come out and visit, but the Courier denied her request under pretenses of "The Sierra Madre fucking sucks and I hate it here, and so would you. There're ghost people everything, there's a poison cloud in the air, and the casino keeps taking all of my money.". Although, Cass isn't the one too concerning to Christine and I.

She seems like she was an asshole at one point, but she's trying to change. Christine and I aren't going to tell the Courier that Cass is an asshole for doing something bad in her past and trying to make up for it. However, Veronica is different. The Courier has always insisted she consented to having sex with Veronica, but both Christine and I are skeptical. Christine is skeptical because of her previous knowledge of Veronica and the fact Veronica was never into anything involving bondage like how the Courier was found, and I'm skeptical because I know how your mind can fuck itself up after going through something like that. Christine and I debated for weeks when we got Veronica's first letter. Ultimately, we decided the Courier deserved not to be lied to anymore.

Of course, now we regret that decision. Veronica and the Courier are exchanging letters less frequently than Cass and the Courier, but they're just as friendly. Veronica apologized for holding the Courier hostage from the world and "pressuring" her into having sex with her. An apology for being an asshole and actually changing your behavior is one thing, but apologizing for kidnapping and rape won't cut it. I know the Courier and her religion is all about forgiveness (Kind of. I've seen her blow people's heads off for her religion, though. So, it might just be about forgiveness when it needs to be), but I don't think it needs to be _that_ forgiving. Hell, the Courier even apologizes in one of her letters for teasing Veronica enough the woman "felt the need" to capture the Courier!

Although, Christine and I don't see the situation the same. I think we should talk to the Courier about it, but she thinks it's alright. Granted, she tells me that while avoiding eye-contact and with a weird tone in her voice. Christine insisted that the Courier was healing and talking to Veronica was her way of doing that. Besides, she insisted that it didn't matter until the ten years were up and we returned to the Mojave because that's the only way Veronica would actually be able to reach the Courier. I told Christine about my previous experience with rape in an attempt to make her understand the Courier could still be mentally suffering from what's happened to her. What Christine said made my blood boil.

She insisted it was different because Veronica was a friend of the Courier instead of some random fiend, and that the Courier could heal quicker than me because of her extensive knowledge of medicine. Of course, she's right that the situations are different and everyone heals differently. I just don't agree with her that the Courier is fine and needs to be talking to her rapist like they're best friends. For a long time, it pissed me off and put a distance between Christine and I. Eventually, I found out from one Veronica's letters to the Courier why Christine was defending the rapist by trying to push the issue under the rug.

It was an innocent comment by Veronica about how "The Courier couldn't be in better, or softer, hands than Christine's.". I'd mentioned in passing to the Courier (since we were alone) that the softer part was weird. She'd told me it wasn't considering the two were lovers at one point. The knowledge didn't magically bring Christine and I back together, but it at least made me more understanding towards Christine.

Admitting the woman you once loved went on to become the rapist of one of your friends is obviously a nearly-impossible thing to do. I'm sure somewhere in her mind, Christine is either trying to convince herself that she could've stopped the Courier from being raped by doing something differently with Veronica, or trying to find a way to make Veronica not a rapist in her mind because she can't handle the idea someone she loved could do that.

Sadly, that all occurred almost two years ago and we haven't talked about it since. And, I don't think we're ever going to. I don't want to bring it up because I can't do it without causing even bigger problems that could put the entire exile plan into jeopardy (something the NCR won't thank me for), and Christine isn't going to bring it up for her own reasons. So, we've stayed in limbo and the Courier is writing friendly letters to both Cass and Veronica. It still bothers me, but I always justify it by reminding myself the Courier is an adult. If she makes her own mistakes, then she makes her own mistakes.

That doesn't make my heart hurt any less, though. Thankfully, there is one thing I can do to help her that Christine and I both agree on. Her chem and alcohol use is spiraling out of control. She almost always has a drink she's nursing in her hand, and her veins are beginning to collapse from chem use. She's been forced to start plugging herself more in addition to using more dangerous veins. She's starting to use some of her vital veins and arteries to get high: her femoral artery and vein that both run deep in her thigh; both of her jugular veins in her neck; and her posterior tibial vein in the back of both ankles. I only know that because she's told me the names of the veins she's using as she shoots up.

Hell, she's even started shooting alcohol into all of those veins in order to fuck herself up faster. Of course, there are more terrifying veins I've seen her go after that she doesn't want to tell me about. I'm not sure if she thought I was asleep or gone, but once after we had sex I saw her inject herself with psycho through her vagina. I've seen combat dozens of times, but watching that needle disappear into the flesh of her vagina was probably one of the sickest things I've ever seen. The Courier use to hate needles, but she didn't even whimper or jerk when she stuck her own genitalia with a damned needle full of psycho.

An abscess on her left eye before it was removed, and a small abscess on her tongue a year ago, hint at other places the Courier's tried to stick herself to get higher faster. Christine suggested simply taking the items away, or lying that we're out. However, I have a better idea. The Courier, despite her lack of intelligence, knows everything about medicine. Hell, she could probably amputate with a butter knife and still get the patient through. I don't know too much about medicine, but I just need to point out some obvious facts to the Courier and let her come to her own conclusion.

"Hey, how's it going?". The Courier smiles even bright and holds her bottle of vodka in my direction.

"Wonderful!". Well, shit. I don't know how to say this without sounding rude. I suck it up and get it over with.

"You sure? You look a little thin.". She shrugs like it couldn't possibly matter.

"How much have you been eating?". Briefly, she stops drinking to think.

"A bit. Actually, a lot since there's not much to do around here.". She touches her own stomach.

"I really look thin? Like sexy thin, or bad thin?". I sigh and she chuckles. Still, I answer her.

"You're sexy because your tits are back and you aren't a skeleton like you were five years ago.". She puts on a winning smile.

"And my winning personality.". I add to it.

"And your winning personality. But you still look a little thin. Christine and I were just concerned you might not be eating because of your depression.". She frowns and shakes her head.

"No. I've always had depression, and I've always eaten just fine.". She pokes her own stomach a little. It's not flat as a board, but it doesn't have enough meat on it to be called fatty.

"You really thing I've gotten that thin?". I need to convince her, so I try being a tiny bit mean.

"The last time we fucked I could feel your bones in your pelvis when I was pounding you from behind.". She frowns even harder.

"You know, now that you mention it, I think I'm starting to feel a little less hungrier than normal. Maybe that's why I haven't noticed myself losing weight.". Instantly, she's in her doctor mode and begins self-examining herself. I keep listing off a few symptoms I've noticed her having that point to addictions.

"You also haven't been sleeping well. You're always tossing and turning, and I've seen how long you stay up at night and how early you wake up in the morning.". She nods in agreement. Then, she brings her Pip-Boy up and holds it out to me.

"Can you go to the medical tab?". It takes me a long while, but I eventually manage to get to it.

"I'm there.". She brings her hand up and scrolls down to the last page on the medical tab before sticking it back out to me.

"Does my Pip-Boy show I'm addicted to anything?". I cringe at the long list and read through it.

"Yeah. Yeah, it does. You're addicted to everything. Psycho, Med-X, jet, whiskey, etc. You're addicted to anything and everything.". The Courier sighs and lays her head against the bar.

"Fuck. I didn't even notice because of my perks.". I nudge her a little.

"You have perks that don't make you realize you're addicted?". She nods.

"I have perks that take away any negatives of being addicted. Although, I can see how this many addictions can start making the perks stop working. Or maybe enough time has eroded them.". She touches her stomach again.

"I should be fine, though. Unless the perks keep failing. Eh, I'll probably be fine and the perks will keep working. Hopefully. Either way, I'll just need to heal myself before we leave.". Well, that wasn't what I expected. If she has perks that make addiction not hurt her, then there's really no reason to get rid of her addiction. I think. Unless her perks continue to slowly stop working. Like they probably will given enough time. It still seems a little screwed to me, but I remind myself the Courier knows more about medicine than I do. If she says her perks protect her and she's fine, then she's fine. Until they stop working because she's constantly pumping drugs and alcohol into herself. Either way, I want to confront her about where she's shooting up.

"Did shooting up using your vagina, eye, and tongue make it worse?". The Courier throws her head back and cackles. Shockingly, that doesn't put me at ease.

"Yeah, those didn't work out so well. I was just trying to find out if it could get me higher faster.". She shakes her head before continuing.

"It did, but it's not worth the pain.". Well, that puts my mind at ease. A little.

"So, you're not going to stop drinking or doing chems?". She laughs and pushes against me.

"You're funny.". She shakes her head and brings a bottle to her lips.

"Plugging, drinking, and fucking are the only reason these five years have gone by this quick.". She smiles and begins to drink. I leave her to it with a heavy heart.

* * *

 _Three Floors Up..._

Christine bites her lip and shakes her head.

"That's it, then? She can just keep drinking and drugging her days away?". I nod and shrug a bit.

"If it doesn't harm her, then I don't see a problem with her.". She sighs and rolls her eyes. The woman sits down on the couch in the Courier's living room and looks at me.

"Please, don't get offended by what I'm about to say. I just think you having sex with her is clouding your judgement here.". I scoff. Christine's the one who thinks her ex couldn't possibly be a rapist.

"We haven't had sex in weeks. Besides, it doesn't mean anything. It's just some fun to pass the time. Nothing else.". Christine shakes her head, but lets the issue die. I sit down beside her and try to cheer her up.

"You know what we should do?". She looks over at me.

"Throw a party to celebrate our stay being half over! Come on, we finally have something to celebrate!". Christine perks up.

"That's... actually a pretty good idea.". She smiles and nods.

"Actually, that's a great idea!". She stands and I rise to follow her. As we walk, she tells me what to do.

"Get her some fresh drinks, cigarettes, and drugs to keep her calm. I'll go get some more chips for gambling and try to get a cake from the kitchen.". I smile as I walk. The Courier isn't going to die because of her multiple addictions today, and, for the moment, the issue about the letters from Veronica can be forgotten. For once, we have something to celebrate.

* * *

 _Three Floors Down..._

"Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot, and old lang syne?". Christine and Betsy pipe up to sing with me while my dogs howl.

"For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne, we'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.". My friends die down and let me sing by myself.

"And surely you'll buy your pint cup! And surely I'll buy mine! And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet, for auld lang syne.". They all join in again for the rest of the song.

"We two have run about the slopes, and picked the daisies fine; But we've wandered many a weary foot, since auld lang syne. We two have paddled in the stream, from morning sun till dinner time; But seas between us broad have roared since auld lang syne. And there's a hand my trusty friend! And give me a hand o' thine! And we'll take a right good-will draught, for auld lang syne.". I hold my bottle of Rum and Nuka in the air and Betsy and Christine _clink_ their glasses against mine. Rex and Tex bark. I try to stay positive.

"Five years down, and only five more to go!". I go to take a sip, but Betsy's soft hand on mine stops me.

"What are we toasting?". I think for a moment about all the fun and rest I've manage to have these past five years. Gambling, drinking, smoking, and fucking. And, nobody's touching me without my consent, I don't have to feel stupid around here, nobody mentions anything about my religion, and if anything starts annoying my sensory issues I can just walk away. Hell, I've even restored and strengthened my friendships with both Betsy and Christine.

Christine's even worked up the courage to begin tugging on my hair when she knows I want it. I've had a damned good five years here. I've just had to ignore my guilt of killing my family and leaving everything I love behind. Although, I did get back in touch with Cass and Veronica (in addition to staying in touch with everyone else). I can easily ignore my guilt for give more years.

"To never letting the fun die!". Betsy laughs.

"I love it!". We all _click_ our glasses together a second time.

"To never letting the fun die!".

* * *

 **Note: I had a LOT of fun writing this. In fact, I already have ideas for another Fallout: New Vegas or Fallout 3 story bouncing around inside my skull. I appreciate everyone who even bothered to read one chapter of this. If you hadn't taken your time to read my story, then it would have been like I was speaking to an empty room. I'll now be finishing "Disgusting (Rewritten)" before finishing "Denerim's Shadow". Although, it should be noted I'm still sick and slow writing. So, that plan should keep me busy until February or March. Then, I'll move onto working on whatever I want afterwards. Most likely, I'll end up writing one of the stories currently in the "holding cell" of my profile. I'll update my profile shortly to properly reflect my current plans and give everyone a clearer picture of what I'm going to do. Once again, thank you.**

 **-TheKhajiitWarrior**


End file.
